“Are you done looking?”
“…Yes.”
The wind blew. It was a stuffy wind filled with summer humidity. He could feel the fresh scent of grass as if it had been carried from far away. And along with it, Seonwoo’s sweet yet refreshing scent.
Seonwoo smiled with his eyes curving prettily. Yoonjo blinked as he looked at Seonwoo, then unconsciously stroked the back of his neck. The body temperature touching his palm was unusually hot.
“Is there nothing else you want to see?”
“…No. Hyung, your face is really handsome….”
At the mumbled words, Seonwoo smiled faintly and stood up from his spot. Walking with light steps, Seonwoo sat down at the edge of the wide wooden platform and slipped on his shoes. Behind him, Yoonjo sat obediently without moving an inch.
“Let’s go. You said you have a lot to do today, so what are you going to do spacing out like that?”
“Hyu… Hyung, you go first. I’ll stay here for just a moment before I go…. My work isn’t all finished yet.”
At the unexpected words, Seonwoo, who had been tapping the toe of his shoe, turned his head. He could see Yoonjo with his round back of the head and reddened ear tips forming a stark contrast. Clutching the towel around his neck tightly while gradually pulling it down looked quite suspicious.
He wanted to say something, but at Yoonjo’s firm attitude of only showing his back, Seonwoo felt a strange sense of disappointment and said,
“Alright then. I’ll go in first. Don’t stay too long. It’s too hot.”
“Go ahead.”
At Yoonjo’s behavior of not turning around until the end, Seonwoo hesitated for a moment but soon turned around and headed into the village.
As Seonwoo’s footsteps gradually grew distant and finally no sound could be heard at all, Yoonjo let out a big breath. Only then could he realize that he had been holding his breath. Curling his body into a ball and banging the floor with his fist, Yoonjo ran his hand down his face.
“I must really be crazy….”
His heart was pounding, and the back of his neck was dyed bright red. Yoonjo struggled while grimacing, then curled up his body again awkwardly.
***
From the moment he recognized his feelings, Yoonjo had to suffer through the night. He argued about the unfairness of why Seonwoo was fine when they both got rained on, while only Yoonjo had to suffer from a feverish cold, but there was no one to listen.
Yoonjo barely lifted his eyelids. His mind was hazy. At the edge of his vision, he could faintly see the sun setting at the end of the day. He let out a big breath at the slightly pungent mosquito incense. It seemed Grandma had inserted the blue square mosquito repellent into the fan. He’d heard there were better ones out these days….
As Yoonjo was thinking this and that, he slowly blinked his eyes at the cold yet soft sensation lightly brushing past his forehead, then slightly turned his head. Right next to him, like a phantom, was Ki Seonwoo.
Unlike usual, he was dressed a bit more comfortably. He still had his hair neatly tied and draped over one shoulder. His pale, pretty face was looking at Yoonjo with worry. At that gaze, something welled up from within Yoonjo for no reason.
“Now I’m even seeing hallucinations because I’m sick….”
Ji Yoonjo, you’ve really gone crazy.
Swallowing the unspoken follow-up words down his throat, Yoonjo closed his heavy eyelids. Then something lightly tapped his cheek, tap, tap. When he opened his eyes with difficulty again, he could see Seonwoo pressing Yoonjo’s cheek with his finger. Thinking the hallucination was quite specific indeed, he closed his eyes, and this time his cheek was pulled to one side.
“Ah…!”
“Who’s calling who a hallucination? I brought a sick puppy all the way here.”
“Hyu, hyung…?”
“Why? I thought you acted like a puppy when you’re sick.”
At the teasing words, Yoonjo bolted upright. At the same time, what had been placed on his head fell with a thud. It was a cold wet towel. Yoonjo felt heat rising to his face again. It was hard to gauge whether this was because of Seonwoo or because he was sick.
“Hyung… how did you get here….”
“Who do you think brought you here after you collapsed at the pavilion? With such a high fever, how were you planning to work under the blazing sun? If you’d done it wrong, you could have been in big trouble from dehydration.”
Still unable to properly grasp the situation, Yoonjo blinked. Seonwoo grabbed the back of Yoonjo’s head and pushed his chest. After helping him lie down slowly, he pressed one hand against the ground as if to stand up.
“……?”
If Yoonjo hadn’t grabbed Seonwoo, Seonwoo would have left the room and returned home. After all, his purpose had been to see him wake up.
Seonwoo sent a puzzled look toward Yoonjo, who was gripping his wrist firmly. With a face twisted as if about to cry, Yoonjo spoke haltingly.
“Don’t, don’t go.”
“Now that you’re awake, I should go. Grandma said she’d be coming soon,”
“They say they grant even the wishes of the dead, so why won’t you grant the wish of a sick person?”
As if he really might cry, Yoonjo’s voice trembled. Seonwoo sat down again with a troubled expression. Even so, Yoonjo’s hand didn’t let go. Rather, the grip gradually grew stronger. They say when you’re sick you feel sad for no reason, and now seemed to be exactly that time.
“Don’t use that strange formal speech either. Talk to me comfortably.”
“…Yoonjo-ya.”
“It sounds nice, so keep saying anything.”
Seonwoo looked down at Yoonjo, who was clutching his wrist with both hands and curled up as much as possible. The sweat-soaked hair tickled the back of his hand. After some thought, Seonwoo patted Yoonjo’s lower back with his free hand.
“Okay, I will.”
“Don’t go.”
“Mm-hmm.”
With his eyes closed while holding onto Seonwoo tightly, Yoonjo mumbled while moving his lips. Why do you open your eyes like that, hyung? He’d said it because he felt like his face would be pierced by that deep gaze. And why is your face so handsome… Your face is tiny but your hands are big… My heart hurts… Every time I see your face I think I’ll get PTSD… That’s all because of you, hyung….
The strength in his grip gradually weakened. Yoonjo fell into a deep sleep feeling the regular yet soft vibrations touching his back.
***
“Why do you open your eyes like that….”
Wondering what that meant, Seonwoo tilted his head slightly. Then he could hear more clearly what Yoonjo was mumbling in his hazy state.
“Face… handsome….”
“……”
“Every time I see… think I’ll get PTS….”
“……”
“That’s all… because of you, hyung….”
Seonwoo’s eyes naturally narrowed. He’d saved a dying guy and now there was nothing he wouldn’t say. Even so, the hand soothing Yoonjo remained constant. Seonwoo continued patting Yoonjo for quite a while, as if to reassure him as he lay crumpled on the brightly colored blanket.
Even after Yoonjo fell into a deep sleep, breathing heavily, Seonwoo continued moving his hand for a while. After doing that for some time, Seonwoo gently lifted Yoonjo’s body to help him lie down comfortably.
Thinking this should be enough, he tried to pull his hand away and stand up, but his wrist wouldn’t budge. As if sensing even in his sleep that Seonwoo was trying to leave, Yoonjo gripped him tenaciously. In the end, unable to do either, Seonwoo sat quietly beside Yoonjo and chuckled.
“Yoonjo-ya.”
“Mm-hmm….”
Whether it was a reflexive response to being called or just good timing, an answer came back. Seonwoo gently brushed Yoonjo’s hair aside and smiled bitterly.
He kept wanting him. Perhaps it was because Yoonjo was a person who sparkled and shone all on his own. Whenever he came to his senses, he found himself looking at Yoonjo.
The setting sun poured through the small window, dyeing Yoonjo’s face red. It was the time of day with the light Seonwoo liked most, but somehow it didn’t suit Yoonjo’s face. Rather, he was someone who suited the slightly brighter morning sunlight better.
Having such thoughts, Seonwoo smiled faintly and peeled away the hair stuck to Yoonjo’s forehead, slowly brushing it aside. It seemed his heart was filled with enough leisure to have such relaxed thoughts. Rather than helplessly escaping into sleep, he now spent more time going outside and enjoying himself with Yoonjo.
When he was in Seoul, Seonwoo’s life had been monotonous. He either slept, sat blankly in the study, or held Dongtae and lay on the floor spending time without even thinking anything. He wasn’t living but rather just breathing, reluctantly existing.
Since coming here, everything had changed. He had to wake up early in the morning, and unfamiliar air smelling of grass and experiences he’d never had before swept over him every moment. Going out to the fields and rubbing shoulders with people, eating fruit with Yoonjo—all of it.
Seonwoo gently traced Yoonjo’s eyes, consumed by the red sunset, then touched his ear. Those ear tips that flushed red every time he was embarrassed were really cute. Seonwoo fiddled with Yoonjo’s soft earlobe and muttered.
“He’s cute but… let’s only go that far.”
If he coveted him, what would surely return in the end would be condemnation. Seonwoo didn’t want to see Yoonjo’s smiling face twisted with resentment. In fact, Seonwoo himself was wavering. Even when he felt desire, he would soon pull his hand away. That was probably a mindset stemming from learned fear.
“…Only that far.”
As soon as the words ended, Seonwoo’s body tilted forward. Having been pulled into an embrace by Yoonjo in an instant, Seonwoo’s body stiffened with a start at Yoonjo’s low breath touching his neck.
Thinking he might have done it on purpose, he tried to pull away, but the gripping hands only grew stronger. Yoonjo placed his leg on Seonwoo’s waist with a thud and burrowed in.
After hearing some unintelligible mumbling sounds a few times, Yoonjo seemed to fall deeply asleep again, breathing heavily. Having suddenly become a human bamboo wife, Seonwoo remained frozen with his body tense for quite a while before slowly relaxing.
Muttering to himself that Yoonjo had terrible sleeping habits, Seonwoo quietly felt Yoonjo’s hot body temperature slowly flowing into his own body. Still, a brief self-justification clung to him: if he got hit by those hands, his bones would be crushed.
In front of the wide-open door, two fans were whirring away. Although the humid wind blowing didn’t seem to help much, Seonwoo didn’t bother to pull Yoonjo away. He simply listened carefully to the child-like breathing sounds.
