Henry tossed and turned for a long time before finally falling asleep in the very early morning. It was strange. Even though it was the house he’d lived in his entire life, he couldn’t sleep due to discomfort.
After waking from a light sleep, unable to bear the stuffiness, he went to find Veronica.
Even when he asked to be taken back to the dormitory earlier than usual, Veronica didn’t ask why and readily grabbed her car keys.
Leaving behind Margaret, who told him to at least eat dinner before going, Veronica said she’d make sure to feed him something delicious before sending him off and took care of Henry. By the time Henry, who had eaten the late lunch Veronica bought him outside, arrived at the dormitory, the sun was already setting.
The school on a Sunday afternoon was quiet. The serene and peaceful scenery wasn’t very welcome. It had been relatively okay when he was with Veronica, but once he came to the dormitory, time passed endlessly slowly.
He’d thought he’d be able to breathe easier than at home, but once he actually came, it wasn’t much better. He was still anxious about something. His mind, having lost its center and drifting, showed no signs of settling.
He casually responded to Joseph, who greeted him saying he’d come earlier than expected, then flopped down on the bed. Accumulated fatigue rushed over him. His eyelids were endlessly heavy, but perhaps due to his extremely scattered mind, sleep wouldn’t come.
‘At this time…’
Henry picked up his phone to check the time. 2:43 PM. Even by rough calculation, it was still time for Declan and Hazel to be together.
Were they eating cake with lovely designs at a pretty cafe in Midtown that Hazel would like? Or maybe they were taking a walk in the park. If not either of those, they might have gone to the movies, or could be shopping.
Thoughts about what the two of them might be doing tangled in his head. He tried not to think about it, but it was futile.
Henry hugged the blanket he’d tossed beside his pillow.
Just a few days ago, Declan and Hazel, who had been partners because of him and had stuck close together intimately, kept coming to mind.
The sight of him standing close and touching her arm to directly correct her posture. The way he answered her questions particularly thoroughly, one by one.
Even though it was a result he’d created, Henry felt uncomfortable in his chest just from recalling the scene that had been captured in his eyes.
Even though it was something he’d done according to plan, Henry ended up thinking, ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.’
It was strange. Clearly there was no problem with the plan, and no problem with the results either, wasn’t there? If Hazel just confessed to him like this, everything would flow according to his plan.
The fact that he accepted the date meant there was also a high probability that Declan would accept her confession. Maybe he’d even confess to Hazel first.
Everything was flowing as desired, so why was it bothering him this much?
“…Why am I being like this?”
Henry, who had closed his eyes muttering quietly, suddenly sat up at some point. Starting tomorrow were exams, but he had no motivation to open a book. He was tired but sleep wouldn’t come. If he kept his eyes open, he just kept looking at the clock.
Eventually Henry got out of bed and opened the closet. A thin hoodie and jogging pants. After changing clothes, he unwrapped the bandage on his foot that he’d been trying so hard not to remove.
“What? Going to exercise?”
Joseph poked his head out and asked. Henry nodded.
“Have a good time. Be careful with your ankle.”
As he listened to Joseph’s send-off, his hands tying his sneaker laces were rather hasty. Henry soon left the dormitory with quick steps.
Unlike inside the dormitory, Henry reflexively hunched his shoulders at the cold air. Even so, he rushed out of the school at a speed unsuited to the name “running.”
He didn’t do warm-up exercises like usual, or set a destination. He didn’t have the leisure. Because he wanted to block the rushing thoughts.
He took out his earphones and blocked his ears. He didn’t play music. He just hoped the surrounding sounds would quiet down.
It wasn’t very effective. It had been a stupid idea from the start anyway.
They were just earphones. They could block the sound of cars in the distance, the wind brushing through tree leaves. But what Henry least wanted to hear was Declan’s voice endlessly playing in his head.
The early afternoon sun was strong, but perhaps because it was winter sunlight, it was languid rather than stinging. The sunlight reflected and the sidewalk blocks sparkled. One step, one step. His heart pounded with each step on the ground.
It was a much faster pace than usual. A speed that would definitely get him scolded if Coach caught him.
But what could he do? Without getting out of breath like this, he couldn’t suppress the thoughts tormenting him.
Only after finally running a lap around the school’s outskirts did Henry stop and catch his breath heavily. Sweat dripped down to the floor.
Only after his rapid breathing calmed down somewhat did Henry straighten his back. Let’s take a shower with water cold enough to clear my head.
As Henry walked toward the school making plans, his steps suddenly stopped.
About thirty steps away. An Uber that had stopped in front of the main gate. The person who got out was none other than Hazel, all dressed up.
“…Hazel?”
Henry’s call didn’t reach her. She got out of the Uber with a stiff face, straightened her body unnaturally stiffly, and was walking up the hill to the main gate.
It wasn’t a speed he couldn’t catch up to, but Henry couldn’t even dare to stop her. It was an appearance so unlike her that he could sense something was wrong at a glance.
Hazel’s eyes were thoroughly bloodshot, and the area under her eyes was reddened. Seeing that her eye makeup was also smeared, it seemed she’d been crying.
Henry’s imagination ran breathlessly. The thoughts he’d barely succeeded in calming down came back to life.
Weren’t they on a date? Why did she cry? They both would have had to return to the dormitory anyway. Why did she come in alone?
Did they fight?
Or.
…Did Hazel get rejected?
Various scenarios came to mind. Only after Hazel disappeared from sight did Henry’s phone ring as he became able to walk up toward the school.
As soon as he opened his phone, what appeared was a message from Hazel.
[I’m sorry even though you helped. It didn’t work out.]
Not even imagining that Henry had seen her, she seemed to have contacted him right away upon arriving at the dormitory. Strength entered Henry’s hand holding the phone.
His prediction was correct. The two didn’t work out. Probably, by Declan’s doing.
Even after reading the message, Henry was strangely unfazed. If anything, he even felt relieved, as if a thorn that had been pricking somewhere in his uncomfortable heart had disappeared.
The plan had gone wrong, so he should be annoyed.
Far from annoyed, he was just curious. Why Declan Russell had rejected her.
At the same time, Henry Lowell didn’t understand himself and felt a slight sense of guilt. That what concerned him most was not being angry that Hazel had been rejected.
And honestly speaking, a few days ago, the day he made excuses to Joseph that he was worried because Hazel was a ‘close friend,’ Henry had vaguely realized. So he knew.
That he hadn’t really wished for Declan and Hazel to work out. That he’d secretly wanted Declan to reject Hazel.
He needed absolution. Henry’s fingers hastily rummaged through his phone. Last weekend. He found Declan’s number that he’d saved through David. Then he immediately pressed the call button.
It was a very impulsive and insane choice.
The ringtone that seemed like it would go on forever stopped, and a familiar voice was heard.
-…Why.
“Where are you?”
Beyond the phone, no noise could be heard. He couldn’t even distinguish whether the place he was in was indoors or outdoors. As the silence after the question lengthened, Henry gradually became anxious.
Only after a not-short amount of time passed did a quiet answer finally return.
-Midtown.
“Hazel just came in alone.”
No answer came back. In the cold silence, Henry waited for an answer, but he didn’t say anything.
Everything seemed wrong. Where had it gone wrong from? He couldn’t even get a sense of it.
Emotions similar to regret, but not regret, pierced him.
What if I hadn’t been caught crying in the locker room back then? Henry ended up hypothesizing about something that had already passed.
Now Henry Lowell couldn’t understand Henry Lowell.
“When are you coming back to school? I have something to ask.”
Each word he uttered. The short sentences gathered and wrapped around Henry in layers. Henry became a liar like that.
-…I’ll come now.
