# Chapter 133
“You don’t have to do anything more. Just let things flow for now. If it’s not meant to be, it won’t happen no matter what you do, and if it’s meant to be, it will happen even if you do nothing. That’s the eternal truth of the world.”
“…”
Grandmother patted Tae Igyeol’s back with a gentle smile. It sounded like an irresponsible statement, but since it came from his grandmother, there must be a hidden meaning. He just couldn’t grasp it because he lacked peace of mind.
“Igyeol, try trusting Eunje once. That sincerity you said you saw in his eyes.”
“Will it come true if I believe? Look at him. I’m dying with worry about whether he’s eating well, sleeping well, or if he’s sick somewhere. But what makes me want to die even more is…”
At some point, Tae Igyeol had begun living a life where his priorities were inverted, putting Mo Eunje before himself.
“I miss… I really miss him so much…”
“…”
“I want to see Eunje so badly it’s driving me crazy.”
Even while looking at him through the laptop screen, Tae Igyeol desperately missed Mo Eunje. Twenty-four hours a day, Tae Igyeol thought only of Mo Eunje, with whom he had spent his entire life and wanted to spend the rest of it. While showering, while eating, while talking with his grandmother, and even in his dreams.
To think he had collapsed like this in just a week—he wondered why he had risked making such a reckless move, foolishly saying he would never see Mo Eunje again. He had acted without considering that what he thought he had read in Mo Eunje’s eyes might have been nothing more than an illusion or misunderstanding, but seeing Mo Eunje’s pitiful state made his heart soften.
However, to make Mo Eunje honest with his own feelings and to break his stubborn resistance, Tae Igyeol had to choose this method as the other plans he had prepared seemed ineffective. Still, with no response for over a week, his anxiety was draining his blood.
Of course, deep down, he strongly wished for Mo Eunje to yield, and he was full of calculated selfishness, believing that if he went this far, Mo Eunje would have no choice but to accept him. Tae Igyeol was someone who would unhesitatingly use even more underhanded schemes and cowardly tactics if it meant winning love. From the moment his feelings, hidden and endured for over ten years, were revealed, he had cornered Mo Eunje without giving him room to breathe, in a way that made it seem unbelievable he had kept it hidden all this time. All to make Mo Eunje have no choice but to accept him.
So as his grandmother said, he had no choice but to trust the sincerity he had seen in Mo Eunje’s eyes. He thought he was immune to waiting, had confidence in it, and even talent for it, but this past week had been significantly harder than the previous ten years.
“I’ll have to call our cutie soon and check on him too. What can I do when you’re both in pain when you should only be happy…”
“Grandmother, please tell Eunje to accept me.”
“Should I? Would that make my pretty boy happy?”
“…No. Please don’t. Eunje would be upset if you did that.”
It was a card he still needed to keep. But he wondered how much longer he could endure waiting, growing distrustful of himself. He was filled with the desire to fly back to Korea right now, kneel before Mo Eunje, and beg him to accept him just once. He wouldn’t mind begging for love if Mo Eunje would only accept him, but now knowing that would only hurt Mo Eunje, all he could do was wait helplessly. He just hoped Mo Eunje would act according to the plan he had laid out.
– “Hello. I’m novelist Mo Eunje, the host of ‘Book of the Month.’ I first greeted you as the host in spring when beautiful flowers were in full bloom, and now the season has already changed to summer.”
The live broadcast began with Mo Eunje’s calm and sweet voice. Tae Igyeol couldn’t take his eyes off the laptop monitor screen. Mo Eunje felt so far away. His heart ached, feeling that the psychological distance between them was greater than the physical distance between Korea and America.
He missed Mo Eunje so much that breathing was painful,
and he wanted to see him so badly it felt like death.
4-4
People need to sleep. Sleep is necessary to maintain a normal life. Although there are still varying opinions about what constitutes the three basic human desires, sleep is almost never excluded, and for good reason.
Mo Eunje was the one who had received the confession, yet somehow, as time passed, it felt as if Tae Igyeol was the one with control over the relationship. Despite his determination to never be swayed in this matter, he couldn’t understand why he was becoming so anxious.
Mo Eunje was experiencing firsthand how not sleeping for almost ten days makes a person not just deteriorate but nearly turn into a zombie. It wasn’t as if he was suffering from separation anxiety, and no matter how much meat he ate, it didn’t help. As soon as he closed his eyes, nightmares reflexively unfolded in an eerie way, making his nerves on edge. His fear of losing Tae Igyeol seemed to manifest as death in his dreams.
They say heaven gives only as much hardship as one can bear, but Mo Eunje personally disliked that saying. However, uncomfortable and disagreeable as it was, accepting it was also reality. Life didn’t feel like life anymore—he had lost interest and gained sleep disorders, but he was still breathing well, eating well, doing what he needed to do, and somehow enduring the current hardship, whether he had the capacity or not. He wondered how he would remember this time when looking back years later.
Mo Eunje, adorned from head to toe with the fluorescent lime-green clothes and items he had received as a gift on the day Tae Igyeol was discharged from the hospital, left Ritz Ville. He was on his way to the morning soccer club for the first time in three months, hoping to exhaust his body to the point of collapse, thinking he wouldn’t have nightmares if he fell asleep like he was passing out. He had been losing weight for a while, but since yesterday he had started swelling up, so he felt a strong need to move his body.
He had intended to jog lightly to the field to waste physical energy, but after descending the stairs to the first floor, his strength waned. He quickly resigned himself and caught a taxi. Thanks to that, he arrived 25 minutes earlier than the meeting time.
Gye Minho had already arrived and was warming up. As Mo Eunje approached leisurely, Gye Minho, who had been stretching with his arms extended and waist bent sideways, spotted Mo Eunje and gaped.
“Whoa… I thought a glow stick was walking towards me.”
“This is a complete set I received as a gift for taking care of Tae Igyeol at the hospital.”
“…I knew Tae Igyeol had a strong stomach for you specifically, but now I find your butler not just amazing but admirable. This is beyond my realm of approach.”
“You mean it looks pretty? I know that too.”
“Uh, yeah. Let’s say that. But I heard Tae Igyeol went to America, so why does your face…”
Gye Minho examined Mo Eunje’s face closely as if inspecting every detail. Mo Eunje subtly turned his head and began stretching. Suddenly running could shock the muscles, so he needed to warm up his body.
“With the weather getting hotter these days, I’ve developed insomnia. Nothing’s going on, so don’t assign meaning or over-interpret.”
“Issue those prohibitions to your butler. Are you sure nothing’s really going on? Why does your face look like you’ve eaten five packs of ramen and gone to sleep?”
“What could possibly be going on?”
“With Igyeol too?”
“Yeah. Nothing. No problem.”
He answered indifferently while plopping down on the ground to stretch his leg muscles. Gye Minho, looking at him with skeptical eyes, continued his warm-up exercises beside him.
“You said you were dying from dating four times a week and daily serialization, yet you have time for morning soccer?”
“I’d cut back on sleep and skip meals, but I can’t miss this. What about you? Are you eating properly?”
“Of course. It’s all about survival. I even devoured a whole castella cake before coming out today. What do you want to eat after we’re done?”
“Samgyetang, braised chicken, fried chicken, spicy chicken stew, or samgyetang—you choose.”
“Do you have a grudge against chicken? If you’re going to mention it twice, just say let’s eat samgyetang.”
They chuckled at the trivial conversation before starting to roam the field with the other morning soccer club members. Running around frantically, sweating profusely until his hair and t-shirt were soaked, and cheering for a single goal allowed Mo Eunje to momentarily set aside thoughts of Tae Igyeol.
Then, after eating samgyetang with Gye Minho and returning home, he collapsed as soon as he showered. Mo Eunje slept for 16 straight hours like the dead, without having any dreams.
He had lain down on his bed around 2 PM yesterday, and when he opened his eyes, it was already 6 AM the next day. Having fallen into a very deep sleep, completely oblivious to the world, he felt refreshed and free of fatigue. His mind was clear and refreshed, putting him in quite a good condition.
The vacation schedule had been released, and there was only about a month left until the departure date. If things continued like this, it was highly likely that Tae Igyeol would not attend the vacation. Since the purpose of deliberately choosing America as the vacation destination was to visit his grandparents and bring them back to Korea together, no one would say anything even if Tae Igyeol, who was already staying at his grandmother’s house and spending time with them, didn’t attend the vacation. The hope Mo Eunje had harbored of seeing Tae Igyeol, even if just using the vacation as an excuse, was fading hopelessly.
He hoped Tae Igyeol was sleeping well too. His grandmother would make sure he ate well, and he would eat properly if only to avoid causing her worry. So the only thing he had to do entirely on his own, without anyone to look after him, was to sleep well. Having personally experienced how different his body felt after just one night of comfortable, deep sleep, Mo Eunje felt that he couldn’t ask for anything more if only Tae Igyeol would sleep well.
