Unlike the A-grade dormitory, the dormitory used by B-grade students had to be cleaned by themselves. The bathroom, cleaned with clumsy hands, gave off a slightly musty smell.
I quickly entered a corner stall and locked the door. No matter how important the pushing and shoving was, they couldn’t follow me into the bathroom, so I sat down on the toilet with relief.
“……”
When I opened both hands, the sandwich that had become a complete mess from my grip strength came into view.
It’s just as much of a mess as me. It was a pessimistic thought, but that was my reality right now. I felt like I was trapped in a pit full of filth. No matter how good that professor’s actions were, to me they were nothing short of a disaster.
If you throw something clean into a dirty pit, does that make the inside clean? The clean thing is bound to become dirty as well.
‘You useless bastard!’
The image of my hyung baring his teeth at me and smiling wickedly appeared vividly in my head. I squeezed my eyes shut at the surging pain.
“B-but, still……”
Even so, it was true that his actions shook my heart. Since there hadn’t been a single person who had helped me even in this way until now, my heart was tossed about like someone caught in a typhoon. Natural disasters couldn’t be helped by a person alone.
I put the crushed sandwich into my mouth. Although I was eating it pathetically in a smelly bathroom, the sandwich in its miserable state tasted better than any delicacy. It was the first taste of attention and sympathy I’d ever experienced.
* * *
Even after learning the truth about the school, Jay’s daily life continued to roll along unchanged. During this time, the frequency of octopus appearing in Vittorio’s meals decreased. It must have been because reports of him suffering were being faithfully submitted.
Even so, Jay didn’t stop making sandwiches. He was worried about when octopus might appear again and Vittorio would go hungry.
He tried somehow to understand Connubium’s stated purpose—that they conducted forceful education to prevent rebellion in advance. But even if he understood it, he couldn’t bring himself to commit the cruel act of starving students who were still young. Although he couldn’t help with many things, Jay felt his heart would be more at ease if he at least did this.
Time passed slowly. Fortunately, he quickly got used to the proper appearance of the students that felt異質, but it was difficult to go about things as if he knew nothing like before. Even so, he did his best to conduct his classes.
“How much time is left on the contract……”
Jay wanted to quit his job right away, but sadly, there was still quite a bit of time left on his contract. Sighing, perhaps from fatigue, he looked twice as aged as when he first came here.
There was no physically demanding work. Connubium was generous to its professors. Despite being a short-term contract, Jay was thoroughly enjoying those benefits. Without those benefits, he wouldn’t have been able to make sandwiches for Vittorio either.
But despite enjoying all those benefits, this place felt as uncomfortable to him as wearing ill-fitting clothes.
“Still, the garden is really nice, isn’t it?”
Jay muttered while petting Belly, who had followed him again. Belly flicked out his cute little tongue—it was really adorable.
When you start a new job, there might be a welcome party or exchanges with other colleagues, but as an outsider, Jay didn’t get such opportunities. No, even if he hadn’t been an outsider, there probably wouldn’t have been such opportunities.
Connubium graduates didn’t rely on or interact with each other. The professors especially were like this. It was all because of the education they had received. They distrusted each other and maintained thoroughly official relationships.
Perhaps it would have improved if they had graduated from the school and left, but they remained trapped in this prison that was both narrow and wide. They were buried in Connubium’s education. Jay was in a position of drifting on the outside like an outsider among them.
“Professor Doe.”
“Ah, Professor Vinoshu.”
Vinoshu approached Jay. Even though it was early morning, Vinoshu appeared perfect without a single hair out of place. Jay felt awkward about his own sloppy appearance and stood up from his seat while scratching the back of his neck. Even that action made him look foolish.
“What is it?”
“I came because there’s something to convey.”
Vinoshu held out a paper to Jay. The paper had brief instructions written on it. Jay took the paper with Carter’s elegant signature written at the bottom and read it carefully. The written content was simple.
[Ivan Scotilino is ordered to attend a transfer class to Building A, Nokeum Hall.]
Not knowing about Nokeum Hall, Jay couldn’t hide his puzzlement and tilted his head. As if seeing through Jay’s thoughts, Vinoshu spoke sharply and coldly.
“You don’t need to know the lesson content. You just need to convey it to Student Scotilino.”
Jay felt great puzzlement at the fact that they were deliberately conveying such a trivial instruction on paper. Since it was simple enough to say verbally, his puzzlement could only intensify. However, that puzzlement couldn’t come out of his mouth due to Vinoshu’s sharp-as-a-knife attitude.
In fact, he could immediately tell that Vinoshu had no intention of telling him. If it were something ordinary, she would have told Jay. Jay was certain that if she was hiding it despite having signed a confidentiality agreement, it must be something considerable.
And that certainty became solid due to Ivan’s reaction.
“Scotilino.”
“……Yes.”
Jay held out the paper. At that moment, the atmosphere in the classroom froze in an instant. It seemed as if that white paper felt more frightening to them than a blade.
Chung still had a smile on her face, but coldness flowed from that smile. Vittorio kept glancing at the paper out of the corner of his eye. His shaking eyes proved his agitation and fear. At the same time, there was relief in Vittorio’s eyes that it wasn’t him.
Even though Ivan hadn’t taken the paper, his face turned whiter than the paper, as if he had guessed what it was.
“As you’ll know when you look at the paper…… you’ve been assigned a transfer class to Building A.”
“……Yes, I under…… stand.”
With his words trembling, he paradoxically seemed more alive than his usual lifeless self. But naturally, Jay didn’t feel good watching that. It was to the extent that the sight of him being irritated looked better in my eyes.
Jay sighed inwardly and opened his mouth, feigning calmness.
“Then I’ll see you all later.”
“Thank you, Professor.”
“Thank…… thank you, thank you.”
Led by Chung’s clear voice, the students followed suit in greeting. Ivan, who usually greeted them together even if gruffly, for the first time couldn’t say anything and dropped his head to his desk. At his pitiful appearance like a wilted flower, Jay’s gaze continued to remain on Ivan.
“Scot……”
Jay tried to call out to the pale-faced Ivan, but he got up unsteadily, staggered past him, and disappeared. Jay followed after him worriedly, but soon stopped after taking only a few steps. What held his ankles were guilt, fear, and concern.
After Vittorio’s incident, Jay had shrunk. Perhaps it would have been better if Jay’s own life had become difficult. But since it was a student, not him, who suffered the direct blow, he couldn’t help but act timidly.
Like that, he was slowly being tamed by the school’s viscous malice.
“What should I do……”
Jay watched Ivan’s retreating back forlornly. Jay flicked his fingers—he looked extremely anxious.
Suddenly becoming aware of his own appearance, Jay hastily hid his hands in his pockets. As if waiting for this, Belly stuck to his reddened, swollen fingers and licked them. At that action, Jay felt a bit better and composed his expression.
“P-p-pro…… fess, s-sor.”
“Ah, Valli. What is it?”
At the voice heard from behind him, Jay turned around and asked affectionately. Jay felt joy at the fact that at least Vittorio was approaching him a little.
The ignorant good deed he had done had certainly ended in misfortune. But through his continued touch, Vittorio had opened the door to his heart that had been firmly locked. Because of all that had happened, Jay could easily gauge how difficult it had been for Vittorio to open his heart to him.
To repay that heart, Jay acted more warmly toward Vittorio. At his smile like sunshine, Vittorio hesitated.
“N-n-no……”
Even if he had opened his heart a little, Vittorio was still Vittorio. Still timid, he eventually couldn’t spit out the words lingering in his mouth, bowed his head briefly, and hastily fled the spot. Though the timid boy seemed sluggish at a glance, he was fast with just his feet, and his retreating figure quickly became a dot and disappeared.
Left alone, Jay scratched the back of his neck in mixed feelings while watching Vittorio’s disappearing back.
“Haa……”
Then, after letting out a deep sigh, he trudged back inside for class.
Today too, the students all politely concentrated on the lesson, and Jay, as if assimilating to them, concentrated along with them and could forget about Ivan for a moment. But whenever he took breaks in between, he recalled Ivan’s frail back that had seemed about to crumble.
Lunchtime. Jay waited for the students in the guidance room. But no matter how long he waited, Ivan didn’t come to the guidance room. Even after Chung and Vittorio had settled into their seats on time and quite a bit of time had passed, Ivan didn’t appear. It was clearly an abnormal phenomenon.
When Jay looked at the door anxiously, Chung spoke in a voice like rolling jade beads.
“Professor, Scotilino won’t be able to come.”
“Ah…… really?”
“Yes, Professor.”
Was it thanks to Chung speaking so calmly? Jay felt a bit less worried. It was because he thought that if Ivan’s condition had been bad, Chung wouldn’t have been able to speak so calmly. Like that, Jay spent lunch in a somewhat relieved state. Having shed his worries, thinking it must have been his groundless fears.
But that peacefulness was a sandcastle. A clumsy, fragile thing that would quickly crumble even with a small wave.
