The distance from the dorm to Inhan’s house was about a thirty-minute walk. The day was cold and the roads were icy and slippery, but none of that was a problem for Yuho.
Whether it was because of the cold wind or because he was out of breath, tears kept streaming down strangely.
Yuho was still confused. He couldn’t be sure whether the feelings he had left for Inhan were love or lingering attachment.
He just missed Inhan so much right now. That was all.
Yuho barely arrived in front of Inhan’s house after twenty minutes, bent over at the waist, and caught his breath that had risen all the way to his chest first. Then he just pressed the doorbell without thinking. Once the tears started, they wouldn’t settle down easily.
“Who is it?”
Fortunately, Inhan’s voice was heard right away. At that moment, Yuho became at a loss for what to say first. At the same time, his legs gave out and he ended up sitting down on the ground.
While Yuho hesitated, the inside of the house became quiet again.
The moment he thought it would be better to come back another day, the front door suddenly opened and Inhan revealed himself.
“Hyung.”
As soon as Inhan discovered Yuho, he poured out tears with a choked expression.
And he called Yuho’s name desperately.
“……Yuho hyung.”
Yuho raised his head and looked at Inhan.
Like that, for the first time in five years, he properly faced Inhan.
“Can I hug you just once?”
Hearing Inhan’s words, Yuho got up from his spot and walked slowly into Inhan’s embrace.
Like that, Yuho went to Inhan.
Inhan pulled Yuho inside the entrance. He could feel coldness from Yuho’s entire body, as if wondering how long he had been shivering outside.
Inhan pulled Yuho deeper into his embrace and buried his face in his shoulder. And he continued to sob as he conveyed his apology.
“Hyung, I’m sorry.”
“……”
“I’m sorry for not understanding hyung’s feelings all this time.”
“……”
“I’m sorry for treating you carelessly and speaking meanly after doing that. It was all my fault.”
Inhan didn’t know why Yuho had suddenly come to see him, but thinking it was his last chance, he could only desperately cling to him. He felt like he would kneel if asked to.
“I won’t do that again. I won’t make hyung uncomfortable anymore. You can make the confession I gave you like it never happened. I’ll stop everything.”
He was sincere. He could turn everything into lies as Yuho wanted. If doing so would make Yuho’s heart feel even a little better, it didn’t matter what happened to his own heart. He only regretted not doing so sooner.
“From now on, I’ll stay quietly as a good younger brother. I won’t want anything and will just exist. So, hyung……”
“……Is it real?”
At the end of Inhan’s long, long plea, Yuho finally opened his mouth.
“Do you really like me?”
Yuho wanted to confirm Inhan’s feelings one more time. Even after hearing the confession, his heart couldn’t help but feel anxious. Inhan nodded his head while still holding Yuho.
“Yes.”
Hearing Inhan’s answer, Yuho drew in a breath. He couldn’t believe it at all, wondering if this was reality.
Inhan loosened the strength in his arms and stepped back to properly answer Yuho’s question.
“I sincerely like you, hyung.”
Inhan said that while making eye contact with Yuho. His face was a mess, covered in tears, but perhaps because of that, it felt more sincere.
“Actually, I can’t really believe it right now.”
Yuho avoided eye contact and spoke his current inner thoughts as they were. The anxious feelings were greater than the overwhelming feelings from hearing the confession. He was still afraid that the past events might repeat once more.
“I’ll make you believe. If hyung just allows it, I’ll show you anything.”
Inhan expressed his aspirations to Yuho with the real intention of doing anything. At that sight, Yuho opened his mouth after hesitating.
“But today, I came because I missed you.”
“……Hyung.”
“Let’s not do things like lying anymore. I won’t do it either.”
“Yes, okay. I will.”
At Yuho’s unexpected words, Inhan bit his lips tightly and calmed his swelling chest. And only then did he discover Yuho’s face flushed red. Inhan asked Yuho in surprise.
“Why is your face so red? Were you outside for a long time?”
Instead of answering, Yuho nodded his head. He couldn’t bring himself to say he had run all the way from the dorm.
Whether it was because of tears or cold symptoms, Yuho kept sniffling.
“I’ll turn on the boiler. Hyung, you’re going to catch a cold.”
Inhan was worried about Yuho and tried to go to the living room to turn on the heating first. Then, seeing Yuho standing in the entrance without even taking off his shoes, he stopped his actions, seized with sudden fear.
“Want to come in first and warm up your body?”
Inhan was afraid Yuho would turn around and leave just like that. First, he wanted to hold onto him somehow.
“You’re not going back again, right?”
At Inhan’s worriedly asked question, Yuho obediently took off his shoes and entered the house. He had planned to just say what he wanted to say and leave, but he was unintentionally getting swept along.
Inhan hurriedly turned on the heating first and checked on Yuho’s condition.
“Want to shower with warm water? Your body was too cold.”
“No. I’m fine.”
“Then sit down first. I’ll make you a cup of tea at least.”
Yuho sat in the dining table chair as Inhan suggested. Inhan made warm honey water for Yuho and brought him a thick blanket from the room, wrapping it around him. Still not satisfied, he even heated up a warm compress pack in the microwave and placed it in Yuho’s arms.
“If you’re still cold, you can go lie down on the bed in the big room for a bit. I already turned on the electric blanket.”
Only after bustling about for a while did Inhan finally sit in the seat across from Yuho.
Looking now, Inhan hadn’t even removed his makeup yet. The schedule had ended a while ago as far as he knew, but Yuho became curious about what Inhan had been doing until now without even turning on the heating.
“But why are you home alone on a day like this? At least meet with your hyungs.”
“I just wanted to rest a bit.”
At Inhan’s somehow exhausted-looking appearance, Yuho’s heart felt bad. He had just heard through Yeomin that lately he hadn’t been sleeping or eating well. Yuho conveyed an apology with a pitiful heart.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For confusing you with lies.”
“Why is that something to be sorry about? You did it because there was a reason to.”
Inhan could now understand Yuho’s past actions. He had come to realize how difficult it was to convey a confession to someone whose feelings you couldn’t be sure of.
“And I’m sorry for continuously speaking carelessly to you and always acting prickly and hurting you, all of it.”
Yuho continued speaking.
It was clearly wrong behavior for Yuho to have hurt Inhan by saying things he didn’t even need to say. Making excuses that he did it because he liked him made even less sense.
“It all happened because I did something wrong. Because I confused hyung.”
“No. Still, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I was the one who was bad.”
“Hyung doesn’t need to be sorry at all. I just got punished as much as I did wrong.”
At the relay of apologies that seemed like it would never reach a conclusion, Yuho pondered for a moment. Then he made a new proposal to Inhan.
“Should we only do it until today?”
“Do what?”
“Being sorry and resentful toward each other and stuff like that.”
Yuho thought that if they continued to be tied to past events, they wouldn’t be able to move forward even one step. Above all, he himself had been like that.
“Will that be okay? I can be hated more.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’ll think about that a bit.”
At Yuho’s playful answer, color finally returned to Inhan’s face. With the relaxed atmosphere, Inhan gathered courage once more.
“But can I ask you just one thing?”
Yuho was afraid of what question Inhan would ask, but he nodded his head right away.
Inhan threw out the question as if he had been waiting.
“Do you have someone you’re dating right now?”
Yuho immediately caught on that it was a question Inhan asked with Seonchan in mind. The answer wasn’t difficult.
“No.”
“I see.”
Inhan finished the question without wanting more. He didn’t want to urgently demand an answer beyond that from Yuho. Instead, Inhan got up from his seat and changed the topic while clearing away the empty cup placed in front of Yuho.
“You’re going to sleep over, right?”
Yuho had no intention of sleeping over at all, but the situation kept developing strangely. Sleeping in the same place with someone who said they liked him felt somehow dangerous. However, thinking about going back again made him feel even more hopeless.
“If you sleep on the sofa.”
“Of course I should.”
Yuho’s body felt chilly so he couldn’t bring himself to say he would sleep on the sofa.
Before he knew it, Inhan had left the kitchen and was heading toward the dressing room.
“Then wash up first. I’ll take out clothes for you to change into.”
“Okay. Got it.”
At Inhan’s words, Yuho obediently headed to the bathroom. He really couldn’t muster the will to shower, so he was just going to wash his face and brush his teeth when suddenly he heard the sound of the front door opening and closing.
He wondered if Yeomin had come, feeling puzzled, but no conversation sounds were heard.
When Yuho finished changing clothes and came out of the bathroom, there was no sign of anyone in the house. Yuho sat in the dining table chair and waited for Inhan to return.
After about ten minutes passed, the front door opened and Inhan soon revealed himself. Inhan was wearing a cap pulled down low and was dressed to go out.
“Where did you go?”
“To buy cold medicine and porridge.”
“I’m really fine though.”
“I’m worried.”
Inhan approached Yuho and opened the cap of the bottled cold medicine and handed it to him. Yuho immediately took it and drank it.
“You wash up quickly too. You said you have an early schedule tomorrow.”
“Yes. Hyung, go in first and sleep.”
“Okay.”
“Sleep well. Have good dreams.”
“Yeah. You too.”
Having finished their goodbyes, Yuho headed to Inhan’s room. Even though it was only his second visit, Inhan’s bed felt familiar.
Yuho entered the blanket warmed by the electric blanket and buried himself. He couldn’t tell if his chest was fluttering because of the medicine or because of fever.
Yuho quickly became drowsy and fell asleep.
He decided to put off the words he most wanted to convey to Inhan just a little longer.
