It was a word brought out with difficulty. And with that as the end, silence arose. In the stillness where the air seemed to float, only the gaze staring intently continued long. It was a blank look to the end. Yeonjun was silent like that for some time. Despite finally hearing the words he had hoped and hoped for.
It was at a certain moment. When he glanced to the side again at the response that wouldn’t come back, the eyes that met his opened wide with a flash. Like someone who had belatedly recognized the situation.
“You’re saying let’s date?”
At the question that finally cut through the air and landed accurately, Eunha quietly pressed his lips into a straight line. Because the expression “dating” felt extremely embarrassing, and also felt like something inappropriate for him to take on.
Yeonjun, who had been staring at that unconvincing expressionless face for some more time, slowly, very slowly pulled up the corners of his mouth. A dusky light gradually filled his pupils. It was a change that looked like the process of blankly heading from doubt to certainty.
Then in one moment, his upper body was yanked away. Yeonjun had scooped Eunha into his arms in the blink of an eye. Eunha, who was buried without a gap, had to be trapped in the pressure of his whole body being squeezed with all its strength just like that. It was the moment he was about to push away and look because it felt excessively constricting.
“Hyung……”
A voice densely condensed with emotion dug into his eardrums. From the arms that tightly embraced his back and waist, something like overwhelming joy was transmitted. A posture of first pouring in strength recklessly because he didn’t know what words to bring out.
For a moment, strength drained out from his entire body. Like a person standing before a gun muzzle pointed at them, Eunha, who had lost his will in an instant, slumped his shoulders. ……What should I do?
“……Can’t breathe.”
When he muttered quietly instead, he loosened his arms slightly. While doing so, he bent his neck and buried his face in his shoulder. He rubbed his cheek as if acting spoiled. Rather than containing some intention, it was a gesture that purely originated from his true feelings. So an empty laugh leaked out. Really, he’s not even a kid……
“Really? Really? For real? You mean let’s date, right?”
“…Why are you asking so much when you understood?”
“No, I can’t believe it……”
It was a voice that trembled slightly at the end. Eunha thought habitually with his chin resting on Yeonjun’s shoulder. Could it be that good? What am I to him? How did he come to like me this much? Of all people……
When continuing thoughts like that, a listless wind flows out through the gaps in his teeth. It seemed to have always been like that. Absurd laughter kept coming out and his will was endlessly robbed. Was it because of his particularly transparent personality? When he looked unwell, it bothered him, when he looked happy, he felt empty-hearted and thought it would be natural.
When he likes me this much, what more can I do? What can I possibly do? That kind of powerless feeling.
“Why all of a sudden? How come?”
“……Good question.”
Eunha quietly lowered his eyes. Still with an expression that had no certainty. As if he didn’t know well.
Right. He still didn’t know well. Whether this was the right choice. Whether this was the right thing to do. Whether it was okay to be like this. He couldn’t know any of it and wasn’t confident. Well, of course. Because it was a situation completely unplanned. Everything right now.
At the same time, he also found himself very ridiculous. Because it was just yesterday that he had resolved that there was absolutely no way they would meet.
However, that wasn’t his state of mind. It was literally a resolution. So, it means his inner feelings had rather been consistent for quite some time. He had just turned away from it.
“……Just. The situation has become this mess, so continuing to spend time like before also seems like something I can’t do to you.”
“……”
“What happened yesterday, I did wrong to you. So……”
Because I’m weak to kind people. Because you’re too kind.
Every day, because I don’t know what to do with you who wishes me to sleep well.
Because without any guts, without any conscience, I keep wanting to lean on that.
He decided to keep his true feelings secret. There was the reason that it was conduct without conscience as the saying goes, but more than that.
Because anything, the moment it’s spit out of one’s mouth, comes to have a clear substance.
He felt like he wouldn’t be able to handle it himself if he said it. Right now, that was. Fearing the aftermath, he didn’t want to pour out his heart more than necessary. He wanted to stand at even a little distance and contemplate. Thereby he wanted to believe.
That although he liked him, it wasn’t a very tremendous feeling. That it was a light and small feeling. That it was an emotion within a controllable range.
So perhaps, he might be able to have a different form of romance from before.
At the answer he rambled around with instead, Yeonjun pulled away. He tilted his head slightly to the side and made eye contact. It was eyes that contained reproach close to teasing.
“Because you’re sorry?”
“……”
“Because you felt guilty about what happened yesterday. So you accepted me even though you don’t mean it?”
“……It’s not like that.”
“If it’s not like that?”
“……”
“Hm? Hyung. Please answer.”
What? He wanted to roughly play dumb, but it wasn’t easy to ignore the urging gaze. Hyung-. Yeonjun, who had drawn out his words, persistently made eye contact. As if thirsty.
“Or else. Hyung.”
“……”
“Hm?”
Eunha let out a deep sigh. As if throwing up both hands and feet.
“……I think I like you too.”
Yeah. Right…… Eunha, who muttered as if seeking an answer himself, let out a deflated breath.
“I think I like you.”
The moment he pronounced it, he thought. As expected, it’s burdensome. The fact that I like someone.
Also the fact that that person happens to be this kid.
“You’re saying you think you like me.”
“……Why. You don’t like even that much?”
“No.”
Yeonjun, who answered immediately, sent a hazily blurred gaze. Then he bowed his head while slightly reddening his cheeks. The gesture of leaning his forehead lightly on his shoulder and digging slightly into his embrace felt a little pitiful.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Because I’ll keep liking you more and more from now on.”
“……”
“I’ll really do well.”
“……What will you do well? Don’t say things like that.”
Eunha frowned. Because it was a tone that sounded like a meaning of being grateful for accepting him.
What came back at the response that seemed to reprimand sternly was the sound of laughing softly while vibrating his throat. Soon, Yeonjun, who naturally inserted his hand into Eunha’s side, wrapped his arm around his waist. He hugged him tightly.
“Hug me.”
“……”
“We’re in a dating relationship now.”
It meant he wanted to do it together, not one-sided acts. Differently from until now.
Eunha hesitated then raised his hand. Hesitating again in the air, he wrapped his arm around his back. Yeonjun stayed still without moving for some time, then dug further into his embrace without saying much. After a while, he whispered quietly.
“My head too……”
This time he raised his hand upward without much hesitation. In the stillness, he quietly fiddled with the back of his head. While feeling a stable sensation bloom in a corner of his heart, like a well-fitted puzzle.
It was at some point during that. He detected the breath heard quietly suddenly wavering. Eunha, who raised one eyebrow dubiously, instinctively pulled his body back. Though Yeonjun didn’t let go.
“……Yeonjun-ah?”
“……”
“Yeonjun-ah.”
“……”
“Are you crying?”
“No……”
Unlike the denial, it was a voice that had become moist as if soaked with water. No. He’s really crying……? With a flustered heart, he twisted his shoulders hastily. He tried to escape from his embrace to check, but it ended in failure. As if now wasn’t the time, Yeonjun, who had firmly fixed his posture, didn’t let go of his body.
However, he felt like he knew even without specifically checking. Because the shoulder where he was pressing his eyes had become warm with no way to hide it.
