***
Cha Haseong stayed in the bedroom as Yeo Dowoon wished.
Yeo Dowoon, who had been pondering how to persuade him who seemed determined to return to his own room, had his complexion brighten completely at the request to borrow pajamas.
“It’s fortunate that Dowoon-ssi is 185cm.”
Cha Haseong, who had changed into shabby-looking clothes, spoke in a tone that seemed like a joke but didn’t seem like a joke.
Yeo Dowoon’s clothes had the scent of fabric softener that would commonly waft anywhere. Thanks to being well-dried in the sunlight, the texture was fluffy, but even that wasn’t special.
“What color fabric softener do you use?”
But he felt strange the whole time. It was because the clothes clinging to his limbs felt awkwardly ticklish.
It was obvious that even if he asked the product name, he wouldn’t know it, so Cha Haseong asked a question that even the life-skill-less Yeo Dowoon could sufficiently answer.
But Yeo Dowoon scratched his cheek and asked back as if he had heard something absurd.
“…Do I need to know that?”
“Rather than needing to know, people usually know.”
“I think it was probably blue.”
Yeo Dowoon, who randomly answered the color that came to his mind, changed his interest and tidied the bedding. He spread out the fluffy blanket firmly and precisely aligned the corners of the round-ended pillow.
He voluntarily enjoyed attending to Cha Haseong. He had a small wish to maintain a perfect state since it was where Guide-nim would sleep.
Cha Haseong approached behind such a Yeo Dowoon and gripped his shoulders.
“Just lie down.”
Thud, he pushed Yeo Dowoon as if knocking him over and also raised his knees onto the mattress. Before Yeo Dowoon, who had fallen face down showing his back, could prop up his elbows and raise his upper body, he was enveloped in Cha Haseong’s arms.
Cha Haseong pulled Yeo Dowoon into an embrace and buried his nose in his hair.
The shampoo smell was similarly characterless like the fabric softener scent. But Cha Haseong became curious about the product name of the shampoo he used this time too.
“Is the shampoo you used today also communal?”
“…”
“Last time you said it was communal and didn’t tell me.”
“It’s not communal but… I don’t really know. They’re things I order in bulk without looking at the names.”
“Then tell me later.”
Yeo Dowoon knew that Cha Haseong was a person with such a keen sense of smell that he seemed exceptional. So he became purely curious.
He casually shook his hair to spread the scent and asked directly.
“Do you like it?”
If he answered yes, he was ready to immediately spring up from his seat and order more than ten boxes. Cha Haseong seemed to guess his intention and gave no response. Yeo Dowoon confirmed repeatedly.
“Wasn’t it because you liked it that you asked?”
It should have been a simple matter of just nodding his head, but that wasn’t quite straightforward.
Cha Haseong detected the agitation that started within himself. He himself felt quite suspicious of himself for constantly developing favorable feelings toward Yeo Dowoon’s unremarkable scent.
Since his head wasn’t organized, it seemed better to change the subject for now.
“There’s a perfume that would suit Dowoon-ssi well if you wore it.”
Not this shabby shampoo smell. Not the fabric softener smell everyone uses.
Cha Haseong inserted his arm under Yeo Dowoon’s neck. Once the arm pillow was completed, he slowly pulled up the blanket. The two scents intertwined and wandered around each other’s noses.
“I’ll give it to you as a gift, so wear it.”
Yeo Dowoon’s sleep flew away at Cha Haseong’s whim. Just a moment ago, he had been interrogating him about the product name as if satisfied with his smell, and now he was recommending that he look for a new scent.
Yeo Dowoon examined him with a cautious gaze.
Since he was even giving him a gift, he had no need to refuse, but there were many points that bothered him. Thump, thump. Yeo Dowoon suspected that his heartbeat sound might have transmitted to him.
Thud, thud, thud. Otherwise, there would be no way to explain another person’s pulse felt so deeply.
No. Come to think of it, there was one more possible case.
“…You must still be scared.”
Yeo Dowoon, who muttered frankly, pressed his chest with an anxious heart. Sure enough, a strong heartbeat rushed through his palm. Yeo Dowoon, who lowered his eyes as if resigned, belatedly withdrew his hand.
“I’ll go down and sleep below.”
It was certain. Cha Haseong was definitely remembering the culprit who crushed his future based on his clever five senses and instincts.
Acknowledging that fact, Yeo Dowoon could also understand the contradictory attitude he had shown so far. That capriciousness of being merciless yet extending a hand, seeming hostile yet kissing him.
As Yeo Dowoon pulled away the blanket that had been wrapped around him, Cha Haseong interlaced and grasped each of his fingers.
“Sleep here.”
“The floor is warm too, so it’s fine.”
“Where are you going, leaving behind the person who’s scared?”
Cha Haseong subtly revealed to him a fear that even he himself couldn’t easily assess.
“This is my fifth year living while playing the role of entertaining Espers…, it’s strange.”
“…”
“When I have only Dowoon-ssi in front of me, I think of when I first awakened as a Guide.”
But Yeo Dowoon knew. He was lying. He was trying hard not to reveal the empty parts of memories cut away in chunks. The more Cha Haseong’s voice added on, the fiercer the agony became.
“When I opened my eyes, I was in the hospital. They said I awakened by resonating with S-class Espers’ wavelengths, and most people start with such coincidental triggers. Still, I was probably especially unlucky.”
Cha Haseong recalled the appearance of his hands that had been splinted with bruises as black as a dead person’s.
He heard he suffered awakening pain so severely that he was tormented by hallucinations for days and days. During that time, he didn’t even have the capacity left to imagine the situation where he would have worn out and broken his own hands without discernment.
“Why was Delta conducting an operation there of all places, why did I pass by that vicinity of all times…”
“…”
“Since people who were S-class Espers gathered collectively, the awakening aftermath must have been great too. Thanks to that, I could also receive an S-class rating, they said, but to be grateful was too much when I was already overwhelmed just pulling myself together.”
It was a miracle that he didn’t immediately jump from the hospital, unable to overcome the sense of loss of having lost his everything. Cha Haseong ridiculed his past self who had struggled to somehow become detached. The results of his efforts were unsatisfactory.
“It took over a year just to accept that this was my destined fate anyway.”
It took another year to rationalize that the fate wasn’t entirely harsh, and a total of 3 more years to think that perhaps he might be able to become numb.
Cha Haseong rummaged through the nightstand, pressed the remote, and completely turned off the bedroom lights. Darkness led to silence.
Yeo Dowoon couldn’t help but sink into the fact that everyone except him had been putting on a fraud. Guilt pierced through his insides.
“I’m sorry, Dowoon-ssi. Let’s stop the talk that will only make us both feel bad.”
The conversation was skillfully tied up. At least on Cha Haseong’s end.
Yeo Dowoon could only then intuit the reason he had been avoiding conversation. No confession would be able to compensate for the years and pain Cha Haseong had let flow away. It couldn’t be turned back, nor returned.
“Don’t think about going down either, Dowoon-ssi, and stay stuck here.”
Cha Haseong, who scolded as if joking, tucked the stiffened-like-a-sack Yeo Dowoon snugly into his arms. He tightly wrapped and embraced his waist so he couldn’t move anymore.
Yeo Dowoon suppressed his murderous intent while inflicting wounds on the back of his hand and palm.
He wanted to apologize even if it was already too late. If he had to offer his life, he would also silently accept that. But he wasn’t even given the opportunity. As is fitting for one without qualifications.
***
“Hyung…, did you secretly make and eat ramen yesterday?”
To the side of Yeo Dowoon who was pouring cereal into a round bowl, Yoon Minoh, who approached while crunching and munching on toast that Cha Haseong had cooked and left, asked while disgustingly splattering food debris.
“Wow…! What do you put in to make toast taste like this? Hyung, come here quickly and try it too.”
Yeo Dowoon did his utmost not to accidentally look at the bread crumbs that had fallen on the table. He poured milk with a gush into the turquoise ceramic bowl and scolded Yoon Minoh’s behavior.
“At least when eating food, keep your mouth shut, please.”
But Yoon Minoh countered composedly.
“I’m telling you to hurry and try it. I was just about to sing a yodel song thinking I was in France.”
If what he wanted to say was the homeland of yodeling, it would have been more appropriate to use Switzerland as an example. It was content that Kwon Jeonghoo would have rolled his eyes at as if pathetic, but Yeo Dowoon only drove the point home again.
“I’m not eating.”
It was because when it came to ignorance, there was no one at the Esper base who could catch up to him. Yeo Dowoon, as expected, couldn’t find any substance to point out about Yoon Minoh. The war of words tilted toward a different topic.
“Why not? Why won’t you eat this delicious thing?”
“Because I don’t want to eat it.”
He simply had no desire to eat at all. Before he knew it, Yeo Dowoon was even feeling guilty about the food Cha Haseong must have made with all his heart and sincerity. Yoon Minoh asked as if he absolutely couldn’t understand.
“…Even from hyung’s perspective, doesn’t that answer suck?”
“…”
“Who approaches conversation in that kind of way? Who?”
When Yeo Dowoon gripped his spoon without pretending to listen, Yoon Minoh swiftly snatched it away and said.
“Hey, that won’t do.”
