# Chapter 33
I thought the members might get angry at Han Sijin.
Somehow the timing turned out exactly that way, and I was a bit regretful for causing things to end up like this.
In this situation, thinking the members might hate Han Sijin for making me quit, I decided it would be better to meet with the members once to talk before parting ways.
But…
It wasn’t the atmosphere I had expected.
The members were in a mood to embrace and defend Han Sijin.
[Hyung. It’s not like this is the first time Sijin’s been acting this way. And honestly, compared to before, he’s much better now. You’re saying this because you haven’t done broadcasts with Sijin before. Back then, he was like a ticking time bomb.]
[Hyung, I think you had such high expectations for Sijin that your disappointment was big. But please give him a little more slack. We’ll make sure to fix this guy’s temper for good.]
Cha Yeonwoo and Jeong Chan were going back and forth, and the other members chimed in occasionally.
The mood was asking if I could forgive Han Sijin just this once.
I thought the members would want to keep me at all costs, but after the initial shock wore off, they didn’t even do that.
They said it seemed right to let me go if a good opportunity came up, but they also suggested we should meet often and see each other’s faces at least seven times a week.
I felt sorry because they seemed to be reluctantly accepting it, unable to let me go with a happy heart but thinking it was for my sake.
[First, I’ll sort some things out and then contact you. You guys listen well to Team Leader Hyun, do well in the broadcast. If you don’t listen, I won’t ever see your faces again.]
The other members casually retorted, asking if I thought they were my lovers, but Han Sijin didn’t answer.
He didn’t seem to have other business, and even though he was watching all our conversations, he couldn’t easily join in.
Thinking I should talk to Han Sijin, I just sighed and closed the window.
They continued to urge me not to leave this chat room, saying they could create a separate group chat when the new manager came in.
At first, it was Lee Dagyeong who said that, but all the other members joined in, trying hard to get a response from me.
Even Han Sijin, who hadn’t joined the conversation until then, spoke up.
[Don’t leave the room.]
Without even using an emoticon or trying to soften his tone, his words came across quite bluntly, but I thought I understood his feelings.
* * *
Noona let out a cheer on the spot when she heard I had decided to quit my job as Crop Five’s manager.
When I asked if she was with other people right now, there was silence for a moment.
It seemed like she was trying to recover belatedly.
When I said I wanted to rest for a while, noona told me I absolutely should and told me to rest well.
I spent a few days with my mom, picking famous scenic spots around the country, staying in hotels and enjoying luxury rest, but that didn’t last long either.
Mom asked when I would go back home, and I was also starting to think I wanted to return.
Thinking that this wandering lifestyle might not suit me, I went back home, and mom often left the house after making appointments with people she had gotten to know.
It was something I couldn’t have imagined before, so I was relieved that mom had adapted well.
Then I received a call from Cha Yeonwoo.
The members had occasionally contacted me during this time, but phone calls weren’t frequent.
Phone calls were uncomfortable for both of us, and it was more convenient to just leave simple messages via chat and check them later.
—Hyung. I’m in front of your house, can I come in?
“What?”
Wondering what nonsense this was, I went to the window, and he really was there.
Cha Yeonwoo, who had just gotten out of a taxi, was looking up at me with his smartphone to his ear, waving his hand enthusiastically.
“You… how did you get in here? Outsiders can’t enter.”
“Oh come on. I can get into places like this now. My face is my ID, what’s the problem?”
“…”
Wondering if they really let him in just based on his face, I went down and opened the door. The guy exclaimed in amazement as he looked around.
“Hyung. I knew you weren’t ordinary from the car you drove and the watch you wore, but I didn’t know it was to this extent. This is really incredible. Hyung, what’s your real identity?”
I scolded him for talking nonsense and brought him inside.
He had persistently asked where I lived, so I only told Cha Yeonwoo, but I really hadn’t thought he would show up like this.
Still, the moment I saw Cha Yeonwoo, I felt so glad that I realized how deeply I had grown attached to these guys.
“How are the kids doing? Everyone’s doing well, right?”
“Sure.”
“What’s with that tone?”
“We’re all trying hard to pretend we’re doing well. We’ve always been with you until now, and then you disappeared—how can we be doing well? We thought we’d adjust after a few days, but it’s not easy. When we hear a sound outside, we naturally think it’s you, and the moment we open the door and see it’s Team Leader Hyun, everyone’s shoulders slump at once. It’ll probably show in the broadcast.”
Cha Yeonwoo said with a smile.
He was talking as if it was nothing, but I felt sorry and sad.
Imagining dogs waiting for their owner.
Then I gathered my wavering feelings.
“I watched the broadcast. It looks like Team Leader Hyun will be appearing instead starting next week.”
“Yes. I think this week’s footage is the last that was filmed with you.”
Cha Yeonwoo said and told me about what had been happening.
“We can’t even go to convenience stores now. People really recognize us a lot, and especially Sijin’s popularity is enormous. Oh, did you know Irun hyung has many fans too? Do you know that? Irun hyung has an overwhelming number of male fans. Irun hyung completely changed his singing style while learning from Teacher Sarah, right? Men really like it. Irun hyung’s singing style.”
Cha Yeonwoo said with an amused smile, and I nodded.
These were all very familiar stories to me, but now I was hearing them through someone else.
“Hyung. I don’t know if I have the right to say this, but I felt I should say it anyway. It might be greedy to think this now, but I hope you only have good memories of us.”
“Of course I only have good memories. You are all such good kids. Being a manager and meeting singers like you was incredibly lucky. You all worked so hard. I will never forget you. I know you worked harder because of me. You practiced while enduring difficulties to make sure I only heard good things, so you wouldn’t make me look bad.”
Hearing my words, Cha Yeonwoo smiled.
He didn’t deny it.
He just seemed happy that I knew they had worked hard for me.
“Hyung. You know I like you, right?”
“…”
I couldn’t ask what he said or what he meant.
I was just flustered.
But Cha Yeonwoo kept staring at me without turning his gaze away.
“You must have known. You had to know something like that.”
“Hmm. Are you thirsty? Want something to drink?”
At that, he chuckled.
“Don’t feel bad about Sijin. I understand why Sijin acted that way. I knew you were meeting with Irun hyung and Dagyeong personally. Sijin probably knew too.”
My heart sank.
However, I didn’t think how could this be possible.
I was just lucky not to have been caught until now, but members who are always together could have known.
They could have seen Seo Irun coming out of my room, or my expression might have looked strange when I came out of Seo Irun’s room.
I was just being complacent and feeling safe.
“It’s the same for the other guys. At first, I thought I felt this way just because I was grateful to you. The feeling of liking you. But as time passed, the feelings grew stronger. I wanted to spend good times alone with you… and I had some strange thoughts too.”
Cha Yeonwoo said and chuckled as if embarrassed.
“I envied Irun hyung. I wanted to do that too, but I was afraid of being rejected, so I couldn’t say anything. I wasn’t confident I could become the most precious person to you, and I thought I couldn’t handle it if you pushed me away.”
Cha Yeonwoo’s words were too unfamiliar to me.
“But, well. Since we’re not seeing each other every day anymore, I decided to tell you. If you push me away, I’ll just get pushed away. And then after a few months, I can come back to your side like nothing happened, right?”
“That’s really irresponsible.”
That was the only reply I could manage.
Before I knew it, Cha Yeonwoo had come close.
I knew he was taking small steps toward me as he spoke, but I hadn’t realized he had gotten this close.
Within arm’s reach.
He raised his hand and touched my cheek.
I should have asked why he was doing this, but I couldn’t.
