Right, that’s the Ruben I know. Trembling with indescribable fear, still with an expression that hasn’t recovered from shock, yet spitting venom until the very last moment—that’s the Ruben I know.
“I hope our baby doesn’t pick up your foul mouth…”
“Eeek, eeeeeek!”
At my one remark, Ruben’s face turned bright red and he tried to hit me by swinging his barely moving arms. Of course, it was futile. I laughed for a long time watching the boss try to harm me. Because of the suggestion, Ruben couldn’t cause me any physical harm no matter what he did.
Ruben tried to hit me with his trembling limbs, tried to kick me, tried to pinch or scratch me. At one point he even brought his face close to my arm as if to bite me. All that remained were red marks that would be perfect to call kiss marks.
“Did you cool down a bit?”
“Hic, kgh, uhhh…”
Only after making a fuss for about an hour did Ruben collapse from exhaustion. The way he still glared at me fiercely even with tears welling in his eyes was almost admirable in a sense.
“…Then let’s stop here for today…”
It was good that Ruben had recovered his memories, but I couldn’t leave him like that forever. As much as I knew Ruben well, I knew bone-deep just how terrifying a person Ruben was. No matter how much I prevented him from harming me, I knew that if I didn’t erase today’s memories again, Ruben was someone who would retaliate somehow. It was regrettable but unavoidable. When I was about to put a suggestion on him again to erase Ruben’s memories, Ruben opened his mouth.
“…Wait…”
“…Why? Want to try biting me again?”
“Fuck… You… You did this every time… with that weird… weird hypnosis, right, fuck… when you told me to forget, everything… everything… was forgotten. D-does this make sense? Does this… make any sense…”
“…You’re right. I find it amazing too.”
Since I’d never talked about my ability with anyone, I ended up answering without thinking. Come to think of it, it was something I couldn’t tell anyone. For example, if I told Andy-ssi, I thought I might be dragged off the next day by British special operations forces and locked up in a laboratory until death for experiments. Or I thought there might be some dark hypnosis secret society that would eliminate me. So, I may have thought it was okay to talk about hypnosis to Ruben, whose memories would soon be erased.
“…How did you even do that… Why, why are you doing this to me…”
“…Even if I told you how I do it, you wouldn’t understand.”
“You fuck… even if I don’t know how you do it… what’s your purpose. D-doing this kind of thing to me… what are you really after?”
“…?”
Purpose. I was at a loss for words since I didn’t have any particular grand cause, so Ruben opened his mouth instead.
“You… is Rasputin… your goal?”
“What?”
“Fuck… with that fucking monstrosity of yours… like Rasputin… Fuck. Are you trying to take the British Queen or… princesses or… those kinds of women for yourself…”
“…What?”
I stupidly asked back at the incomprehensible statement.
“Fuck… o-or… you… you… you bastard… with, with that ability… you’re trying to be a spy… you fucking bastard… I’m… right, aren’t I?”
“…Uh…”
“I knew you’d be like that… you fucking son of a bitch… I shouldn’t have let you in… you bastard…”
It seemed Ruben really thought I was using hypnosis for some political purpose and that hypnotizing him was a rehearsal for that. I vaguely knew Ruben was the imaginative type. Otherwise, his usual curses wouldn’t be so varied. But this was imagination that went a bit too far. When I finally burst out laughing, Ruben’s fierce gaze followed me.
“Y-you fucking bastard… laughing??”
“Hahahaha, Ruben, Ruben is so, so cute!”
I practically screamed as I pulled Ruben into my arms. I could feel Ruben, whose face was buried in my chest, shouting in anger, but I didn’t care.
“British Queen? Spy? I don’t care about any of that…”
“…F-fucking bastard, get your sweaty body away from me!”
“I really… just need one thing…”
I just need Ruben to be mine. Saying that, when I stroked down Ruben’s back, Ruben’s body stiffened rigidly.
“I… really want Ruben… to bear my child…”
“…”
“And… a-and, and, and… I want you… to become my omega… so…”
“…”
I couldn’t hear Ruben’s voice that had been chattering even with his hoarse voice. I held Ruben tightly and pressed my cheek against his soft hair. Ruben whom I could do as I pleased with, cute Ruben. How nice would it have been if he was always like this?
No, even if not this submissive, how nice would it have been if Ruben was just a little kinder? At the very least… at the very least, if he had been even slightly similar to when we first met. When he bought me Andy-ssi’s pie, when he offered me a job, how nice would it have been if his appearance the day he first brought me to Saint Sophia Island hadn’t been a lie.
…I can’t. If I think like that. If I think like that, my heart will only weaken. I steeled my heart and released my arms that had been holding Ruben. If I delayed any longer, Ruben who woke up the next day might suspect me. When I looked at Ruben’s face with a firm heart despite feeling dejected, Ruben’s expression was quite different from before.
“Ha. Now I get it.”
Released from my embrace, Ruben was looking at me with a familiar face. The expression he makes when he knows he’s completely dominated the other person. Crooked lips, a strangely glinting gaze. Ruben was ridiculing me.
“You like me, don’t you? Love, something like that?”
“…Ah…”
At those words, blood rushed to my face. It wasn’t because I was embarrassed or excited, or ashamed and shy that my feelings had been discovered.
‘…I made a mistake.’
I’d heard many times that Ruben was worse than a demon. He was cruel, debauched, emotionless, and wicked. One of the major characteristics that made him wicked was that he was best at ridiculing others’ emotions and using them. And he already knew well how to hurt me with my feelings for him.
“You’re the most disgusting, incompetent, and worthless moron I’ve ever seen. Do you know how much I regretted bringing you here? There wasn’t a single moment when you were useful to me, you moron!”
“…Ugh,”
“Do you know what you are to me? You’re a degraded version, an inferior species, trash, dregs, you fucking bastard! Become my omega? You fucker, would you want to live with someone like yourself? Just kill yourself, kill yourself! If you kill yourself, I’ll at least think of you as trash that was somewhat useful!”
Ruben sneering while saying that was very Ruben-like. I like that Ruben too. But for the first time in a very long time, the Ruben-like Ruben was hateful enough to want to kill.
I can’t say I had no expectations. If I’d had absolutely no expectations, I wouldn’t have made this challenge in the first place. I never wanted my relationship with the boss, with Ruben, to be disposable. Not because I particularly believed in human goodness or the possibility of change. Being by Ruben’s side, I came to know all too well what kind of person Ruben was. He was someone who disregarded others’ lives and rights and only cared about himself. When Ruben seemed altruistic, I knew there was definitely another purpose.
Knowing that, I tried not to think about it deliberately. Perhaps I lived by trivializing his misdeeds while thinking of the occasionally kind-seeming smiling eyes, that dazzlingly beautiful appearance.
Therefore, when the expectation that he might be changing shattered before my eyes, what I felt was anger. Unreasonable anger. About things that had already passed…
“Y-you… you’re the one who made me a useless person…!”
Saying that, when I grabbed Ruben’s collar, bewilderment flashed in Ruben’s eyes.
“L-let go of this?!”
“What the hell are you? You should know by now, that with, with my ability I can do anything to you…! So why are you still like this? Do you think I’m funny? Even though I’ve gone this far, do I still look useless to you?!”
While saying things I could never normally say, I grabbed and shook Ruben’s shoulders, which I’d never dared to touch.
“L-let go…!”
The moment I thought fear flashed in Ruben’s eyes, he pushed me away. The hypnosis effect was still intact even in this situation. From Ruben’s perspective, he must have pushed me with all his might, but I was only pushed back about half a span.
“Ugh, uhhh…”
“…Fine, so that’s how you’re going to be.”
“What… what do you mean ‘that’s how you’re going to be,’ you bitch! You, anyway you don’t know how to do anything but that weird hypnosis…! You, you, by luck, by luck who do you think would have accepted you other than using those weird tricks? I, because it was me, I accepted you on this island, gave, gave you a job, fed you and gave you a place to sleep…!”
I’d heard similar words from Ruben many times. But what was different from then and now was that I was no longer afraid of Ruben. Once the fear that had always been laid like fog at the back of my head disappeared, I began to see things clearly.
“I’m the one who accepted you when you’re u-useless for anything, E-Elbek, think carefully, I, I treated you pretty well, ri-right…!”
“…That’s true.”
With his hair that was always neatly swept back now completely disheveled, Ruben stammered. Ruben was an emotional person. That’s probably why the hypnosis worked better. Right now, Ruben’s face showed he knew he’d made a mistake. A face flustered at realizing he’d freely vented his anger at someone who had the power to do literally anything they wanted with him. The wavering eyes and pale pupils were impressive. The boss trembling with fear, the flustered boss. Even after going through all those things, I couldn’t completely hate him.
Of course, since he was terrified with such a lovable expression, it was natural that affection preceded hatred.
