How heartless. Havi is a very cold-hearted gray bear.
Havi told Levia not to summon him anymore. It was because he’d been called too frequently lately. He’d even been woken up repeatedly during hibernation. Finally, unable to bear it any longer, he ended up refusing summons altogether.
Levia grumbled but had no choice but to accept it. After all, he’d been too bothersome just because Havi knew humans better than him. Even he knew he’d gone too far.
Well, it can’t be helped. Havi is a bear, after all. Even if I keep asking about humans, he can’t know everything. Besides, it’s been so long since Havi lived among human groups in the first place.
It was several more days before Miros woke up again.
“Um, Miros? Are you feeling a bit better today?”
“…It hurts.”
“Tell me where and how it hurts. I can’t really tell just by looking.”
“I don’t know either.”
Since waking up, Miros had refused to get out of bed. He kept insisting something hurt and held his ground. No matter how delicious the food offered, no matter how much kissing and coaxing happened day and night, it was useless.
“This is serious. We need to get you back soon…”
At Levia’s worried words, Miros turned over completely. Blatantly showing he didn’t want to hear it. Levia approached him and patted his back while speaking.
“Miros, should I just send you back now? If other humans see you, they might be able to fix you.”
“…What if I just die on the spot?”
“I don’t know anything about humans.”
It wasn’t difficult for Levia to repair damage and revive him with his power. But despite that, Miros continued to lie down insisting he was in pain and refused to get up. And whenever something he disliked was said, he would invariably respond with sharp, barbed words or pretend not to hear and turn away.
“I don’t care, I’m going to sleep.”
Like this. Levia could do nothing but fluster helplessly.
No, actually, if he really tried to do something, he could do plenty. He could have the Dryads send him down while he slept, or drive him out directly. He already knew the body was perfectly fine.
But how could he do that? He didn’t want to do such rough things to such a pretty and lovable child. Maybe there was a desire to stay a little longer under such excuses. Even knowing he’d eventually have to send him back.
Still, his heart just ached. The grown child would just claim to be in pain and stubbornly sulk, or else suddenly burst into tears while looking at him. He didn’t even know why Miros was crying, but he kept crying saying it hurt, so his heart weakened.
Levia, who had been staring only at the back of the sulking Miros’s head, briefly kissed his hair and said.
“Stay asleep. I’ll buy some chocolate. Lots of marshmallows too, and lots of snacks. And let’s build a magnificent sandcastle. We’ll stick colorful flags in it and sing songs. Okay?”
At Levia’s affectionate behavior, Miros was momentarily speechless.
Why doesn’t he ask anything? Doesn’t he plan to suspect or interrogate me? Anyone could see my words and actions aren’t normal. Even though I said I lost my memory, I’m calmly imitating my past self and not asking Levia anything.
Why doesn’t he find this strange? Why are you always so kind?
He himself knew this behavior was dangerous. Yet inwardly he hoped to be recognized. That he remembered everything, that he had ultimately returned.
What kind of attitude is this, really.
“…I won’t do it. I don’t like that stuff anymore.”
Miros still responded with sharp words, but Levia didn’t get angry. He just soothed Miros and spoke.
“Then tell me again when I come back. What you like now.”
Then he quietly withdrew from the spot and left.
Left alone, Miros stayed like that for a while, and only when Levia’s presence could no longer be felt at all did he finally manage to sit up. He was crying like a child.
“Ha… Fuck. How old am I now to want chocolate and marshmallows?”
He certainly loved those most when he was young. Though he never thought Levia would still remember that.
He had been holding out like this ever since regaining his memories.
Right after his memories first returned, he was in and out of it due to the afterimages flooding in all at once, but that was only brief. Now he remembered everything. From the very moment he first met Levia, to the moment he was abandoned. He had regained it all.
Even after fully recalling his memories, Miros stubbornly pretended not to know until the end. And every time Levia said he’d send him back, he’d lie down claiming to be in pain. He endured somehow to avoid being dragged away.
Levia didn’t try to forcibly drive him out either. He didn’t threaten or intimidate him.
Actually, Levia must surely know too. That he was lying. But Levia didn’t interrogate him. He worried when Miros said it hurt, but that was it. He didn’t even suspect.
Miros wouldn’t deceive me. He believed this firmly. Even while knowing everything.
Well, the Miros that Levia knew would never lie.
After shedding endless tears, he wiped his eyes. He didn’t know since when, but his eyes had changed to amber. Regaining his memories was probably due to this too. Otherwise it couldn’t be explained.
His original eyes had been gouged out when he was very young. His new eyes were green, created from receiving Levia’s energy. Those eyes had suddenly changed to brilliant amber. Perhaps because of that, Miros had become able to sense Levia.
Though it was a very vague sensation, he could clearly feel what Levia was feeling. The heart that didn’t know what to do with how lovable he was, yet also worried, the anxiousness about having to send him back, and such.
If this is how it is, then why did you abandon me in the first place?
Couldn’t you have just lived happily with me? He was swept up in mixed emotions and didn’t know what to do. He was angry and felt wronged.
Just when he was trying to regain it, they were trying to take it away again.
So Miros couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t even get angry. He couldn’t cling to him saying it was unfair. He couldn’t plead. Because he had to keep pretending not to know. Because only then could he stay here a little longer. Because then he could receive Levia’s affection.
Foolish Levia-Rishian. Even though everything he did was full of contradictions, Levia didn’t point out a single thing. The fact that he called Levia’s name “Leri,” or that Levia naturally called his name which he hadn’t mentioned once since returning—he didn’t question any of it.
Maybe everything just seems natural to him. Because the one Levia remembers was just a child. Even the last time he abandoned me, I wasn’t actually an adult yet.
He didn’t want to act this childishly either. It was close to deliberately throwing tantrums because the version of himself Levia remembered was a ‘young child.’
Right now, he couldn’t think of any other method besides that. If he didn’t act like the ‘child’ Levia remembered, he felt he’d be abandoned again immediately. No, surely he would be. But was it okay to do this?
“Rather, rather…”
Oh no. Miros was startled by himself and closed his mouth. Even if Levia had left, the Dryads were still wandering somewhere in this nest. If even an absentminded mumble accidentally leaked out, it would be terrible. He covered his mouth and looked around.
But what could he see by doing that? Unfortunately, Miros didn’t have the supernatural ability to see through walls. He just anxiously looked around, then lost himself in thought without realizing. He still left this here, huh.
This small cabin where he was staying was the cabin Levia had made for Miros long ago. Because he had been afraid of Levia’s nest being too open and vast, it was deliberately made to imitate a human environment.
Honestly, why would Levia need such a thing? This nest itself was already Levia’s dwelling. There really wasn’t any need to make it. Even Miros himself wondered if he had been worth that much.
Just a common thief. A worthless street brat. Levia said he was the prettiest in the world, but no one could agree with that. Not even Miros himself. What’s pretty about me? When he was young there were at least some cute aspects, but not at all now that he was fully grown.
He was somewhat handsome, but more good-looking than pretty. If you had to split hairs. Now he’d grown much taller, and his build was considerable. His whole body was covered in scars. He might look threatening, but not pretty.
“…And yet, he says I’m pretty. Ridiculously…”
Is it really true? Maybe Levia just can’t let go of memories from when I was pretty? Maybe I just want to believe that? What if it’s all an illusion?
Miros got up from where he was and crouched in front of the mirror standing to one side. When he was young this was too high so he deliberately lowered it. And Levia had always sat beside him. Levia would smile next to him and whisper.
That he was this pretty. Telling him to check every single day how pretty he was, how lovable he was. Then he wouldn’t have scary dreams. He could be happy.
“Liar.”
If I was so pretty, why did you abandon me?
Liar. Levia only lied. He said he was the prettiest, that he loved him, then mercilessly threw him away. He wasn’t pretty. He was never pretty. Now he was just something that had grown large.
The tears that had barely stopped welled up again. His face reflected in the mirror was full of anger. Teeth clenched, only tears flowing silently.
You said I’d be happy? You said everyone would love me. But I didn’t need that. I wanted you to love me. I wanted to live happily with you. So how could you abandon me?
Unlike his resentful heart, his head understood. Because Miros was no longer that child from back then. The Levia he met again was exactly the same as in his memories from that time. The dark brown hair showed green afterimages when catching light. The skin, pale beyond white, was beautiful, and the green eyes that looked at him were the same.
Yes. He hadn’t changed at all. While he himself had grown this large, Leri was unchanged in everything. He could no longer just throw tantrums blindly. Because he’d come to understand why Levia had tried to send him back.
Leri and I are different. No matter how long it takes, I’ll grow old and die. Knowing nothing but Leri, I’ll be preserved here. Leri loved me so he found that regrettable.
“Fuck, why does he get to decide that?”
It wasn’t an intentional utterance. Overcome with emotion, he spat it out without realizing. Miros felt a thousand fires boiling inside.
In a world without Levia, he had never been happy. Even if everyone praised him, even if everything in the world moved for him. He didn’t need anything. Because what he wanted most was only one thing.
Levia hadn’t wanted to preserve him in eternity. But he had been preserved elsewhere. In his own past, in his childhood, in those days spent with Levia.
He hadn’t become an adult. He hadn’t become anything.
Neither hero nor human, he’d become stuck in time.
Levia tried to set him free, but made him unable to become anything. He wanted to be bound, but was forcibly isolated. He came back, but was too scared to even open his mouth. He just, ended up that way.
Maybe this is the last chance. All he could do was pretend not to know.
