Chiwon, who tried to hide being an omega, who got strangely flustered when someone touched the nape of his neck, and who was frightened by alpha pheromones.
When my thoughts reached Chiwon, who had apologized saying he couldn’t joke around well because he had no friends his age, an unpleasant imagination suddenly consumed my mind. The floating feelings I’d had after realizing I liked Chiwon sank in an instant.
After Chiwon’s birthday party ended and I returned home, I lay on my bed lost in thought. Though Chiwon had seemed to enjoy the party the whole time as if he’d forgotten about the incident with Kim Jaeui, I couldn’t erase the image of Chiwon’s deathly pale face. And somehow, I felt like I shouldn’t erase it either.
Before I could even get excited about having someone I liked, I was engulfed in questions about what was holding Chiwon back. Chiwon had definitely been frightened by something other than Kim Jaeui.
“Could it be bull…”
Could he have been bullied? I swallowed my words. The word I’d only encountered in newspaper articles felt chillingly close when it concerned Chiwon.
For now, all I could do was wait. Wait for Chiwon to someday open up and tell me.
I turned on my phone and opened the messenger app. Since Junsu, who loved taking photos, had taken tons of pictures the whole time we were playing, there were over thirty photos uploaded to the messenger. But among the photos Junsu uploaded, I could also see photos Chiwon had posted. It was a photo of the three bear dolls he’d received as gifts lined up in a row. We’d worried about what gifts to get and decided to each choose something without telling the others, but apparently, everyone had ended up getting him bear dolls.
As I browsed through the chat window absentmindedly, my eyes landed on Chiwon’s profile picture. It was a photo we’d all taken together laughing with the cake in front of us. Chiwon, sitting in the middle, was wearing a crooked party hat and smiling so brightly. A face I couldn’t have imagined when we first met.
Chiwon looked happy. He seemed okay now.
So I thought he’d probably be okay going forward too. How naive of me.
It was several days after Chiwon’s birthday. Chiwon, who’d said he was going to the bathroom after evening self-study ended, didn’t contact us for a while, then appeared with a pale face. Junsu and Woojin, who were betas, didn’t seem to notice, but Chiwon had a faint mint scent coming from him. Startled by Kim Jaeui’s pheromones, I grabbed Chiwon’s shoulder and his body trembled with a start.
“…Chiwon?”
Though he’d definitely heard me call him, Chiwon stubbornly didn’t answer. From behind Chiwon, who resolutely kept looking straight ahead, I felt a sense of helplessness.
I always became cautious around Chiwon. Even when I felt reassured by his smiling face, whenever Chiwon’s expression disappeared, I became frightened with a jolt. As if he’d slip away if I let go.
How far could I ask? Was it normal to treat you like a glass doll like this? Countless thoughts passed through my mind, but once again, I ended up keeping my mouth shut. I had nothing to say to Chiwon, who was desperately acting as if nothing had happened. I regretted not doing something before it was too late, but it had already happened.
Chiwon, who couldn’t concentrate on his books and seemed absent-minded throughout evening self-study, barely managed a greeting and left the classroom as if being chased as soon as self-study ended.
“What’s wrong with Chiwon?”
“Did something happen?”
Among us, Chiwon lived closest, so when we sent a message asking if he got home safely, he’d reply right away. But that day, there was no answer for a long time. I kept checking my phone until I went to sleep, but there was no contact from Chiwon.
And from the next day on, Chiwon visibly deteriorated. I’d only guessed that his condition wasn’t good because of Kim Jaeui, but at some point, I realized I was feeling a sense of wrongness from Chiwon.
I couldn’t smell anything from Chiwon. That was the same as before, but something was different. I had a very strange feeling. The feeling that something was going terribly wrong clung to me persistently. While I was confused by an anxiety and impatience I couldn’t understand, Chiwon’s condition got worse and worse. Day by day, I was burning up inside with worry.
A face pale as paper, sunken eyes. Anyone could see he looked sick, but Chiwon stubbornly wouldn’t go to the nurse’s office. He made excuses saying it was because midterms were approaching and he was studying for exams, but it clearly wasn’t that reason. Still, he did seem to be lacking sleep, so I tried to make Chiwon rest whenever I had the chance, and Junsu and Woojin also left Chiwon alone so he could rest.
Around that time, I was thinking about going to see Kim Jaeui. Since Chiwon had appeared that day covered in Kim Jaeui’s pheromones, something had definitely happened, and it didn’t seem like Kim Jaeui was blameless for Chiwon’s worsening physical condition. Then, during lunch at the cafeteria, I saw Chiwon deeply bow his head when he ran into Kim Jaeui, and as soon as I set my tray down, I chased Kim Jaeui out of the cafeteria.
“Kim Jaeui!”
At my call, Kim Jaeui, who’d been walking with his friends, stopped and turned around. Kim Jaeui’s face showed no expression when he saw me, but when he blinked once, his face was smiling as usual.
“Yeah, Eorin? What’s up?”
“You…”
How could I ask without talking about Chiwon as much as possible? I chose my words carefully because I didn’t want to spread talk about Chiwon’s poor condition here and there. But Kim Jaeui smiled even more brightly.
“Ah, you came because of Chiwon?”
“…Do you know something?”
“Don’t glare at me. I didn’t do anything much.”
“What do you mean by ‘much’?”
I was a bit angry. But Kim Jaeui had a relaxed expression the whole time.
“I just asked him some stuff. Why? Did Chiwon talk about me? What did he say?”
Did he say I bullied him? Kim Jaeui grinned.
“Chiwon didn’t say anything. But… you know something, don’t you? What happened?”
At my pressing, Kim Jaeui stared intently into my eyes. And what came out wasn’t an answer to my question but a murmur close to talking to himself.
“So caring… Eorin is.”
“What?”
“Lucky him, Chiwon. Having caring Eorin caring for him so caringly.”
Saying that, Kim Jaeui turned away from me without any regret. Behind Kim Jaeui as he walked away, Kim Jaeui’s friends glared at me. Wondering if they had something to say, I looked at them, but those kids didn’t say anything to me, and since I didn’t even remember their names, I likewise didn’t speak to them. Then those kids disappeared, following after Kim Jaeui.
In the end, I got nothing from Kim Jaeui. I returned with a hollow feeling, and after that, Kim Jaeui started avoiding me. Even when I went to his classroom, he turned his head saying he had nothing to say. Back to square one. When I decided to ask Chiwon directly after much deliberation, midterms were already right around the corner, and I couldn’t bear to push Chiwon, who looked like he’d collapse any moment, any further, so I decided to wait until the exams were over.
The upperclassmen facing college entrance exams would be different, but since this was our first exam after entering high school, the atmosphere wasn’t generally one of being absorbed in studying. It was the same for kids in other classes, but our class was especially spacey. Within that, the only one who seemed to be clinging to studying was Chiwon.
Was he even sleeping? I watched Chiwon’s face anxiously. Chiwon grew paler day by day, and when we stamped our feet in worry, he only made excuses that he’d just stayed up all night studying. And then, finally, it happened.
It was the last day of exams. I’d been planning to take Chiwon to the nurse’s office once all the exams were over. I was going to ask the teacher’s understanding, let him rest a bit, and then ask him to tell me what was going on.
Before the last exam, I was feeling a bit relieved. It seemed like everything could be resolved after just one more subject. But as soon as I let my guard down, goosebumps rose on my back.
An indescribable sensation swept over me. Without thinking, I stood up from my seat and walked to Chiwon’s side. To a strange degree, I could only see Chiwon. The shaking ground, the surroundings reflected hazily, the voice calling my name.
The moment our eyes met, Chiwon grabbed his head and bent at the waist. The kids started calling Chiwon’s name. When blood dripped from Chiwon with his head lowered, my heart sank.
“…Chi…”
My body moved sluggishly as if I’d become an idiot. Chiwon’s head swayed and his body collapsed toward me. I barely managed to put strength in my staggering legs that seemed about to give out and caught Chiwon.
“Chiwon! Chiwon!”
“Chi- Chiwon, what do we do!”
Chiwon was unconscious and Junsu and Woojin had fallen into a panic. I needed to pull myself together at least, but seeing Chiwon’s blood, I became frightened with a jolt. I lifted Chiwon into my arms.
“Eorin!”
“I’ll go to the nurse’s office. Junsu, can you tell the teacher?”
“Ah, okay.”
Woojin, who’d been facing Chiwon, was so shocked he was about to burst into tears. After asking Junsu, who at least seemed to have his wits about him, I ran to the nurse’s office holding Chiwon. Chiwon in my arms was so thin and light he made me more scared.
“Teacher!”
I didn’t have free hands while holding Chiwon. I barely managed to push the nurse’s office door open with my elbow and called for the teacher. The school nurse, who’d been sitting at the desk, turned to look this way at my call, then saw Chiwon with his blood-soaked face and unconscious, and sprang to her feet.
“Good heavens! What happened?”
“He’s been feeling unwell since a few days ago, and just now he grabbed his head and suddenly got a nosebleed and collapsed.”
The teacher pulled back the curtain and led me. My hands trembled as I laid Chiwon down on the bed. The teacher lifted Chiwon’s head high and stopped the nosebleed.
“Do you have any idea why?”
“He said he stayed up all night because of exam period…”
I rubbed my forehead, trying to calm down. The teacher flipped through the student records.
“Class 5, Yoo Chiwon? He’s an omega.”
At the teacher’s murmur, I raised my head.
“That’s right, teacher.”
“What?”
“Chiwon is an omega.”
The teacher looked bewildered. Since the school nurse was a beta, it was natural. I continued speaking.
“But Chiwon doesn’t smell like anything.”
It wasn’t like he was sleeping—in an unconscious state, it would be difficult to control one’s pheromones on one’s own. At my words, the school nurse’s eyes showed understanding.
