# Chapter 62
Yeomin got off in an unfamiliar neighborhood where he had no connections whatsoever. Then he entered the most luxurious-looking motel in the area.
“I’d like a large room please!”
“Are you alone?”
“Is that a problem?”
“…No?”
The receptionist looked at him like he was crazy.
Yeomin took the complimentary items and marched up to his room. As soon as he put down his bag, he collapsed onto the floor, muttering.
“Joo Yeomin, what the hell did you do today…”
Today, he had a private meeting with the president of Ian Group, emotionally rejected the large sum of money she offered, acted like a jerk to Jiho, and left that palace-like house.
“Am I in my right mind?”
Even he couldn’t believe what had unfolded.
To think that I could be so principled and firm. To think that I rejected money. Yeomin discovered an unfamiliar side of himself today.
Of course, it was a choice he could make because he had the contract money from Jiho, but…
‘I might lose this contract money at any time too.’
He didn’t think Jiho would be petty enough to demand the money back, but Yeomin kept that possibility in mind.
‘Right. I like you. No, maybe I even loved you.’
“Why did I… say something so unnecessary?”
He kept regretting saying things he didn’t need to. It felt like he had unintentionally revealed a weakness.
“Enough. I’m not going to think about that bastard anymore today.”
His brain felt like it might burst from overload.
Yeomin crawled onto the bed and flopped down. It was incomparably harder and less comfortable than the bed he used at that house, but mentally, it was so much more comfortable.
“This is nice too, I guess.”
Because he no longer had to be on edge around Jiho. Because he didn’t have to rack his brains trying to figure out what that confusing guy meant. Because he didn’t have to desperately draw lines when those words came at him.
I’m going to sleep so well tonight.
Thinking that, an hour passed as he lay there. But Yeomin’s mind only became more and more alert.
“…”
Jiho’s expression as he grabbed him, the words he said in the smoking booth, even how he finally let him go. Everything replayed in 4K quality in his head on an endless loop.
“…I should have bought some soju.”
So I could drink until my nose went crooked and pass out.
With eyes showing no signs of sleepiness, Yeomin counted the patterns on the wallpaper, then turned on the TV hoping to distract himself.
A drama rerun was playing on TV. It was a daily drama that had been quite popular lately—he’d often seen it at the PC bang too.
The genre was a revenge melodrama.
[“Does revenge change anything? Does it make you feel better? Don’t lie. You’re more concerned about them than anyone else.”]
[“…”]
[“You think about them dozens of times a day, and you talk about revenge? Cut it out. Just give up and go abroad instead. If they’re out of sight, maybe your heart will find peace.”]
[“…Do you really think so?”]
The frustrating protagonist sniffled. The protagonist’s friend made a cutting remark and urged them to book a plane ticket right away.
Somehow feeling like this wasn’t someone else’s story, Yeomin became immersed.
“…Should I just leave too?”
He had money in his account. He could take a leave of absence next semester if needed.
‘Should I use this opportunity to break free from everything—Joo Yeojin, family, Seol Jiho—all at once?’
If he were abroad, even someone like Jiho wouldn’t find him easily.
But at the same time, he also thought:
‘Was it really… so grand between him and me that I need to go abroad?’
It seemed like all we did was pretend to date, hold hands a bit, kiss a bit, sleep in the same bed, mix our bodies a bit…
Compared to Yeomin’s life of just over twenty years, it was only a fleeting moment. Yet somehow it felt like he had done so much with Jiho.
Yeomin muttered in frustration:
‘Don’t leave me.’
‘…’
‘You can’t leave me, hyung. Don’t go… okay?’
And yet he had acted so pitiful when he said those things.
“He’s the one who dumped me first.”
Yeomin had never dumped him. For one thing, he never had him in the first place, and for another, the one who pushed him into a pit of complete, dark betrayal was that bastard.
Yeomin buried his face in the soft pillow. Jiho’s sweet-talking words kept buzzing in his ears like TV noise.
‘Let’s date. You’d like that too, right, hyung? Holding hands. Pecking. Kissing. And sex—’
‘Anyway, I’ll make my feelings for you turn into love.’
‘I really like you so much, hyung.’
‘I don’t want to be hated by you.’
‘Of course. You should only be nice to me. …No, actually, you can be really mean to me too.’
‘I really… you…’
Yeah. That’s not love. It’s not.
That kind of thing… is definitely not love.
‘I hope you and Jiho love each other well.’
“I’m telling you it’s not!”
Just before he covered his ears in annoyance, he heard the TV dialogue mixed in.
[“The scariest thing is this. What if you go all the way abroad, but still think about them… still miss them? What then?”]
[“You idiot! You don’t want revenge, you just want to get rid of your lingering feelings!”]
Why am I getting scolded by the TV right now? What is this channel that’s lashing out at me so sharply?
Depressed, Yeomin turned off the TV.
“…”
And immediately, silence filled the motel room. Yeomin finally realized he was alone.
Being alone is perfectly fine. I’m already used to loneliness. Life is meant to be solitary anyway. I was alone from the beginning.
It’s all fine. Even if I’m lonely, even if I’m alone, even if I spend my whole life like this, it doesn’t matter.
But if there’s just one, just one wish I have—
“…Bastard.”
I hope Jiho feels exactly ten times more desperate, lonely, and miserable than I do right now. That’s all.
* * *
The next day. Yeomin woke up in the motel room in the morning.
Last night, Jiho really didn’t search for where Yeomin was, nor did he even leave any missed calls.
That fact was extremely surprising to Yeomin.
“…Am I finally free?”
All Yeomin had left now was a luggage bag the same size as when he first went to stay with Jiho.
And a bank account balance substantial enough that he didn’t have to worry about tuition fees and job preparation funds for the foreseeable future.
‘Maybe I’m in a pretty good situation right now?’
Yeomin went into the bathroom to wash up.
It was the day of liberation from Jiho. He wanted to enjoy that freedom as soon as possible.
* * *
As soon as he left the motel, Yeomin went alone to a Chinese restaurant and ordered an imperial seafood jjamppong. And a large portion at that.
It was an arrogant price for just a bowl of jjamppong, but he cleaned it up completely.
After that, while drinking water, he thought about where to go next.
‘Should I go back to my rental room?’
But that was the perfect place for Jiho to catch him.
Going straight there now would be like walking into a trap. He wasn’t even sure if the repairs had been done yet.
Instead, Yeomin called someone else. The signal continued for several rings before stopping.
It was already past noon, but Taeyang’s voice still sounded heavy with sleep.
“What is it? So early in the morning.”
Yeomin could hear Taeyang yawning widely. Regardless, Yeomin got straight to the point.
“Sorry for the sudden call. Can I come to your place today?”
“Huh? What about Seol Jiho?”
“I was planning to stay somewhere for a few days, but I thought it would be better to be with someone rather than being alone, so I called you.”
Taeyang welcomed him gladly but asked carefully.
“Of course you can. But… did something happen?”
He had no intention of imposing without explaining his situation. The fact that he had called Taeyang in the first place meant he was ready to open up.
“So many things happened that I don’t know where to begin.”
“What is it, Joo Yeomin? Is it serious?”
“I’ll tell you everything when we meet.”
By telling Taeyang about what had happened to him recently, he hoped to sort out his own feelings as well.
How he had felt while staying with that guy, and with what feelings he had escaped from that guy.
* * *
Yeomin went to meet Taeyang, mentally well-prepared.
But when he saw Taeyang’s familiar face, the tension dissolved and he slumped over the café table. Thinking Yeomin was crying, Taeyang made a fuss.
“What happened! Who did this to you, name them!”
He was being a complete nuisance, making the entire café stare.
“Don’t overreact, man…”
Yeomin raised his head with a slight smile. Just then, the coffee they ordered arrived.
Yeomin gulped down the steaming Americano as if it were a bowl of soup.
“Are you really okay?”
“Lee Taeyang. I’m only telling you this because it’s you,”
“Yeah?”
“Jiho and I,”
“Yeah!”
“…dated.”
Something I thought I would never, ever tell anyone in my life, something I believed was unfortunate that Yeojin found out.
After saying those words out loud, Yeomin somehow felt relieved.
Maybe this is why humans shouldn’t keep secrets.
“D-da… what?”
Surprised, Taeyang even stuttered.
Understandably so. His male best friend had just dropped the bombshell that he had dated a male junior from their department.
“To be precise, we ‘pretended’ to date.”
“…Why would you do something like that?”
Taeyang threw out the primary question.
Yeomin snickered. Thinking how what he did could be called ‘something like that’ by someone else.
“I thought my life would change a bit if I did that. Objectively speaking, it wasn’t a losing deal.”
“And then?”
“But it turned out I was really on the losing end. You said it yourself. What did I think I would lose by being with Seol Jiho?”
“…Did I say that?”
Taeyang pretended not to remember, but he had probably already suspected something between Jiho and him to some extent.
Yeomin admitted:
“You were right. I almost got completely wiped out by that guy. If I had stayed there any longer, I might have given him something.”
Probably the thing he wanted most from me.
My sincere heart. My feelings. My pure devotion.
I might have offered those up to him and begged him to swallow me whole.
Yeomin looked enlightened, like someone who had returned alive from a battlefield. After assessing Yeomin’s state, Taeyang carefully asked.
“So do you regret it?”
“No.”
“Then?”
“I feel disgusted.”
Yeomin summarized in one word.
“Enough to want to pay him back.”
‘Seol Jiho needs to experience some pain. Have his foot stepped on by others, cry a bit, feel deep regret…’
Would he then realize? How he had deceived him?
Yeomin’s sneering expression was surprisingly dignified.
