Supporting an adult much larger than me was truly a difficult task. Sweat poured out like crazy and my clothes became soaked. But I didn’t look back. Surely if I go to the back mountain, the deity will somehow protect at least Bihyeon-nim. So I just need to get there.
“Deity-nim, please protect Bihyeon-nim…”
The road from leaving the village to going to the back mountain. There was a loud noise from the village. The villagers’ shouts, and as the fire seemed to spread, the village was becoming brighter and brighter. And because of that fire, I could tell. That the blood that fell from him and my body was wetting the entire path. While keeping my mouth tightly shut, I walked looking ahead. Arriving at the entrance to the back mountain, I hid him among the grass and closed my eyes.
“Deity-nim. I’m sorry… Never again… Even if there’s a next life, I absolutely won’t think of meeting Bihyeon-nim. So please protect Bihyeon-nim.”
After opening my eyes, I tidied his hair and jumped up. He who collapsed with a thud while moving his body struggled. It was as if he was shouting at me not to go.
“Bihyeon-nim, the deity will hide your body. Even if not, I’ll do well so people absolutely can’t come here.”
To go together, I had committed sins. And that blood would eventually make Aunt find us. I bent down and held Bihyeon’s hand tightly for the last time.
“Forget me and live well. Understand? It’s all my fault… Bihyeon-nim has no fault at all.”
Please don’t feel sorry or guilty. My hands trembled. I barely spat out what I had to say, jumped up, turned around and ran. I took off my clothes and wiped the blood on the grass. I wiped the blood connected to the village with my hands and rubbed it with my feet to erase the traces. Please let me buy time so Bihyeon-nim can escape.
“Here she is!”
While scrubbing the ground with my hands, as soon as I saw them who discovered me, I ran in a completely different direction from where Bihyeon was. The villagers followed me like crazy. I didn’t enter the mountain, but the mountain caught fire. It seemed Aunt ordered someone to set fire to the mountain to find Bihyeon. No… While running, when I looked at the mountain and paused for just a moment, they roughly grabbed and dragged me from behind. After that, I didn’t remember well. Because I was thrown to the ground and kicked and beaten here and there.
When I opened my eyes again, I was inside a very narrow place.
“Mom…”
I reached out and touched around me. It was cold. After fumbling for a long time, I realized the place I was locked in was a large jar Aunt kept at home. One with ominous talismans attached too. I could hear several people talking voices around me. Those voices were all of young children.
– It hurts…
– Please let me out.
– I’m scared, Mom.
– I’m hungry. So hungry…
I covered my ears. I absolutely can’t get out alive. I’ll die like those children too. With that conviction, I really wanted to stop now. I wish I could follow Mom and Dad…
– You’re different.
– Your soul will disappear.
– You’re different from us. You’re cursed.
– Since a human received with their whole body the great curse meant to feed the deity…
– Your soul will shatter…
– But that woman will also receive the same curse. She poured a curse on the deity.
– No, we can’t even call her that woman anymore. She’s already…
Ah, I see. I don’t have a next life.
I put my forehead on my knees and closed my eyes. Screech, the door opened. And a bit of light came into the jar. Through the gap, I could see Aunt’s eyes looking at me.
“You’re not harboring hope that you can get out alive, are you?”
That person is no longer our aunt. No, can she even be called a person? A body that ate a deity and harbors an evil spirit. Can that really be called human…
“If I tear your soul and tear your flesh, that deity will come again to save you.”
Those words… meant she couldn’t find Bihyeon. Relieved, I let out a long breath. That was brief, as Aunt who thrust a talisman-covered spear through the gap in the opened jar and stabbed wildly laughed heartily.
“Agh… It hurts, it hurts… It hurts…”
My whole body was stabbed by the spear and bled. Outside, thunder could be heard as if it was raining.
The next day, and the next day. No, actually I couldn’t gauge it because I didn’t know how time was flowing. Anyway, to my feeling, a long time seemed to have passed. During that time, no one came. I was so hungry. And outside, thunder could still be heard. Time passed again. The wounds on my body festered and scarred, raising a fever. Even while I repeatedly fainted and woke up from pain, no one came to me. Not even the deity.
‘As expected, it’s because it’s my fault.’
It’s all my fault, so everyone left. I made everyone die and leave. My foolish judgments and choices… I fainted again and came to my senses. This time, a sad voice could be heard. A white existence with numerous eyes was standing in front of me.
– Child… I’m sorry. I’m sorry… I came too late.
It’s the deity. I had never seen them before, but I could tell by the atmosphere. I blinked my eyes and barely made a voice.
“What about… Bihyeon-nim…?”
– He’s sleeping in my arms. He was hurt so much that he has to sleep for a long time, so he couldn’t come to you.
“Even so… I’m glad…”
So he wasn’t caught again. The deity safely hid Bihyeon-nim. I smiled weakly and nodded. Still, before completely disappearing, I get to see the deity too. That deity of the mountain I talked to so much.
– Child, I will promise with all my might to give you a next life.
If there’s a next life… I want to live. To meet Mom and Dad, and Bihyeon-nim too… No, no. I shouldn’t be greedy. While shedding tears, I kept smiling.
“Then… me… please make just one more promise…”
I slowly closed my eyes.
“…If by any chance I meet Bihyeon-nim again… please make it so Bihyeon-nim doesn’t know me. Please make it so we don’t know each other until the end and part ways…”
– Baby, why on earth…
“If I’m greedy… I’m afraid I’ll hurt Bihyeon-nim again…”
I opened my eyes and looked down at my body. My body that was half transparent, my arms couldn’t be seen at all.
“Deity-nim… I’m sorry… Still, please don’t… hate me too much…”
Ah, now it’s time to die. Strength left my body and I felt that the end had truly come.
“Dying…”
Is it scary? No, I don’t know. What meaning is there in me living alone in this hell after everyone dies?
“…I’m scared…”
Yes, this was right. I was so scared. When I closed my eyes and opened them, I was alone in that jar again. Dying in this darkness where no one is made me even more scared…
“I’m scared… I’m scared…”
* * *
I shed tears and slowly opened my eyes. I realized I had recalled all the past and returned to the painful reality. And next to me, I could see Bihyeon with a face that looked like he would collapse at any moment. Probably he who would now fully remember me. Did he recognize me by calling my name? I raised my hand and touched my stomach. Although I didn’t know how much time had passed, the wound wrapped in bandages didn’t hurt much anymore. Bihyeon who raised his head and looked at me had trembling pupils. As if about to cry.
“Yoon…”
After being dazed, as if coming to his senses, he poured water from the side into a cup. Then he supported my body and let me drink by pouring water little by little into my mouth.
“…My name is… Yoon Hansol. Not Yoon.”
“Okay, Sol-ah.”
I turned my head away from him and looked elsewhere. His kind voice felt like it was stabbing my heart.
“Is it because I… couldn’t protect you? Or because I couldn’t recognize you?”
I ignored those words. How could that be? What wrong did you do…
“I’m sorry…”
At that trembling voice full of sincerity, tears eventually flowed from my eyes. I bit my mouth tightly and held back tears.
“I’m sorry… I did everything wrong. Please…”
My lips twitched and I closed my eyes. I gripped the blanket tightly and pulled it up to cover to the top of my head. My hands trembled.
“…Your apology has no meaning.”
No. I wish you wouldn’t apologize. If there’s fault, it was with me, Aunt, and the evil spirit. Everyone else was just victims.
‘I should take Aunt with me at the end.’
Now I knew clearly what I had to do. Surely there must be a reason my life is still attached until now. And that must be to take Aunt to the end of hell. I should take the biggest thing that endangers you with me. Since I hurt you before and couldn’t protect you, at least now. Even now.
“I want to go home.”
“You can’t.”
“Let me go.”
“No.”
I bit my lips firmly. I no longer had the courage to speak meanly or the courage to look back. Because his voice was trembling as if about to cry. Bihyeon opened the door and called the sheep. In that gap, I roughly wiped my tears with my sleeve. Thud thud thud, I heard the sound of running down the corridor, then the sheep came inside. And she who sat down with a thud beside me held my hand.
“Baby… Baby…!”
Yes, everyone found out. The palace family too. I coldly struck away that hand with effort.
“I thought you hated humans?”
“Baby…”
“I’m going to die soon anyway, just leave me.”
Those were words she had said to me once. Without even making eye contact, I spoke coldly with effort. And I got up from my seat. Then Bihyeon reached out and grabbed my shoulder. I tried to strike away that hand too, but at his expressionless face I met, my eyes reddened. My heart sank.
“If you leave now, I’ll cut off my fingers one by one and forcibly break your curse.”
“…What did you say?”
“Spilling all the blood in my body would be good too. I’ll forcibly break it like that. If that’s okay, leave.”
“You think I can’t leave?”
“Yes, so ignore me and just go.”
I couldn’t breathe. I closed my eyes tightly.
“Baby, let me treat you…”
“Let go.”
“I’m begging… Let me treat you…”
“I’m human. A human you hate!”
A human you should hate… What was so good about the memories of being out that they covered even the bad memories? What did I do so well for you? I shed tears and screamed loudly. I covered my eyes with trembling hands.
