‘Just a little more…. Just hold on a little more…. Lee Soohyun….’
Soohyun walked very slowly. Seojun was worried about Soohyun, who was a little different from usual, but thought he was a little nervous because a stranger had come. In fact, Soohyun was still in a state where it was difficult to meet others.
“Sorry for keeping you waiting. Director-nim. Shall we eat now?”
“Yes, good. It’s been a really long time since I’ve been invited like this to eat homemade food….”
“What?”
“I’m very much looking forward to it. Choi Seojun-ssi.”
Seokhyeon smiled good-naturedly and moved his chopsticks. Side dishes that looked simple but were full of Soohyun’s love and devotion were set on the table.
“Was it Lee Soohyun-ssi? Very… skilled.”
“Haha… yes, really good. To the point I’m grateful.”
Watching Seojun’s face smiling with slightly reddened cheeks, strength entered the hand of Jang Seokhyeon holding the chopsticks.
“But Lee Soohyun-ssi… didn’t you say he’d eat together?”
“He said he ate already. And that he doesn’t feel well….”
“I see. That’s too bad.”
Seojun, who had met with Seokhyeon several times by now, conversed with him without reserve.
While the two were talking, losing track of time, Soohyun was crouched in a corner of the room where the employee stayed.
“This can’t be… this can’t be….”
Soohyun held his head and kept muttering.
Knock knock—
Soohyun sat in the dark room with his body curled up tightly. He still couldn’t believe the fact that ‘Jang Seokhyeon’ was outside. And that he would come to Seojun’s house. That the man called ‘director’ that Seojun talked about was none other than that Jang Seokhyeon.
Soohyun pinched his cheek with his fingers. He put strength in his fingertips and twisted and pinched his cheek until it stung. It hurt. Enough to bring tears.
Knock knock—
Why did that man appear? Did he have something more left to take away from him? Jang Seokhyeon was the man who had driven Soohyun to the edge of life.
Unable to go outside,
Unable to meet people,
The man who caused him to be unable to ride buses, subways, or taxis.
The man who made him unable to trust anyone in the world,
The man who was more cruel than a devil to Soohyun was Jang Seokhyeon.
“No answer.”
The door to the room where Soohyun was hiding opened. Light gradually seeped into the dark room. Soohyun was still in a corner of the room. The man who opened the door stepped into the room without hesitation.
“Why…?”
“Why, you ask, Soohyun-ah. It’s been five years for us. Right?”
Seokhyeon called Soohyun’s name in a creepily affectionate voice. However, Soohyun curled up his body and covered his ears as if even having one of his fingers touch his body was terrible. Seeing that, Seokhyeon lowered his hand and bent down.
“I’m so happy I could cry, Soohyun-ah. I’m hurt.”
“Eu… euhuk….”
He wanted to shout loudly to leave, to disappear from in front of him, but only ugly sounds came out of Soohyun’s mouth. This was Seojun’s house. Seojun’s house, where he didn’t know about his relationship with Jang Seokhyeon.
“Could there be such a coincidence? Meeting you in a place like this. Right? We must be fated after all.”
“Heuk… heuheuk….”
That couldn’t be. Soohyun thought that meeting this man was absolutely not a coincidence. ‘Jang Seokhyeon’ was someone who didn’t care about means and methods when things didn’t go his way. Soohyun covered his mouth and shook his head.
“Today I just came to see your face. You’re still… pretty. My Soohyun….”
“Heueup… keuheuk….”
The tears that finally burst poured out profusely. He wanted to wail and struggle, but if that happened in front of Jang Seokhyeon, Seojun would definitely ask.
About his relationship with Jang Seokhyeon.
“I’ll contact you. I’ll call… so answer well. Don’t avoid me. We have things to talk about.”
“Heuk… heuup….”
“You changed your phone number. It was hard to find out. Then rest. I’m going to leave now.”
Seokhyeon gently stroked Soohyun’s hair. What fur in this world could be softer than this? Seokhyeon barely put away his regret and got up.
“Well. I’ll get going. See you next time.”
“Uk… euheup… heuk….”
Soohyun couldn’t stop crying until Seokhyeon closed the door and left.
* * *
“Choi Seojun-ssi, I’ll be going now. Thank you so much for the meal today.”
“I’m always receiving help…. Next time, I’ll treat you at a better place. Director-nim.”
“There won’t be better treatment than coming to Seojun-ssi’s house today. Thank you very much. Choi Seojun-ssi.”
Seokhyeon smiled pleasantly and left Seojun’s house. After seeing Seokhyeon off, Seojun headed to the room where Soohyun would be.
“Soohyun-ssi?”
“Seo, Seojun-ssi.”
Soohyun bowed his head to hide his swollen eyes, but Seojun was faster.
“Soohyun-ssi? What happened? Why is your face like this? Are you sick somewhere?”
“N-no. Just a little….”
Soohyun turned his head, not wanting to show him such an ugly sight, but Seojun was busy checking Soohyun’s face, even bending down at the waist.
“Don’t tell me… you said you didn’t feel well earlier! Are you sick somewhere? Like, like that time… because I couldn’t pay attention since a guest came! What should I do? Do you want to go to the hospital now? If it’s the emergency room… no, but at times like this, even if we go to the emergency room… what about medicine? Did you take medicine?”
At Seojun’s pale face not knowing what to do, Soohyun bit his lips. Because he mustn’t cry anymore. Because he mustn’t be caught that it’s because of Jang Seokhyeon. How nice it would be if he could swallow tears, sadness, and even memories. Soohyun wiped his tears and raised his head.
“Seojun-ssi. No. I’m really okay. I just… fell asleep for a moment and had… a scary dream.”
“Really?”
Soohyun nodded. Seokhyeon’s voice saying he would call still lingered in his ears, but he wanted to think that he could avoid him, that it might be okay now because Seojun was by his side. Because he was the person who held and embraced his precarious self and whispered love.
“Yes. A little…. So don’t worry too much. Seojun-ssi knows well that I’ve been getting better lately.”
“B-but this is the first time Soohyun-ssi cried like this… I haven’t been paying enough attention lately! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Seojun held Soohyun’s hand. His large hand holding his own was so warmly tear-inducing that Soohyun almost opened up about his past bad relationship with Seokhyeon.
“Director-nim said he envies me. For being with someone like Soohyun-ssi…. Ah! Of course I didn’t say that I like Soohyun-ssi, but… he said the food was so delicious…. Ah, come to think of it, you worked so hard today…. Did you eat properly? A guest coming to the house was too uncomfortable, right?”
He didn’t have the confidence to tell Seojun, who knew nothing, about Jang Seokhyeon. Like himself five years ago, Seojun clearly thought he was a good person. Perhaps to Seojun, Seokhyeon might be a good person. But… Soohyun noticed the reason he approached Seojun.
Because of me, to meet me.
Someone might laugh it off as mere delusions of grandeur, but the Jang Seokhyeon that Soohyun knew was that kind of man.
“I want to rest early today. Seojun-ssi.”
“Okay. Rest right away. I’ll come in soon too.”
“I’ll clean up the dinner table tomorrow….”
“Don’t worry about such things. Soohyun-ssi looks so exhausted right now.”
Soohyun, who knew how much Seojun was worried about him, entered the bathroom as if fleeing. If he washed his body and face with water, would the memory of meeting him today also flow down the drain with the water? As soon as Soohyun entered the bathroom, he collapsed on the floor.
‘Jang Seokhyeon… how, how….’
How could he think of appearing in front of him? He shouldn’t have come out of the rooftop room after all. He had just barely taken one step toward the world, so although slow, he had just now become able to walk slowly, and he appeared again….
Soohyun closed his eyes to turn away from the despair standing with arms spread toward him.
* * *
“Soohyun-ssi, good night.”
“You too, Seojun-ssi.”
“Are you okay now?”
“Yes, I’m sorry for making you worry.”
“No. I… Soohyun-ssi… never mind. You’ll feel better after a good sleep.”
Soohyun burrowed into Seojun’s embrace. Without even his warmth, it would be a night hard to endure.
“Soohyun-ssi…?”
