# Chapter 61
“This is love, right?”
Jiho’s question seemed like both the innocent curiosity of a seven-year-old child and the command of a tyrant leaving no room for escape.
‘How could that be love?’
There’s no way that could be love. No matter how much he didn’t believe in love, such a sinister and obsessive feeling couldn’t possibly be love.
But Yeomin gave up on such arguments. He just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.
“Whether it’s love or not, I don’t care. I won’t be with you anymore.”
“You can’t do that.”
Jiho, who had seemed stubborn, spoke quite desperately.
“You like me. So you can never leave me.”
“No? I don’t like you.”
Yeomin corrected him immediately within a second.
“Liar. You said you liked me.”
That confession in the bathtub flashed through Yeomin’s mind.
‘I like you. Seol Jiho.’
Yeomin shook his head in denial.
“Of course it was a lie. I did it on purpose so you’d get twice as angry later.”
Yeomin denied it. But Jiho wasn’t listening at all. Instead, his obsession with Yeomin only grew stronger.
“No. You love me, hyung.”
This was almost at the level of brainwashing him. He really was a persistent bastard.
“You love me, so that’s why you’re angry now. You’re sad because you feel betrayed by me.”
He even went so far as to explain Joo Yeomin’s emotions to him.
“…”
Yeomin couldn’t immediately say that wasn’t the case.
‘Why?’
After being played like that, he was somehow falling for this guy’s snake-like tongue again.
“I understand you’re upset and hurt because I deceived you.”
“Liar. You don’t understand.”
“Yeah. Actually, I don’t understand. But you still can’t leave. I can’t be without you.”
Seol Jiho gently stroked Joo Yeomin’s head as he spoke.
The times Yeomin had spent with Jiho flashed through his mind like a panorama.
The emotions he felt then couldn’t all have been false. Perhaps… as Jiho said, he might have liked it a little. After all, not every moment with him had been the worst.
‘Even so, I’m too overwhelmed taking care of myself to be with a broken guy like you.’
His mind snapped back to clarity. Yeomin knocked away Jiho’s hand.
“Come to think of it, I think I really did like it. The sex with you was good, and hanging out with you… well, it wasn’t all bad.”
“…”
“Yeah. I do like you. No. Maybe I even loved you.”
Though they were his own feelings, he wasn’t certain. He and Jiho, who was confident even about other people’s feelings, were fundamentally different humans.
Even with this insignificant confession, he could see Jiho’s ears turning red. It was exactly the same expression he had seen right after the confession in the bathroom earlier.
Now was the time. Yeomin didn’t miss the timing when Jiho was at his softest and weakest.
“But that doesn’t mean I plan to stay with you. Where I’ll be is for me to decide. No matter how much I love you, it’s not more than I love myself.”
“…”
“Good luck on your own. Missing me, the one who loves you.”
Yeomin sneered as he brushed past Jiho’s shoulder.
Jiho urgently grabbed Yeomin’s backpack. His body was ridiculously pulled backward. Just like pulling a dog’s leash. Really?
“Give in to me.”
Jiho said urgently. Yeomin glared at him as if to say ‘what nonsense are you talking about?’
“I’ll give in to you a hundred times, so just this once, I asked you to give in to me. Give in now. Stay with me, hyung.”
Haha. Yeomin burst into laughter. Then immediately hardened his expression. Yeomin’s gaze at Jiho was cold.
“No? You’ve never given in to me even once. So why should I listen to you?”
“…”
“Seol Jiho. I’m warning you, don’t follow me. Don’t look for me either. The moment I see you, I’ll hide completely.”
“Hyung,”
“If you keep this up, I’ll kill myself so you can’t find me at all.”
When he said those words, somehow he felt a surge of courage that made him feel like he really could do it.
Yeomin stared directly at Jiho and murmured.
“Let go. Unless you want me dead.”
“…”
How long they faced off without even blinking? Gradually, the strength in Jiho’s grip loosened.
Yeomin realized his threat had worked.
And before Jiho could grab him again, fearing being caught again, he bolted out of the smoking booth.
“Haa, haa.”
Yeomin ran without stopping once. Breathing in the cool evening air, he finally felt like he could breathe freely. All this time next to that guy, it was like breathing through gills.
Worried that Jiho might follow, Yeomin hailed a taxi, something he would never normally take. He hurriedly climbed into the back seat of a taxi that arrived just in time.
And he urgently said to the driver:
“Driver, please drive!”
“Where to?”
“Just drive for now! Quickly!”
“Yes, yes.”
Only after the taxi started did Yeomin look out the window. Jiho still seemed to be inside the booth.
Relieved, Yeomin slumped against the backrest. As the tension released, fatigue hit him all at once.
“Haaa…”
Everything that happened today seemed like a lie. No. Everything that had happened with Jiho over the past while felt like a lie.
“Why are you in such a hurry? You look like someone on the run.”
The taxi driver joked.
But for Joo Yeomin, it wasn’t a joke but reality.
Yeomin muttered absentmindedly:
“…You’re right. What exactly am I trying to escape from?”
Was it that he wanted to get away from Seol Jiho? That he wanted to leave that house? Or was he trying to run away from the emotions he’d left behind there?
Perhaps it was a psychology of hoping that the guy would follow him, would somehow find him.
Yeomin didn’t reach a conclusion as he silently stared out the window. With the increasing speed, he realized that there was no going back now.
* * *
After Yeomin left, it was impossible to tell how much time had passed.
When Jiho went up to the apartment, an empty living room greeted him. There was an envelope on the living room table.
The envelope that President Ahn had handed to Yeomin. It had the Ian Group logo imprinted on it.
On the envelope, there was a message written in what was clearly Yeomin’s handwriting.
[Contract terminated, you b*stard]
“Haa.”
Jiho sat down on the sofa. He gripped the car keys that were on the table, wondering if he should drive out now to find Yeomin.
But,
‘Seol Jiho. I’m warning you, don’t follow me. Don’t look for me either. The moment I see you, I’ll hide completely.’
‘Hyung,’
‘If you keep this up, I’ll kill myself so you can’t find me at all.’
Remembering what Yeomin had said, Jiho put down the car keys. He was afraid that Yeomin would actually do as he said.
It felt like punishment. Leaving while saying he liked him was too cruel a treatment.
It meant sitting in this house for 24 hours a day, thinking about him constantly for an indefinite period of time.
The usual Jiho would have found the next plan, another solution.
But as if his thinking had stopped, nothing came to mind. Only the words Yeomin had said kept replaying in Jiho’s head.
‘But that doesn’t mean I plan to stay with you. Where I’ll be is for me to decide. No matter how much I love you, it’s not more than I love myself.’
‘…’
‘Good luck on your own. Missing me, the one who loves you.’
Even though he clearly said he’d stay by his side. Yeomin, leaving him behind, looked very carefree. He didn’t even look back, which was so heartless.
Just like his father who disappeared at the amusement park, leaving him behind.
Jiho’s trauma was triggered again. Leaning against the sofa, he took rapid breaths. The swamp of complex and chaotic emotions kept pulling Jiho down.
“…”
Jiho hurriedly searched for a name in his call list and made a call.
– Hello?
Director Ahn’s voice was heard.
“Uncle.”
It was extremely rare for Jiho to call Director Ahn ‘uncle.’ Such occasions were mostly when Jiho was unbearably anxious.
Just as he had done in his childhood when he cried loudly, missing his father who had left.
– Why does your voice sound like that?
“Uncle. I messed up.”
– My heart’s dropping. What’s wrong, man!
“Yeomin hyung got angry because I did something wrong… But it seems like he’ll never see me again.”
Jiho recounted what happened to him like a child. Even as he spoke, his words were incoherent, and his voice trembled anxiously.
Sensing something was wrong, Director Ahn asked, “Are you okay?” Even though Director Ahn couldn’t see him, Jiho kept shaking his head.
And then his throat started to sting.
“…”
Jiho stared at the ceiling. Perhaps because of the bright lights, his eyes felt stinging.
No, in fact, it was because of Joo Yeomin.
– You’re at home? I’ll come right away,
“I miss him.”
– What?
“I saw him just now, but I miss him.”
He missed Yeomin. And he was afraid of never seeing him again.
While he was going crazy not seeing him for even a moment… did Yeomin not care about not seeing him?
‘You said you loved me.’
Like his father who said he loved him and left, would he never appear again?
Jiho covered his eyes with the back of his hand. Director Ahn tried to calm Jiho down.
– Jiho. First take a deep breath, and don’t do anything, just stay still. Uncle is leaving now.
Director Ahn’s voice showed considerable surprise. The sound of starting a car could be heard from the phone.
But that wasn’t what Jiho wanted. He whined.
“Uncle. Please find him for me.”
– That’s…
“Uncle, bring Joo Yeomin to me. That would work, right?”
– …
“Tell Yeomin hyung not to ever abandon me. Huh? Even if I have to offer the company… please…”
That was truly how he felt. If Yeomin would just appear before his eyes again, he could give anything.
The desperation of being willing to kneel, lick his instep, or even tear out his heart.
But Joo Yeomin probably wouldn’t be interested in anything he could give.
That was the scariest part. The fact that even if he offered the entire Ian Group, Yeomin might not come back—that was what he feared most.
– You know. If he was the type who would come back because of what I say, he wouldn’t have left like that.
Director Ahn spoke rather coolly this time.
Jiho knew too. Knowing made it even more sorrowful and anxious. Because Yeomin would never yield to him easily. He had never yielded even once.
Joo Yeomin, who would love him but not stay by his side. Joo Yeomin, who would say he liked him but would leave without mercy if angered.
He was receiving a proper lesson from that strict trainer.
