“Try eating.”
“……”
Seungun lifted his spoon, creaking awkwardly like a robot with a dead battery. This was already the second meal he’d prepared for him. The first was a breakfast like a hotel buffet, and now it was home cooking. He took a spoonful of kimchi stew broth.
Seungun’s expression changed ambiguously after swallowing the broth. Gi Siyoung sat across from him, staring with a face waiting for an answer. For Seungun, who usually enjoyed stimulating food, it was bland seasoning, but actually, the food’s taste wasn’t that bad.
As the hot stew went down his esophagus and warmed his insides, strangely, the dirty feeling that had been wrapping around and tightening his skin began to fade. But praise didn’t come out readily.
“It’s bland.”
“I can’t eat spicy food. So it’s tasteless?”
“…No.”
Seungun shook his head. Gi Siyoung headed to the refrigerator to get water. Inside the refrigerator, there was nothing but water and canned beer. It was fortunate that there was no frost.
Staring into the refrigerator, he took out only a water bottle without hesitation and returned to his seat. Seungun, who had been eating the stew until his lips turned red despite saying it was bland, raised his head. Gi Siyoung poured water beside him.
“Eat slowly. It would have been big trouble if I hadn’t made this for you.”
“……”
The closer he looked at Im Seungun’s life, the more shabby it was—impossibly shabby. What about this shabby and insignificant house? Gi Siyoung recalled his original taste. Normally, he wouldn’t have even set foot in a house like this.
Yet that person who complained it was bland but ate the stew as if hiding a crab’s eyes kept making him feel uncomfortable and annoyed. A fellow actor harassed Im Seungun. His mood turned to shit so he swung his fist. Im Seungun went out for a drink with Patrick, whom he’d coincidentally become close with. He couldn’t stand to watch that either.
Why does he keep his lips shut like that while chewing his food?
He’s bothered. Concerned. Worried. That’s how he must have looked in others’ eyes. If asked whether Im Seungun was pitiful, he would answer no. If asked whether Im Seungun was foolish, he would define him as just someone with a strong sense of responsibility and taciturn.
Those very points made him furious. Irritated. He wanted to throw these emotions into that boiling kimchi stew and have Im Seungun take them all. Things he didn’t want to see kept appearing. The conclusion he reached after constantly thinking about it was just one. Curiosity about something new? Or something more.
“I have something to say to Im Seungun-ssi.”
“……”
Gi Siyoung hadn’t touched a single bite of the food he made. Seungun, who had been glancing at him, put down the spoon containing red broth with a clatter. Seungun raised his head with an expression that said what had to come had come.
It was a conversation that had to be brought up someday. The two were in an actor and manager relationship. More than that, to Seungun, Gi Siyoung was someone he would betray. Seungun was carrying out an excessive fraud against Gi Siyoung. The relationship couldn’t become any more ambiguous than this. So he decided to make the first move.
“About what happened in Bali….”
“……”
“I wasn’t in my right mind. If you came to my house today because of that, I want to refuse.”
The ear-splitting ringing of the fire alarm rang in his ears again. That might have been a warning. He shouldn’t get any closer to Gi Siyoung. That would be something he couldn’t do as a person. Imagining himself matching bodies with him, taking pictures of his naked body, and offering them to President Gu and Min Jihyeon made him want to bury his nose in a dish and die.
“Does it seem like I’m simply bringing up sex?”
“What?”
“What would you do if I said I wanted to do something other than sex with Im Seungun-ssi?”
Seungun couldn’t even imagine how stupid an expression he must be making right now. Toward Seungun looking at him in a daze, Gi Siyoung sent out a sweeter voice than ever before. He knew how to say sweeter words and make a sweeter face than anyone in the world.
“……”
His head spun so much he felt dizzy. It seemed like his body aches were coming back. It was absurd. Seungun stood up holding his rice bowl as if there was nothing more to hear.
“Stop joking around. Does Gi Siyoung-ssi find this fun? If your hobby is eating expensive meals and saying such things, please leave.”
“Weren’t you satisfied with my kiss? Why are you acting like this after we even kissed? If you were going to be like this, you shouldn’t have given it in the first place.”
No matter how fresh the fruit hung, you shouldn’t even look at a tree you can’t climb. He quickly left the table and shoved the rice bowl, not even half-emptied, into the sink.
President Gu had mortgaged his life and shaken it to the core. Gi Siyoung was doing the same now. Everyone seemed eager to manipulate him.
As he tried to leave the kitchen, Gi Siyoung, who he thought would be sitting in the chair, was standing blocking his way. When he tried to avoid him, he reached out to the sink and trapped Seungun.
“Move.”
Seungun said coldly without even making eye contact with him.
“I don’t want to.”
“I understand what Gi Siyoung-ssi is saying.”
“……”
“I’m not in a position for that.”
“What position? If this face is hitting on you, doesn’t that put you in that position?”
“……”
Gi Siyoung bent his waist slightly. He stiffly received the approaching face. Before he could avoid it, warmth rested on his lips with a soft touch. Belatedly, he blocked his lips with the back of his hand. His reaction was a beat late.
It must have been utterly ridiculous. Even though it was just a simple kiss after they’d already kissed, Seungun’s nape reddened uncharacteristically. Gi Siyoung raised the corners of his mouth watching that.
“You’re thinking what a windfall this is and can’t believe it, right? Well, that’s understandable. When someone who looks like this comes at you seriously, is it easy to refuse? I completely understand your feelings. It’s not easy to be good at night activities, but a blessing has rolled in from heaven.”
“We’ve never had sex.”
Seungun pointed out sharply.
“Objectively speaking, it’s worth looking forward to.”
Gi Siyoung retorted shamelessly.
“I have no intention of looking forward to it.”
“I’m as surprised at myself as Im Seungun-ssi is. That someone who was a former night club tout would be in my life….”
“By any chance.”
“By any chance what?”
“Is sex the purpose?”
“……”
“If sex is the purpose, I don’t mind.”
“What do you mean you don’t mind?”
“I’m not saying I don’t understand Gi Siyoung-ssi’s position. A partner with no gossip and no aftermath would be convenient, right? I’m a man too, so I understand a man’s position well. So—”
“Im Seungun-ssi.”
Gi Siyoung called in a stiffly hardened voice.
“I’m sure I said this clearly. I didn’t come here to try putting my thing in Im Seungun-ssi’s body once.”
“……”
“If sex was the purpose, wouldn’t I have somehow screwed you in Bali and kept my mouth shut?”
“……”
“I want to stop too, but it’s not going well. I’m annoyed that you’re hovering in front of my eyes. It pisses me off when you hold an umbrella for another guy, and it pisses me off even more when you pour drinks. Where did you learn to suddenly act crazy and collapse, making people curious?”
“……”
“I’m saying I want to interfere in Im Seungun-ssi’s life with justification at every turn.”
On days when President Gu summoned him, he would return a mess and barely lie down on the bed. He befriended the lonely darkness and used the sound from the wiretapping app installed on Gi Siyoung’s phone as a lullaby.
Seungun knew his place well. If he got involved with Gi Siyoung this way, the future was as clear as day. Because he always assumed only the worst situations, he knew all too well how his heart would flutter knowing what the result would be if they started like this.
“I’m a pathetic person. Someday, Gi Siyoung-ssi will be disappointed because of me.”
“Am I pathetic too for liking a pathetic person?”
However, an unforeseen error set confusion ablaze. Gi Siyoung wasn’t a pathetic person. He was incomparable to himself.
“It must be a mistake. Think again.”
Seungun muttered in an uncertain voice. The more Gi Siyoung confessed, the dizzier his head became.
“Im Seungun-ssi is also a mistake to me.”
Hot hands gripped his dry cheeks. Gi Siyoung, who had been watching Seungun’s dry eyes close as if in despair, felt the unexpressed, boiling desire becoming increasingly certain.
He had lived a life where if he laughed, others laughed with him, and if he was sad, others were sad with him. When he wanted something, he smiled and easily grasped it.
There was no reason he couldn’t do it this time. When he smiled, Seungun smiled as if crying. It probably wasn’t a deep emotion. Something like a wind that blows and stops. What harm would it do to enjoy a briefly blowing wind?
