He knew he was doing something he shouldn’t—both to himself and to Tae Shinwoo. Right now, Seo Eunho had refused Tae Shinwoo’s house and was practically homeless, and yesterday he’d even gone back to his own home.
It was only tolerable because neither his father nor that woman were there, but with the way he felt now, he thought he could stay at home with a shameless face even if they were there.
“I’m doing all sorts of pathetic things.”
His muttered words were soaked in deep self-loathing. Was it really worth going this far? Would anything change by acting like this? Didn’t he have to see Tae Shinwoo eventually?
When such thoughts came to mind, he’d resolve to go see Tae Shinwoo, but after just a little time passed, the thought that he absolutely couldn’t face him would make everything fall through.
Was I always this stupid?
He could hardly calm down. The possibility of hearing from the person he liked that they felt the same way was making him anxious.
He was embarrassed. This emotion really didn’t suit him at all.
“Ahhh…!”
Seo Eunho suddenly pounded his thigh with his fist. It didn’t change the situation, but if he didn’t do at least that much, his face would turn bright red and he’d lose his mind.
No. It doesn’t make sense. Why would Tae Shinwoo like him? For Eunho, there were plenty of reasons—like the endless favors Shinwoo had shown him. Of course there had been compensation, but even that compensation had been a favor to him.
Besides that, there was the subtle affection and those childlike sides of him that he only showed to Eunho. Seo Eunho had no way to stop Tae Shinwoo, who had already stepped firmly inside his boundaries.
But Tae Shinwoo had no reason, did he? So all the thoughts he was having now were just delusions. It was like doing pointless things.
“……”
Unfortunately, these were thoughts he’d repeated countless times over the past few days. Seo Eunho would think this way every time, but in the end, he’d arrive at the conclusion that Shinwoo did seem to like him. He even had the ridiculous thought that those reasonless favors he’d fallen for might have come from Tae Shinwoo’s heart.
“So? Is the girl pretty?”
“I don’t know. More than that, apparently she looks rich at first glance. Dripping with class.”
Whether it was fortunate or unfortunate, Seo Eunho’s thoughts were interrupted before long. Just when he’d smelled cigarette smoke creeping in from somewhere, he started hearing people talking right below him.
“She’d have to be. No matter how good-looking Seo Eunho is, why else would she give him money she doesn’t have? She gives him spending money, buys him this and that, and I heard she even arranged a house for him to live in.”
“A house too? Wow. Having a handsome face really is the best. If you have a face, that’s all you need in this world, fuck.”
Seo Eunho let out a deep sigh. He knew rumors about him were going around, but he hadn’t expected to overhear them so blatantly like this.
A house, spending money. The rumors were incredibly accurate. The only thing wrong was that the target wasn’t a woman but Tae Shinwoo—everything else was completely right. It was almost amazing to him now that these strangers he didn’t even know were aware of all this.
“What the fuck. Are you jealous? Huh? Would you do it if you could? You want to but can’t?”
“Ugh, I couldn’t do it even if I was about to die. How could anyone do something so disgusting? I mean, wouldn’t you be embarrassed going around like that in the first place?”
He heard loud voices that felt exaggerated along with giggling laughter. Seo Eunho clicked his tongue with an indifferent face. “Wouldn’t do it”? Just from the voice, it sounded like they’d jump at the chance if they got the opportunity.
Seo Eunho had decent intuition. He especially picked up quickly on envy displayed this way. Maybe he sensed it better because the subject of their conversation was himself.
The start of the problem was when he’d been caught at the hotel with that woman his father had brought. He didn’t know who started it, but as if it was some big issue, the strange rumors kept growing bigger and bigger.
Was it because he didn’t bother correcting them since he didn’t need to care unless it involved Tae Shinwoo? Too many people were gossiping about it.
He didn’t really care, but it was tiring. Especially at times like these when all his nerves were on edge…
“But doesn’t Tae Shinwoo seem really pitiful? How annoying must it be? Poor guy was just playing around with him.”
The name that had been floating around in his head suddenly popped out of those guys’ mouths. Seo Eunho’s face crumpled immediately. There was no reason for Tae Shinwoo to be mentioned, and it wasn’t the timing for it either, so he was quite flustered.
“Right? They say he gets called to the teachers’ office every day? The teachers practically beg him not to hang around with Seo Eunho.”
“Dude. The kids who hang out with him are going crazy too. Since Tae Shinwoo keeps him around, they have no choice but to talk to him, but after that they all look disgusted.”
“Didn’t Tae Shinwoo hear the rumors? Does he still want to hang out with Seo Eunho even after hearing those rumors?”
“No, he knows. But I don’t know if the guy is kind or stupid. Apparently he smiles and says Seo Eunho isn’t like that.”
He’d known rumors about him were circulating, but this was the first time he’d heard that Tae Shinwoo was in a troublesome situation because of it. The only person who could have told him about this was Tae Shinwoo, but since he’d kept his mouth tightly shut, Eunho had no way of knowing. He probably thought there was no need to tell him.
“But anyone can see it’s Seo Eunho’s influence. A guy who never used to do that suddenly stops going to supplementary classes and sometimes doesn’t come to school. So everyone’s going crazy. They all bitch that it’s because of Seo Eunho.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Apparently when Tae Shinwoo didn’t come, Seo Eunho didn’t come either. Honestly, Tae Shinwoo never did anything like that before. For Seo Eunho, it’s nothing new though.”
The acrid smell of cigarettes stung his nose sharply. Seo Eunho fiddled with the cigarette pack in his pocket. The urge to smoke one himself surged up.
“Hey, but what if Tae Shinwoo is the same?”
When one of the guys who’d been giggling at the not-particularly-interesting story suddenly lowered his voice, the urge to smoke became even stronger. He thought he should stop listening, but instead found himself paying closer attention. Seo Eunho clenched and unclenched his fist repeatedly with his mouth tightly shut.
“The same what?”
“No, I mean. What if Tae Shinwoo is also giving Seo Eunho money? Like that woman. Someone was saying that before actually.”
His heart sank with a thud. It was a completely different feeling from when they’d linked him with the woman. He’d never really thought he needed to hide it, but now that he was overhearing others talk about his relationship with Tae Shinwoo, his whole body stiffened as if he’d been caught doing something that absolutely shouldn’t be discovered.
“Come on. Say something that makes sense. Why would Tae Shinwoo? At least that woman gets something out of it.”
“Why wouldn’t he? Tae Shinwoo might want the same thing.”
“…Are you serious right now?”
“Did I go too far?”
“Yeah, seriously. I think you might have lost your mind.”
His palms were clammy with sweat. No, it wasn’t just his hands. Fear came rushing in all at once. Because what they were saying was true. And because he’d even been thinking he wished it were so. In truth, Seo Eunho had been a bit excited at the thought that Tae Shinwoo might like him.
“Hey, but when you see them stuck together, you do think that. They’re totally like gay guys.”
“What are you talking about? Are all guys who hang out together gay?”
“No, you idiot. With them, it was kind of… Even when they put their arms around each other’s shoulders, the vibe was…”
“What vibe. You must have been watching really carefully. Were you actually wanting to join in, huk—hey, duck, duck. PE teacher, PE teacher.”
“What? Where? Ah shit…!”
“You bastards, get over here!”
He heard the sound of someone running away quickly and footsteps chasing after them. Seo Eunho was leaning against the wall, trembling. As if representing his anxious heart, it was hard to stay still.
His blank face hardened stiffly. He barely registered the sounds of the guys who’d finally been caught saying they were sorry, or the acrid cigarette smell that lingered.
What the hell. He shouldn’t like him. It would actually be worse if Tae Shinwoo felt the same way.
Seo Eunho’s face went pale as he confronted a reality he hadn’t considered. Why hadn’t he thought of that unless he was crazy? Feeling fluttered, feeling embarrassed—he shouldn’t have been thinking such incredibly stupid thoughts.
Rather, Tae Shinwoo shouldn’t like him. Seo Eunho had been missing that obvious fact. The moment he realized it, emptiness washed over him. It felt like he’d been suddenly thrown back into the reality he’d briefly distanced himself from.
