Just because he’d realized it didn’t mean much changed. Seo Eunho’s daily life wasn’t all that different from before. If anything, Seo Eunho was maintaining exactly the same lifestyle as before.
He slept at the house Tae Shinwoo told him to stay at, spent time with him, and commuted to and from school together. Really, nothing had changed at all.
That is, on the surface at least.
“Seo Eunho.”
“Yeah.”
“Don’t you have something to say to me?”
Seo Eunho turned his head away from Tae Shinwoo’s face, which held subtle dissatisfaction though he didn’t show it outwardly. These days, Tae Shinwoo frequently asked the same question with that expression. Seo Eunho knew exactly what he wanted to hear.
“Nope.”
But Seo Eunho shook his head, pretending not to know anything. A trace of guilt washed over him at the face that immediately crumpled, but it was only momentary. He already knew that pretending not to know was better than granting his wish.
Tae Shinwoo had taken one step closer to him. But he himself still remained in that same spot. Once you’ve narrowed the distance, you can’t turn it back. Facing Tae Shinwoo who was demanding their relationship progress meant there would be no turning back.
That’s why Seo Eunho had been avoiding Tae Shinwoo lately. Because he couldn’t let that happen. Of course, Tae Shinwoo must find this situation frustrating. He’d probably noticed his feelings to some extent too, so he couldn’t understand why he was being avoided.
But this was right. Seo Eunho couldn’t respond to Tae Shinwoo’s wishes. He knew nothing. So he wouldn’t say anything to Tae Shinwoo. It was for both their sakes.
After all, weren’t both Tae Shinwoo and himself men? That reason alone was enough for why the two of them shouldn’t close the distance.
Did feelings even matter? What about the criticism Tae Shinwoo would have to endure because of them? Even now when they just hung out as friends, Tae Shinwoo was getting caught up in annoying situations. And yet he hoped for their relationship to progress? What a ridiculous notion.
His own feelings were completely unnecessary. If Tae Shinwoo happened to like him, that too wasn’t something to welcome. Rather, it should be lamented. He himself didn’t matter either way. All the problems would only happen to Tae Shinwoo.
It meant bringing down everything Tae Shinwoo had built up until now with a crash. He still didn’t know why Tae Shinwoo pretended to be a model student, but it would render all his efforts futile and end up branding Tae Shinwoo.
“Really nothing?”
As Tae Shinwoo stared intently at his face and pressed him like an interrogation, Seo Eunho shook his head more firmly. The closeness between them bothered him, but he pretended not to care at all.
“There’s no way there isn’t.”
But Tae Shinwoo didn’t seem to believe Seo Eunho’s words. Pretending not to notice his eyes that had narrowed with suspicion, Seo Eunho quickly quickened his pace. Behind him, footsteps with a large stride immediately followed.
“There’s no way there isn’t.”
Tae Shinwoo’s eyes narrowed. Before the gaze regarding him suspiciously could scrutinize him further, Seo Eunho quickened his steps. Behind him, footsteps with a large stride quickly followed.
“We’ll be late.”
“Late for what?”
The intent behind asking back when he clearly understood was obvious. He was being sarcastic, meaning since when did he care about such things.
“School. We can’t be late.”
Seo Eunho answered shamelessly despite knowing this. It was so brazen that Tae Shinwoo let out a hollow laugh. His face was genuinely dumbfounded. Seo Eunho looked at his face for a moment before turning his head away sharply.
Tae Shinwoo brought up this topic frequently afterward, but fortunately didn’t cling to it persistently.
He guessed it was probably a delicate matter for Tae Shinwoo too, wasn’t it?
Unlike Seo Eunho, Tae Shinwoo thought about more things. So what he had only just realized, Tae Shinwoo had likely known from the start.
He was grateful he wasn’t pushing in recklessly. Seo Eunho truly thought so. He had a strong premonition that if Tae Shinwoo persistently pressed him, he’d end up raising the white flag. His prediction was probably right.
“Did you say you were going home today?”
“Yeah.”
“Tell them you’re not going.”
“When I did that, they made a fuss. Like they were about to come find me at school.”
“Let them come.”
Anyway, seeming to judge that Seo Eunho wouldn’t open his mouth until the end today either, Tae Shinwoo naturally shifted the topic of conversation. Though it was about his own home, Seo Eunho was glad the subject changed anyway and readily responded.
Lately, Seo Eunho had been stopping by his home frequently. This wasn’t to avoid Tae Shinwoo. He didn’t think there was any particular reason he needed to avoid him.
He did become somewhat conscious of others’ gazes, but not outside of school. Whether he went to his own house or Tae Shinwoo’s house, no one would be watching anyway, so he thought there was no need to go back to that uncomfortable home.
Besides, if he suddenly tried to go back home, Tae Shinwoo would probably think it was strange. Well, not wanting to develop their relationship was one thing, but it didn’t mean he wanted to distance himself from him.
The problem was the constant contact. He seemed to receive calls to have dinner at home at least two or three times a week.
Actually, Seo Eunho knew the constant calls to come home were because of that woman. His father wasn’t the one looking for him.
Moreover, after repeatedly refusing and then going home once, his father was often not there. It was almost certain that the one wanting Seo Eunho to come home was that woman.
So it was uncomfortable, and he didn’t want to go even more, but he couldn’t overcome his father’s nagging. Along with questions about what exactly she wanted and what kind of person that woman was, there was also an uneasy feeling, so he ended up stopping by home at least once each time. His face was already hardening at the thought of entering that house. His chest felt stuffy, and even sighing deeply didn’t make him feel much better.
“Go and come back quickly.”
Just then, Tae Shinwoo broke Seo Eunho’s thoughts with a subtle tone. What’s the big deal about just that—his lips, not knowing his own feelings, pouted by themselves. The corners of his mouth tried to rise on their own. His hardened expression began to melt away smoothly at Tae Shinwoo’s single sentence.
Seo Eunho desperately tried to compose his expression. But it wasn’t easy. The feeling of liking someone played with him like this. He ended up interpreting “come back quickly” on his own as meaning he’d be waiting, getting excited all by himself.
“I’ll obviously go quickly.”
At his deliberately feigned indifferent tone, Tae Shinwoo shrugged his shoulders. Perhaps having caught the corners of his mouth that ended up twitching, Tae Shinwoo was smiling.
“Try to come even faster. Don’t stay there too long.”
At that whining mixed with laughter, Seo Eunho finally couldn’t hold back and burst out laughing. Tae Shinwoo approached closer as if he’d been waiting and ruffled through Seo Eunho’s hair.
Once he’d casually played with his hair, and Seo Eunho had muttered that he didn’t think anyone had ever touched his hair before—whether that was the problem, from that day on Tae Shinwoo kept playing with his hair. Thanks to that, Seo Eunho’s hair had never had a normal day lately.
“I told you not to.”
Seo Eunho grumbled as he fixed his hair.
“It feels good. You like it too.”
A response without the slightest bit of remorse came back. At the words that he liked it too, Seo Eunho’s face hardened for a moment before he chuckled and shook his head.
The autumn air in the early morning was now getting a bit cold, beyond just being cool. Winter seemed to have approached in large strides already.
So this is how a year goes. An uncharacteristic sentiment came out naturally. He’d started hanging out with Tae Shinwoo around summer, but it felt like this entire year had been filled with him.
Seo Eunho stretched and gradually slowed his walking pace. Thanks to that, the distance between him and Tae Shinwoo slowly widened. Only after widening it to a certain extent did Seo Eunho match his steps with Tae Shinwoo’s as usual.
Now school was getting close. Since he didn’t want Tae Shinwoo to be put in a difficult position because of him, he couldn’t act completely normally as usual without being mindful. Seo Eunho was making a minimal effort to protect Tae Shinwoo.
For instance, trivial things like consciously maintaining enough distance so people wouldn’t link the two of them together, but not so much that Tae Shinwoo would think it strange.
If even this small thing could help. If it could be a way to keep the feelings that Tae Shinwoo and Seo Eunho held from being noticed by others, Seo Eunho could read the room and restrain himself dozens of times over.
He didn’t wish for their relationship to progress. He knew they couldn’t.
But Seo Eunho was greedy. Even if it didn’t progress. He just wanted to maintain at least this level of relationship. He wanted to stay by Tae Shinwoo’s side.
At least this much…
Since there was no one to answer his question, Seo Eunho answered himself. That at least this much would be okay.
