It seemed like the last time was when he was at Chaeho’s house. Chaeho’s mother always stopped Soohyun when he said he would make breakfast.
‘You’re tired from working every day. Sleep even 30 more minutes, Soohyun-ah.’
Soohyun started his meal with the warm tea that had just been brewed. The corners of Soohyun’s mouth curled up as he ate. The food was already cold, but somehow he felt warmth.
Tiring—
Since living at Seojun’s house, Soohyun hardly looked at his cell phone. There was no one in particular who would contact him, and even the contact from Chaeho, who used to reach out, had become sparse.
‘I should at least say thank you.’
Hearing the cell phone notification ring just in time, Soohyun picked up the phone. He found Seojun’s number among the few saved numbers.
—Thank you.
Wanting to write something more, Soohyun hesitated before pressing the send button. But adding words like “I’m sorry for oversleeping” or “I ate breakfast well” seemed strange, so in the end he just sent one short line.
Trrrr— Trrrr—
As soon as he pressed the send button and put the phone down on the floor, the bell rang. Soohyun picked up the phone he had turned over, expecting it to be Seojun. But the person calling was Chaeho.
“Hell…o?”
[…Soohyun hyung. It’s me. Have you been well?]
“Yeah. I’ve been well…. How about you, Chaeho?”
The voice of Chaeho transmitted through the radio waves was calm. He should answer him more affectionately when he asks about his well-being. Chaeho’s hurt face kept coming to mind.
[Actually, I’m near that officetel right now. I came to see you, hyung.]
“Really?”
[I think I’ll arrive in about 15 minutes… Can we talk for a bit?]
“Yeah. Uh… okay. I’ll come down to meet you.”
[Okay. There’s a cafe nearby. The name is….]
Soohyun just kept answering “uh” and hung up. How long had it been since he last saw Chaeho? It pained him that he had only hurt the kid who always worried about him and liked him. Muttering ‘I shouldn’t say harsh things today, I should tell him I’m doing well,’ Soohyun organized what he would tell Chaeho.
* * *
Near Seojun’s officetel was a fairly spacious and quiet cafe. Soohyun, who rarely went outside, was visiting this place for the first time. Soohyun, who had hurried out, checked his appearance in front of the mirror at the entrance.
‘I do look tired.’
The aftermath of having sex with Seojun all night remained intact on his face. The roughened skin and the deep shadows cast under his eyes. His cheeks also seemed a little gaunt, so he tapped his face lightly.
“Hyung.”
“Chae…ho. You’re here?”
“Yeah. Go sit down. I’ll order drinks and come.”
Unlike Soohyun who smiled awkwardly, Chaeho was no different from before. The gazes of other customers toward him, who was young, handsome, and dressed stylishly, were not ordinary. Chaeho ordered coffee for himself and peppermint tea for Soohyun.
“Have you… been well? I was surprised you suddenly contacted me….”
“I’ve been a bit busy. Working hard. Are you… okay, hyung? How’s work?”
Today’s Chaeho seemed quite relaxed. He was the one who used to act spoiled toward Soohyun. His affectionate expression and the occasional smile, his attitude as if nothing had happened felt unfamiliar yet not unpleasant. After parting that way back then, Soohyun had worried about what face he should use to see Chaeho, but seeing Chaeho before his eyes, his heart gradually became comfortable.
“I’m fine. I don’t have to walk around anymore. It’s become more comfortable. I have more free time too. Also….”
“I see. Did you go to the hospital well?”
“Huh? Yeah…. Actually, you know….”
Soohyun opened up about trying to ride the bus, about going far in Seojun’s car. Chaeho’s face darkened for a very brief moment, but Soohyun didn’t notice Chaeho’s change.
“I see. You got to ride other cars too. Hyung… you seem much healthier.”
“Yeah. The doctor said it’s a good sign too.”
“That’s a relief. Soohyun hyung, with Choi Seojun-ssi… are you getting along well?”
Chaeho’s eyes, which had been calm throughout the conversation, wavered. How should he open up to Chaeho about his relationship with Seojun? It was clear that it wasn’t simply an employer and employee relationship….
“We’re getting along well. Even though I’m sick, he’s very considerate….”
“Choi Seojun-ssi seems to… like you, hyung.”
Soohyun couldn’t look directly at Chaeho’s face. If no one else, Chaeho was a kid who read the emotions shown on his face well.
“Rather than liking me…. We’re just getting along without any problems.”
“Hyung, what do you think of Choi Seojun-ssi?”
Why does he keep asking things like that? Soohyun rolled his eyes and checked Chaeho’s face. He wouldn’t be making a hurt face, would he? But fortunately, he was no different from the beginning.
“I… am receiving a lot of help. The work isn’t very difficult either. He’s very considerate. And….”
Soohyun bit his lips for a moment. Should he tell Chaeho? Or shouldn’t he?
“I see. I’m always worried about you, hyung….”
“Choi Seojun-ssi… says he likes me.”
“Huh? Hyung, what did you just say…?”
Soohyun covered his mouth, surprised at the words that came out unconsciously. This wasn’t what he was going to say to Chaeho.
“No.”
“Choi Seojun-ssi… likes you, hyung? What about you, hyung? You too….”
“I….”
He thought it might be an opportunity. An opportunity to help Chaeho let go if he had even a little lingering attachment to him.
“When I’m with him, he makes me feel comfortable. And… the really amazing thing is….”
Soohyun brought up the story of Jeongwon. Chaeho couldn’t close his mouth at Soohyun bringing up his story first.
“It seems like a coincidence… so I’m also a little….”
“As long as… you’re happy, hyung. That’s enough for me. I’m just worried you’ll be in pain.”
“No. I’m not in pain. I’m taking my medicine well. I’m going to try gradually riding other cars too….”
“Yeah. I was curious about you, hyung. Since I can’t see you anymore if I go to that house. I came once.”
“Okay. I see. I’m sorry. For the contact….”
A long sigh escaped from Chaeho’s mouth with his head lowered.
“What does… hyung have to be sorry about? You look good. Keep in touch. Mom and Dad are worried too.”
“Okay. I understand. I’ll call them. It was nice seeing you today.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
Watching Chaeho get up, Soohyun also got up.
“I’ll come again next time.”
“Okay. Take care. Chaeho.”
Soohyun awkwardly waved his hand toward him as he turned and left. It was nice to see him after such a long time.
‘It’ll get better as time passes…’
Soohyun had learned through his body that even wounds that seemed impossible to erase eventually fade a little as time passes. He sincerely hoped Chaeho’s wounds would be the same….
* * *
“Whew….”
As soon as Chaeho parted with Soohyun and got in the car, he buried his face in the steering wheel. How long had it been since he saw him? He had resolved to put away his feelings, but he couldn’t easily shake off the person he had kept in his heart for 10 years.
He was still beautiful. His appearance at nineteen and his current appearance were no different at all. Even his face smiling shyly and the look in his eyes when looking at him remained unchanged.
“Still, I’m glad… he looks good.”
His eyes, which had once been full of despair, seemed to have regained life and appeared to be overflowing with love, so while Chaeho was relieved, he was sad that it wasn’t him who had given him that peace.
‘When I’m with him, he makes me feel comfortable.’
Chaeho still found it difficult to understand why he couldn’t but Choi Seojun could. I can understand everything, I can embrace everything… Could Choi Seojun know all of Soohyun’s wounds and cherish him?
“Let’s not think about it anymore. Soohyun hyung is happy.”
He hated so much to see him cry. He was always afraid that he would leave for a place he could never return from, unable to overcome his sadness. He had thought that it didn’t really matter as long as he could smile like before, but… Chaeho struck his chest to overcome the stuffiness that blocked his breathing. If this time too, something happens that hurts Soohyun…?
‘Right, then. When that time comes….’
Chaeho was a patient man. He had waited 10 years, so there was no reason he couldn’t wait longer. If by any chance he got hurt again and wandered around unable to find a place to return to, the only person to hold that hand would be himself. There’s no way a bastard like Choi Seojun would be sincere toward Soohyun.
Chaeho decided to wait just a little longer.
