One day, Elion lifted his head in the silence. He didn’t make eye contact with me, but his direction was precisely aimed at me. I didn’t move.
That wasn’t the disappearance of fear, but the first sign of acceptance.
At least that’s what I think. Well now. As expected, this is more finicky than a cat. Yet a strange sense of satisfaction welled up.
***
That evening, Elion was fiddling with a piece of wood he’d picked up from somewhere. He was carving it as if trying to shape it into something, but regrettably, it didn’t achieve a clear form.
Elion really is like a cat. If you make a fuss openly, he runs away, but if you pretend not to care, pretend not to know, he sidles up to you. After he began staying by my side like that, I looked back at Elion’s appearance once at regular intervals. Except when dressing him up, I gave him distance.
Elion still seemed to have his mind coming and going.
That’s how I confirmed whether Elion was still in that place, whether he was alive, whether he still feared me. It wasn’t an obligation, but a kind of interest in wanting to confirm.
“…Do you have something to say?”
“Not particularly.”
“Then, why…”
It seems he was bothered since I kept hovering around. Ah, he certainly did approach closer than usual this time.
Really a finicky human. He’s truly more sensitive than a mimosa.
“I’m just watching. You’re pretty, and I’m curious?”
I deliberately spoke more lightly, as if it were nothing.
“The dryads keep circling around you.”
When I spoke as if whispering, Elion turned his gaze slightly to the side.
“I know.”
“They keep wanting to see you because you’re so pretty.”
“…I think that’s a bit strange.”
That answer came slowly. Was he sincere? Elion didn’t seem accustomed to compliments. He looked somewhat troubled, and also seemed embarrassed. He also showed a bit of bewilderment. Really incomprehensible.
“Humans have eyes too, don’t they? There’s no way they couldn’t recognize how pretty you are.”
Is it because he’s an adult? His suspicion is pathological. No matter what I say, he can’t believe it. Thinking about it, there’s no reason why he should believe my words, but if I say this much, shouldn’t he at least pretend to listen?
“Well. Even though my… memory is unstable, I don’t think I’ve ever heard that I’m pretty.”
“No, you just clearly don’t remember. If you were this pretty, someone should have blurted it out even by mistake.”
I can’t say I like Elion yet.
When I dressed him up prettily, he accepted it obediently, but he subtly showed that he didn’t like it. Of course, that didn’t mean I was going to stop.
Because not properly dressing up such a pretty specimen would be a waste.
Perhaps because Elion was an adult, he easily endured even large and thick wrappings and walked around just fine. Miros would constantly trip over the hem of his clothes, probably because his gait was immature, and Raha didn’t have the strength and couldn’t even get up when buried under a pile of clothes.
Elion tried hard to pretend to be calm. Was my statement that shocking? Or is it still not enough? Did I approach too quickly?
“Are you still uncomfortable? Or are you gradually becoming more comfortable?”
Elion turned his head and looked at me. That gaze was somehow unfamiliar. It wasn’t wariness, nor suspicion, but a sense of distance still existed.
“I can feel that I’m alive.”
Those words sounded not like an answer, but like a confirmation. Elion was saying that he was still breathing and possessed senses. Mixed in was a sensation where he couldn’t even tell whether it was survival or existence.
Apart from his refined speech, he speaks so ambiguously that it’s really difficult. In the end, I just changed the subject outright. While pointing directly at the piece of wood Elion was holding.
“What are you going to do with that?”
“Just… my hands wanted to move.”
That answer was short but firm. Elion said while fiddling with the half-made piece of wood.
“Rather than the meaning of ‘making’ something, it’s closer to an act of reviving the sensation in my hands.”
So it’s not an act with a purpose? Elion unnecessarily rolled his eyes, while his fingertips slowly retraced the weight of the wood.
After a bit of time passed, Elion quietly opened his mouth.
“If my memory returns… will things change?”
I didn’t answer. I don’t think Elion asked because he wanted an answer either.
“I don’t know what kind of person I am, why I’m here, what I’m missing…. I don’t know if it’s right to be here like this.”
I turned my head and looked at Elion. Elion’s expression wasn’t wavering, but the inside of his pupils were trembling little by little.
“Just do as you want.”
“But someday…”
“You can choose then when the time comes. Today isn’t that day, is it?”
I said firmly.
“Your memory might return, or it might not. I’m glad you’re here, but if you leave, there’s nothing I can do. I don’t know why you’re asking such a thing.”
I’m not criticizing. I really said it because I was puzzled. I’m not trying to keep this one here. He’s pretty, but I know that keeping a mortal here is something I can’t do. Preventing him from enjoying the natural order would be too pitiful, wouldn’t it?
“You just need to do as you want. Anything.”
Of course, if when his memory returns, the purpose for climbing up here turns out to be wicked, that would be troublesome. Still, I’m thinking of letting it go once. Either way, he’s pretty, and he’s behaved well and modestly in the meantime.
“Just being alive makes everything precious. Really.”
I don’t know how he heard my words. Elion took a long breath. His breathing settled, and his shoulder line relaxed just a little.
“Thank you.”
I don’t know what he’s thanking me for. It’s not like I said anything worthy of thanks. Really a well-mannered specimen.
When Elion opened his eyes again one day, he didn’t avoid me like at first. It was a very small and subtle change, but it was a movement of a size I could detect. Elion now exists in the world where I am.
I told the dryads not to startle Elion, and changed the structure of the nest a bit to expand the space where Elion could stay. And at the same time every day, Elion was there, and I was glad that Elion was still in that place.
I never made Elion. But at this moment, Elion was an existence I protected. That was quite a fact to feel proud about. Though it’s foolish.
***
Just when I thought it was time to sleep, Elion isn’t falling asleep.
His breathing was stable, and his eyelids were closed, but his presence was that of someone awake all night. I can sense that.
What if he gets sick from not sleeping this much?
I didn’t approach head-on but chose the side where the wind flowed. I reduced my presence and kept distance so shadows wouldn’t overlap. Elion was sitting beside the bed.
Elion opened his eyes for no reason. He swallowed for no reason, and stared at one place for no reason. I was there.
Elion wasn’t even surprised. Did he know?
I watched Elion standing like that for a long time. The silence was long, the space was quiet, and even the wind seemed to have stopped. At the end of that silence, Elion spoke in a small voice.
“What… are you?”
That question wasn’t sharp. It wasn’t defensive either, nor was it full of wariness. As if a thought he’d been holding back for a long time had flowed out, it fell cautiously and low.
I didn’t answer right away. Isn’t this too sudden?
To be precise, in human time, there would have been a brief silence. However, in my senses, a gap as long as it takes for a layer of moss to grow up a wall. I tried not to collapse that space.
“Just something old.”
What I said was the truth. I knew it was my truth, and at the same time an expression Elion couldn’t understand. However, that was about all I could say. I don’t explain in human words what I am, whose part I am, what form defines my existence.
I do have many names I’m called by. But I don’t know how to explain this. The headless dog, the cursed white serpent, the master of the White Snake Mountain Range, etcetera. Up to Levia-Rishian, which humans mainly call me. But I’ve already told him the pronoun humans use for me.
I don’t know what he wants to know by asking. I tried to recall what Elion liked.
After pondering for quite a while, I realized. Good heavens, I know nothing about this specimen! He seemed to like drinking tea, but that was it. Other than that, I knew absolutely nothing.
“I forgot the most important thing.”
“What thing, do you mean?”
“I never asked what you like at all.”
This is a really serious problem. Of course I know Miros, and I also know what Raha likes. Havi too, Phellos too, Lamga too, even what Toto likes! I don’t even know what the specimen in my nest, of all places, likes!
But Elion was just staring at me with a stupid face. I quickly laid Elion down and said.
“First, it’s late, so sleep now. Finding out what you like takes a long time.”
“Why… is what I like important?”
What kind of nonsense is this now? I spoke with the feeling of wondering why he was being like this.
“Of course. You need to know what you like to be happy.”
“So why is that…”
Looking at his bewildered face, I almost yelled out of frustration, but barely held back. I forgot. This specimen’s memory is incomplete. He’s lost part of his memory due to shock. He might have forgotten. Really, me too. How could I forget that?
“I’ll tell you tomorrow. It’s too late to explain now.”
“This is too sudden…”
“Mm. I should just put you to sleep.”
Humans need a certain amount of sleep. But this one is trying not to sleep. He acts like a cat normally, but I don’t know why he can’t sleep as much as a cat. In my impatience, I just used force to put Elion to sleep.
“Phew, I’m glad I remembered even now.”
When he wakes up tomorrow, I should ask him lots of things. Or it would be good to find things he likes one by one. That’s how I covered sleeping Elion with a thick cotton blanket too.
