With a face utterly weary of the world, staring only at the cityscape outside, Miro seemed to have calmed down at some point and wiped his tear-soaked face before raising his body from Eunchan’s embrace.
“Ugh, Eunchan’s meal…”
Then he acted as if Eunchan’s meal was more important than his own crying. Still unable to gather his eyes full of worry, Miro tried to stand up to clear away the cold meal and bring out a new one.
“I’m not going to eat it anyway. You know Han Inju’s number, right? Just call him.”
If he doesn’t come, I’ll make him come. Eunchan grabbed Miro’s wrist and asked for Han Inju. Among the people Eunchan knew, he was the most intelligent and rational person. That person would probably help maintain center even in this total state of crisis. At least in this situation, he’d be easier to communicate with than Miro. Besides, since he couldn’t hit Miro, it would be even better if that person took a hit in his place.
“Why, why?”
“Tell him to come.”
Why does he keep looking for reasons like this? When he doesn’t even answer properly himself. Having said what he needed to say, Eunchan flung away Miro’s wrist and lay back down on the bed. Turning his back to Miro as he lay down, Eunchan pulled the blanket up to the top of his head, expressing that he didn’t want to talk.
“What about Eunchan’s meal? Are you hung—aren’t you hungry?”
“Don’t talk to me until Han Inju arrives.”
From now on, he planned to treat him like he didn’t exist at all. Finding even Miro’s faint breathing irritating, Eunchan covered both ears with his hands and closed his eyes. Only after blocking out all his senses did his mind become comfortable.
Though that couldn’t stop him from being concerned, Eunchan had to overhear the brief phone conversation along with Miro’s footsteps. Hearing the hospital and Han Inju’s name mixed in here and there, it seemed like he was telling his secretary to bring Han Inju. I should just sleep instead. Eunchan tried to focus on his breathing, attempting to sleep even though sleep wouldn’t come. The only way to pass the tedious time was sleep.
…Actually, maybe it wasn’t losing consciousness but getting a good night’s sleep. His eyes were closed but sleep absolutely wouldn’t come. To make matters worse, Miro, who had finished his call and seemed worried about Eunchan’s breathing, carefully pulled back the blanket covering his face, making it difficult to pretend to be asleep.
Though it was pitiful how he whimpered like a puppy, hovering around, when he closed his eyes he could see that creepy room flickering before him, making it impossible to understand Miro. Hyung, why did you come looking for me again? Like someone who still had something more to hide, Miro kept holding back his words.
I only knew him as a rich young master. Hyung also had no parents, yet to me… No, why keep digging up old memories? He’s someone I’m going to cut ties with now.
Like the pile of boxes that kept blocking the entrance and stairs in front of the company, Eunchan wanted to simply pick up Miro and remove him from his path.
“Eunchan-ah.”
A call as tender as spring rain. Miro called out to him with that soft voice Eunchan had loved so dearly.
“…Call me Deoksu.”
Because I’m going to throw away that name. Having had two names in his life, he didn’t like either of them. But he had really loved the name Eunchan. Thinking of it as a grace given by the pastor, he had felt warmth in his heart from the affection he’d been given. Without even knowing who gave it to him. Eunchan secretly soaked the pillow with the tears flowing from his sense of futility.
“To hyung, there’s only Eunchan. Before, and now too…”
It’s a lie. How much does Miro have right now? Even when he was in Muan, his circumstances were surely better than Eunchan’s. Eunchan opened his eyes, scoffing at Miro’s confession.
“I don’t need hyung.”
What I needed was just a lover who would be by my side and hold me. Eunchan turned around, looked at Miro, and spat out the words.
“…”
“I can meet someone else. There are plenty of people to replace hyung.”
A lover was quite a good companion for soothing loneliness. Thanks to Miro, he’d learned that, so there was some gain. Eunchan could forget Miro. Just like he’d erased hyung, Miro too… he could do that.
“Is there someone else?”
At the words Eunchan spat out with complicated feelings, Miro even stopped breathing and hurriedly asked back. Someone else, someone else. For Miro, who knew everything about Eunchan, the shock was quite severe.
“I don’t know. Anyone is fine as long as it’s not hyung.”
Miro looked like he would grab him by the collar and demand answers if he could. In the past, just seeing his reddened eyes would have made Eunchan frightened enough to change the subject or fumble his words, but now he was so desperate to scratch at Miro’s insides that Eunchan deliberately chose words Miro would hate to hear.
“Why, why? Eunchan has h-hyung by his side. If you need more, if it’s that kind of thing…”
Miro’s fingernails were already all torn off to the point where the skin was bleeding. Pressing his wounded fingertips together, Miro muttered alone anxiously.
“I’m going to find a new hyung too. Someone better than you.”
“…That won’t do.”
“Why? What are you, Miro-ssi? I’m going to do as I please, so what does it have to do with you?”
As Miro acted like he held the power, scrutinizing every action, Eunchan answered heatedly.
“Because I’m Eunchan’s family.”
“Not even if you die and wake up again.”
Seeing Miro still caught up in playing family, Eunchan replied coldly. He thought Miro liked dolls more, but it seemed he was even more interested in playing house.
“If Eunchan wants, we can meet as three. But, I, only I am Eunchan’s lover and hyung. Right? As long as we keep this, yes, just this… if you don’t meet alone. We can meet together as three where I am. That, I’ll try to understand. Since Eunchan wants it.”
But Eunchan’s answer didn’t even reach Miro’s ears. Whatever calculation he’d done in his head, Miro soon grabbed Eunchan’s hand with unfocused pupils like someone who’d lost their mind and said.
What does he mean meet as three? Is he completely ignoring the fact that I’m going to leave and never meet again? Eunchan furrowed his brow deeply facing Miro who still didn’t understand.
“Why would three people meet? I’m only going to meet with them. There’s no place for Miro-ssi.”
“…What are the two of you going to do?”
“Everything.”
Who it was, what they’d do—he had no plan at all, so even Eunchan didn’t know. But not wanting to lose to Miro, Eunchan gave the cleanest and most perfect answer. ‘Everything.’ It was a magic word that encompassed all the things he’d done with Miro, and all the things they hadn’t been able to do together.
“Without me? Just the two of you with Eunchan? Who? With whom? Tell me… Where does that person live? Did you take off your pants like you just did? Does that person know too? How many moles are on Eunchan’s body, how you talk in your sleep, that your eyelashes flutter when you kiss? Why, why?”
“Get away from me!”
Pouring out countless questions without pause, Miro roughly grabbed Eunchan’s wrist. Immediately pinning Eunchan’s arms firmly above his head, Miro straddled his waist and suppressed his struggling. It was a quick and simple touch like folding paper. Eunchan ground his teeth at the aching pain in his wrists from Miro’s grip strength and glared at him fiercely.
I can’t beat Miro with strength. As if the weak and gentle Miro had been fake, he looked rough. Eunchan looked up at his unfamiliar face from beneath Miro. It was an expression where no emotion could be found at all. So this is why Jang Heewoo was afraid of Miro.
The pale face was still beautiful, but it also brought to mind a corpse. Eunchan twisted his body hard, suppressing the goosebumps rising. Since Miro was kneeling to support his own weight, it wasn’t heavy, but Miro’s enormous shadow was overwhelming and suffocating.
“It’s Hyungsik, isn’t it?”
Regarding Eunchan’s struggling as cute as a small bird’s flapping, Miro soon smiled and whispered a name in his ear. That voice was so eerie it was impossible to distinguish whether a person spoke or a ghost whispered.
“What? No!”
As the name of his work colleague and close friend came up, Eunchan shook his head in horror. It already seemed like Miro had been targeting Hyungsik, so if he caused a misunderstanding on top of that, it would be the end.
Staring piercingly at Eunchan’s face and reactions, observing him, Miro soon confirmed the truth and fortunately quickly erased Hyungsik’s name.
“Then Kim Ilseon?”
“Fuck, why would the boss and I!”
What’s the age difference! And Eunchan’s standards were quite high. Eunchan looked at Miro, who had mentioned the boss’s name without hesitation, as if he were disgusting.
As Miro, who knew well Eunchan’s narrow circle of relationships, couldn’t find the answer and had confused eyes, and Eunchan was struggling desperately to escape from beneath Miro, just then, the sound of knocking on the hospital room door was heard.
Knock, knock. Not once, not three times, but in between. The leisurely and light knocking sound was enough to take Eunchan’s attention. That’s definitely Han Inju. It had to be Han Inju.
Grabbing the chin of Eunchan who had turned away and fixing it back toward himself, Miro smiled broadly as if he finally understood.
“It’s Han Inju.”
Was it because he’d been too happy? The spark flew to the wrong place.
“It’s Han Inju.”
At the same time as Miro’s designation, Han Inju announced his name from outside the door. Eunchan first stopped Han Inju from entering. He needed to calm Miro down.
“Wait, wait!”
Eunchan shouted loudly for time to both Miro and Han Inju outside the door. Why did things keep getting more tangled as they went on—he couldn’t understand. Eunchan breathed deeply, trying to buy some time.
However, neither Miro nor Han Inju were the type to listen well to Eunchan. Han Inju finally opened the door, and Miro turned his head and greeted Han Inju with a smiling face.
Though he hadn’t committed any crime, Eunchan, who somehow felt uneasy, could only squeeze his eyes shut tightly.
