“What do I have to forgive? He didn’t do anything wrong to me in the first place.”
Liam didn’t wrong me.
“That guy, he definitely did something wicked enough to doubt his character, but he properly apologized later, right? To Alice and to Sophia too.”
According to what I heard later from Charlotte and Nathan, Liam went directly to Alice and Sophia and apologized. And I heard Alice didn’t accept his apology but Sophia forgave him.
Like Virgil is proposing now, Charlotte and Nathan also once asked me how about gradually forgiving Liam. Virgil, Charlotte, and Nathan don’t know Liam’s real identity. He’s someone who can easily make an apology he doesn’t mean if it’s to achieve his purpose.
However, one corner of my heart still hopes. That Liam felt remorse even if late, and went to find the two and apologized thinking he really did wrong. That Liam could do that. In the end I…….
“I at least need to make a decision. I can’t stay indecisive like this.”
After asking Virgil for understanding, I told my parents, who asked where I was going when it was almost lunchtime, that I’d go out for a bit and come back. Then I ran to the garage, got in the car, and headed to school. After that, I headed to the athletic field where many kids from sports teams including the football team were gathered.
“……Pathetic bastard. If you’re going to keep doing it like that, just quit!”
Liam was getting thoroughly scolded by the coach today too. After the incident at the beach house, it wasn’t uncommon to see Liam being scolded for making mistakes during training.
With my gaze fixed on Liam standing silently on one side of the field listening to the coach’s abuse, I sat down on a bench where tree shade fell. Even though I didn’t make any particularly special fuss, Liam immediately discovered me and widened his eyes.
“Where are you opening your eyes wide when you haven’t done anything well?”
Liam just looked at me, but Coach Marcel, who completely misunderstood, hit his head and poured out abusive language. For a moment, the area near my crown became hot as if I’d been hit on the head instead.
The entire time listening to the coach’s verbal abuse, Liam glanced sideways at where I was sitting. Each time, the coach yelled that Liam was looking at the wrong place.
Liam, who finished training around evening, ran to me instead of going to the locker room. Then very carefully, he asked if I came to see him. I nodded and got in the car with him.
“……Shouldn’t we do a petition or something?”
When I brought up something out of the blue, Liam asked what I was talking about.
“Marcel. I’m wondering if we could get the school to expel him if we did a petition to oust him.”
“That’s too far-fetched an idea.”
“It is. Just like…… not caring whoever you are, wherever you came from, whatever you did, as long as you like me.”
As if sensing some ominous premonition from my words, Liam grabbed my arm and shook his head. I calmly shook off his hand, then brought my hand to the part where he was hit by Coach Marcel—it was soaked with sweat.
“I’ll just ask one thing.”
“Yeah.”
“When you apologized to Alice or Sophia, were you sincere?”
“No. I just apologized because I thought I should.”
Liam looked directly at me without a single embellishment. I looked at him and nodded. If he had lied to me, if it seemed that way, I would have bid him farewell right here.
“You know something is lacking in your character, right?”
“I know.”
“Is something lacking in my character too?”
“Is something lacking in you?”
When Liam asked, I revealed that I often have absurd thoughts, am indecisive, and make mistakes as naturally as breathing, then looked at him.
“Honestly, I’m not confident I can embrace that lacking part of you well.”
“I don’t know if saying this now might have the opposite effect, but I think the parts you say are ‘lacking’ in you are lovely.”
“……It’s strange. I’m not confident I can handle you, but I’m still concerned about you.”
I couldn’t win a medal in Kingston because I was thinking about you. I was about to say that, then shook my head and apologized to Liam.
“The habit of blaming others is also one of my lacking parts.”
“It’s okay. I also blame others first when things don’t go well.”
“……Can we fix them?”
“Which ones?”
“The parts each of us is lacking.”
“I don’t know. But…… I’ll do anything if I can just be by your side.”
Liam said that and leaned his head soaked with sweat on me. Then after sighing with relief a few times, he soon trembled his mountain-like shoulders and sobbed quietly.
I don’t know about other things. But the fact that Liam needs me is all too clear.
* * *
Ahead of the new school year and new semester starting in September, Liam and I spread out guidebooks at home and made our schedules. Usually you make schedules based on the counselor teacher’s advice, but it was to take as many of the same classes as possible within the range she allowed.
After much discussion, we decided to take microeconomics and psychology classes together this semester.
“The football regular season is coming up soon.”
“Yeah. The tournament starts next week, so there’s really not much time left.”
Liam said that and asked if I could come watch the regular game next Friday. Much more cautiously than the day he first gave me a game ticket.
After we fought—I don’t even know if it’s right to call this fighting—we became much more cautious when dealing with each other. Should I say we came to think at least one more time before saying or doing something to the other person?
I can’t say definitively that I like or dislike us becoming more prudent. It can be seen positively in the part where we became more considerate of each other, but it’s bad in the point that we came to regard each other as more difficult.
“Of course I have to go watch your game.”
Trying to produce a gentle voice that doesn’t suit me, I said to Liam. Liam expressed gratitude to me, then asked me to keep my time free after the game ends on Friday too. Even though there’s no need to ask for such things.
When I asked Liam what he wanted to do after the game ends that day, the answer came back that just being together would be good.
Through this summer vacation, I learned quite a few facts about Liam. One of them is that his feelings for me are quite blind. When I think about how those feelings deepened like that, whether there was even a reason for it, I end up putting up lots of question marks. I’m not that great a person and I haven’t really done anything for Liam either.
Maybe it’s not because the target is me, but Liam’s way of dating itself is like this. Once he starts being submerged in his innate possessiveness, other people’s feelings are completely erased from consideration.
……In the end, even if it wasn’t me, Liam would have acted similarly.
