I thought I’d dozed off slightly while quietly catching my breath, but when I opened my eyes, it was already morning. Unable to sleep deeply, the night was short. Looking at the sunlight faintly shining through the curtain gap, I rubbed my eyes.
“Teacher-nim.”
“Huk…!”
Startled by the whisper from around my waist, I opened my eyes wide and looked down. Jiwon, clinging to the bed, smiled. That smile looked quite shy and awkward.
“Teacher-nim, good mowning…”
“…”
It was the first time Jiwon was up at this hour. Was he that excited about the outing? With a somewhat bewildered feeling, I let out a hollow laugh and reached out to Jiwon, pulling him up onto the bed. Jiwon lay sprawled on top of me and met my eyes.
“…You were really looking forward to the dinosaur museum.”
“Yeah. Really want to go.”
“Mmm…”
I, who had been quietly meeting Jiwon’s eyes, whispered.
“Jiwon-ah, Daddy seems really tired these days, doesn’t he?”
“Yeah.”
“Yesterday too, Daddy came home really late. He said there was so so much work.”
“How much?”
“How much? Um, as much as an apatosaurus.”
“Huh? That’s weally weally a lot.”
“Right? So shall we wait until Daddy sleeps well and wakes up today?”
“Uung…”
“It won’t be too late if we go after Daddy wakes up. Teacher will pack a lunch too. Let’s wait just a little.”
“Yeah, good!”
Jiwon swung his feet. I lifted the blanket and pulled Jiwon into my arms.
“Teacher-nim, sleep?”
“Jiwon should sleep. You woke up too early. What if you get sleepy and fall asleep when we go to dinosaur village?”
At my words, Jiwon immediately closed his eyes but only fidgeted with his fingers. His short, small fingers climbed up my belly, then Jiwon patted my chest.
“Jiwon can’t sleep… So Teacher-nim should sleep.”
Look at this kid. I immediately got into putting Jiwon to sleep. There were several songs I sang when Jiwon wouldn’t nap. They were nursery rhymes with a lullaby atmosphere, and sure enough, as soon as I hummed a few times, Jiwon’s eyes flickered closed.
My bed wasn’t enclosed, so he could roll and fall. I held Jiwon more firmly.
Perhaps the child’s warm sleepiness transferred to me—when I unknowingly fell into a light sleep and woke up, it was past ten o’clock. Jiwon was still sleeping soundly in my arms. Actually, if no one woke him, Jiwon liked to keep sleeping or, even when he woke up, to just lie there rolling around.
Then there was a sound of running outside the door. I realized that sound was why I’d woken. The sound wandering here and there gradually approached my room, then the door burst open.
“…?”
“…Chi… won-ah.”
“Yeah… What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
With disheveled hair, Eorin closed his eyes tightly once and opened them. Then he weakly took his hand off the door and walked in a couple steps.
“…I thought you’d left without me…”
At those utterly sincere eyes, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. When my arms trembled, Jiwon woke from sleep and stirred, but I couldn’t stop. Eorin just stood there as if nailed to the spot.
“Ahaha. Ah, that’s funny…”
“…”
“We’re going to go slowly. Right, Jiwon-ah?”
“Yeah. Making lunch box.”
“Right, we’re going to make a lunch box.”
Shaking off my laughter and groggily getting up, I headed to the living room to wash up. When I stopped my steps toward the bathroom and turned around, I caught a glimpse of Eorin reaching out toward Jiwon lying on my bed through the open door.
After packing a lunch box and buttoning up Jiwon’s clothes tightly so he wouldn’t catch a cold, we finally departed for the museum. The road that seemed endless when planning to take the bus was quick when we went by car. When a police car passed by the side, Jiwon, sitting in the baby seat in the back, sang the Poli theme song.
The museum entrance was inside a large garden. Dinosaur models peeked out from between the trees of the garden where flowers bloomed prettily everywhere. Spotting the wrinkled face of a dinosaur, Jiwon bounced up and down.
“Teacher-nim! Dinosaur! Dinosaur!”
“Yeah, it’s a dinosaur. It really seems to be dinosaur village.”
“Kyaa!”
Jiwon, who ran off pitter-patter, hugged a huge dinosaur leg. Because he tried to hug every dinosaur he saw, just passing through the garden took quite a while.
After paying the entrance fee and going inside, the first thing visible was dinosaur bone fossils. The song video about how to excavate dinosaur bones was one of Jiwon’s favorites, but I still couldn’t tell whether Jiwon understood about fossils. I pressed firmly on Jiwon’s body and explained that this hard thing here is bone, and these dinosaurs died and left their bones. Jiwon just smiled innocently and nodded. Did he really understand?
“Daddy! It’s a dinosaur!”
After looking at the fossils and the model ecosystem from when dinosaurs lived and going upstairs, a moving dinosaur model exhibition appeared. Giant dinosaurs moved while making creaking sounds, and dinosaur cries could be heard from speakers attached to the back. Jiwon got excited and panted. Since he’d vomited before from being too excited, I watched Jiwon with an anxious heart.
“Wow!”
Eorin, who had been approaching Jiwon, was startled by the suddenly heard dinosaur cry and looked up. A pteranodon model hanging from the ceiling flapped its wings.
“Daddy! Puteyanodo!”
“Pute… Pteranodon?”
“Amazing!”
Jiwon’s eyes shone, then he started running around everywhere calling out dinosaur names. That’s Pachycephalosaurus, that’s Ankylosaurus, that’s Triceratops, that’s Tyrannosaurus. Tyrannosaur or Triceratops were familiar enough, but when the name “Parasaurolophus” came out of Jiwon’s mouth, I didn’t catch it and had to ask three times.
“He must really like dinosaurs.”
“Jiwon’s dream is to become a dinosaur.”
Eorin smiled broadly.
“I wonder if he might vomit from running around so excitedly…”
Eorin was worried about the exact same thing as me. Suddenly Eorin turned to look at me.
“When I was young, I think my dream was a train.”
“A train? A choo-choo train?”
“Yeah. I really liked them, so when I was young I just collected tons of train toys. What about you?”
“Huh?”
“What did you want to be when you were young?”
“I…”
If you forcibly bury things, you forget a lot too. Now that I was twenty-nine, I didn’t remember my childhood well either.
Still, there are definitely things that aren’t forgotten. I swallowed once and lied.
“…I don’t really remember.”
“…I see.”
A brief silence passed. I called Jiwon, saying let’s eat lunch now.
After sitting in the simple rest area in a corner of the second floor, eating lunch, we got up to finish looking around. The third floor was a dinosaur ecology explanation hall. Jiwon pressed every button attached to each exhibit and only took steps after hearing all the explanations. Since he liked the second floor too much, after going there once more, we decided to slowly head back, but like all family viewing facilities, to get to the exit we had to pass through the gift shop. Eorin told Jiwon, who wouldn’t leave, to choose just one doll, and what Jiwon chose was a Triceratops doll that fit snugly in his arms. Jiwon didn’t have a Triceratops doll, and I thought he’d skillfully chosen something he didn’t have at home. Since there were children who bought multiple of one thing they liked. It seemed Jiwon had a collecting tendency.
Perhaps because he’d been excited all day, when we came home, washed up, and ate dinner, Jiwon nodded off. After barely managing to brush his teeth and returning after putting the cup in the bathroom, Jiwon was already drooping in Eorin’s arms. Eorin laid Jiwon down and poured me juice, handing it over.
“Jiwon must have been really tired.”
“Right. Thank you for taking him out.”
“Why are you thanking me? It’s natural. Kids need to see a lot and play a lot.”
“Yeah. Thank you.”
At the steadfast thanks, I smiled faintly. I could feel Eorin’s gaze observing me. This early evening, sitting on the sofa and resting, even the silence felt comfortable.
Suddenly I had this thought. Ah, it’s quite peaceful. Like this, it would be okay.
If I just maintained it like this, there would be nothing difficult and nothing to shake me. I looked back on today. Thanks to what had this day become so peaceful? Even with Eorin beside me, my emotions didn’t waver and I was just calm.
Quietly retracing my thoughts, I soon realized. When Eorin asked about my childhood dream, I answered that I didn’t know. Then Eorin didn’t ask anything more, and I could avoid hurting. That was it.
I remembered the teacher’s words to bury painful thorns. Was that what it meant?
Right, thinking about it, until now I’d been continuously trying to bury all the old things. Facing Eorin’s face was unexpected, but that didn’t mean anything had to change.
Let’s bury the past. Bury it all, and just remain as a twenty-nine-year-old daycare teacher… Like I’d done for the passing years, and like today, peaceful days would return. Nothing particularly joyful, but nothing difficult either… Therefore, not a hard day.
I felt a bit more comfortable. I happily sipped the juice Eorin held out. For the first time, I could comfortably accept the goodwill of twenty-nine-year-old Kim Eorin given to the twenty-nine-year-old daycare teacher who had worked hard.
What I’d said about it being okay because there was no work was indeed a lie. No, did I even say there was no work in the first place? Eorin went to work the next day even though it was Sunday, and after that, overtime continued. It seemed he’d put off a lot of work to go on the outing together.
So I didn’t suspect at all. That Eorin would remember my birthday.
April 6th. Laughably, it was my birthday that even I had almost let pass without knowing. These days, since there was no meaning to commuting and nothing to worry about, not only dates but even days of the week were hazy. And since there was no one to celebrate my birthday, I’d been living forgetting my birthday.
“Teacher-nim, birth…!”
“Huh?”
“Aahp. No, shhh, shhh!”
“Huh? Bathroom?”
“Nooo. It’s a secwet.”
Jiwon said incomprehensible words, then covered his mouth with both hands and giggled. Jiwon, whose pronunciation development was slow, would tell me enthusiastically about his world, but there were times I couldn’t understand. I didn’t really know, but anyway he seemed happy, so I smiled back at him, but in fact that seemed to be birthday congratulations he’d almost said without thinking.
