So I gave up searching for Yoo Seonjae. Let’s not look at his face in advance and go to the meeting place. Go there and find Yoo Seonjae myself. It somehow felt like I had to do it that way. And, as I had a premonition, I found Yoo Seonjae at once.
“Yoo… Seonjae?”
I knew as soon as I entered the cafe. Among the many foul smells penetrating through my mask, the only person who was fragrant. The person I could be certain at once was my person. The person who had been waiting for me in dreams, the person I had been waiting for.
Yoo Seonjae.
“Yeoul.”
Pleasant goosebumps rose at the affectionate and moist voice calling my name. Clear eyes looking at me, a straight nose bridge, neat lips.
Embraced in his arms as he hugged me tightly, I inhaled his pheromones fully and thought. Ah, it really is Yoo Seonjae. The person I… loved. And, the person I still love.
I could be certain. Because the heart in the embrace he confined beat like crazy. Because I wanted to stay embraced in his arms holding me.
I fell for Yoo Seonjae again.
…Was it really the right thing to do to run away again, leaving him behind?
*
I had never once thought about imprinting. No, it would be more accurate to say I couldn’t think about it.
It was natural that my thoughts, which weren’t even intact with memories, couldn’t extend to imprinting. Yet it kept bothering me.
We were married and even had a child. Then naturally there was a possibility of imprinting, but I was pathetic for being complacent without thinking. Only then did I understand Yoo Seonjae’s behavior a little.
I thought he had confined me because he was afraid I’d run away again. Because he didn’t trust me.
But that wasn’t all. Yoo Seonjae needed it. The person called me, my pheromones.
I vaguely had the conviction that Yoo Seonjae was also imprinted on me. When I was confined, Yoo Seonjae would fall into deep sleep just by inhaling my pheromones without doing anything. He slept so deeply I worried whether he couldn’t sleep without me.
I had thought just watching without doing anything was behavior to monitor me, but if Yoo Seonjae was really imprinted on me as I expected, that time was probably the most comfortable time for him. That means if I disappeared, he might become unstable again.
I hate it. I hate someone suffering because of me for no reason. It was the same with Yoo Seonjae. I didn’t want him to have a hard time because of me.
When my thoughts extended this far, I laughed at the absurdity. Because I had been too shameless. Who’s worrying about whom? When I was the one who caused it, I thought I was endlessly hypocritical for worrying about someone who would suffer because of me.
I left him even while knowing everything about what kind of existence I was to Yoo Seonjae. Even though I already knew how tenderly he looked at me. What use is regretting now? It’s something that can’t be understood with just the words that I didn’t know, that I don’t remember.
“Han Yeoul?”
“Professor, me being imprinted means there’s a high possibility the child’s father is also imprinted, right?”
“Probably so. With high probability.”
“…Then what should I do? Without even knowing that, I—”
“You said you were confined, right?”
At the professor’s question, I should have answered, but I couldn’t answer hastily. When I contacted him, I said that in my urgency, but I didn’t want Yoo Seonjae to suffer any disadvantages because of my answer. And I was still confused about whether that was confinement.
“I don’t think I can call it… confinement.”
“What does that mean?”
“It’s true that person confined me, but I wasn’t uncomfortable. I was voluntarily confined.”
“Voluntarily confined?”
“Yes. Because I didn’t try to leave. Regardless of how it started.”
The professor looked at me with a bewildered expression. I wondered what the problem was after explaining this much, then quickly added:
“Ah, it’s not Stockholm Syndrome or anything like that, so you don’t need to worry. Really, I was really okay.”
“……”
Should I not have said anything? The professor’s expression became even darker.
“By any chance, did you have sexual relations while you were confined?”
“What?”
This time it was my turn to be flustered. Even if it’s the professor, isn’t it a bit much to ask such an explicit question?
“Ah, don’t misunderstand. As always, I’m asking as a doctor. As a trait medicine specialist.”
“……”
“Did you?”
“……Yes.”
A light sigh escaped from the professor’s mouth. For some reason, that sigh also felt like a sigh of relief.
“Then you’ll be fine for a while.”
“What?”
“The other person. Because they’re imprinted, they must have had a very hard time while Han Yeoul was absent. I don’t know how long you were together with Han Yeoul, but while you were together, you received pheromones from Han Yeoul, and you even had relations, so you don’t need to worry for now. That’s what you were concerned about, right, Han Yeoul?”
“Ah, yes. Thank you, Professor.”
I answered with an awkward smile. For some reason, the professor always seems to read my mind. Even though we’ve only known each other for about a month, he sees through me like someone I’ve known for a long time. I’m grateful and fortunate, but on the other hand, it’s scary. Are all doctors like this……
“If you decided to run away, it must have been because your heart made you do so, right? It must have been such a strong message that you listened to your own words that you don’t even remember properly and put them into action.”
“……”
“Then, trust Han Yeoul’s decision. Your own voice represents you best. Usually, people turn away from that voice. That’s why they keep repeating the same mistakes.”
“The same mistakes?”
“I almost did too.”
The professor almost repeated the same mistake? For some reason, the professor’s voice kept getting wet. I pretended not to notice, but it was hard to understand his emotional changes.
Do doctors usually empathize with patients this much? Why is he so good to me? To me, who was just a patient at a hospital he stopped by briefly?
“Han Yeoul will be fine for a while too.”
“What?”
“Pheromones. You don’t need to wear a mask, right?”
Ah. Come to think of it, even without wearing a mask, there’s no disgusting feeling. Even though there are clearly alpha pheromones mixed in the air.
“Han Yeoul also received plenty of pheromones from the imprinted alpha, so the physiological phenomena caused by pheromones will return to normal.”
“Yes……”
“If you’re lucky, your memories will gradually return too. I can’t guarantee it, but anyway, the symptoms caused by pheromone imbalance will gradually ease.”
Could that be possible? Really, could I gradually regain my memories and return to my original self? At that point when I regain my original self, will I be able to not regret today’s choice?
“Don’t worry, Han Yeoul. Everything will find its proper place.”
Its proper place.
I smiled at the professor. Even though I don’t know where that proper place is.
“Are you really okay?”
Kim Yeonghyo looked at me with a worried face.
“I’m okay, I’m okay. Look at me, I’m not wearing a mask.”
“That’s true, but.”
Kim Yeongsin, Kim Yeonghyo’s younger sibling, kept poking his side as he sat in the chair beside the bed with a deep sigh.
“Why are you making such a gloomy face? You’re making Yeoul oppa uncomfortable.”
“Ah, really? Sorry, Yeoul. I wasn’t thinking.”
I shook my head at Kim Yeonghyo’s embarrassed smile.
“You apologize for everything. The one who should be sorry is me.”
Kim Yeonghyo watched my face and opened his mouth.
“So. Were you with Yoo Seonjae all that time?”
“……Well, yes.”
“Without knowing that, we searched for you like crazy.”
I awkwardly laughed and received the peeled apple Kim Yeongsin handed over. Kim Yeongsin nodded at me to hurry and eat as I just held it in my hand without eating.
“Thanks, Yeongsin.”
“Hyung, you didn’t only eat bread again, did you?”
“No.”
