“N-no. Eunchan is still h-hurting.”
“I’m hurting because of Miro-ssi, move aside.”
Eunchan suppressed the curses about to burst out toward Miro blocking his way. However, Miro’s expression was resolute. Worried about Eunchan’s weakened state that had collapsed from stomach pain, Miro had arranged for an examination to be given after Eunchan woke up.
“Get examined t-too, and rest before going.”
“Why would I get that? And where would I even go with you?”
An examination? Being in the same space together is already hard enough, what more do you want me to do? And the only person returning to that nice house was Miro alone. Eunchan looked at Miro, who was naturally trying to involve himself with him, with pitying eyes.
“You’re hungry, right? L-let’s eat. Hyung prepared what E-Eunchan likes.”
As if Eunchan’s fierce response didn’t bother him at all, Miro’s one-sided communication began again. Beyond Miro’s back, Eunchan could see the table set with food. In line with Eunchan’s taste for sweet things, bright yellow sweet pumpkin porridge was prepared. Eunchan ran his hand down his face, soothing his frustration.
“I won’t eat. Just remove this.”
“Hyung will p-pull it for you.”
Thinking Eunchan was uncomfortable with the line when he pointed at the IV, Miro smiled, saying he’d hold the pole instead.
“No, remove it so I can leave. Or I’ll pull it out with my hand myself.”
Because he was agitated, traces of blood flowing backward remained inside the tube. At the sight of Eunchan gripping his left hand as if about to tear off the gauze holding it in place at any moment, Miro couldn’t take his eyes off him and began to worry.
“N-not yet… I’m d-doing this so Eunchan gets better, okay?”
“Should I pull it out?”
Eunchan slowly peeled off the tape and asked Miro, who was trying to soothe him like a young sibling.
“…Does Eunchan really hate it?”
Eventually, at the sight of Eunchan roughly tearing off the tape, Miro finally screamed and quickly nodded his head.
Eunchan silently raised his hand and pointed at the hospital room door with his finger. It meant to go out and bring back any medical personnel. Miro looked at Eunchan with lingering eyes, but at Eunchan’s firm attitude, he obediently moved his feet outside.
“R-rest. Okay?”
Even though it would only take a moment, not even 3 minutes, Miro took one step and turned back to look at Eunchan, then took another step forward and turned his head again. Eunchan deliberately didn’t look at the anxious Miro, pretending to organize the pillow and blanket.
As soon as he heard the hospital room door close, Eunchan raised his head and checked his surroundings. Since some time had passed after waking up, he felt his narrow field of vision widen. Eunchan, who had been looking distastefully at the table set with a meal, soon discovered a familiar bag placed underneath. It was the luggage bag he’d been using.
Getting up immediately and dragging the pole, Eunchan approached it. When he hurriedly opened the zipper and checked inside, pop—familiar long ears appeared.
“This fucking… why bring something like this to the hospital? Are you crazy, really?”
It was luggage packed by the secretary, who knew Miro cherished the doll, on behalf of Miro who had rushed to the hospital, but Eunchan, who had no way of knowing this, naturally cursed Miro and frowned. Normally he would have understood Miro carrying the doll around, but now everything about Miro only looked hateful.
Eunchan threw the rabbit wearing pretty clothes—even those identical to the sweater Miro had made for him—behind him. A dull noise occurred behind his back, but he didn’t care at all.
He continued to rummage inside, but couldn’t find his phone or Eunchan’s wallet. Still, fortunately the clothes from before being changed into patient garb were neatly folded inside the bag, as if Miro had taken care of them.
I need to change clothes first. Words didn’t get through to Miro. At this rate, he might end up stuck in the hospital continuously.
Eunchan glanced at the hospital room door and unbuttoned his top. However, only after opening the front completely did he notice his left hand with the IV inserted. They say when your head is bad, your body suffers—it was exactly that situation.
There was no time to button up the front again. Eunchan pulled down his pants to at least change the bottom. Since it was simple sweatpants, not jeans, he could change quickly. Just as he’d taken off all the patient clothes and put his left foot through the sweatpants, he heard the sound of the door opening.
“…Eunchan, what are you doing?”
“Ah, ah! Wait a moment!”
But Miro entering was faster. As soon as he opened the door and saw Eunchan’s legs, Miro hastily blocked the nurse following behind and quickly closed the door. Miro’s heart beat more fiercely than Eunchan, who was startled and awkwardly fell in place.
“Y-you can’t do this h-here. Other p-people can see.”
“Get away.”
Covering his earlobes that had turned red with embarrassment and humiliation with his palms, Eunchan shouted loudly. Miro, who had approached with big steps, easily lifted Eunchan up with one hand, then picked him up and carefully sat him on the sofa. Then he immediately took off the sweatpants and put Eunchan’s legs back through the patient clothes.
“L-lewdly… You c-can’t do this outside. O-only at home, only when you’re with me, okay?”
“…”
While carefully buttoning up the top again, Miro furrowed his brow and gave the reminder. Eunchan was so dumbfounded by that attitude that he coldly swatted away Miro’s hand placed on his chest.
“What are you doing right now?”
“Organizing Eunchan’s clothes.”
“We’re not in that kind of relationship anymore. Don’t call me Eunchan either.”
They couldn’t return to a relationship where they unhesitatingly touched each other and held each other in their arms. Eunchan pushed away the distance as much as Miro approached.
Forcibly distanced from Eunchan, Miro soon drooped down, made a pitiful face, and brought his fingernail between his lips. It was exactly Eunchan’s habit whenever he was lost in deep thought or anxious.
“Th-then what should I c-call you?”
“I won’t see you again, so there’s no need to call me. Where’s my phone?”
Now that it had come to this, there was no choice but to just go out wearing the patient clothes. If told to pay it back, he planned to leave it to Miro. Since he played around with a person, he should obviously do at least this much. Eunchan pursed his lips thinking desperately of cigarettes and looked down at the man crouched in front of him below the sofa.
“…”
“This is the end.”
He didn’t know what hyung hoped for in doing this, but he wasn’t curious anymore. Even if he sought answers, nothing would come back anyway.
“H-hyung is okay.”
“I’m not okay.”
“Hyung knows everything, so e-even so I’m hyung, so okay…”
It seemed like words spoken to himself rather than to Eunchan. He repeatedly said it was okay as if reciting to himself, but his fingertips were trembling like an addict.
“You’re not my hyung. We’re strangers.”
Acting like hyung when you’re not even real family looked ridiculous. Who abandoned and left first, and now… When Eunchan emphasized this, Miro met Eunchan’s gaze unable to hide his feverish eyes.
“Why am I not your hyung? I’m the only hyung Eunchan has.”
“I’m an only child, I don’t have a hyung or anything. Miro-ssi and I aren’t in any relationship now. We’re just returning to our places like we were originally.”
They were just being redefined into that disordered relationship where they were neither hyung nor lovers. Eunchan whispered softly, unable to shake off Miro’s touch grasping his wrist.
“This is my place…”
But to Miro, his place was here. That place where he occupied the spot beside Eunchan and greedily devoured the sweet emotions given—that belonged only to Miro. Before and from now on, he had no intention of giving it to anyone. Miro clung to Eunchan’s hand like a believer seeking baptism.
“I hate the name Eunchan, and the time I spent with hyung was terrible. It’s all fake, you were playing around with me.”
Though the environment was lacking, he had lived fiercely so he had no regrets. He’d never stolen once, and though he had no brains, he hadn’t been lazy with his studies. Even after Pastor-nim left, he bravely found a place to live alone, found a job, and lived hard.
But in all those arrangements was Miro. Even with nothing to his name, Miro had skillfully taken away Eunchan’s autonomy.
“I-if you hate the name, something else.”
“Take me out of hyung’s game board. I’m too exhausted.”
Eunchan revealed his tired soul along with a sigh. Like a doll whose strings had all snapped from dancing around alone in Miro’s scripted play.
“…”
“Come in!”
For the nurse who must have been waiting outside for a long time, Eunchan shouted loudly. It was truly a long wait for both of them and for the nurse.
* * *
Even though the IV was removed, he couldn’t easily go outside. Because Miro, who had been quiet, couldn’t overcome his emotions and showed tears. As if afraid Eunchan might go outside the door, he hugged Eunchan’s waist tightly and wouldn’t let go. Thanks to that, still in patient clothes, Eunchan sat blankly on the sofa with a lump attached to his side, just looking out the window.
The warm sunlight was as bright and shining as yesterday. I wish Miro’s secretary would come. Recalling the secretary he’d briefly talked with before, Eunchan worried about how to detach Miro.
He could even get physical and hit him once before leaving, but he had no confidence he’d win, and he didn’t feel like doing so. For that, Miro’s eyes were too fragile. His pupils seemed to have split into multiple colors like broken glass shards, losing their color. What is this damn attachment—like a thin stem, it can’t be easily broken.
That said, he couldn’t call Hyungsik either. He was worried the crazed Miro might harm the kid for no reason. Besides, he didn’t have his phone and it was difficult to go out into the hallway, so it was impossible.
The nape where Miro buried his face was soaked with tears. Deliberately ignoring Miro’s ribcage that swelled and deflated largely as he breathed hurriedly, Eunchan began to pray that at least Han Inju would come now.
