“I’m not going.”
I clearly answered the phone after seeing a welcome name on my phone screen, but the voice I actually heard wasn’t the person I’d been waiting for.
– Ah, why. Let’s go.
“I don’t want to.”
– Don’t be like that, let’s go just once. Just this time.
If someone heard this, it would seem like this was the first time making such a proposal, but until now I’d heard the words “just this time” countless times.
– This is really the last time.
The person who called Kwon Sungha’s phone was none other than Kihyun hyung. It seemed he’d gone to school to match lunchtime today. If it were me, I’d never want to go back to a school I graduated from.
Kihyun hyung, who started asking about my well-being out of the blue, soon talked about the real purpose of his call before long.
To change tomorrow’s meeting place from the officetel to a Korean bar. The excuse was that since Junsung hyung, Jason hyung, and even Jungwoo hyung couldn’t come, it would be boring with just the four of us meeting, so let’s go somewhere new.
If it’s going to be boring anyway, we just shouldn’t meet. If I said this, he’d surely torment me for a while saying he’s disappointed, so I forcibly swallowed my next words.
“Rather, just go to a regular pub. Or go to a bar.”
– We’ve already been to places like that a lot.
“Hyung, you’ve been to Korean bars a lot too.”
– Hey, I’ve been a lot, but I haven’t been much with you. Let’s just go quietly drink among ourselves and come back.
“You know you’ve never kept that promise even once after saying that, right?”
– This time it’s real. I’ll keep the promise. I’m telling you it’s real.
“You know it’s useless even if only you keep the promise.”
Kihyun hyung, who knows so many people, was a celebrity just by going to such places. Even sitting still, several people would come talk to him, and calling us to their table was the better scenario—among them, some would even come to our table trying to pour drinks.
“Anyway, we need one person who won’t drink and will drive. I’ll just come pick you up when it’s over. Call me when you’re all done playing.”
– Hey. That’s not why I’m asking you to go, man. Gijae said he’d drive.
“I told you. Rather, I’ll do that. Anyway, I’m not going.”
– Really, it’s really the last time. Anyway, if we go around midnight, there won’t be many people since everyone goes to clubs.
I believed those words and went, but there’s never been a time it was good.
– Then there’s no choice, what. Let’s just see each other at your place…
“Pretending to be pitiful won’t work. You think I’ll go if you say that? I’m absolutely not going.”
– Ah. Kang Sehyun, really.
Hyung whined a few more times, but I insisted to the end that I wasn’t going. Instead, when I promised to pick them up later, he got all sulky saying he didn’t even want that and hung up. Until he hung up, I couldn’t hear the phone owner’s voice.
“Huh? You’re here already?”
I was looking at the disconnected phone screen and organizing my thoughts again when a familiar voice came from behind me. It was one of the protagonists of the recent headaches.
“No one’s here yet, so you’re waiting?”
The person who appeared in flashy clothing was a team member I recently started working on a project with. The only Korean person, who always spoke to me first whenever we gathered.
Every Friday, we’d decided to have a short meeting during the brief free time matching lunchtime. So I’d come to the cafe early and was sitting, but with still 30 minutes left until the appointment time, the next person to arrive would be the one I least wanted to run into. As expected, the person who bought a sandwich sat right in front of me.
“By any chance, are you uncomfortable because of me?”
Of course I was uncomfortable. I was about to jump up from my seat with smoking as an excuse when I remembered what I’d heard from Kwon Sungha recently. That it would probably be okay to just know each other to that extent.
‘If you don’t want to become acquaintances, at least don’t make enemies.’
‘Why. If I don’t talk to them, there won’t be any rumors.’
‘Still. I don’t like anyone badmouthing you, even in their hearts.’
Just because it came to mind at this timing, instead of getting up, I sat and quietly shook my head.
“It doesn’t matter.”
At my words, the other person looked surprised.
“That’s a relief.”
After that, we sat alone together for quite a while. The conversation that started with school or the project as topics had a high proportion of the other person to the point it could be called a monologue, but it was manageable. As I’d told Kwon Sungha recently, I just didn’t like increasing the number of people I knew—it wasn’t that the personality of the person talking to me was bad.
“What do you usually do on weekends?”
It was a personal question. Normally, this conversation would have ended with me asking what business it was of theirs, but Kwon Sungha’s voice telling me not to make enemies for no reason and to try getting along came to mind once more.
“By any chance, a date?”
Before I could answer, I frowned at the words the other person blurted out.
“Ah, or sorry. You might just be meeting a friend.”
In the past, I would have clearly said I was going on a date or meeting a friend. But now I was confused about which was the right answer.
I’m meeting Kwon Sungha, but it’s not a date. However, since our relationship is no longer friends now, it’s not meeting a friend either. Neither could be the right answer.
While I delayed answering as I pondered such things, the phone on the table vibrated briefly.
[Can you talk for a moment?]
This time, it was truly a message sent by the phone’s owner, Kwon Sungha. I wondered why Sungha, who knew I had meetings at the same time every day these days, contacted me at this time.
“If it’s okay later, once on the weekend—”
“I’ll go make a call and come back.”
As I stood up, I immediately called. While moving to the smoking area to find a slightly quieter place, the other person’s voice was heard as the third ring cut off.
– Ah… The meeting hasn’t started yet?
“It’s fine, so speak. Is something wrong?”
– No. It’s not that.
“Then why?”
– I have a favor to ask…?
“A favor?”
The Kwon Sungha I knew wasn’t someone who would call out of the blue when there wasn’t anything particularly wrong. Especially since during school we exchanged most conversations via message, I thought there must be a reason he wanted a call enough to deliberately ask.
– No, you know what Kihyun hyung talked about earlier. Going this week.
“Yeah.”
– You’re really not coming?
“Yeah.”
– What fun is it with just three of us without you? The other hyungs can’t come either, and Gijae hyung can’t drink, so it’s just Kihyun hyung and me drinking.
“That’s why I said I’d come pick you up. If you’re worried about leaving the car, I’ll take you there too, so all three of you can drink.”
– It’s not that, I want to drink with you. He says it’s the last time, so how about going together just once?
Although the hyungs who like crowded places sometimes asked, Kwon Sungha had never forcibly pressured me until now. Sungha, who knows my personality well, wouldn’t make such a request.
“Is that really something to ask as a favor?”
– Yeah.
“Is it really your favor?”
– Yeah…
Sungha trailed off unlike usual. The reason was clearly—
“What, is it Kihyun hyung again?”
I could tell without really hearing an answer. That this call absolutely wasn’t made of Sungha’s own will.
It was strange from the start that we had to talk on the phone right now, but it was even stranger that the word “favor” came first from Sungha’s mouth, who never asks for favors first. No wonder his attitude had been strangely awkward from when he answered the call—it seemed forced.
“Just put hyung on. He’s next to you anyway, right?”
– That’s a bit.
“Why can’t you refuse hyung’s requests?”
– I know, right.
A small laugh came through the receiver. Ridiculously, my heart pounded at this absurd situation.
– What, what’s he saying?
Unable to contain himself, Kihyun hyung, who spoke up, didn’t seem to know that the voice he made thinking he was whispering was all audible to me.
– I was caught.
– Eh, already?
– I’m sorry.
– How did he know? Kang Sehyun, that scary bastard.
The moment he knew he was caught, hyung raised his voice outright and openly cursed me, then next pretended to be sad. He seemed to think my mind would change if he at least pretended to be disappointed. It was really amazing that he still believed that after seeing me that way all this time.
A little later, when hyung’s voice quieted down, Sungha spoke to me again.
– Should I call back later? It’s almost meeting time, right?
“No. It’s fine. I still have 5 minutes left.”
– That’s a relief.
“By the way, your voice has been bothering me since earlier.”
The voice that had definitely been fine until last night had changed. I wondered if the cold had gotten worse in the meantime—the changed voice really bothered me.
“The cold, has it really come now?”
– I guess so.
“I don’t think now is the time to be asking me to go with you on Saturday.”
– A bit, right? But maybe because my throat hurts a bit less, today is actually better than yesterday.
“Medicine.”
– I took it. You took such care of me that I felt like something terrible would happen if I forgot.
After saying that, Sungha brought up the topic he thought was already finished.
– But are you really not coming?
“How many times should I say it? I’m not going.”
– Still, can’t you think about it one more time?
“No. You’ve never been like this before, so why do you keep asking this time?”
– I just wanted us to go together.
My heart pounded at the words just casually thrown out. At words given without much meaning.
Ha. Now I’m getting excited over everything.
– It’s no fun without you.
“You’re only like this at times like these.”
Another laugh was heard.
– It’s a newly opened place, so the hyungs really seem to want to go. Can’t we do something?
“If it’s really your favor, I’ll think about it.”
– It’s a favor.
I sighed.
Even knowing it was a favor he was forcing himself to make for the hyungs’ sake, hearing the word “favor” directly from Kwon Sungha meant I couldn’t pretend not to know. And the last thing I heard was decisive.
– If it’s not good, the two of us can just leave separately.
