The moment he spat out those words like a curse, Taejeong pressed his lips tightly shut and then, though no one told him to, slowly, nodded his head.
That was the end. The last face of Taejeong he saw looked as if tears would pour out at any moment. He looked terribly sad.
Why are you making that expression?
The thought that suddenly arose in his mind was sharp enough to surprise even Seonwoo himself. But it didn’t stop and continued to multiply.
Why are you making an expression I’ve never seen before, in front of me now? When you foolishly just swallowed whatever was done to you, why are you doing this now?
But Seonwoo soon realized. That it was none other than himself who had wounded Taejeong enough to make him this sad, with a scar that could never be erased for a lifetime.
**6. Song Seonwoo**
Morning sunlight permeated the entire small but cozily furnished room. Just beyond the window an elementary school was visible, but since it was before school hours, the playground and school road were completely empty.
The sunlight penetrating through the thin curtains was strong. Through the slightly open window gap, the sound of cicadas crying could be heard. Beyond the room door, the busy sounds of housework could be heard, yet the form curled up on the bed showed no sign of movement.
A moment later, the door slowly opened. The motion of gently turning the doorknob was slow. Footsteps followed. Caution was embedded in the footsteps slowly treading the floor.
Gradually approaching the bed. A hand with a bit of moisture remaining gently stroked the summer blanket rolled up in a ball.
“Seonwoo-ya. Let’s eat.”
A gentle voice woke Seonwoo. Even then, he only opened his eyes after being shaken several times.
“I’m not hungry…….”
As he mumbled without even opening his eyes properly and turned over, the grandmother smiled, wrinkling her eyebrows.
“Grandmother made delicious sausages and rolled omelets. Aren’t you curious? Let’s just eat one spoonful.”
If she woke him a few more times like this, he would eventually get up as the grandmother wanted. It was the set morning routine. Upon leaving the room, the kitchen was right there, and the grandfather was already sitting at the table eating.
At first, he looked at the sight with displeasure—a grown man not sitting before the adults, being coaxed and cajoled awake by the grandmother every morning—but now, whether having reached enlightenment, when Seonwoo sat down, he just silently slid over a water glass.
On the wooden table for four, all kinds of side dishes were laid out from morning. In the center was soybean paste stew transferred in an earthenware pot, and below it, side dish bowls were lined up. Neatly cut rolled omelet, scored Vienna sausages, even mini-sized pork cutlets. They were all side dishes for a baby’s palate.
Moreover, the grandfather’s side dishes were brought out in their containers, but Seonwoo’s portion was carefully arranged on pretty plates. The grandmother sat in the seat next to Seonwoo and deboned freshly grilled croaker for him.
“This was bought fresh this morning at the market, so it’s really fresh. The flesh is so tender like this that it melts right away in your mouth.”
She placed the white flesh directly on top of Seonwoo’s rice. While the food was getting cold, she didn’t eat and just continued taking care of Seonwoo. Eventually, the grandfather, unable to watch any longer, deboned fish flesh and placed it on top of the grandmother’s rice.
Seonwoo mechanically moved his spoon with empty eyes. The foods filled with the grandmother’s sincerity were all excellent at a glance, but Seonwoo couldn’t really taste them. Even putting food in his mouth felt like chewing air.
It had already been two months since he came to this house.
The place where he came to live with his grandparents was Busan. About 10 years ago, after retiring, they came down to Busan, the grandmother’s hometown, and got a small apartment. The apartment in the 20-pyeong range with three rooms and one bathroom was occasionally lonely when just the elderly couple lived there, but it changed after Seonwoo came to live there.
Though Seonwoo did nothing, the excited grandmother created various tasks every day, making the house bustling with the smell of people living. She would boil gamjatang from the bones, and of course made one namul dish every morning. She seemed ready to feed him all the dishes she’d learned while living a long life.
Seonwoo ate everything the grandmother made without leaving anything. Because that way she wouldn’t bother him anymore. Seonwoo tried not to leave his room as much as possible. He was forcibly dragged out only at mealtimes, and except for those times, he always stayed inside his room.
Going out with the grandmother happened maybe once a week at most. The grandfather clicked his tongue at Seonwoo holed up in his room, but the grandmother was happy just living together in one house.
The room that had been used as the grandfather’s study became Seonwoo’s room, and the room used as storage accumulated more things. They were Dad’s belongings from the studio and miscellaneous items brought from home. There was almost nothing that could be brought from Mom’s office. The house situation was similar. Valuable appliances and furniture were all seized, so what was brought to Busan was just Seonwoo’s clothes and trivial belongings.
One of them was the family album. During the first month, the grandparents looked at the album all day long. Because all the years they couldn’t share were contained in it. They absolutely couldn’t take their eyes off it. Even now, several albums were stacked at the bedside in the bedroom. They looked at them before sleeping.
On the other hand, Seonwoo didn’t look at any traces related to Mom and Dad at all. Even during Mom’s forty-ninth-day memorial service, he refused to go to the memorial park, and the grandfather yelled for the first time.
[Still, they’re your parents, you bastard!]
Would they live their whole lives forsaking the parent-child relationship? How could he be exactly like Woojin? Calling Seonwoo a vicious bastard who took after his parents, they even pointed fingers at him and scolded him, but the situation didn’t last long.
[Don’t yell at my child!]
Saying that in their old age, must they catch even the grandchild they finally met like catching a mouse? Grandmother got furiously angry, so no one ever uttered that topic again. After that, even on the hundredth-day memorial, only the two of them left the house and didn’t force Seonwoo.
Both Mom and Dad were enshrined in a memorial park not far from home. Dad, who had been enshrined in Seoul, also came down to Busan to be with the whole family. Grandfather would visit the memorial park whenever he had time, even when it wasn’t a special day.
Even after coming down to Busan, Seonwoo lived as if his soul had disappeared. When he lay down on the bed, he stayed in that spot all day, and only when someone forcibly woke him would he barely get up. Whether it was morning, lunch, or dinner, if they didn’t call him to eat, he’d starve all day.
Even when forcibly seated at the table, he didn’t give even basic greetings like “I will eat well” or “I ate well.” Expressing that something was delicious was beyond imagination. Hearing Seonwoo’s voice itself wasn’t easy. When asked questions or spoken to, he would answer, but he never opened his mouth on his own. He was like a robot that would never move unless a command was inputted.
Every time Grandmother saw such a sight, she lamented to Grandfather in secret that her heart was breaking. How could the young one, who lost both parents overnight and became an orphan, not cry or scream even once? She couldn’t bear to watch him keep his mouth shut and digest everything alone inside. She was heartbroken every night.
She embraced Seonwoo with that much love. At night, she would quietly enter the room while Seonwoo slept and apply scar removal ointment to the back of his hand. After carefully spreading it along the scars, she would arrange the bedding and leave the room carefully in case Seonwoo woke up.
And when morning came, as if nothing had happened, she would wake Seonwoo and set the table with care. The love condensed from the grandparents’ years was overflowing enough to leave nothing lacking, but filling the emptiness that had been drilled into Seonwoo’s heart was another matter.
c̤̮2̤̮
When it became the third month of Seonwoo being holed up in his room, Grandfather finally exploded. Not only was suffering alone a problem, but he was furious that Grandmother had thrown away even the singing class she loved so much to care for Seonwoo all day.
“Get up.”
It wasn’t the gentle voice that usually woke him by softly shaking the blanket. The blanket was suddenly yanked off. There was no time to grasp the situation. Rough hands grabbed Seonwoo and pulled him up.
Grandfather, already changed into athletic wear, threw clothes at Seonwoo. They were all hiking clothes. Bewilderedly changing clothes, Seonwoo was dragged out of the house without even washing his face.
The air was humid from the morning. The place Grandfather took Seonwoo to was the mountain behind the neighborhood. Seonwoo followed wherever Grandfather told him to go without knowing why. At first, with a half-awake mind, he climbed the mountain aimlessly.
But when the uphill climb began in earnest, Seonwoo’s legs trembled. His thighs quickly hardened like stone, and sweat poured from his forehead like crazy. This reaction appeared less than 30 minutes after climbing the mountain. It couldn’t be helped. Due to living as a hikikomori for several months, Seonwoo’s physical condition was no different from trash.
“You’re panting more than an old man who’ll be eighty the day after tomorrow, what are you going to do?”
Grandfather clicked his tongue. Seonwoo, regardless of whether people were passing by or not, just plopped down on the road and leaned against a rock. While nagging, Grandfather still offered ice water. He forced water on him at intervals to prevent dehydration.
They couldn’t even make it to the summit. After resting several times, they barely arrived at the rest area halfway up the mountain. Grandfather settled on a bench and took out the lunch box Grandmother had packed. Kimbap wrapped in foil and sikhye with ice floating in it.
Seonwoo, who would starve all day if not told to eat, naturally reached for food after moving his body to death from the morning. However, after eating about half, it became difficult to swallow anything more in his mouth. Grandfather told him not to force himself to eat and devoured all the remaining food.
Then at home, he showed Grandmother the empty lunch box and said that brat Seonwoo gobbled it all up. It was a lie that would be exposed immediately, but Grandmother still smiled and was happy.
Seonwoo became exhausted and collapsed until evening as soon as he washed up. Though he skipped lunch, neither Grandmother nor Grandfather forcibly woke Seonwoo.
After that day, the same scene repeated every morning. Now waking Seonwoo in the morning became Grandfather’s role. Grandmother was worried at first seeing him forcibly take Seonwoo to the mountain, but after a few days, seeing Seonwoo silently follow without complaint, she was relieved.
The first few weeks were similar. Panting, they barely climbed halfway up the mountain. It took a month to climb to the summit. After some more time passed, now that he could climb to the summit fairly well, Grandfather took him to different mountains. Places he went to for the first time, after going for a few days, he quickly reached the summit. Then they headed to another mountain.
By the time they had conquered the nearby mountains one by one, summer was fading. When following Grandfather out in the morning, the air gradually became cooler. The season wasn’t the only thing that changed. Seonwoo’s pale complexion also gained color. His body, which had been unbearable to look at like a paper doll, had now regained considerable health.
The one most pleased with Seonwoo’s change was Grandmother. While Seonwoo and Grandfather were climbing mountains, she was able to go to singing class again. In fact, rather than practicing singing, she was preoccupied with bragging about her grandson to the acquaintances she met there.
Our grandson goes to the mountain with his grandfather every single day. She was proud, saying he was a filial grandson who never skipped a day. In reality, it was Grandfather who started forcibly taking him along.
As autumn deepened, Seonwoo climbed to the summit without difficulty no matter which mountain he went to. It was the result of climbing mountains all summer with blisters on his feet.
Around that time, Grandfather changed direction. Perhaps thinking that hiking alone was no longer enough, when they came down from the mountain in early morning, he took him to a vegetable garden. He said it was the vegetable garden of neighborhood acquaintances. When they went there, he put muddy boots on Seonwoo and put farming tools in his hands.
The first work was simple chores. Pulling weeds and carrying water in buckets. It was physical labor different from hiking, which only required moving two legs. Seonwoo was short one hand, so work progress was slow, but when told to do something, he did as told.
