Moreover, Jack didn’t seem to welcome the guild master’s affection very much. That point made my anger boil up. It was truly painful to see what I treasured being treated like a rock in someone else’s hands.
But showing such emotions was the worst of the worst moves. I suppressed my emotions tightly and spoke to Jack. Recently, he looked especially tired with dark circles under his eyes. It was clear he wasn’t sleeping properly. He was definitely doing something in his room.
“You look tired. Your under-eyes are dark.”
“I guess it’s a bit tough.”
Jack’s face, grinning foolishly, was truly shabby. Who would see that face as 10 years old? His haggard face looked like someone who had aged 20 more years. But that face didn’t evoke sympathy in me. Rather, anger surged up in me at that face that seemed to say only he was having a hard time.
“Oh dear, if it’s hard, how about asking the guild master for help?”
The mention of the guild master that I unconsciously blurted out came from jealousy so rotten it was burnt. I was ashamed that I made a mistake that only amateurs would make. Moreover, spitting out jealousy didn’t make me feel better either. Rather, the inferiority complex born from that jealousy tore up my insides.
Jack, unaware of my state, said nonchalantly.
“Nah, it would be rude to ask the guild master separately.”
Those calm words cut through my belly like a blade. He seemed unaware of what he was accomplishing.
“…So you can ask?”
It’s painful. Who does that bastard think he is? What’s so great about him? Where am I lacking…
“Mmm, no. Jack, then take care of yourself. I have something to do…”
I smiled as if nothing was wrong, but the emotions raging inside me ran around like an unbridled horse. Like pushing a cart down a slope, I couldn’t stop.
That’s why I felt no guilt about rummaging through Jack’s room. I wanted to shove him into the mud. I wanted to make him feel all the emotions I was feeling. Despair, sadness, pain. I wanted to give him all of that.
It was unexpected that there was a beastman in Jack’s room. I never imagined such a rare existence would be there. Since he was a guy who liked novels, I thought at most there might be a precious book. How did he even pick up something like that…
Anyway, since there was a beastman, it was easy to escalate things. I whispered that information to a guild member who had connections to the casino.
“There’s a guy who picked up a strange kid in the dormitory… I think that kid is a beastman.”
“What? A beastman?”
The guild member’s eyes were full of disbelief. No matter how competent, it was a 10-year-old kid saying this, so it would be hard to believe.
“Carl, even for you, that’s absurd. Beastmen are something you’d find maybe one of in a noble’s house. How could there be one in the dormitory? Didn’t you see wrong?”
“That can’t be. What was in that room definitely had the form of a beast on its body. Even if it’s not a beastman, it’s definitely a rare chimera.”
“…Hmm.”
I stuck close to the guild member and spoke in a whisper. Though he seemed somewhat disapproving, I could feel his mindset that he would at least listen since I was the one saying it.
“I know you have connections to the casino. I also know well that there’s an underground auction house at the casino.”
“How did you…!”
“If we hand over that beastman there, we could get some decent connections, couldn’t we? Money would be a bonus.”
At my words, the guild member’s face rippled with greed. Since I proved my information capability by knowing he had connections to the casino, he would believe my words.
With that, I was certain my malice had won. Jack seemed to be cherishing and caring for that beastman without even sleeping, so he would be extremely heartbroken if it disappeared. I wanted to see his devastated appearance after losing something he gave affection to and treasured.
It was fine to call me despicable. If I truly couldn’t obtain that, it felt like all my airways would be blocked. But… he deviated from my expectations.
“If there’s no business, can I go back?”
That face, smiling brightly as if he’d never felt loss… I didn’t feel like he was a person stepping on the same ground as me. I felt some inhuman aspect from him. The sense of alienation I once felt from him. It surfaced clearly above the water.
No, that can’t be. Jack was just human. A useless human.
I gritted my teeth as if swallowing fear. Since the acting ability he showed while working was quite good, he must be pretending to be fine. I spoke to Jack, who was walking away showing me his back, in a subtle tone.
“I guess that wasn’t very important either?”
But contrary to my expectations, Jack only looked at me with a blank face. At that sight, my already sharply honed nerves snapped and my mouth went out of control. My shabby aspects were exposed outwardly.
“The thing that was stolen!”
At this point, it was no different from voluntarily confessing, “I’m the culprit.” Even if people around me praised me as mature and capable, I was still 10 years old. It meant I still had impulsive and emotional aspects remaining.
If I had been a bit older, I would have had better self-control than now and wouldn’t have done such an impulsive action. But I couldn’t take back the words I’d spit out. Jack heard every single word. He asked me in puzzlement.
“A thief broke into my room?”
“Ha…”
“If you saw it, you should have reported it.”
Rather than say more nonsense, I shut my mouth tight.
Jack left me, who said nothing, and went back to his room. All I could do, unable to say anything, was just glare at Jack. That powerless feeling… was indescribably miserable, like I had become a defeated dog.
I, who was extremely poisoned, wandered around thinking about how I could hurt him again. After finding out that he was going in and out of the auction house, I felt an “as expected” kind of feeling.
This stupid bastard really didn’t think someone had stolen that beast when he talked to me! Filled with elation, I spoke to him to provoke him once more, but he said to me nonchalantly.
“Carl, really. My pocket situation is poor.”
Jack’s evaluation was readjusted at that time. That he was better at acting than I thought. Thinking about it now, he was quite excellent, but at that time, I had to disparage Jack no matter what. No, is that the same even now…
Like that, I thought I was gradually cornering Jack. However, I declare, I never tried to take his life.
I just… wanted to make him feel even a little of my emotions. I wished that beast brat would be oppressed before that stupid bastard’s eyes, and that he would despair at not being able to save that beast. I only thought I wished he would suffer.
However, as a result, his life became endangered due to my actions. Only after the country was turned upside down by the commotion at the auction house could I learn of Jack’s radical actions. It was a result greatly different from what I expected—that he would at most get beaten and kicked out.
Turning pale at the uproar beyond imagination, I was naturally summoned by the guild master the next day. It was the guild master’s summons I had so wished for, but my heart was continuously cold as if it had become ice.
I arrived at the guild master’s room with my fingertips trembling from fear and worry, tightly clasped together. It was an office in the most secluded place of the headquarters building. Before I could even knock, the office door opened.
“Come in.”
“Excuse me…”
The one who opened the door was the guild master’s personal guard. As the head of one guild, and moreover the owner of an information guild, he had shadows prepared for any possible danger.
But I, who was still 10 years old, didn’t know of their existence and was thoroughly frightened by their appearance. It was like walking through a space that was a thorny path on all sides.
“Miduka. Come here.”
The guild master called me more calmly than I thought. He was sitting in the seat of honor on the sofa and urged me to sit on the sofa opposite him. I walked briskly and sat in that spot. I believed I had done well with the etiquette I had memorized like flowing water all this time.
“I’ve heard well of your achievements all this time. You’re quite remarkable, aren’t you?”
He spoke with a kind face, smiling. Seeing that, my tension naturally loosened. It was natural since there was not rebuke but the recognition and praise I had wished for all this time.
The affection I had wished for all my life was there. Since what I had never received even once was arriving before my eyes, my toes tingled.
“It’s, it’s nothing.”
Stuttering. How stupid. Couldn’t I answer a bit smarter? I rebuked myself, but my cheeks flushing red and my stuttering didn’t get fixed.
I proudly listed the things I had accomplished all this time. The guild master smiled affectionately and looked at me. As if telling me to keep talking.
But the more I received that affectionate gaze, my voice became as small as an ant. I belatedly realized that the oasis that appeared before my eyes was an illusion. That gentle smile seemed at first glance to contain the affection I had so craved, but it was smooth like a mask and affected.
The guild master’s smile was exactly the same as the one I always showed to others.
“…”
When I shut my mouth tight, uncomfortable silence filled the office. That’s right. There was no way the guild master would summon me like this and praise me. Because the guild master cherished Jack.
The guild master surely knew everything I had done to Jack. As if a rock had descended on my head, I couldn’t raise my head. I’m scared. I was so scared I felt like I would faint right away. What kind of words would he bring up?
“Miduka.”
“Y-yes…”
“Why did you do it?”
