It was an unbelievable statement. Did he truly think of me as a character? He wasn’t in his right mind. Who would regard a living person as a character? No matter how I thought about it, his words were the kind that couldn’t be uttered unless one was insane.
Regardless of what I was thinking inside, Master continued speaking.
“I’m… a possessor. Originally a reader who was reading this novel…”
His eyes, wandering as if intoxicated by something, as if walking through a dream, were eerie. It felt like I was seeing his twisted inner landscape for the first time. It felt like I was facing his inner self. If you were to ask how it felt to face the inside of him… what more needs to be said? I could say without hesitation that I was elated as if flying through the sky.
Master must have known that his own thoughts were strange. If he thought of someone like me as a character in a novel, then he must be thinking of this world as something like a novel.
Now I could understand why he couldn’t form intimate relationships with others. Even I wouldn’t be able to approach others with a sincere heart if I regarded them as merely characters in a novel.
As if supporting my thoughts, Master said:
“To me… everyone except myself…”
With his eyes tightly shut, he looked like he couldn’t overcome his shame, and also like a sinner running away from his own sins. Whatever his actual state of mind was, to me he felt unbearably lovely.
“Everyone seems dead.”
“……”
“It’s like I’m the only one alive in this world.”
With those words as his conclusion, he began trembling like someone who had fallen into a river covered with thin ice. Normally, since I had the body temperature of a reptile, I wouldn’t be able to soothe the cold he felt. But the chill he was feeling was a chill of the heart.
I escaped from his embrace. Then, showing a gentle smile to Master who was making an empty expression toward me, I lifted him up and confined him in my arms. A sense of fullness rose up, as if I had swallowed a large beast whole at once.
“What should Belly do to be perceived as a living person by Master?”
Having wriggled into position in my embrace, he said nothing. After remaining motionless for quite some time, he finally answered in a fragile voice tinged with laughter.
“You’d have to share the same hobby as me… or be a possessor, wouldn’t you?”
It’s not that I didn’t know the word “possession.” A spirit taking over a person’s body. It was rare but not entirely unheard of. When looking for such cases, most were caused by wicked evil spirits. Spirits with strong lingering attachments to the mortal world were generally evil in life.
Then, does Master think of himself as an evil spirit?
“If I could have found such a person, I would have found them long ago. Ha… haha.”
Letting out a self-deprecating laugh, he looked terribly lonely. That appearance, devoid of any hope whatsoever, was rather welcome to me.
If the walls are raised high, even if he goes madder with loneliness, no one will be able to remain by Master’s side. He must not get better from here. He needed to become more isolated. In order to accept me, he needed to go madder.
When he becomes weak and comes to desire another’s touch. That would be the optimal timing to burrow into him.
“Master, it’s okay. You have Belly, don’t you?”
Whispering affectionately, I hugged his shrunken body even tighter. If only I could cut open my belly, I would embrace him inside me. Then we could be together forever. With regret, saliva went down and my throat bobbed with a gulp. It was an endless hunger that nothing could quench if not Master.
If I had left him earlier, I might have been satisfied receiving affection from someone other than him. But the time had already passed, and those three years had made me perfectly subservient to him.
One might think that the young age of 10 was too early to have such thoughts. But beastmen have shorter infancies than humans, so I was nearly an adult. Moreover, the experiments conducted on me had made me mature quickly.
Stronger. More excellent. More beautiful. The perfect alpha male to lead them to salvation. But now I was merely Master’s Belly. When I shed my final skin, at that time I would offer him my true name. I would become completely subordinate to him.
Does Master know what it means to hear one’s true name? Whether he knows or not, nothing about my actions would change, but deep down I wished he would know.
* * *
Some incomprehensible voices echoed in the dark pupils. Those voices speaking in Korean were sometimes male and sometimes female.
The jumbled, mixed voices couldn’t be properly understood for what they were saying. But whenever those unidentifiable voices rang in my ears, headaches arose and irritation surged up.
“Get lost!!”
When I shouted, the voices seemed angry and clamored even more as if yelling. The sound was so loud, it was as if I had come to a marketplace.
Clutching my head at the splitting headache, I shouted back with the determination not to lose. I screamed so loudly that my throat hurt as if it would burst…
“Huk.”
At that pain in my throat, I woke from my dream. Only after touching my parched, cracked throat several times did I realize that those voices had been fiction from within my dream.
My heart became somewhat more at ease. After being soaked in cold sweat with an unpleasant feeling, I realized belatedly that a cool, large hand was wrapped around my waist. It was a delayed realization.
The owner of the hand was Belly, who was younger than me but had a body much larger than mine. Since there was no other being besides him who could climb onto the bed in this room with me, it was only natural.
The sudden change in emotions that had occurred during the day had been overwhelming for me. Like someone swept up by a natural disaster, I could only be helplessly struck. It sounds like an excuse, but it truly was that way.
Just emotions. Even though they were emotions originating from me, it was too miserable that I couldn’t endure them. Fortunately, the depression that had rushed in suddenly like a tidal wave had now largely subsided. But…
“Haah…”
After exhaling a deep sigh that seemed to sink my lungs, I overlaid my hand on top of Belly’s hand that was holding me firmly. That hand, which would normally be cooler than a person’s body temperature, was lukewarm, warmed by my body heat. Finding that unbearably lovely, I exhaled a languid sigh and closed my eyes again.
After falling asleep again, there wasn’t even a trace of nightmares.
* * *
Although there were twists and turns from the first day, fortunately the gift preparation gathering rolled along reasonably well. Several had already finished their assigned portions and joined the choir team, so now there were only three of us left in the room, including me. Carl and Fortuna were the remaining children.
However, that didn’t mean everything was progressing well. My knitting skills were still crawling along the floor, and the results were terrible.
Carl’s glossy face looked good without a single crack like porcelain, but it was like an unexploded bomb. Though it was always a smiling face, he frequently cast uncomfortable glances at me. They were mainly directed at the knitted items I had made.
“You really…”
Fortuna’s incredulous gaze was also directed at the knitted item I had created.
With holes riddled throughout and the width not even consistent, it was truly ugly. It would be better to unravel it and knit it again, but sadly there wasn’t that much time. Since I had already unraveled the terrible results and knitted this anew, this was more or less my best.
“This is my best…”
“Should I do it for you even now?”
Fortuna said to me with a pitying face. Since he was the one who had taught me knitting, it was obvious he would be better than me. But before I could give an affirmative answer, Carl’s cold voice was heard.
“That’s Jack’s task, Fortuna. You can’t take his work away from him.”
Carl’s words came to me quite bewilderingly. First of all, this wasn’t work. Did I receive wages for doing this task? No. The side that employed me was Rose, that is, the Information Guild. And the one hosting this gathering now was Carl.
In terms of efficiency, it would be more correct for Fortuna to do my work now. Because no matter how hard I tried, there was no other destination than creating a long rag.
“No, but look at this. How could we give this as a gift?”
Fortuna stated his opinion again, as if no matter how many times he thought about it, it wasn’t right. But there wasn’t even a crack-like change on Carl’s face.
“Fortuna.”
The voice calling him in a low tone was gentle, but an undeniable charisma flowed from it. It was an amazing ability for a boy my age, just 13 years old.
Fortuna swallowed the words he had been saying and obediently set to work on his own task. However, the work they were in charge of was editing booklets, and the work Fortuna had been doing was already somewhat finished. Carl said to Fortuna, whose hands were idle and fidgeting:
“Now you join the choir team too.”
“…Alright.”
Fortuna looked at me with a somewhat worried face. I waved my hand slightly to see him off.
After Fortuna left the room, now only Carl and I remained. A suffocating silence filled the room. When Fortuna was at least present, it was somewhat livable, but now it felt like someone had blocked up my breathing hole.
Right. To leave this room, I had to finish this scarf quickly. Even if I tried to do better, the result would be the worst anyway. It was certain that even if I paid attention, what would have had 10 holes would only change to about 9. Since it wouldn’t change anyway, it was right to at least pick up the pace.
Once I finished thinking, it was natural that my hands became faster. Of course, more holes were being made. Thanks to that, the more I knitted, the sharper Carl’s gaze became.
