Cha Haseong muttered softly as if fed up.
His voice had sunk considerably, so Yeo Dowoon had no choice but to concentrate entirely on his crimson lips. He felt like he’d become a pervert who couldn’t be associated with, but it was better than just staring at his neck.
Cha Haseong spewed out harsh words without rest.
“If you wanted to look good, you could do so as much as you wanted, but you keep doing this so I’m getting curious.”
“……”
“I’m wondering if you feel satisfaction the more others regard Dowoon-ssi as unlikeable.”
Yeo Dowoon, who wondered what kind of reproach this was, naturally became deflated and speechless. He felt as if Cha Haseong’s leisurely gaze slid down his entire body.
Cha Haseong, who released his chin rest, soon pulled up the clothing that had slipped down enough to reveal his collarbones completely. Rustle rustle, it was quite a stable movement. He whispered as if doing a favor.
“If you’re not confident answering, you can ignore it.”
“…It’s not that I lack confidence, I’m just dumbfounded.”
Then Yeo Dowoon quickly retorted without hiding his wounded pride. Though his eyes were insolently distorted, this much was still quite restraining his temper.
Yeo Dowoon unconsciously let out a shallow sigh.
“……Haah.”
For some reason, it seemed he engaged in verbal battles with Cha Haseong without fail every single day, making him feel skeptical. Really, there wasn’t a single day that passed quietly.
Strictly speaking, it was either him getting worked up or Cha Haseong getting worked up, one of the two. Yeo Dowoon quickly appealed.
“When I wanted to look good and offered my liver and gallbladder, didn’t you avoid me saying it was burdensome? I think I received returned gifts about a hundred times. As you know, those were all my sincerity.”
To put it simply, it could be called sincerity, goodwill, and enthusiasm. But even to Yeo Dowoon’s resentful voice, Cha Haseong firmly replied.
“Since it wasn’t the appropriate level, there was no choice.”
“If you had at least told me what the appropriate level was, I wouldn’t feel wronged either. From A to B, or from B to C… If there was a manual, I would have followed it without a single error.”
“Haha. Who would believe someone who performs operations by arbitrarily changing course when they make such bold claims. Since when did Dowoon-ssi respect set manuals?”
Cha Haseong threw out an evaluation that was hard to refute and picked up a cookie placed on the table.
Tap, tap, tap. He skillfully divided the cookie into quarters and then cleanly tore open the plastic packaging. Crumble crumble, crumbs fell. He roughly brushed off the brown powder on his hands and held out a piece of cookie to Yeo Dowoon.
“Eat it.”
Yeo Dowoon was just consistently dumbfounded by his unpredictable behavior. Then eventually, his sense of rebellion burst out. It was pent-up rage he couldn’t digest.
“Is this perhaps the appropriate level?”
“……”
“Your attitude toward me changes every minute and second, so I’m not sure if that’s all calculated behavior aiming for an appropriate level too. I’d like you to explain.”
If you’re going to treat me well, then treat me well; if you’re going to push me away, then push me away.
Yeo Dowoon quickly put the cookie he handed over into his mouth. As expected, a savory and sweet taste moistened his tongue. A taste that didn’t get better no matter how much he tasted it. It was probably a taste Cha Haseong would like.
“In Dowoon-ssi’s opinion, does it seem like I’m being calculating toward Dowoon-ssi?”
Cha Haseong asked with a smile-tinged face. As if he had no intention of avoiding the head-on confrontation Yeo Dowoon had brought, he leaned his upper body close to the table. It was a posture that seemed to urge an answer.
“Really?”
When Cha Haseong asked again, the endlessly expanding tension drove a wedge into Yeo Dowoon’s impulse.
“You’re not the honest type.”
Though he spoke in a roundabout way, it wasn’t particularly a positive tone, and Cha Haseong’s expression also gradually lost its warmth. But Yeo Dowoon didn’t retract his statement.
“I often wished you would be honest, at least with me.”
Cha Haseong was someone who seemed suspicious and secretive about everything.
That’s why there was something that made him feel more mysterious, but it was also true that he felt like he was thrusting a shovel into barren land without a blade of grass.
So Yeo Dowoon was curious about his true feelings that weren’t wrapped in pretty packaging. How he thought of him, what emotions he had, whether he sometimes wavered like him too.
For a moment, Cha Haseong answered without filter.
“To be honest with a frivolous and flippant person, I’ve drunk too much of society’s water.”
Then Yeo Dowoon retorted without hiding his disappointment.
“My mouth is really heavy.”
“Other places are light?”
“…If it’s the place I’m thinking of, that place is heavy now too.”
“For a working adult, you seem to play around promiscuously.”
“Does Guide-nim live appropriately like a working adult?”
“I definitely do.”
As he himself asserted, Cha Haseong did live conducting himself well like a working adult. He made efforts in every way to satisfy the Esper contracted with him.
Acting cute, being affectionate, physical contact.
When Yeo Dowoon craved love from him, he would stroke him with all sincerity, so he could be confident that he kept his professional spirit thoroughly. But Yeo Dowoon’s greed was too excessive, excessively so.
“Guide-nim… Are you perhaps still anxious?”
Cha Haseong sometimes had a rejection reaction to that greed. The feeling of having his neck wrapped in heavy iron chains. The feeling of being tediously forced that since he regarded him specially, he too should naturally do the same.
“……Anxious?”
At Cha Haseong’s lukewarm muttering, Yeo Dowoon readily nodded.
“Yes. Since you always seemed to doubt my concept of chastity, I just said it once.”
“……”
“I wondered if you’re suspecting I have an STD.”
Yeo Dowoon stared intently at Cha Haseong’s face.
Cha Haseong was the owner of an incomparably emotionally rich and weak-hearted personality among the people he had dealt with so far. So Yeo Dowoon intended to accept it even if he still distrusted him.
Even if he insisted otherwise, it was all visible to his eyes. The fear he felt.
But Cha Haseong kept dragging it out. The pace of conversation had somehow slowed down.
“Guide-nim?”
When the impatient Yeo Dowoon pressed him, Cha Haseong immediately plunged a dagger into his heart. It was a quite intentional evaluation.
“What a tiresome idea, fitting for someone who tested whether I was a virgin before marriage.”
Then he curved his eyes in a smile. He was in a smiling state, but somehow an uncomfortable feeling was felt. However, since it was true that he had asked him about virginity before marriage, Yeo Dowoon couldn’t particularly offer a rebuttal. Cha Haseong added as if he knew it would be like this.
“You know, Dowoon-ssi.”
This time he started interrogating Yeo Dowoon. Ah, now he understood. Cha Haseong was wearing a false smile all over his face.
“Do you want to go further with me?”
“Absolutely not. Absolutely.”
Yeo Dowoon firmly denied while even making vocal breaks in the middle of speaking. Even to the point of shifting his butt on the sofa. He wasn’t dealing with Cha Haseong with eyes buried only in sexual desire.
“Why on earth does Guide-nim view me in such a twisted way?”
If that were the case, he wouldn’t be experiencing such ups and downs at each and every one of his words.
“Do you perhaps think that’s the only kind of thought in my head?”
Yeo Dowoon knew well that he was the type with severe fickleness. So if he wasn’t sincere toward him, he would have definitely turned his eyes away long ago.
The past 5 years poured out toward Cha Haseong like the giving tree. Those 5 years couldn’t simply be explained by sexual desire alone.
Of course, he couldn’t say desire was completely absent, but it was certain that it wasn’t only that emotion. He was fundamentally different from idiots who acted like they’d pluck even the stars and moon from the sky just to get to bed once.
However, Cha Haseong asked back as if still unable to believe.
“It wasn’t?”
“……”
“You acted like you’d devour me every time we kissed, so I thought you wanted to skip ahead.”
Thanks to that, Yeo Dowoon could only mutter as if heartbroken.
“It’s true I wanted to do more than now. Not that I just wanted to skip ahead.”
On one hand, he felt wronged too. Cha Haseong’s kissing manners were rough too. Sometimes he gently intertwined tongues, but also sometimes he bit lips like he was obsessed.
“That’s wordplay.”
Yet Cha Haseong turned a person’s insides upside down without giving them room to breathe. Yeo Dowoon, who let out a deflating laugh, gradually began to make a cold expression. His words and actions that he had been careful about also changed unhesitatingly.
“If it’s wordplay, wasn’t that Guide-nim’s most confident field?”
As if to have a big showdown, his eyes twisted sharply.
He knew it was a response that would only make both of them tired, but even he had no way to help it. Because Cha Haseong was constantly denigrating his sincerity day and night. Yeo Dowoon found that fact very irritating.
“I can clearly see you just tossing out words that need interpreting and disappearing.”
