“…I’ll grant you a wish.”
I thought “I don’t really have any wishes for Seo Heejin,” but then something I wanted came to mind. A customized dildo. I’d seen it on the adult goods shopping site I frequently visit.
A kit that could make a dildo modeled after a real cock. I should ask him to make a dildo shaped like Seo Heejin’s cock.
As I followed Seo Heejin who started moving again, my mood improved. Once I got that dildo, there’d be no need to be sex partners with Seo Heejin. The kissing and sex with Seo Heejin were both good, but there was no need to create an uncomfortable relationship at work.
As soon as I got in the car, I shouted out the answer floating around in my head.
“Because you want to have sex?”
Seo Heejin’s face looking at me while firmly pressing the start button was full of contempt. If it wasn’t that, then it wasn’t—why are you so blatantly being a jerk about it? The only thing where Seo Heejin’s and my interests align is sex anyway.
“Do you want to have sex, hyung?”
When I received the same question in reverse, I understood why Seo Heejin made that expression. Without realizing it, I was looking at Seo Heejin thinking “Is this bastard crazy?”
“Stop talking bullshit and just drive.”
The car that smoothly started stopped in front of the payment machine, and I also tilted my head to check the amount. I was going to pay for the parking fee in good conscience. Though since it was a public parking lot, it obviously wouldn’t be much.
Unlike thinking it would be at most 2-3 thousand won, the amount on the payment machine was a whopping 8,500 won.
Since this place is 500 won per 5 minutes, the calculation was that Seo Heejin had been waiting for me for about an hour and a half.
“Hey… when did you get here?”
At my words, Seo Heejin glanced at me, then looked ahead again and smiled faintly. Even after the barrier opened and the car started, I was so dumbfounded I could only stare blankly at Seo Heejin’s profile.
“I left as soon as I answered the phone.”
“Why?”
I really didn’t understand. Why on earth did he leave as soon as he answered the phone? If he came that early, why didn’t he just come into the dakgalbi restaurant instead of waiting in the car? It wasn’t even other people—I was with Song Ki and Hyungtae.
“Then just come and hang out with us.”
Seo Heejin’s shoulders rose and fell in a shrug.
“You said not to make it obvious at the office.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
Seo Heejin didn’t answer anything and just drove quietly. The stuffiness that felt like indigestion started again.
Not knowing what to do, I straightened my body and just followed the streetlights flashing by with my eyes.
The fact that not-so-good assumptions kept coming to mind was because of the alcohol.
“If I go to a drinking session, I’d have to take the other hyungs home too.”
Ah, was it just annoying? I was about to ask “Isn’t taking me home annoying?” but closed my mouth.
If I asked that question, it felt like an answer I didn’t want to hear would come back.
“But if I only take hyung home, it’ll be obvious.”
I couldn’t think of anything particular to retort. Once the bad feeling started, it wasn’t easily erased. Without knowing my state of mind, Seo Heejin continued the conversation from before.
“So why do you think I came to pick you up?”
The thought that came to mind now was something I absolutely couldn’t pull out of my mouth.
If this thought was correct, this situation of being in Seo Heejin’s car was an emergency. If this thought was wrong, then I was completely a patient with delusions.
“I don’t know. Can’t think of it.”
“Does hyung only think of cock and sex when you see me?”
Seo Heejin’s tone had a hint of reproach mixed in. The problem was that something else was coming to mind right now.
“I guess the wish wasn’t much after all.”
No matter how much he shook me with words stimulating my competitive spirit, I absolutely couldn’t answer.
The dildo shaped like Seo Heejin’s cock that I was going to ask for as a wish had long since sailed away the moment I lost the will to guess correctly.
“Forget it. I’m not curious anymore.”
A voice that sounded coldly frozen even to my own ears came out. After that, Seo Heejin didn’t say anything either. In the suffocating silence that could make one carsick, only the sound of the engine running hummed.
If you’re going to make someone this uncomfortable, you shouldn’t have come at all.
During the short ten-or-so minutes to get home, I felt like throwing up at least four times.
Finally, when the car stopped in front of my house, it felt like the stuffily blocked breath could finally be released.
Wanting to get into the house quickly, I hurriedly unfastened my seatbelt when Seo Heejin firmly grabbed my wrist.
“Hyung, you’re really not going to guess?”
Why do you keep forcing it when I said I’m not curious anymore?
“Thanks for the ride, see you tomorrow.”
I returned the Seo Heejin-style speech that had turned my insides over several times. A speech that said whatever you say, I won’t listen, and I’ll only say what I want to say.
“I thought I was being pretty easy to understand…”
With each word Seo Heejin said, the absurd assumption dominating my mind took concrete form.
It was as Seo Heejin said. Thinking back quietly, Seo Heejin had been making passes at me quite understandably. I had been complacent, simply thinking it was just pestering and being nice to a sex partner.
So what. If I ask him here if he likes me, are we going to date or something? The image of sitting sweetly with Seo Heejin saying “I like you,” “I like you too” floated up in clouds, and I shook my head vigorously. Ah, how terrible.
“Hmm…”
A long hand that swooped in pressed both my cheeks with thumb and index finger.
Even while opening and closing my mouth like a goldfish, I resisted hard, trying not to turn my head as the hand’s strength pulled. The cheek flesh pressed tightly by the fingers hurt too much, and the inside flesh crushed by my clenched teeth hurt tearfully, so I ended up giving up quickly.
Not having the confidence to look directly at Seo Heejin, I squeezed my eyes shut at the same time my head turned. With a smooch, a soft lump of flesh touched my lips that had popped out from someone else’s force, then fell away.
“It’s not the office, so I can make it obvious, right?”
Seo Heejin’s voice had sunken. I was curious what expression Seo Heejin was making right now, but I didn’t have the courage to open my eyes and check. The fingers that had been pressing my cheeks painfully enough fell away, and instead the back of my neck was sharply pulled.
The tongue pushing into my mouth was incomparably rough unlike before. The force of it persistently coiling and entangling was enough to make my tongue tingle.
“Mmph…”
Even the voice that leaked out was appealing to pain rather than arousal. Would other people understand if I said it felt like being scolded through a kiss?
Seo Heejin’s violent kiss was clearly reproaching me for noticing but pretending not to know. When confusion was covered with alcohol, it turned into hurt.
When did I ask you to like me? Was it such a wrong thing to want to see a cock once, to want to suck a cock once, and then to put a cock in a hole once? No, isn’t Seo Heejin, whose attitude suddenly changed just because we had sex once, the one in the wrong?
While my mouth was blocked and I couldn’t properly vent my frustration, Seo Heejin’s lips that had scolded me to his heart’s content fell away.
“I’ll come pick you up on Saturday. Think about it carefully again until then.”
I hoped it was just my imagination that those words felt as resolute as an ultimatum.
***
For having parted awkwardly enough to feel embarrassed to see each other’s faces at the office, there was no particular need to avoid Seo Heejin.
Seo Heejin no longer cared what I did.
Was it because my heart was noisy? Unlike Wednesday when I fussed about feeling hurt, on Thursday and Friday I rather felt relieved there was no occasion to run into Seo Heejin. I wished Seo Heejin would keep pretending not to know me like this all the way through the weekend. I wished he’d forgotten all about the promise he made with me.
Without any plan of how to deal with it, just being dazed, the two days disappeared in an instant.
Should I just blatantly cut it off saying I have no intention of getting along with you, or should I pretend not to know until the end? For the peace and well-being of my life, the former was naturally the right choice, but it was regrettable to part like this forever with a cock I’d only just tasted once or twice.
When there’s a good relationship called sex partners, why does Seo Heejin want to create a troublesome relationship?
In the end, I fell asleep on Friday night still with no plan, only blaming Seo Heejin.
> Seo Heejin
> I’m in front of your house 10:00 AM
And Saturday began with being shocked by the text I saw as soon as I woke up. We didn’t even specifically say what time to meet, so why was he waiting in front of my house from 10 AM? At least call to wake me up!
The fortunate thing was that it wasn’t 11 o’clock yet. If I made Seo Heejin wait over an hour several times in a row, I’d obviously not be able to properly say what I needed to say out of guilt.
I pressed the call button and before the ringtone even rang three times, Seo Heejin answered.
