Prologue
He cupped the water pouring from the faucet and splashed it over his face. He stared blankly at his own reflection in the mirror. An expression that didn’t suit the bathroom at all — where elegant lighting had been arranged throughout and not even the smallest decorative piece had been placed carelessly.
The skin beneath his half-closed eyes was ashen. What little vitality remained had faded, with exhaustion clinging thickly in its place, and his slightly parted lips were chapped and rough. There was no way, even as an empty compliment, to say he looked well.
Dohui tapped his lips with his fingertips, still damp from the water. He stared blankly as the soft flesh yielded to the faint pressure and then returned to its shape. A low sigh slipped out between his slightly parted lips.
Dohui stepped out of the bathroom without drying himself off. Because patience was not something he could expect from the one waiting for him.
Whenever buried hope tried to rise back to the surface, the man would break Dohui down — again and again. Until, in the end, nothing remained but resentment toward him.
Slap. Slap. His damp soles passed over the warmed tiles.
He was sick of the man’s marks — carved densely from his slender ankles up to his calves, his somewhat fuller thighs and buttocks. Stripping him bare so that nothing could be covered — that too had been the man’s intention.
“Took you a while?”
The man sitting on the sofa tilted his head back and looked at Dohui with a contemptuous smile. His long, drawn-out eyes curved in a captivating arc, and his sharp, prominent nose was flawless. Both arms resting on the sofa were built entirely of muscle — thick enough that each one could easily rival Dohui’s thighs.
If there was a God… it seemed almost cruel, as though He had gone out of His way to lavish only outward beauty upon that man.
Goosebumps rose on Dohui’s skin, and he rubbed his slender arms. He quietly averted his eyes toward the floor-to-ceiling window. The view outside — visible from a place where the windows couldn’t even be opened — was no different from a pretty picture with nothing behind it, yet it was the best thing Dohui could look at right now.
“Is ‘I want to kill you’ written all over my face?”
“……”
If only I could.
If only I could grab that thick neck and take his last breath away.
He had imagined it before, but the ending was always his own defeat. All he could see was his own body, crushed and wretched. At that grim conclusion, Dohui squeezed his eyes shut.
“Come here.”
At his command, Dohui’s legs faltered.
“……Today, I don’t want to. Just…… just one day……”
“Dohui. Im Dohui. You need to make me happy.”
Where do you think you’re going.
“Don’t call me like that. It feels like……”
Like you’re talking to a dog.
He tried to refuse in a voice that trembled pitifully, but the man had no intention of accommodating such a plea. He clicked his tongue — tsk, tsk — as if calling a pet. Come here. Good boy.
Dohui curled his pale, delicate toes. It wasn’t as though that would root him to the floor — he just wanted to buy even a little more time. The corners of his eyes grew hot. He barely tried to hold back the sting building behind his tear ducts.
“Crybaby. You’re crying again.”
But those words shattered even that fragile attempt, and tears fell helplessly down his face. Clear teardrops carved their path down his wet cheeks.
The man remained utterly at ease, as though it was only natural that Dohui would act on his every word.
The man flicked his fingers — signaling that he couldn’t wait any longer. Fully dressed in contrast to Dohui’s nakedness, he smiled slowly. Dress trousers, a shirt, a tie slightly loosened. Soft light fell over his neatly swept black hair, which looked as though it had been combed with deliberate care.
His dark eyes gleaming, he murmured low.
“You’re not sleepy.”
You were sleeping all day.
The mockery stabbed at Dohui’s chest over and over. Because this man was capable of cutting even deeper with sharper words, Dohui forced himself to take a step forward.
The man yanked Dohui toward him and seated him on his lap.
“Shh.”
When Dohui let out a sob barely audible enough to hear, the man gently stroked the back of his head as it trembled faintly. His rough hand touched the thin skin where Dohui’s spine jutted out in a row of small bumps.
This tenderness is a lie.
Dohui shook his head at the action fabricated from falsehood. I want to stop. I hate all of this.
“Come now. Play with me.”
To the man, Dohui was nothing more than a tool for pleasure. The vulgar game always began without Dohui’s consent.
Chapter 1. A Trivial Promise
Work ended at around 4 in the morning, before the sun had even risen.
“Ugh, it’s cold. Get home safe!”
“Want me to give you a ride?”
“No, I’ll just walk. It’s close.”
“Alright, good work. See you tomorrow.”
The employees who slipped out through the back door exchanged warm farewells and scattered in different directions. Dohui hurried to move his feet as well.
December’s cold wind was merciless no matter how well-armored he was — long padded coat, scarf, gloves and all. The bitter wind seeped in through the gaps around his sneakers, and it felt like his toes were going to freeze solid.
Unluckily, the first bus home wouldn’t come for another 50 minutes, so Dohui chose to walk. Of course, there was the option of killing time in the employee break room. But with home only a 15-minute walk away, it felt wasteful to spend more than double the time waiting. If he got home, he could shower, eat, and claim the sofa all in that time.
When his phone buzzed in his pocket, Dohui didn’t bother checking who was calling — he just gave his earbud a tap and answered.
“Yeah, Mom.”
―Done now?
“Yeah.”
Between his replies came the involuntary sound of sniffling. It wasn’t that he was trying to be childish — he was just wearing a mask and his nose kept running from the cold.
At the childlike sound of him sniffling, his mom’s voice filled with concern.
―That’s exactly why I told you to look into a daytime job. The place keeps you until this hour and doesn’t even give you cab fare home.
“It’s close, though.”
On a nice day it was plenty walkable as a leisurely stroll, but 15 minutes in the dead of winter felt like half a day. Snow had fallen the night before and left a thin layer on the ground, so each step let out a soft crunch, crunch. The snow clinging to the edges of his sneakers kept building up, and it was starting to bother him.
Dohui tapped his toes against the ground to shake off the snow and refocused on the call.
―Can’t you just quit that part-time job? No matter how I think about it, I can’t stop worrying about you working somewhere like a club.
“I really just cut fruit, honestly. Remember the photos I sent you? I think I might actually have a talent for this.”
―I just feel bad. My poor son……
His mom worried a lot. All mothers probably did. That was why he’d taken photos of the neatly arranged fruit platters and sent them to her.
The night hours were tough, but once the money was in his hand, he was reluctant to let go. The hourly pay was nothing to scoff at, so he didn’t need to look for other work on his days off. And the job itself was better than he’d expected — so much so that he’d think, can I really be getting paid this much for something like this?
―It must be really hard for you……
His mom’s voice softened a little.
And no wonder — she considered herself the head of the household, yet most of the money Dohui earned was going into their living expenses. Without a father, their family was just his mom, Dohui, and his grandmother who lived out in the countryside.
“No, it’s not. I’m fine. It’s manageable. Didn’t I tell you? It feels like I’ve found my calling.”
He handed most of what he earned through sweat to his mom and used a portion for his own meals. It was tight, but he couldn’t burden his mom when she already worried about him so much.
In his senior year of high school, he’d been running full speed toward getting into a Korean university. With no tutoring or private lessons to fall back on, he had to work harder and longer than everyone else. Cutting back on sleep wasn’t enough. He fought hard not to let himself get anxious, and the only way forward was working through the same workbooks over and over again.
His friends slept through class to rest up for their tutoring sessions, but Dohui had sat through every class with wide, alert eyes. And yet, once he actually got into Hanguk University, he was taken aback by the talented classmates who had come flooding in from all corners of the country.
It was only then that he realized he had been nothing but a frog in a well. They, too, had invested enormous amounts of time to reach their goals. Dohui quickly accepted that he couldn’t close the gap between himself and them. Even so, his grades came out reasonably well. Even while juggling two or three part-time jobs, he was diligent about all of them.
But with this job, he could spend more time studying.
―It was Jinho, right? I know you got a good position thanks to that friend of yours, but…… Mom just can’t shake the worry about you doing night work. If your sleep schedule gets flipped, your body falls apart fast.
“It’s just for a short while, though. Besides, thanks to him, I got in on the first try.”
Jinho, a friend he’d met at university, had a spending style unlike anyone else. He was always surrounded by people, and once he invited the friends from one of his shared classes to his birthday party — renting out a club room for the occasion.
That night, Dohui learned for the first time what it meant to live extravagantly. The kids soaked in alcohol laughed and cheered over nothing in particular, wasting drinks without a second thought, all while putting Jinho on a pedestal.
It was probably because, for a university student who had only just turned 20, that kind of wealth seemed incredibly impressive and remarkable. Back then, Dohui had awkwardly killed time and quietly slipped out before the last train left.
