“Hah… I’m seriously going insane because of you. Fuck… You better have this handled before I come back in.”
The Director threw down the sample and stormed out of the office like a tempest. Team Leader Kim hurriedly chased after him.
Seungju stood there for a moment as if he’d forgotten how to move. He soon returned slowly to his seat. The office was quiet. Seungju always detested this silence. But there was no escape.
Breaking the stillness, Seungju picked up the receiver.
“Song Hyungjun, this is Heo Seungju from Planning Team 6.”
– Yes… Team Leader.
“When I did the handover, I told you about the items that need the product information design finalized once the KC certification is issued, didn’t I?”
– …….
“The handover file is in the shared folder, and I printed out a separate document and put it in the binder for you. I explained everything during the handover too.”
– …….
“Is it written there or not?”
– …It is….
“Then why did you tell Team Leader Kim you didn’t know?”
“……”
The ears of Team Leader Yoon from Team 5, sitting in the next seat, seemed to perk up and unfold like a rabbit’s. It was annoying. He could also feel Baek Muyeon casting his gaze at him from far away. That irritated him too. To be honest, it was humiliating.
“Didn’t the Production Department give you the issued KC certification to take care of?”
– …….
“You don’t even know if you received it or not?”
– …Ah… it’s here….
“Take that and go report to Team Leader Kim yourself, Song Hyungjun. And then call me. I’ll talk to Team Leader Kim directly. I’ll notify the design team, so check it when the final design comes out.”
– …Yes….
After hanging up, Seungju called the designer in charge. Seong Jinju from Design Team 4, who had been listening to this commotion from the far end of the office with hunched shoulders, modified and sent over the product information on the package at the speed of light. Seungju uploaded the file to the shared server and called the Production Department.
It didn’t even take 10 minutes. This simple task.
All the energy drained from his body. Curses flowed from Seungju’s mouth as he sank deep into his chair.
Ah… this is so fucking shitty. Team Leader Yoon from Team 5 flinched.
***
Seungju was sitting on the rooftop.
He let out a sigh. Taking the blame for mistakes you didn’t even make is a thousand times, ten thousand times more unfair than having work stolen from you. Yesterday really was okay. Right now, it’s fucking not okay at all.
With all his energy drained, he leaned his body against the bench and looked at the sunset scenery. His favorite weather, his favorite time of day. And the view of Seoul from this rooftop garden at the top of the building always provided Seungju with a bit of comfort.
Looking at the tightly packed buildings, countless cars, and the multitude of people permeating that background, he thought.
The same things happening to me are probably happening all over this city. Maybe even worse. What I’m going through is just ordinary suffering that could be given to anyone. Everyone lives like this.
But there are days when you can’t bear it, even when you try to dull the pain with such thoughts. Is it my fault for not enduring? Is the person who can’t get used to absurdity the strange one?
Seungju let out another sigh. That was what he found hardest to bear. Absurdity.
What happened today wasn’t normally something that would warrant such a verbal beating. But the Director, who works according to his mood, has currently targeted Seungju to pick on and torment, which is why such a scene occurred. If Team Leader Kim had been the Director’s latest victim for harassment, he probably would have been stripped down to his soul today.
No matter how unluckily he got caught, the bad feeling is all the same. It was irritating to be cursed at by this bastard and that bastard in the office. You wouldn’t even swear at someone you pass on the street, but cursing at the company is absurd. It was infuriating that they poured out their anger only at him without even listening to the detailed circumstances.
It’s all absurd. My situation of having to take all this head-on is the most absurd. Thinking about it again makes me feel wronged. Seungju let out another seething sigh.
At times like this, he felt as if his soul was being scraped away. He slowly sinks into the debris of that soul that’s been shaved off and fallen away. Into endless stress, into a life with no future. Into a lonely existence.
What he felt at the end of it was emptiness and helplessness. The source of emptiness is a daily life with no breakthrough. Even though tomorrow, next week, next month will repeat the same things without any improvement, there’s no way to resist or escape.
When he thought like that, a futility that nothing could save him seeped into his bones.
Seungju heard a clattering sound in his ears. At first, he paid it no mind. But the sound grew closer. Seungju only raised his head after he sensed a presence approaching.
Baek Muyeon was standing there.
The man smiled gently. A smile Seungju likes. Seungju realized for the first time that there are moments when even that doesn’t comfort him. Still, the humiliation and irritation he’d felt in the office earlier had already disappeared. Seungju knew well that this was closer to resignation.
“I thought you’d be here.”
Seungju simply had no energy now. He laughed weakly and asked in a powerless voice.
“Why?”
“Because we ran into each other here before.”
Seungju didn’t answer separately. Muyeon sat down next to Seungju. He handed over the coffee he’d brought. Seungju accepted it.
“I thought you’d be crying.”
“Would you like it if I were?”
“A little?”
Seungju let out a small chuckle. It was a slightly bigger smile than before. Muyeon pulled out cigarettes from his pocket.
“Want to smoke one?”
“No. I don’t smoke.”
“Really?”
“If I drink and smoke too, I feel like I’ll really die young….”
“Even though you’re this stressed. Right?”
At Muyeon’s words, Seungju smiled with the corners of his mouth raised this time. He put the straw in his mouth. I’ll drink it well. Muyeon nodded.
The two sat wordlessly for a moment, looking at the setting sun. Muyeon opened his mouth.
“I feel like it’s been a while for us.”
“It’s strange like that. We see each other at the company every day.”
“You looked like you were having a hard time at the company, so I deliberately didn’t suggest meeting.”
“Well, thanks for that.”
“I did some thinking during that time too.”
Seungju turned his head to look at Muyeon. His heart trembled at the profile that looked like it was drawn in a picture and the gaze directed slightly downward. Anticipation and anxiety came to him simultaneously.
“What kind of thinking?”
“You drank the day before yesterday and drank yesterday too, right?”
“Yeah… so what?”
Why is he suddenly saying that here? Anyway, there are aspects of Muyeon’s thoughts that are impossible to follow.
“I don’t really like it when the person I’m dating drinks.”
If that’s true, it’s a really big problem. Because Seungju is an alcoholic.
“I see….”
“I’m very jealous and possessive too.”
It’s a needless worry. With that face, there would be a truckload of people lining up begging to be tied down. Seungju thought this while watching his face turn slowly. Muyeon seemed to still have more to say.
“But Seungju, you like meeting people.”
“……”
“And you keep meeting company people. I’d have to watch you stick together with other people every day, so would that be okay.”
“……”
“I wondered if we’d really be compatible.”
Yes, if that’s the case, it could be a difficult problem. But Seungju works alone without team members, so what else could there be to the sight of him stuck together with other people besides getting chewed out by the Director like today?
He didn’t even have the energy to retort. To Seungju, who just listened silently, Muyeon said.
“But I had this thought.”
“What thought?”
“Why does Seungju drink every day like this?”
“……”
“What’s so hard?”
“……”
“Is there something I can do?”
Their eyes met. Muyeon looks cold when he has no expression. But not now. Intent eyes, a serious face. Seungju blinked. If he didn’t, it felt like his expression would crumble from something he couldn’t handle.
At moments like this, is there anyone whose heart wouldn’t waver at kind words?
Muyeon continued speaking.
“It’s hard because of the Director, right?”
Seungju nodded.
“Should I help you?”
Seungju didn’t answer. Even though the man before him naturally had the ability to do it, and even though the breakthrough he desired was precisely in what he could do at this company. In one corner of his heart, he felt guilt that that too was another absurdity of wielding company power as he pleased in the name of the president’s son.
While Seungju hesitated, Muyeon reached out his hand. He slowly grasped Seungju’s hand and placed it on his thigh. Watching that, Seungju suddenly realized that this was the first time they’d held hands.
The man’s hand was large and firm. It was ridiculous, but Seungju imagined him pulling him up. From among the inescapable despairs into which he’d been slowly sinking.
That’s a really ridiculous imagination. Seungju didn’t believe in that kind of fantasy.
Instead, he returned to reality. If the person who endures is the winner, if getting used to absurdity is surviving, there’s no reason not to do so.
Seungju answered.
“Yes.”
Muyeon smiled slightly. He nodded lightly. Seungju opened his mouth to him again.
“I did some thinking during that time too.”
“Did you reach a conclusion?”
“If we’re both sincere,”
“……”
“There’s no reason not to date.”
Then Muyeon laughs. His big eyes fold prettily, and his plump lips close slightly as the corners of his mouth rise. As he always thinks, when he smiles he’s no different from an angel. Seungju finally smiled a little, following him.
Muyeon’s face drew closer. Their lips touched. His heart began to race, whether from tension or excitement. As a tongue pushed in between parted lips, his vision went white. His breath quickened at the trembling that came after so long. Seungju slowly closed his eyes.
The blazing sunset disappears beyond the sky and now evening arrives overhead. As always, today the same as yesterday, this week the same as last week, draws to a close.
But tomorrow might be different from today. Seungju hoped so.
