Because it was late at night, the village people who heard the sharp conversation sounds seemed to be getting up bit by bit, creating a gradually bustling feeling.
As lights turned on one by one and the sounds of slippers dragging could increasingly be heard, the man scratched his head as if troubled and let out a sigh.
“I’ll be here until tomorrow. Ki Seonwoo, talk with me for a bit.”
“Ah! Get lost! Why are you calling our hyung’s name so carelessly!”
“…Hey, kid there. I don’t know why Seonwoo is your hyung, but as far as I know, he doesn’t have a nephew your size, okay? Enough.”
“Wow, this crazy bastard has lost it! Get lost before I smash your head! You tactless bastard! Did you eat your age with a ladle!”
Yoonjo, who had been breathing roughly while fuming, put strength into the hand gripping the door handle when he saw the wide-eyed man’s mouth opening and closing. Don’t come. Don’t come. As if understanding what he had prayed for, the man sighed, got in his car, and left the village.
Only after even the sound of the car wheels rolling away had faded did Yoonjo fling open the gate and look at Seonwoo standing inside. He fumbled around Seonwoo’s shoulders, waist, everything for no reason, muttering.
“Hyung, are you okay? That bastard didn’t hit you, right?”
Yoonjo, who frowned deeply as if worried and lowered his gaze downward, looked just like a puppy with its ears drooping. It was an appearance that naturally brought to mind Dongtae curled up in a corner with his tail tucked after committing a wrongdoing.
“He didn’t hit me, and I’m fine. But if you yell there….”
“Hyung said you didn’t want to talk and told him to leave, but he wouldn’t go and kept insisting! That tactless bas…. Anyway, that bad guy!”
Saying that, Yoonjo tightly gripped Seonwoo’s clothes and muttered.
“What if that guy comes again when you’re home alone? If hyung is alone, someone could kidnap you completely and no one would know. Hyung is like a sheet of paper.”
Seonwoo dry-washed his face at Yoonjo’s words. If others said it, he would dismiss it as a joke, but given that Yoonjo’s expression and voice were more serious than anyone’s, Seonwoo couldn’t easily brush off those words.
It’s not like he’s a guard dog. Seonwoo could only watch as Yoonjo, who had already changed completely into pajamas, barged into his house carrying his pillow, blanket, and everything bundled up.
Yoonjo, who laid a thin pink mat on the living room floor, neatly spread out a green blanket with delicately embroidered flower patterns on top of it. Seonwoo, wondering what kind of color combination this was, recalled the brightly colored bedding in Yoonjo’s room from days past. It seemed to be one of those.
“I’ll definitely protect you today, hyung.”
Seonwoo, who had been looking at the sparkling black eyes, chuckled and stroked Yoonjo’s head. Whether Dongtae liked Yoonjo’s blanket, he circled nearby then lay down with about half his body on it. Seonwoo, who glanced at Dongtae, spoke as if letting it slip.
“You’re going to protect me?”
“Yes. You know I’m strong, right? Until that tactless, no, bad person leaves, at least.”
“Mm-hmm. I feel reassured. Thank you.”
“Then hurry and go inside to sleep. It’s late.”
Yoonjo, who pushed Seonwoo into the bedroom, turned off the living room light. Under the door of Seonwoo’s closed room, a dim light was on, but it went out before long. Yoonjo looked at the ceiling in the proper posture with both hands neatly placed on his stomach, then closed his eyes. Sleep didn’t come, but thinking of tomorrow, he had to sleep.
I should take Seonwoo hyung to the field early tomorrow morning. Then that strange person won’t be able to follow either…. The fireworks were really fun, and the skewers were delicious, and the cotton candy was sweet…. Everything was good, but….
Pressing down such regrets firmly, Yoonjo let out a low sigh. Then it suddenly occurred to him. He should have apologized for looking at his face too much. Yoonjo, who opened his eyes wide, slyly got up while holding his pillow.
He paced in front of the door, about to knock, then turned around, and paced again, repeating this. After doing this for a while, a sound came from inside the door.
“I’m not sleeping, so come in.”
When he slowly turned the doorknob to open it, he could see Seonwoo, with only one dim stand lamp on, leaning his back against the wall. In his hands was one bound book. The large letters on the cover caught his eye, but Seonwoo immediately pushed it aside so he couldn’t see it properly.
“Come sit.”
Seonwoo moved his body slightly to the side and tapped lightly. Yoonjo, who had been hesitating, sat with one buttock on the bedding, raised his knees, and hugged his pillow. Yoonjo, who rested his cheek on top of the pillow, slyly raised his gaze upward to look at Seonwoo.
“Hyung, I’m sorry.”
“Is there something to be sorry about? We had fun today and ate delicious food.”
“During the fireworks…. I’m sorry for looking at your face too much, and also when I chased away that strange person earlier…. You might have wanted to talk too, but I didn’t listen and did what I wanted.”
It’s not like I’m a raging colt, what is this…. Thinking back, it really was a mess without any thought. Yoonjo fumbled with his lips and then buried his face in the pillow. He was embarrassed. He was so ashamed he couldn’t live. Wasn’t it like dancing with swords in a situation where even earning points wouldn’t be enough?
The sound of chirping insects flowed into the room through the slightly open window. The stuffy wind occasionally seeped in, tickling his toes.
“You looked at me because my face is handsome, but saying something about that would be too petty, wouldn’t it?”
“…Hyuuung….”
“And you chased him away well. I looked it up, and ‘tactless’ is really a strong curse word. I didn’t know Yoonjo could say harsh words.”
Seonwoo gently stroked Yoonjo’s drooping head. Yoonjo, who felt that touch, slyly raised his head again.
“I don’t know what the relationship is, but just…. You answered so weakly, hyung. It’s like you’re super annoyed but don’t want to respond, but it’s also uncomfortable to ignore, you know, something like that. I might have jumped to conclusions again though…. Anyway. Maybe I’m being too delusional….”
Looking at the muttering Yoonjo, Seonwoo suddenly realized. The anxiously rippling heart he felt when he saw Seo Yeongyeom had calmly settled down.
It felt like he had been forcibly pulled up from the swamp he had always been floundering in. Not a trace of hesitation or sticky emotional residue remained. Seonwoo looked at Yoonjo’s clear face and slowly closed his eyes.
What Seonwoo had been holding onto all this time wasn’t lingering attachment, regret, or guilt about the past.
It was a nightmare.
A nightmare.
That emotion that stuck thickly every time it rained. Seonwoo, eroded by the sound of rain, couldn’t escape from the past and only endured the pouring downpour.
Seonwoo, with his eyes closed, stroked Yoonjo’s hair and then lifted his eyelids with a sigh. Under the dimly glowing stand light, he could see the tanned Yoonjo.
Blink, blink. Yoonjo, who blinked twice, curved his eyes and laughed clearly out loud. The sounds of the countryside night intertwined with Yoonjo’s laughter. Right, this place wasn’t where Seonwoo had been barely breathing like a corpse. It wasn’t the noisy, chaotic Seoul, but an unfamiliar place that smelled of grass, where mountain birds chirped, and insect sounds gently touched at night.
An umbrella was cast over his head where the downpour had been falling. Seonwoo smiled following Yoonjo.
***
Seonwoo, who had settled down at the pavilion at the village entrance, suddenly thought of Yoonjo. Laughter kept leaking out at the face of that kid who had stuck out his mouth sullenly at the words that it was okay to be alone.
The man sitting across from Seonwoo, Seo Yeongyeom, irritably tapped the floor at that laughter. A short vibration spread across the smooth wooden floor. Only then did Seonwoo’s gaze, which had been looking at a distant place, reach Yeongyeom.
“Ki Seonwoo.”
“Is it okay to storm out like this during filming? Director Jang isn’t such an easy person.”
“How could I stay still when I heard you left that house?”
“There’s no reason for you to care about that. You and I are strangers. No… it’s more accurate to say we’re worse than strangers.”
Seonwoo looked at Yeongyeom’s straight face, then glanced at his hands. His hands, which wouldn’t even have small scars left, would be smooth, but his gaze touched them for no reason. The wounds from that day would have already healed and be gone, but Seonwoo alone was groping through the past.
It was still vivid when he closed his eyes. The sound of rain was in his ears, and resentment close to screaming dug in and struck his brain.
‘Why do I have to hear the bullshit that I’m backed by a sponsor! Why do I have to be treated like this!’
When he woke up, the whole world had changed. People treated Seo Yeongyeom’s name as gossip material and spread words. The portal sites were buzzing with the unwholesome topic of entertainment industry sponsorship.
The lover who had held hands with him and dreamed of a happy future just yesterday poured out resentment at Seonwoo.
With words that it was all Seonwoo’s fault, that the cause lay with Seonwoo, Yeongyeom continuously scraped at Seonwoo’s insides.
It was the first time seeing such a face. The Seo Yeongyeom that Seonwoo knew always smiled gently and was a considerate person.
He was someone who kept his distance at first. That person opened his heart to be with Seonwoo. Every day was happy. It felt like with this person, he could step on and rise above any thorny path or anxiety.
But when bad rumors attached to him, Seo Yeongyeom gradually began to distance himself. Then finally came to Seonwoo holding a blade.
‘Why do I have to be buried in such dirty rumors!’
It wasn’t wrong. It was Seonwoo who had arbitrarily dragged Seo Yeongyeom, who had been acting in minor roles at a small theater company, to this position.
It was because he wanted to be together. With that greed, Seonwoo did the best he could. He gave him opportunities to audition, opened the path for his face to appear on screen. It was instantaneous for the unknown actor who had nothing to become talked about by the public.
‘You said you loved me. If you loved me, you should have done something before I heard this kind of talk! See? You’re the one killing me.’
The emotion called love, the feeling of liking someone, became shackles strangling the throat of the one he loved. Seeing the gushing blood, Seonwoo just spat out apologies recklessly. I’m sorry, I was wrong, I’ll solve it somehow….
Rumors were most effectively covered by rumors. Seonwoo said he would quit being an actor. Thanks to that, the rumors clinging to Seo Yeongyeom were completely buried as if they had never existed, but Seonwoo still hadn’t escaped from the past at all. That was already 5 years ago.
