3.
I couldn’t submit the report I’d worked so hard to complete. My life pattern collapsed. I was late to first period for the first time. I went to the department office and made a pitiful appeal to the teaching assistant. The major professor was a very stingy person about assignment submission times. The teaching assistant pursed her lips while looking at me begging desperately. Then she acted as if she were the professor herself and made a big show of doing me a favor. I left the office after watching my submitted report slip into the pile of papers.
I’ve had a headache for several days now. That’s why I was even late. My entire skull rang as if being pounded with a hammer. Even after taking medicine, it kept acting up after a certain amount of time passed. The sound of my heartbeat pounded loudly near my ears, and it felt like my eyes would pop out. I went to the infirmary and got headache medicine. My pitiful appearance, sick and emaciated, earned sympathy from others. A junior coming out of the lecture hall raised his eyebrows when he saw me. He held out the canned coffee he was holding. I’d just taken medicine, so I refused the coffee.
“Is something wrong? Your complexion…”
“…No.”
“You got even thinner?”
My junior looked at me with concern. I felt distrust, wondering if perhaps my junior had deliberately connected me with Cheon Jaerim. I wondered if they were in cahoots. Why did he introduce Cheon Jaerim to me of all people? I felt like a hedgehog bristling with thorns all around, huffing as I moved about.
I was definitely becoming sensitive. As my thought processes focused only on Cheon Jaerim, arrows flew at innocent people. I needed a scapegoat, saying it wasn’t my fault, that the situation wasn’t flowing this way because my capabilities were only this much. That target was simply directed at the junior who had introduced Cheon Jaerim to me. Saying the beginning of this matter was your fault. Like how you only see what you want to see, the number on the department jacket caught my eye. If Cheon Jaerim had enrolled at his proper age, he would have been the same class year as this guy.
It won’t happen but… even if it shouldn’t happen either…
“Do you know Cheon Jaerim?”
“Who’s that?”
He asked worriedly. His blank expression became the answer. If my junior had shown even a momentarily hesitant expression, I might have opened that canned coffee in his hand and poured it on him. I said “Never mind” and shouldered my bag and stood up. My junior caught me again as I was about to leave.
“Is the tutoring going well?”
“It’s so-so.”
“Hang in there. That’s how you make lots of money. Oh, right! And the group photo from the MT that hyung attended for the first time came out, when should I give it to you?”
My junior spoke playfully, emphasizing “first time.” When was that even? It was already several months ago. Since I’d been dragged there almost forcibly, I woke up even in my sleep regretting the membership fee I’d paid.
“Just stick it in my locker.”
“Okay. Cheer up, sunbae.”
Was there even anything for me to cheer up about? I dragged my throbbing head into the lecture hall. About an hour remained until class started. I sat in the quiet lecture hall and buried my head on the desk. Lying down made it somewhat better. When I lifted my head, about half the lecture hall had filled up.
***
I had to visit that house quiet as a dead mouse until I could run away with my weakness from Cheon Jaerim. I needed to become familiar with the structure of the house geographically and find the key to the glass display case. I couldn’t bear to see him waving around that video like it was my lifeline. From then on, I could no longer see the back of the ajumma who used to cook at the time I arrived. Cheon Jaerim took me not to the room but to the living room. A thin, large television was on.
“Did you check your account?”
“Yeah.”
The calculation was sharp as a knife. I felt pathetic for having been so anxious. When I sat on the sofa, Cheon Jaerim sat right next to me. The sofa swayed. Since I still had a headache, something like motion sickness came up. The medicine I’d taken at lunch seemed to be wearing off gradually.
“There’s a movie I want to watch, let’s watch it together.”
“Okay.”
It wasn’t a suggestion but a command with a good appearance. The living room that was wide open was at least better than that room with glinting eyes. I rolled my eyes inconspicuously to see if there were hidden cameras in the living room too. These days they’re so advanced that the problem is they’re flawless. It was difficult to grasp with the naked eye.
“Want to eat something?”
“No.”
“Why, when you’re crazy about food.”
“…Just watch the movie.”
Cheon Jaerim looked at the television. I looked at the clock. When he pressed the play button, the movie’s running time I saw was over about two hours. I planned to leave this house as soon as the time was filled.
“Should we try doing that too?”
“What?”
Cheon Jaerim was pressing the fast-forward button on the remote. When he released his finger, the screen played slowly again. It was a provocative scene. The protagonist’s wrists were tied with stiff leather straps. Their buttocks were marked red from being beaten, apparently quite a lot. The flesh was swollen in the shape of the whip. The moment I saw that, nausea rushed up. Was his suggestion to just watch a movie obediently to give me this kind of humiliation? I covered my mouth and averted my gaze.
“I feel sick.”
“I’m kidding.”
“……”
“But why are you so pale? Are you on your period?”
“What?”
“You look like someone with anemia.”
“…What did you just say?”
“Anemia?”
“Not that.”
“I asked if you’re on your period.”
I said it was a headache while rubbing my throbbing temples. Saying “A headache… did you take medicine?” he got up and went into the kitchen. I heard the sound of cupboard doors opening in sequence. Then the sound of water flowing from the water purifier. It was the most stable sound I’d heard all day. Cheon Jaerim tapped a cold cup on top of my head. On the silver foil paper covering the back of the pill, “menstrual pain·headache·toothache” was written diagonally. I couldn’t accept it gracefully because of what I’d heard earlier.
“If you’re sick, want to sleep over?”
“You, don’t say things like that to me.”
“You don’t want to sleep over?”
“Calling me noona, talking about periods… don’t say things like that.”
“Ah—”
“……”
“Does it upset you?”
“Don’t do it.”
I removed the arm draped over my shoulder. I tried to get up, but soon my wrist was grabbed.
“You need to take the medicine.”
“Let go.”
“I’ll let go if I see you take it.”
I glared at Cheon Jaerim and took out the pills. The silver foil paper tore with a pop. I threw two pills into my mouth at once and swallowed water. It felt like I was eating medicine instead of three meals a day. Cheon Jaerim went back to the kitchen with an ‘oops’ expression on his face. Then he opened the microwave door that had made a beeping sound earlier. Cheon Jaerim returned with steaming sweet potato salad.
“I forgot to give you this first.”
“I won’t eat it.”
“Eat it quickly. It’ll upset your stomach.”
In fact, as Cheon Jaerim said, when the medicine went in one more time, it really felt like my stomach would turn over. Cheon Jaerim thrust the sweet potato salad right in front of my nose. When the savory scent drew near, my stomach started churning.
“You can’t leave until the movie ends anyway.”
An hour still remained. I finally accepted the plastic plate. When I brought half of it cut with a spoon to my mouth, since it was food going in after a long time, the area below my ears ached dully and saliva began to secrete. After eating one bite, before eating the second bite, my organs danced telling me to send it down quickly. When I looked to the side, Cheon Jaerim was focused on the movie again. Without being conscious of it, I scooped larger than before with the white plastic spoon and put it in my mouth. In just ten spoonfuls, the plate was completely empty.
“Should I give you something else?”
He asked as if he’d been waiting for me to finish. I didn’t answer and put the plate down on my lap.
Cheon Jaerim went back into the kitchen and brought thick sausages in a bunch like a bouquet. The sausages poured onto my lap with a clatter. The sausages that couldn’t make it up fell below the sofa. I tore off the red tape and bit into a plump sausage. Chewing the sausage pieces that crumbled finely in my mouth, I only wished for time to pass as quickly as possible.
Then I suddenly fell asleep. When I opened my eyes to slits, the ending credits were rolling. I was leaning my head on Cheon Jaerim’s shoulder. Not just my head but my entire body was tilted. Outside was dark and the living room was pitch black. The white letters in the black screen were purely emitting light. Because I’d taken medicine, drowsiness didn’t wear off easily. I listened to the quietly playing music and closed my eyes again. Sleep was irresistible.
When I properly came to my senses, my legs were hanging over broad, firm shoulders and swaying.
“…Mmm.”
Every time my body was pushed against the marble floor, a creaking sound came out. The more sweat seeped out, the deeper that sound became. Since some point, Cheon Jaerim had been ravenously devouring me while I slept. It was that guy’s room again. When his cock thrust into my hole, consciousness unfortunately returned. If I’d just kept sleeping like this, it would have been much better… When the cock entering the hole was recognized, my lower body became stiff. I felt like the muscles in my buttocks were cramping. When the mass of flesh was forcibly pushed in, I heard a held breath from above. Was the reason he fed me food to fatten me up and devour me?
“You’re awake?”
“Aah… nngh, ah, hng…”
“You know what? A pussy suits hyung better than a dick here.”
“Sh-ugh, ah!”
“It really gets wet well. The more it goes in, the more, phew…”
The revenge for what I’d objected to him not doing was certain. I wanted to throw appropriate garbage at that mouth spewing such words on purpose. Cheon Jaerim even hung the other leg over the opposite shoulder. Then he started sucking on my ankle bone. It felt like the bone firmly attached would come off at the ankle. My gathered legs slowly went over to the side. My waist twisted and my toes curled. When Cheon Jaerim bent his upper body, his cock came in tightly.
“Ah, here, because of the ass flesh…”
“Hahh…”
I felt like a stuffed doll that spits out the same words when you press its belly. All I could do was moan bursting out as if in pain. My upper and lower body moved separately. Cheon Jaerim rubbed his head against my chest. I grabbed the hair rubbing against my chest like a safety bar. The hair tangled like thread. When I rolled my eyes up, I could see the toys in the glass display case. The one trapped was me. Kim Sunjo, who had lived tenaciously, smartly, and like a weed, was trapped as a pet in a cage.
This is hard work, hard work. I hypnotized myself as always. If I endured like I’d lived patiently until now, it would pass. When the rain stops, sunny days might come drawing a parabola like a bright rainbow. After that, I planned to go very far, very very far away, and build a stable life. Like other people, getting a job at a decent company, receiving a decent salary, meeting a decent person and living ordinarily. Advancing according to ability, receiving bonuses, and going abroad nearby during vacation—if I could do that, I’d have achieved all my target goals.
