At that question, my mouth moved naturally.
“That’s… obvious….”
What’s the point of saying something so obvious? That man.
What I thought spilled directly from my mouth.
Just like in a dream, I couldn’t control my actions.
My body and mind both felt like they were floating on clouds.
As I was savoring that sensation, sprawled out languidly, the man before my eyes spoke again.
“…Your name. I asked if it’s really Gunho.”
Why does he keep asking the same thing?
The man before my eyes was my father, even if I hated to admit it.
The three characters of my name that he gave me—I couldn’t forget them even if I wanted to.
“Gunho… that’s right.”
I remembered.
The biggest reason I wanted to give up on that damned 19+ gay novel countless times along the way.
‘Are you “Lee Gunho”?’
‘I finally found you! You can rest easy now!’
Lee Gunho.
Before I was adopted by my foster parents and received the Baek surname.
My name and “Baek Gunho’s” former name were completely identical.
That’s why when I first opened my eyes in this world, I firmly believed it was reincarnation, not possession. Until Baek Seolheon was born and I met Lee Haram.
‘It wasn’t easy to read whenever Baek Gunho appeared in the novel…’
Every time scenes appeared of a character with the same name as me sexually abusing someone of the same sex, gaslighting them, and spouting obscene insults, I skimmed over them with clouded eyes.
[Please die, Baek Gunho!]
Especially those lines where Baek Wooheon hated Baek Gunho to death.
The reason I was particularly conscious of them must have been because my past life’s name overlapped.
Then, a beat late, a voice reached me.
“What do you want?”
A profound question came suddenly.
It was something that could never come from my father’s mouth, but I brushed it off thinking, well, it could happen.
I felt good, as if I’d drunk a ton of alcohol, and also wanted to throw everything away and sleep. I was in a mood to answer whatever question was thrown at me.
What I wanted was simple.
“To live…”
In my previous life, I died from overwork in my early twenties, so this time my goal was to live long and thin.
“I want… to live a long time…”
“That can’t be all you want.”
Then my father responded immediately.
“You, who were greedier than anyone.”
…Greed.
Do you have the right to say that to me, when I ran around everywhere trying to pay off debts?
The moment I welled up wanting to say something, the middle-aged man’s face faded hazily.
Instead, someone else’s face began to overlap.
Many people jumbled together, their silhouettes mixing so I couldn’t make out any face at all.
But the voice was the same.
“Your desire… for the Group?”
The Group… does he mean Baekil Group?
Whatever group it is, I have no such desire.
Great wealth comes with great responsibility.
I’m satisfied with just enough money to feed myself alone. I hated getting headaches from being too greedy beyond that, and above all…
[Not content with stealing my family, my position… you dare steal even Haram?]
I didn’t want to follow in that “Baek Gunho’s” footsteps.
I was always wary of contact with the Group beyond what was necessary.
However, as time gradually passed…
I did develop desires.
Every time I watched my younger brother growing day by day, I thought about it. I wanted to see this child confidently establish himself in the Group later on.
Whether he became the CEO of Baekil Pharmaceuticals following our foster mother, or rose to an even higher position. Not hiding and running away like an outsider like me. I wanted him to be proudly recognized as a member.
Baek Seolheon had the ability and qualifications for that.
For that, I’d maintained ties with Chairman Baek for ten years. I’d endured countless checks and schemes. I’d played along with Baek Jeongwoo’s tricks.
I planned to pave the way ahead just until next year when Seolheon became an adult.
A word that gathered all those feelings flowed briefly from my mouth.
“I need it…”
I needed the Group.
Then the faceless thing said to me.
“Even if it means trampling on someone?”
Weight began to settle into the voice that had been emotionless all along.
“Even if you deceive, even if you defraud, even while greedily coveting what belongs to others.”
Then the outline of the face that had been spreading like paint became clearer.
It was dark and pale, so I couldn’t see the exact form, but the silhouette was certain.
“Do you want to live uglily?”
It was a male figure.
Somehow that appearance seemed similar to Baek Seolheon.
“Uglily…”
I recalled it while repeating the man’s words.
That woman I saw in my dream.
The voice warning me to trample on others with wide-open eyes, to survive even if it meant killing, was still vivid.
I don’t agree with those words. It was an ugly thing, just as that faceless man said.
But after living as Baek Gunho for nearly twenty years.
What else could this life, lived in another person’s body called “Baek Gunho,” be if not deception?
From the moment I borrowed someone else’s body, I was in no position to discuss honesty.
…And yet I wanted to live.
I wanted to enjoy a new life.
So I acted like a docile child in front of my foster parents,
Pretended to be capable in front of Chairman Baek Ildo,
Pretended to agree with Baek Jeongwoo’s intentions,
And wore the mask of a respectable older brother in front of Baek Seolheon.
“If it’s… necessary…”
A life built on lies.
There was nothing surprising about it.
“Then why.”
The man said.
“Did you get angry when Baek Yeonhui was mentioned?”
…Baek Yeonhui. My foster mother.
The memory came back.
Just before I fainted, I was pouring out anger at one of Baek Jeongwoo’s friends.
I couldn’t stand some punk I didn’t even know insulting my foster mother.
Making all the effort to crawl to Baek Jeongwoo worthless, I threw off my mask and spewed curses.
“Did you want to put more effort into this family game?”
Family game…
Those words were right. Role-playing. The expression “game” was appropriate.
Even now, I was borrowing the flesh of “Baek Gunho,” acting as the child of a faceless biological mother named “Lee Jiyoung,” assigned the role of being a member of this family.
Thinking about it, even my previous life’s family couldn’t be called a normal family form. My biological mother left the world early when I was too young to remember, and after that my father closed his heart.
“Why did you drag your little brother into that game of house… what whim was that?”
I couldn’t understand the man’s meaning at all.
I just… yearned for what society calls a “harmonious family.”
My foster parents are kind, affectionate, and well-off.
My younger brother is a bit indifferent, but he’s deep and smart.
I yearned for this family I’d newly gained.
Every single one of them was precious.
That’s why I lingered nearby despite being an outsider.
“What are your intentions?”
Even if that warmth and affection weren’t entirely mine,
Just sharing in it from the side was enough…
Even if it was merely a “game,” I was satisfied.
This is the end of my greed.
“Is that… not allowed?”
I briefly asked back to the voice interrogating me.
There was no answer in return.
“I want to… live too…”
My vision gradually turned dark.
“Let me… live too… Fuck…”
The moment I uttered the words I’d wanted to say all along.
The world went black.
* * *
“…”
The man reached out his hand.
A navy necktie caught on his fingertips, and following his touch, the cloth slipped smoothly to the floor.
Baek Gunho’s eyes, which had been covered by the necktie, were revealed. His face was a mess of cold sweat and tears.
“…That’s not an answer.”
Staring intently at the reddened eyes, the man muttered.
“Baek Gunho.”
Then he untied the suit jacket that had been binding Baek Gunho’s hands.
It was a sloppy knot that would come undone with just a little force.
The sight of him struggling without being able to handle even that was quite amusing. When he was soaked in pheromones, flopping like a fish, it was actually delightful.
But contrary to such impressions, the touch on Baek Gunho’s body was delicate and careful.
He lifted the unconscious Baek Gunho’s body and set him down on the sofa. Slow and cautious, without any noise or impact.
“Ha.”
The man’s brow furrowed as he became aware of his own actions.
The man’s eyes, which had been glowing blue even in the darkness, gradually turned dark.
“…Are you satisfied with this?”
Along with a low voice, the man’s expression relaxed.
As the tension gripping his body released, his shoulders sank, and his frowning face gradually lost strength.
His emotionless eyes took in Baek Gunho again.
“…”
Like that, for a long while, he stood in the darkness.
* * *
“I apologize.”
As the door opened, a man revealed himself.
“I had many schedules after entering the country. I’m late.”
Finishing his words in awkward pronunciation, he bowed his head to the large-framed man sitting in the chair.
His golden hair, catching Seoul’s night view, sparkled in various colors.
“You must have been busy. How does it feel to be in Korea?”
“It’s been a long time. I’m glad, and it feels strange.”
“Your Korean has improved quite a bit.”
“My son teaches me diligently.”
“Speak in English. Be comfortable.”
When the man—Baek Ildo—gestured with a smile, the man also smiled.
“<Thank you for your consideration.>”
“So. You want to meet that guy?”
Baek Ildo added with a meaningful smile.
“It won’t be easy. He’s in full rebellious phase, that one.”
“Rebellious phase?”
At this, the blonde man immediately pulled out his phone and opened a dictionary app. Watching him pronounce ‘rebellious phase’ clearly using voice recognition, Baek Ildo chuckled.
Soon he lowered his hand and asked a question in fluent English.
“<I understand he’s around my son’s age. Do Korean kids still have rebellious phases even in their twenties…?>”
“Haha! That’s not something you should say, is it, Alec?”
Baek Ildo laughed heartily.
“You, who are in a perpetual rebellious phase and won’t show your face to Lee Hanna even once?”
“<…Jokes are difficult. Mr. Baek.>”
“It’s not a joke.”
Toward him whose expression had darkened, Baek Ildo said.
“You might clash with LK, which you so desperately wanted to avoid getting entangled with. Do you still want to meet him?”
Contrary to his words expressing concern, a broad smile floated on Baek Ildo’s face.
“Baek Gunho, that guy.”
The blonde man didn’t answer.
Instead, his green eyes sparkled brightly.
