“Actually, when you said Yongyong was coming, I was a little happy. I’ve always been curious about what kind of child would come out if you and I had a baby.”
I jerked my head up from staring at my knees. He was touching his lips with his eyes slightly downcast, as if recalling something. He looked troubled.
I didn’t know. At first, I really thought he hated it.
Though, back then I wasn’t in any state to make proper judgments either.
“That’s why I felt even more sorry.”
Won Dogyeong smiled with a face covered in regret. Just as anxiety about Won Dogyeong visited me intermittently, this damned incomprehensible guilt seemed to constantly visit him.
No matter how many times I told him he didn’t need to feel that way.
I hated how guilt followed his affection for me like a tag because a child had come into existence. Even if it was the result, I was happy that we were having a child, and I didn’t dislike that Won Dogyeong liked me.
I stared at him blankly before opening my mouth.
“I decided to give birth because it was your child.”
I nodded while looking at Won Dogyeong’s surprised expression.
Big eyes, a prominent nose, and full lips. His features were assertive enough that it was amazing they all fit on his small face, sparkling brightly.
Separately from that, his impression was a bit fierce, but if someone’s this pretty, shouldn’t they have a bit of an edge to balance it out?
“If a child resembling this face is coming out, of course I have to give birth. Mm.”
He agreed with an equally serious expression.
“It would be a waste.”
“You know it too.”
“It’s fortunate I’m good-looking.”
“When you know you’re good-looking yourself, it’s not charming.”
“Then I take it back.”
I glanced sideways at Won Dogyeong speaking shamelessly.
“I’m joking. I just felt like I could raise your child well. I figured I’d just think of it as going through young Won Dogyeong one more time.”
He just listened silently, but his face was slightly flushed.
“If it had been someone else’s child, I wouldn’t have given birth.”
“…Really?”
“Yeah. So stop feeling guilty. I’m getting annoyed now. When you keep doing that, I hate it because it feels like you’re taking responsibility for the baby out of guilt.”
“That’s not it!”
He hurriedly retorted.
“…It’s true that I felt sorry toward you, but that’s not why I said I’d take responsibility.”
Won Dogyeong added while reading my mood.
“…I actually… like how things are now.”
“I want to believe that too, but when you say you’re sorry all the time without warning, it makes me anxious.”
“Sor—mm, okay.”
“If you say you’re sorry one more time about Yongyong or whatever, I’ll—”
I pondered what threat would be effective and pulled out a secret card I’d recently discovered.
“I’ll leave the house.”
“Hey!”
“So behave yourself.”
“Okay, I’m not sorry at all.”
“Mm.”
“Not~ at~ all. Ab~so~lutely, absolutely.”
Won Dogyeong stretched out the words annoyingly between syllables as he poked at my lower abdomen with his finger in small knocks.
“Yongyong, your dad is bullying me…”
I crossed my arms and declared.
“Yongyong is on my side.”
“How do you know that?”
“Right now they’re living as a tenant in my body, so wouldn’t it make sense for them to side with the landlord?”
“…That’s not wrong.”
“Let’s sleep soon. I’m sleepy.”
I stretched my arms out and yawned. Fortunately, the morning sickness had subsided a bit compared to daytime. I felt like I could sleep if I just lay down.
At my words about being sleepy, Won Dogyeong jumped up and followed me to my room, trailing behind. When I got into bed and lay down, he sat on the edge and tried to pull the blanket up to my neck. I waved my hand saying it was too hot.
“Your stomach?”
“It’s a bit better now.”
“That’s a relief. Wake me up if anything happens while you’re sleeping.”
“Okay.”
“Wake me up if you suddenly think of something you want to eat too.”
As he spoke, his whispered voice carried laughter, as if he found it funny himself.
I curled up into a ball facing Won Dogyeong’s side and smiled. He must have read somewhere that if you neglect someone during pregnancy, they’ll remember it for life.
“What if I suddenly want to eat something like lasagna in the middle of the night?”
“I’ll make it, what else.”
“You know how to make lasagna too?”
“I’ll do it if I have to.”
“I’ll go with something easier to make.”
“Good idea.”
“Ramen? Should I go with ramen?”
“Stop talking nonsense and let’s sleep now?”
Won Dogyeong laughed softly and poked my cheek. I turned to lie on my back and closed my eyes as a sign of agreement.
He soon got up from his seat, turned off the light, and slowly closed the door as he left. As the weight pressing down on one side of the bed disappeared, I felt strangely regretful and unconsciously called out to him through the half-closed door.
“…Hey.”
“Yeah?”
Won Dogyeong peeked his face in, but the living room was bright so he was backlit and I couldn’t see his face at all. Having called out to him, I was flustered alone and fidgeted with my feet under the blanket.
Why did I call him? I don’t really have anything to say.
“It’s nothing.”
“What, how anticlimactic.”
He answered in a voice mixed with laughter and said good night before clicking the door shut and leaving. I could hear footsteps shuffling around in the living room for a while before they stopped with the sound of the next room’s door closing.
I closed my eyes. Drowsiness quickly rushed in and my consciousness faded in an instant. In my dream, I broke out in a cold sweat trying to stop Won Dogyeong from taking a plane to Italy to get ingredients for making me lasagna. What kind of ridiculous dream is this?
*
Time passed and before I knew it, the weekend had arrived. We were parked in the main house’s parking lot with our arms full of cake, bread, and snacks from a famous bakery.
…For 20 minutes now.
“Want to drink more water…?”
The cause was me.
I’d been suffering from terrible morning sickness since morning, got hit with dog-awful car sickness on top of that, and was on the verge of throwing up everything even though I hadn’t eaten anything.
Won Dogyeong sat restlessly in the seat next to me, holding an open water bottle in one hand. I leaned my head against the dashboard in front of the passenger seat, repeatedly swallowing dry saliva.
Seeing me refuse breakfast, Won Dogyeong said we should postpone going to the main house, but since the whole family was gathered for once, I felt bad about suggesting we meet another day and pushed forward with the original schedule.
I’d underestimated morning sickness because it had been bearable these past few days. I’m reflecting on it…
As I kept taking deep breaths while drinking water in ant-tear-sized sips, the motion sickness seemed to subside a bit. It returned to the normal level of morning sickness.
As I raised my head with a long exhale, cold sweat dripped down the back of my head.
Ah, this is really hard.
Won Dogyeong took out a tissue and patted my forehead dry. It seemed there was cold sweat on my forehead too. Seeing his rather serious face made me laugh a little instead.
“Why so serious?”
“You’re pale right now. Want to go to the hospital?”
“It’s not like that. I’ll be fine if I rest a bit. It’s because of the motion sickness.”
“Should we just go home and rest?”
“…Then I’d have to get in the car again, wouldn’t I?”
“Ah, right.”
“Let’s go up. I’m feeling better now.”
“Really? Should I carry you on my back?”
“No…”
I opened the car door and stumbled out. Between not eating breakfast, morning sickness, and motion sickness, I’d been tormented to the extreme and my legs were shaking. On top of all this, the underground parking lot air was so stuffy.
Won Dogyeong locked the car door and came to my side, grabbing my shoulder to support me.
I wanted to say it wasn’t that bad, but undeniably my legs were shaking. Being half-buried in his arms somehow gave me a sense of security, so I quietly let myself lean on him.
While waiting for the elevator, I suddenly remembered. We bought a cake. Right now both of us were empty-handed.
“We need to bring the cake.”
“I’ll go back down.”
“Why, let’s get it now. I’ll wait here.”
Sorry, but my body is trembling so I can’t go with you.
“…It’ll smell like bread. I’ll just come back down later.”
He hesitated and shook his head. Now that I heard it, he was right. In my current state, if I smelled butter or fresh cream, the morning sickness might rage twice as hard.
“Sorry, that would be better.”
As the elevator quietly went up, I unconsciously leaned my head on his shoulder as he stood holding me. When my body is struggling, even my heart feels weak.
Instead of me standing there weakly, Won Dogyeong firmly pressed the house’s passcode. There was no need to tell him. We’d been in and out of each other’s houses like our own throughout our childhood.
The door opened and I could hear people rushing toward us from beyond the inner door. I roughly kicked off my shoes and when I opened the inner door, beyond it was filled with all kinds of food smells. Ugh.
Of course, it was a day when both families were gathering after a long time, so there’s no way they wouldn’t have prepared something.
Won Dogyeong keenly noticed me hesitating as I moved forward, pulled me into his arms, and opened the inner door. As his familiar body scent filled my nostrils, my stomach, which had been churning violently, calmed down a bit.
“You’re here? What, are you showing off that you’re dating?”
It was Noona’s voice. I replied weakly.
“It’s not like that…”
“Areum Noona, long time no see.”
“I know~ Come in, come in.”
“I think I need to lay Jeongwon down in a room first.”
“Why? Are you sick?”
Noona looked at my pale complexion and asked with a worried face.
Don’t tell me she still doesn’t know?
Did Mom not tell her…? That can’t be. This is supposed to be a party celebrating Yongyong right now.
No wait, Noona was someone who had absolutely zero interest in pregnancy, childbirth, or children. Even if she knows what morning sickness is, it might not be familiar enough to pop into her head.
