While the grandfather handled the remaining procedures, Seonwoo went outside the building with the detective. The clear sky and refreshing air he was seeing after several days felt unfamiliar.
“You remember Detective Kang Mingi, right?”
Seonwoo, sitting on a bench, shook his head. It was a name he didn’t remember.
“It’s my first time hearing it.”
“The detective who sent your father’s belongings. I heard you came directly to the police station yourself?”
With that explanation, he seemed to understand. When Seonwoo nodded, the detective continued.
“Anyway, there was material Detective Kang Mingi sent that helped us. And there’s also what the elderly gentleman told us on the way here, so we’ve roughly grasped the situation. Would you rather hear it, or…….”
“Please tell me.”
“Mm……. Did you know your mother was from an orphanage?”
“No.”
“You also didn’t know that’s why your grandparents opposed the marriage?”
“…….”
These were all stories he was hearing for the first time. Mom and Dad never talked about the old days.
Although Mom had dropped out, she was smart enough to attend a university in the metropolitan area on a full scholarship without family support in those days. But the grandfather opposed the marriage because she was an orphan. And after that day, she couldn’t meet Dad. It was a deflating, futile story.
Dad loved Mom too much, so he never met his parents for his entire life. Even though he was an only child, he lived his life abandoning all duties as the eldest son and child. Despite making that choice, he lived his entire life devoted to the new family he had formed.
Seonwoo couldn’t understand. What did it mean to love someone enough to abandon your family? What was the point of all that? The tax evasion charges—it was all really Mom’s doing. It wasn’t a false accusation.
“The tax evasion circumstances were also roughly around a month before the accident. I think there might have been a meeting just before that……. Do you have any idea?”
The Vice Director was from the same orphanage as Mom. The detective didn’t say it out loud, but he thought the Vice Director and Mom had been in a romantic relationship.
Seonwoo didn’t know anything, so there was nothing he could answer. As the questions continued and only confusion increased, the detective apologized for asking such questions during mourning and excused himself.
“…….”
Left alone, Seonwoo fell into thought. So this was all saying it started from a love triangle. He absolutely couldn’t accept that all the events he’d experienced from the accident until now stemmed from just that.
All of this……. Whose fault was it exactly? The Vice Director who caused this mess because he couldn’t forget his old lover? Mom who committed acts she couldn’t handle and lost even their home? Dad who cut off all ties to get married? The truck driver who killed someone for money? Or if not that, then exactly…….
“…….”
Seonwoo lowered his head. As he frantically searched through his mind, black shoes appeared in his view. Following the shoes that had stopped in front of him, he raised his gaze upward. What appeared in Seonwoo’s eyes as he searched for the cause of all this misfortune was Taejeong.
“Won’t you drink it?”
Taejeong, who had sat in the empty seat, asked. Between the two was a small canned drink. The detective had left it.
“You drink it.”
Then Taejeong picked up the can and skillfully opened the tab with one hand. Without even offering it to Seonwoo out of courtesy, he really drank it himself. He swallowed the drink in one gulp, loud enough to hear the gulping sounds.
He seemed like someone trying to quench only thirst, not taste the flavor. Even after emptying the can in an instant, as if it wasn’t enough, he kept swallowing saliva, his Adam’s apple bobbing.
“Your grandmother was looking for you.”
“Let her.”
“Are you going to stay here?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I’ll stay here too.”
“Whatever.”
It was a hackneyed conversation. One person’s words lacked strength and the other was indifferent. There was no way the conversation would properly engage. Only the sound of fiddling with the empty can could be heard.
“What did the detective say?”
“Just. Absurd stories.”
Shock or whatever—it was just ridiculous. A story that would only appear in a melodramatic TV show had struck his life. Even thinking about it again, it was absurd.
“When everything’s resolved, I decided to follow Mom.”
“Where to?”
“America. The conference is there.”
“That’s far.”
“Once I go, I’ll never come back.”
“I see.”
It was like ordinary friends. But for a conversation between friends, both their attitudes were too stiff. Seonwoo found it curious that Taejeong had specifically come to say goodbye.
They couldn’t continue living together like before anyway. Rather, Seonwoo ending up staying in that house was no different from an unexpected accident. Each was returning to their proper place.
Looking back, the time living together with Taejeong in that house was less than half a year. It was no different from a connection made while briefly staying in a different region during vacation. Thinking that way, he didn’t even feel like exchanging greetings to take care or stay healthy.
Seonwoo wasn’t pretending to be indifferent. He didn’t feel any emotion at all. No, it wasn’t that he didn’t feel it—it wasn’t arising. Even the emotions he was certain had existed just a few days ago seemed to have all disappeared.
In just a few days, Seonwoo had changed into a different person from back then. Things Seonwoo couldn’t handle alone came rushing in one after another like endless waves. After being battered and battered by the current, Seonwoo let go of everything.
Now it seemed all emotions had burned away, leaving only ashes. Even being with Taejeong, his heart didn’t waver. The tenderness he’d felt for Taejeong had disappeared somewhere like a momentary heat.
It was as if they’d returned to the beginning. To when they were beings with no meaning to each other.
“With you too. I don’t want to meet again.”
Taejeong, who had been silent, suddenly opened his mouth.
“Seeing your face makes me think of Father, and it’s painful.”
“…….”
Seonwoo, who had been looking elsewhere the whole time, turned his head toward Taejeong at those words. He saw a face as damaged as his own. Even silently keeping his mouth shut, he stared at the sunken cheeks for a while before speaking.
“Okay.”
He could feel the heat in the intermittent breeze. It was about to be the season when cicadas would start crying. He’d thought it was a short time of less than half a year, but the seasons had changed twice. Seonwoo was looking at the trees swaying in the wind.
He recalled Taejeong, who in the dead of winter had run over in a sleeveless top, not even knowing his shoulders were turning red. Would he someday forget the moment when they’d inevitably sat shoulder to shoulder in the narrow back seat? Would Taejeong forget too? He was suddenly curious, but Seonwoo didn’t ask.
“They’re waiting for you. Aren’t you going?”
The detective who had been lingering in the distance had now doubled to two. Now that the funeral was ending, Taejeong had to return to the police station. Then they’d never meet again. Still, he thought they’d exchanged enough farewells.
It was just boring to sit any longer beside Taejeong, who gave no answer. So he was about to get up first. Taejeong grabbed Seonwoo’s hand. Even though no strength was applied, he couldn’t shake it off, so he just left it.
“I have something I need to tell you.”
It was a voice that had made a decision.
“I’ve known since middle school that Father wanted to meet someone. But that person had already gotten married and had a child, so it seemed they’d come too far, and whenever he drank, he talked about that.”
“…….”
“At first it was just once or twice by chance. But as I grew up, it seemed like I could endure beatings well, so whenever there was a chance, he’d talk about that person and hit me. Then when I even had my university admission canceled, I really couldn’t stand it anymore, so…….”
“Hey.”
At that moment, Seonwoo shook off his hand and cut off Taejeong’s words.
“I’m not curious. I never asked. Don’t suddenly ramble on and just go your way. Keep it inside you. Whatever it is.”
“…….”
The lips that paused for a moment moved again. Taejeong didn’t stop.
“I instigated it. Living getting beaten because of someone whose name and face I didn’t even know was fucking shitty, so if it was going to be like this, I told him to just start a new household.”
“Don’t say it.”
“Whether the other person had a family or not, just take care of that shit yourself…….”
“I said don’t say it!”
Seonwoo threw a punch. He’d swung his right hand in an instant, so not much strength was put into it, but Taejeong still kept his head down and shut his mouth. Like someone who had spilled everything inside, he looked like he had nothing more to say.
“……Why did you say it?”
Seonwoo had clearly refused. Though he wasn’t aware of it himself, it was also giving Taejeong a chance. He’d planned to live forever not knowing whatever Taejeong had done.
“Because I wanted to feel comfortable.”
“…….”
At that moment, Seonwoo felt as if all the blood drained from his body and then filled up again with something else. What filled him from toes to head was anger. The anger that couldn’t find a target to vent on turned entirely toward Taejeong.
His hand moved on its own. He threw a punch, but because it was his right hand, no strength went into it. Seonwoo didn’t realize he was swinging his injured hand and kept throwing punches.
Taejeong didn’t stop him. He just took the punches that had little impact as they were thrown. Seonwoo still wasn’t satisfied, so he grabbed his hair.
“Look at me. Look properly. Don’t turn your eyes away.”
Taejeong, who hadn’t been able to make eye contact even once since appearing at the funeral home, faced Seonwoo for the first time.
“Remember.”
“…….”
“Live your whole life recalling my face, suffering.”
