# Chapter 77
The hot and dazzling summer when they were eighteen—that day, the sky was filled with tangled clouds as news of an approaching typhoon spread.
“Looks like it’s really going to pour, doesn’t it?”
Mo Eunje suddenly stopped walking at the sound of booming thunder and mumbled while looking up at the sky. The previously bright and clear sky had darkened with shadows, much like his heart, which had become muddied by feelings he shouldn’t have developed for what he had believed to be a purely innocent friendship.
It hadn’t been long since he realized he liked Tae Igyeol. While his friend was playing basketball with others on a bet, he successfully made a dunk shot and turned to Mo Eunje with a bright smile, waving his hand widely. The brilliant sunlight shone upon him, radiating a dazzling light, and time seemed to stand still.
I like Tae Igyeol…
His heart raced, but surprisingly, it was such an ordinary moment. Ordinary yet distinct, everyday yet special. In the instant he thought about wanting to protect that beautiful smile and running to embrace and kiss him, Mo Eunje was startled and fled the spot.
Recalling those days from a few days ago when he had become aware of his feelings, he quietly stretched his palm toward the sky. Not only did he like Tae Igyeol, who had seemed like a lifelong friend, but seeing him as an object of desire was so shocking that it wasn’t easy to acknowledge feelings that went beyond friendship. He tried desperately to deny it over and over again, but ultimately had to accept it. But perhaps, in a vague way, he might have guessed that such feelings could emerge at least once.
“Oh? It’s coming.”
After a flash of light in the cloudy sky, raindrops began to fall onto his palm one by one. A drop on his forehead, a drop on his shoulder, and before long, heavy rain soaked through his school uniform.
“Hey, let’s hurry!”
Mo Eunje grabbed Tae Igyeol’s wrist and started running. The cool temperature against his palm made him sad. If he had known he’d want to be this close, he would have followed Tae Igyeol into the science track despite hating numbers.
After spending the entire time together after school, whenever he lay in bed at home, he would desperately miss Tae Igyeol. Since the day he realized it was love and not friendship, Tae Igyeol had constantly appeared in his dreams. In those dreams, he shamelessly did things with Tae Igyeol that should never be discovered by anyone. They were shameless and lewd acts that he couldn’t even dare to imagine in reality. As his desire grew, so did his guilt. On days when he had such dreams, he couldn’t look directly at Tae Igyeol’s face.
The fact that Tae Igyeol was male was a problem, but since their families were so interconnected, he feared that if the relationship between him and Tae Igyeol were to become strained, it would also affect the relationships among the adults. Additionally, he had no choice but to hide it with all his might, fearing that if Tae Igyeol found out, he might be disgusted. He couldn’t betray everyone’s upright affection out of selfishness to make only himself happy.
“Should we order chicken after showering?”
So he smiled as brightly as possible. He desperately smiled, concealing the ugly emotions he harbored. Since Tae Igyeol was the type to mention friendship and draw clear lines, he wouldn’t suspect that Mo Eunje had different feelings, so he couldn’t show any sign of it.
Just as vapor accumulates until it becomes unbearable and then pours down as rain, feelings accumulate until they become unbearable and pour down as love. He had to cut it off and stop it before then. He was afraid of losing Tae Igyeol.
“Looks like there’s a hole in the sky. It’s suddenly pouring like crazy.”
He hurriedly entered the apartment entrance after punching in the security code and shook off the water. They had been heading to his grandmother’s house but changed their destination to Tae Igyeol’s place after hearing that Tae Iden was there. Water dripped from the hair and uniforms of the two boys as they got into the elevator.
“I think they said the rainy season starts today.”
Mo Eunje had only seen news about the typhoon coming up, so he nodded as if to say “is that so?” Tae Igyeol’s white uniform top, soaked with water, clung to his body, revealing his provocative contours. Somehow, it felt more erotic than the naked figure he had seen in his dreams.
“…”
Since he couldn’t openly look at Tae Igyeol who was half a step behind him, he glanced at the mirror from the corner of his eye and then collected himself. Struggling to keep his gaze from constantly returning to the mirror, he fixed it on the rapidly changing numbers and spoke casually.
“A typhoon and the rainy season? Ah, I can’t go home, I can’t go. How can I go home through that rain?”
“…”
“Can I stay over tonight?”
“If you want.”
He turned his head to ask, and their eyes met through the mirror. Tae Igyeol, who was shaking off the water from his hair while looking at the mirror, gave a perfunctory answer. It was as if he didn’t care and it didn’t matter whether Mo Eunje stayed or not. This is how it should be between friends. He shouldn’t have any expectations beyond that.
While they remained that way, fixing their gaze on each other through the mirror, the elevator stopped. Mo Eunje, who had been tense in the awkward atmosphere that only he felt, got off first as if escaping and pretended to be nonchalant while waiting for Tae Igyeol to enter the security code.
“We should order chicken right away. So it’ll be ready to eat after our showers.”
“Three orders.”
“Call. I’ll treat you. My aunt gave me some allowance, so my money’s still fresh.”
“My mom gave you allowance?”
“Yeah. Your mom and my mom were drinking at our house on the weekend, and I made kimchi pancakes for them and acted cute.”
Even if by some miracle they ended up dating, there was no guarantee they wouldn’t break up someday. If they did break up, he might lose the most precious person in his life forever, so for everyone’s sake, it was the safer choice to remain by his side as a friend for life.
He had no intention whatsoever of losing Tae Igyeol.
And in the deep dawn of that day, when the world seemed to close its eyes and cry incessantly, Mo Eunje carefully pressed his lips against the sleeping Tae Igyeol’s lips. He felt like crying from sadness, resentment, and frustration without even knowing why, but he suppressed it and didn’t cry, remaining calm and composed.
With one simple first kiss that didn’t even last three seconds,
he put an end to his first love that he couldn’t even properly start.
He decided to leave Tae Igyeol as his eternal first love.
Just as the sky becomes clear and bright again after a typhoon passes and the rainy season ends, emptying all its accumulated rain, he believed that if he tried to stop his heart from harboring these forbidden feelings, the emotions he dared to call love would be erased, and his heart would be filled again only with clean and pure friendship.
All those moments of that beautiful and brilliant time could shine so brightly because we were together. And believing that all these moments of the times ahead would also be beautiful and brilliant because we would continue to be together, he forced a smile.
Mo Eunje chose the safety of friendship over reckless love.
&&
While Mo Eunje was briefly recalling old memories, he heard voices talking outside the bedroom. He raised his head from his knees and checked the time. It had been only a few minutes since Tae Igyeol said he would go buy fever reducers, so he couldn’t have returned already.
“Eunje.”
The person who knocked on the open door and entered the bedroom wasn’t Tae Igyeol but Song Yeonhwa.
“Aunt…”
Perhaps because his body was sick, his heart felt weak too, and his voice trailed off. Song Yeonhwa approached with a worried face and sat on the bed, touching Mo Eunje’s forehead.
When Tae Igyeol’s cool temperature had touched him, it felt refreshing, but when Song Yeonhwa’s warm hand made contact, his head throbbed with a mild headache. Nevertheless, Mo Eunje maintained a faint smile without showing any discomfort until her hand was removed.
“Are you in a lot of pain?”
“Not really. I’m just pretending to be sick.”
When he was alone with Tae Igyeol, he could completely reveal his current physical condition without the slightest deception, but in front of Song Yeonhwa, strangely, he found himself trying to act as if he wasn’t sick, making an effort to speak with a lively voice. Having eaten a bowl of porridge, he was able to muster some strength, unlike earlier.
“Aunt, aren’t you busy? How did you manage to come?”
“I was worried, so I came. What would Igyeol know about taking care of a sick person? It’s fine, I had some free time this morning.”
“Ah… So you made time for me. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep today’s appointment…”
“Come on. You’re saying silly things. Mo Eunje, what you should be sorry about isn’t breaking the appointment but not taking care of your body.”
Song Yeonhwa, who usually called him “our Eunje” and rarely used his full name, called him by his full name in a somewhat stern voice. She must have heard about how he had reduced his sleep and hadn’t eaten properly while working.
With no excuse to make even if he had ten mouths, Mo Eunje smiled broadly, held Song Yeonhwa’s hand, and fidgeted. It seemed to work, as Song Yeonhwa stroked his head with her free hand.
“But how can someone be full of energy every day? Getting sick like this once in a while is how you get to rest. Your face has become half of what it was in just one day. I brought porridge. Eat it and get some good sleep.”
“Huh? I just ate porridge that Igyeol brought for me.”
“Igyeol did? He didn’t mention anything about that when I gave him porridge.”
“Really? He even fed me. I didn’t have the strength to hold a spoon.”
“He did? He fed you porridge?”
Mo Eunje nodded proudly. Though his head rang with a throbbing pain, he managed his expression well. Song Yeonhwa looked surprised, as if she couldn’t believe it, and then let out a laugh of disbelief.
“Well, I’ve lived long enough to see everything… How has he always been so generous only to you?”
“I’ve spent 26 years training him well.”
“That’s right, who else but our Eunje could handle that temperament and still stay by his side?”
While it was true that Tae Igyeol could sometimes be excessively neat, severely nagging, and act like a cold-blooded person without any emotion, his temperament itself wasn’t particularly nasty. However, since they hadn’t lived together 24 hours a day despite being like family, Mo Eunje stayed quiet, not knowing how Tae Igyeol behaved with his parents.
