I didn’t mean to say this, but I don’t know why the words keep going wrong. Do I want to hurt him because I’m angry? Or do I want to act cool, saying I don’t care who Jukyung likes or whether he played with me or not?
Even in the darkness, I could feel Jukyung’s atmosphere turn ice cold. I pretended to be calm and continued speaking.
“As I said before, I’m not saying I hated sleeping with you or did it unwillingly. I definitely enjoyed it too, but… I’m saying this because I think we should stop now. I just… I wish we could go back to being ordinary alumni. Since I have income now, it seems better for me to leave your house too. I can’t live off you forever. Ah, of course, don’t worry because I’ll definitely pay back the money I borrowed from you. It’ll take some time to pay it all back, but even if I have to increase my work, as quickly as possible… Kwon Jukyung?”
Before I could even finish speaking, Jukyung got off the bed. He seemed to go into the dressing room attached to the bedroom, then quickly came out dressed.
“Ya, Kwon Jukyung, what are you doing?”
Without even looking at me speaking to him, Jukyung left the bedroom. Bang, the sound of the door closing rang out loudly in the darkness. I was flustered for a moment and just stared blankly at the closed bedroom door, not knowing what to do. Following the unhesitating footsteps, I heard the sounds of the inner door and front door opening and closing. With the sound of the auto-lock as the last, the house was submerged in silence again.
Kwon Jukyung had left the house.
Why? This is your house though?
If someone’s leaving, shouldn’t it be me?
When I came to my senses, I did have some conscience, so I hurriedly left the bedroom. I opened the front door and ran out to the hallway, but Jukyung’s figure had already disappeared. The high-speed elevator’s number panel was already running down toward the basement at a fast speed.
After staring at that number panel for a moment as if my soul had left, I looked down at what I was wearing. A t-shirt, short running pants, and bare feet. Of course, the outfit aside, even if I ran down to the parking lot right now, the car would already be gone.
I stood barefoot on the cold hallway floor, briefly dazed.
***
I thought he left in a momentary fit of anger, but Jukyung’s running away showed signs of lasting longer than expected. When I came back after morning classes the next day, there were traces of Jukyung having come and gone. It seemed he’d packed his luggage in a travel bag and left again.
Running away was a bit funny. First of all, he’s the homeowner and I’m the freeloader, so why is he running away and making a fuss just because we had a little argument? Moreover, this summer, when I said I’d run away from home, didn’t that guy definitely sneer asking if I was a middle schooler?
Yeah, well, it’s not like he has no money, so he’ll manage on his own. He has his family home and friends… No, given his usual behavior, will his friends not take him in? If he’s staying at a hotel, it’s my fault, so I can tell him to add the hotel fee to my tab later.
Unable to do anything immediately, I decided to just watch the situation. I picked up my phone several times, but not knowing what to say, I slyly put it down again. As several days passed without contact like that, I became pointlessly anxious and nervous.
I sent a subtle message to Yukyung, and it seemed he hadn’t stopped by the family home. I tried to think he must have gone to a friend’s house or hotel, but I kept feeling something pulling from behind. I did have a ‘what if’ worry, but I shook my head thinking it was a pointless thought. I was irritated at myself for that too.
But about a week after Jukyung left home, Yukyung called and whined.
– This is strange. Why is Kwon Jukyung coming out of Jehyun hyung’s officetel! Ah, so annoying! Doyun hyung, isn’t hyung going home these days? Did you two fight? Why?
My head rang. The ‘what if’ I’d been worrying about was indeed shaking my neck back and forth. My throat was so blocked no sound came out, but Yukyung seemed too distracted to notice my strange reaction.
After finishing morning classes the next day, I left the academy building, walked a bit, then hesitated. Seo Jehyun’s officetel address that I’d received from Yukyung was entered in my phone. But since it’s daytime now, he’d be at the company. Should I go to the company?
If I go, what am I going to do?
While I was wavering back and forth half out of my mind like that, someone called me.
“Doyun-gun.”
There weren’t many people who would call me with an outdated honorific like ‘-gun’ in downtown Seoul. Moreover, it was too familiar a voice to ignore by saying they weren’t calling me.
“Secretary Yoon-nim.”
It was hyung’s personal secretary. I’d mostly forgotten about him and lived on, but I thought about it from time to time—that the family would be keeping track to some degree of where I was and what I was doing, and would appear someday. But recently I hadn’t been thinking about it at all, so suddenly seeing someone from the family on the street like this felt strangely unfamiliar.
“Uh… it’s been a while. What brings you here?”
“The chairman has been hospitalized.”
Secretary Yoon brought up the business straightforwardly.
“Managing Director Kang said to bring Doyun-gun.”
It didn’t seem like he’d look for me first over just any matter, and since he was such a healthy person, I felt dizzy for a moment. I thought it might be a serious illness or accident, but hearing from Secretary Yoon on the way, fortunately it wasn’t a big deal.
In a way, it was a very father-like accident. A close friend had passed away, and on the way back from paying respects, he got drunk and fell. His tailbone was cracked, and since that area can’t be put in a cast, he had no choice but to lie still, so they decided to hospitalize him for a while.
I went to the hospital, but father was asleep after receiving painkillers. If it wasn’t a big deal, I had no desire to face him, so I just nodded to Secretary Choi waiting in the reception room and left the hospital room immediately. Secretary Choi didn’t bother to hold me back.
“Let’s talk.”
Waiting for me outside was hyung. It was the first time seeing him since he coldheartedly rejected my request to send some money.
“Looks like you’ve been doing better than expected. I thought you’d come back the very day I cut off the card.”
Hyung looked me up and down. I was of course wearing clothes Kwon Jukyung had bought me. Hyung’s gaze lingered a bit longer on the watch on my wrist. Since I was working as an academy instructor, my hair and style had become a bit more modest than before, but I wasn’t shabby at all.
“You even look fine.”
Hyung said, glancing at my expression.
“Turns out I had some backbone too. As I persevered, I had the good fortune of meeting a benefactor too.”
I answered sarcastically, but hyung wasn’t particularly bothered.
“About that benefactor, what’s your relationship? Are you lovers?”
Figures. I frowned. Whether from the beginning or after time passed, I don’t know, but anyway it seems he had someone investigate me.
Somehow I pictured the funny sight of father or hyung calling Kwon Jukyung and holding out an envelope of money saying Doyun has someone else to marry so eat and get lost. What would Jukyung do with that money? Would he take it gladly, or would he refuse?
If he refused, father would be furious and might pour water or throw things like the chaebol wives in dramas. Then how would Kwon Jukyung react? Wouldn’t he report them to the police for violence or tip off the media? He might even meet them with a recorder turned on from the beginning.
Hyung would come out more cautious and vicious. He’d treat him like a gentleman on the outside and dig into Kwon Jukyung’s background to find weaknesses. Or knowing about Kwon Jukyung’s luxury addiction, he might try to appease him by offering a higher amount. If they offered enough money to spend freely even after deducting my debt, somehow I felt like even Kwon Jukyung would waver. I didn’t think father or hyung would be stingy with money. They could just think of it as subtracting from the inheritance they’d give me anyway.
Tsk.
I clicked my tongue. Even while admitting I like him, I distrust the human called Kwon Jukyung this much.
“What lover.”
I decided to dodge for now. Kwon Jukyung aside, I need to protect my feelings too. I absolutely can’t stand to see Kwon Jukyung choose the money envelope over me. No, is it not dodging but the truth? We’re honestly fuck buddies, not lovers, aren’t we? Even while speaking, it felt like scratching myself raw, so my mood was bitter.
“If you investigated, you’d know. We’re just alumni and he’s even a beta. There’s no chance of us being involved in that way.”
We’ve never made such a show of it outside, so I can just insist. If there are any photos taken, I’ll think about that when it happens. I can just say we rolled around together out of boredom. It’s not exactly wrong either, fuck.
“A beta?”
Hyung strangely twisted his face. Looking at my face carefully, he seemed to be checking whether it was true or a lie. I deliberately received hyung’s gaze with an indifferent expression.
“No, well, let’s say that’s true.”
After a long while, hyung withdrew his gaze and changed the subject.
“But are you going to keep living like that? You’re not planning to come home?”
“I’ve barely managed to make enough to survive, so why would I come back now? I said I have no intention of doing arranged marriages or whatever. The inheritance is fine too. Even without that, I can manage to make a living.”
Actually I’m sitting on a pile of debt, but that’s something I don’t need to tell him. Even if he investigated, he wouldn’t know what happens inside the house. Surely he didn’t do crazy things like wiretapping. If I tell him that fact, it might become my Achilles’ heel.
While I was being cautious with such thoughts, hyung said something I couldn’t understand.
“The marriage talk… will probably quietly go away, I think.”
I frowned.
“What are you talking about? Don’t I know father’s stubbornness?”
“No, really. I think he’s planning to leave the marriage issue to you.”
“What?”
