I kept becoming anxious that I was the only one who didn’t know my child’s father whom everyone was certain about.
“Han Yeoul, Yoo Seonjae, Choco.”
I quietly said the names again. My heart became peaceful. Is it because we’re ‘family’?
After the neighborhood walk ended, I spent my time lazily reading books or watching TV in my room, then chatted when Kim Yeonghyo called around evening. Kim Yeonghyo seemed more comfortable talking on the phone than conversing face to face. I also found the phone more comfortable, perhaps because I didn’t have to worry about his pheromones.
We became close rapidly.
According to Kim Yeonghyo, even though we were classmates, we weren’t in such a close relationship. It was a relationship that couldn’t be close.
“Why?”
—Um, because you were someone I admired, Yeoul.
“Admired?”
—Yeah. Pretty, knew how to consider others, and even though you were accomplished, you didn’t show off about it.
Kim Yeonghyo told me stories about myself that I didn’t know. The me in the stories he told was such a perfect person that even I felt embarrassed listening.
“Haha, Yeonghyo. Aren’t you exaggerating a bit?”
—What?
“Well, you know. No matter how much I don’t have memories, I don’t think I was such an amazing person—”
—No, Yeoul.
I became embarrassed at having laughed at Kim Yeonghyo’s serious voice.
—There isn’t a single lie in my story. You know, thanks to you I was able to endure my horrible high school days.
“……”
—I came to like bread that could have been traumatic, and was able to face and overcome my wounds enough to make baking it my profession—it was all thanks to you.
“Haha.”
—I’m sincerely grateful.
Kim Yeonghyo expressed his sincere gratitude to the me I didn’t know. Even while hearing those words, Kim Yeonghyo’s heart was so heavy I wondered if I deserved to hear it.
I probably didn’t help Kim Yeonghyo with such a big and heavy heart. Even without remembering, I somehow felt that way.
What kind of person should I become for Kim Yeonghyo who took my heart so seriously and heavily? I thought about it with all my heart. What could I do?
“Since you think of me that way, I feel like I should become a really good person.”
—You’re already a good person.
“If there’s anything you need my help with, tell me. I don’t remember properly, but memories of work I did remain vaguely, so it might be helpful somehow.”
—…Ah, then should I ask for what we talked about before?
“Before?”
—Yeah. When you were in Seoul, you were going to give me advice about business.
“Really?”
—Ah, of course I’ll pay you. I’m not hoping for something so tremendous for free just because you’re not in good condition now.
“Haha. What does it matter? Just with what you’ve helped me with, you’ve already paid in full.”
—Still.
“It’s fine. I don’t know what it is, but if it’s something I can help with, I’ll do my best to help.”
—Thanks, Yeoul. Since you’d be uncomfortable if I came, I’ll send my younger sibling instead. My sibling is a beta.
“Really? I’d be grateful if you did that.”
—That aside, how about coming up to Seoul?
“Seoul?”
—Yeah. If you have to go to the hospital that often anyway, wouldn’t it be better to go to Seoul?
“Hmm…”
—You’re a high-risk pregnancy, right? Then I think it would be better for you to go to a big place like Hankook University Hospital rather than a small local hospital.
It was a valid point. But I quite liked the doctor I was currently seeing. He said he’d be here for a month, so maybe I should ask where he’s going after that?
“I’ll think about it for now.”
After the call with Kim Yeonghyo ended, I thought for a long time. I had no connections, and there was no need to settle down here just because I happened to open my eyes and be here.
The next day, at the hospital appointment, I decided to go to Seoul.
“I think it’s not bad. It would be better to stay somewhere with better medical infrastructure.”
“Is that so?”
“Of course. If you want, I can write you a referral letter to the hospital you’ll transfer to.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Hyper-heat omega pregnant women need intensive care, so it would be better to have a hospital with an experienced trait medicine specialist.”
“If you would do that, I’d be very grateful. I think I’d adapt quickly if the new doctor is someone you introduced.”
“You don’t need to adapt.”
“What?”
“Because I’ll continue to be in charge.”
When I blinked, not easily understanding what he meant, the doctor grinned and said:
“Did you forget that I’m at this hospital as a substitute for a month?”
“Ah! Then the hospital you’ll introduce me to—”
“That’s right. It’s the hospital where I am. I’d like to continue meeting as Han Yeoul’s attending physician—what do you think, Han Yeoul?”
“I’d be even happier if you’d see me, Professor.”
Everything went smoothly. I felt strangely secure while moving my residence to Seoul. Was it because Kim Yeonghyo and my attending physician were nearby?
Having a friend I could comfortably rely on and an attending physician I could run to and consult whenever my body felt strange was a great source of strength. The reason the world wasn’t scary even though I couldn’t remember myself was probably because of this.
During the short period after coming to Seoul, I did branding for Kim Yeonghyo’s bread factory and became close enough with my attending physician to have personal conversations.
Especially the attending physician was now not just a doctor but literally a ‘professor.’ Someone I could rely on whenever needed. Someone who was supportive.
The professor said he was working short-term in Seoul too. Can doctors usually work short-term like that, moving from this hospital to that hospital? I was curious, but in any case, thanks to that I could continue receiving treatment from the professor, so it didn’t matter.
“I won’t be at this hospital for long either, but I’ll be here until Han Yeoul gives birth, so don’t worry.”
“Worry? I’m just grateful.”
Only my residence had changed; the environment was the same. Even with lost memories, there was nothing inconvenient about living. Until that person, Yoo Seonjae, came to find me, I really thought I might just live like this forever.
My peaceful daily life was shattered with Yoo Seonjae’s appearance.
—Yeoul. Seonjae is looking for you.
“Huh?”
—Seonjae. Yoo Seonjae is looking for you.
When I heard the story from Kim Yeonghyo, it actually didn’t feel real. Yoo Seonjae was like a unicorn to me. Someone who existed in writing, the father of a child who wasn’t in my memory.
They said we were in a relationship where we were crazy about each other, but I always wondered how memories could disappear so cleanly. Looking at the diary, it didn’t seem like I disliked him, but the fact that we had separated was certain.
I had notified Yoo Seonjae of divorce, handed him divorce papers, and left the house. This series of processes was recorded in detail in the diary, so I remember—not as something I experienced, but as something I read.
An existence without a sense of reality. Such a person is looking for me. The fact that someone to whom I might have caused tremendous hurt is looking for me must be proof that our separation wasn’t smooth.
Shortly after hearing from Kim Yeonghyo that Yoo Seonjae was looking for me, he called.
I decided to meet with him, who wouldn’t have the slightest thought that I might not remember him. Yoo Seonjae’s trembling voice kept circling in my ears.
Until the promised day approached, I couldn’t sleep properly. Yoo Seonjae, whose face I didn’t even know, kept appearing in my dreams. The fact that he had appeared in dreams I wouldn’t even remember when I woke up was so vivid that I couldn’t help my racing heart.
At this point I became curious. Just what kind of person Yoo Seonjae was.
I sent Kim Yeonghyo a message asking if he could send me a photo. Yeah, why hadn’t I thought of this until now? I waited for a reply while thinking that. But the answer that came back was unfortunately that he didn’t have any photos. But there was a harvest.
If you search Yoo Seonjae’s name on a portal site, it’ll probably come up. As a furniture designer. He won a lot of awards at competitions and stuff, so it’ll probably come up.
Competition? Furniture designer?
I think you’ll recognize him the moment you see the photo.
I became a bit scared at Kim Yeonghyo’s message instead. Because it seemed like I really could recognize him as he said. I had that conviction for no reason at all. Even though it was a face I hadn’t seen even in the countless dreams I’d had until now, why did I think that?
