# Chapter 102
I wondered what exactly they had considered past Dohyuk and Seoyeon to be all this time. Such a question crossed my mind.
“……”
Dr. Choi’s tone became even gentler, assuming that Dohyuk’s silence was due to him being in shock.
“Tell me, Choi Dohyuk Esper. You already feel it, don’t you? That there isn’t much time left. The project has ended in failure. Regrettably, you remain as a failed experiment.”
“What’s your intention in telling me this?”
“Intention? I’m hurt. This is sympathy, Choi Dohyuk Esper. Being used and not knowing when you’ll be disposed of, clinging to Dr. Jeong, being consumed as research material until the very end… I feel sorry for you.”
“…Did you think I didn’t know I was being used? I’ve been aware that you’ve been monitoring me ever since I was transferred to another region after the rampage incident. I figured you concluded that since Lee Seoyeon Esper experienced an unknown rampage, I must be dangerous too, so you decided to observe me for a certain period.”
Dohyuk laughed hollowly. Dr. Choi’s expression had frozen like someone who had just witnessed a chess piece move on its own.
“But it was you who modified me into a body that would gradually break down without continuous examinations and management. When this is the only place where I don’t have to deceive anyone, what other choice did I have? I don’t understand your sudden sympathy. If you want something, just give me orders like you’ve been doing. I’ll carry them out the same as always.”
In truth, Dohyuk had never once thought of himself as a “success” even when all the researchers around him were celebrating.
Lee Seoyeon and Choi Dohyuk had no Guides with high matching rates. He had thought that no one in the world could properly understand and guide them—who had been altered to mimic Espers—and that they would simply die slowly like candles burning their wicks.
Until he met Junseo.
“You seem a bit excited, but don’t take this the wrong way. Choi Dohyuk Esper is currently in such a dangerous state that we don’t know when he might boil over. So before monstrification progresses like with Lee Seoyeon Esper, we need to end this.”
“Would it help if I stop using my abilities from now on?”
“……”
Dr. Choi shook his head, and Dohyuk lowered his eyes with a bitter smile on his lips.
So it was Dr. Choi, not Dr. Jeong, after all.
“So you’re saying I should die before I become a monster, since it’s already too late.”
“It would be better for those around you too. Wouldn’t it be shocking to learn that someone who was close to you was actually a monster? Having witnessed Lee Seoyeon Esper’s monstrification up close, you must know. The progression must have been quite revolting.”
Dr. Choi regained his composure after noticing Dohyuk’s fingertips twitch ever so slightly. He added a kind smile.
“Have you heard of death with dignity?”
***
“So? We have enough material on Son Gyuhyuk. Kang Chakwon will show up if we touch the by-products. And keep an eye on his son Kang Chayun too. The recently sold building was under his son’s name, which looks like an illegal gift. The previous owner was Kang Chakwon’s sixth cousin, so it’s obviously an indirect gift. Seems like it went through about four intermediaries, but we should be able to sort that out, right?”
Junseo’s previously indifferent expression warmed at the sound of the door lock opening from a distance. Like a dog who had sensed its awaited owner, Junseo’s eyes sparkled as he quickly turned his head toward the entrance. His footsteps were hurried as he got up and walked toward the entrance. Yet his voice to the person on the other end of the phone remained languid.
“Oh my. Something urgent has come up. Keep up the good work. Goodbye.”
Junseo looked at his reflection in the now-black phone screen and added a sweet eye-smile. Only after smoothing down his disheveled bangs with his fingers did he push the phone into his pocket.
The door opened at just the right moment.
Maintaining the carefully crafted smile, Junseo opened his arms wide.
“Welcome home.”
Dohyuk slipped docilely into the offered embrace like a well-trained animal. Junseo chuckled softly as Dohyuk nuzzled his cheek against his neck while maintaining a composed face, already tamed. Dohyuk stared at that face. Soon, his lips touched Junseo’s lightly, then slowly parted.
“Yeah, I’m home.”
“Your expression seems especially poor today.”
“I’m fine. Just did some overtime…”
“Who makes you work overtime on a Friday evening?”
“Well, it’s always like that. Actually, I left a bit early today.”
“Because your rabbit-like partner was waiting at home?”
“…We’re not married yet.”
“Yes, not yet.”
“……”
Though Junseo always made similar jokes, the nape of Dohyuk’s neck turning bright red each time was adorable. Looking at Dohyuk’s lowered eyelids, Junseo recalled the words Dohyuk had once mumbled with his face buried in his arms just like now.
*
A peaceful evening where even moonlight couldn’t seep through. The only light source was the auxiliary lamp on the bedside table. Junseo stroked the face half-bathed in faint light and stained with deep shadows. Dohyuk’s past—seemingly deliberately forgotten, patchy and disorganized—flowed from his lips all night long. Junseo, keeping his body temperature matched with Dohyuk’s, engraved the first chapter of Dohyuk’s life—torn and ravaged by others’ hands—into his eyes. He traced over the various scars etched into Dohyuk’s firm skin endlessly, focusing solely on reading Dohyuk without uttering even the smallest interjection. The single brief sentence Junseo spoke at the end was:
‘Don’t you feel wronged?’
Those tear-filled eyes gleamed black in the room as dark as the universe. Then, with slightly narrowed eyes, his voice whispered like tempting a child with candy, so sweet that even Dohyuk, who didn’t enjoy sweet things, felt his mouth water.
What had he thought when he first saw Junseo? Back then, that snow-white face had always seemed angelic. Now he wasn’t so sure. Whenever a cruel look flashed across Junseo’s face, Dohyuk repeatedly confirmed that Junseo wasn’t simply a gentle person.
‘Don’t you want revenge?’
He was tempting like a demon who would take everything, even if it meant reducing someone to ruins, and give it all to Dohyuk if he begged even slightly. Dohyuk didn’t understand why Junseo was so anxious for him to desire more. While he could have pretended if Junseo wanted, Dohyuk was content just with the body pressed against his skin.
He had said he wanted to see everything else come crashing down for the sake of choosing him. Even declarations that would make others recoil sounded like sweet confessions to Dohyuk. It was endearing. Despite knowing all the facts, Junseo failed to understand what his existence meant to Dohyuk. He constantly doubted and verified, yet hated being doubted himself. Whenever Dohyuk noticed Junseo’s chaotic heart, he felt a burning thirst each time.
Dohyuk gently rubbed Junseo’s plump aegyo sal with his finger.
‘I don’t know. I think I’m already too tired for revenge.’
Perhaps he had already found comfort in the fact that he could speak openly like this, and that Junseo hadn’t rejected him.
‘I just want to live with you. Like a normal person.’
But he didn’t mention how he, already at the point of being disposed of as a failed experiment, could possibly survive. He swallowed the words about how, even if he survived with a body that might become monstrous at any moment, he couldn’t continue living without the laboratory’s support. He just wanted to fall asleep with Junseo without any other worries.
As Dohyuk deliberately closed his eyes, pretending to be sleepy, Junseo whispered:
‘Yes, live with me. Like a normal person.’
*
Two weeks had already passed since then. Time had flown by as busy as it was. Even while performing his field duties, Dohyuk had to consistently return to the research wing. Between seeing Dr. Choi for individual examinations behind Dr. Jeong’s back who was keeping his condition secret, he barely had time to breathe. Despite knowing that Dr. Choi was someone who wanted to eliminate him, Dohyuk had no other way to determine how far his monstrification had progressed.
He couldn’t tell Junseo about the monstrification. Being “a test subject abused at a research facility in childhood” and being “a monster” were different. Even if the whole world despised him, he didn’t want Junseo to find out about this. Although the thought of confessing even this rose to the surface several times, Dohyuk could never open his mouth. And the pill tucked safely in his pocket played a part in reaching that conclusion.
‘Have you heard of death with dignity?’
Dohyuk had received two pills from Dr. Choi. It was for “just in case” something happened.
Espers always carry emergency guiding medication. It’s a drug with such severe side effects on the nervous system that it can’t be taken during combat, but it’s necessary because no one knows what might happen in an emergency due to lack of guiding.
The pill Dohyuk received was a stimulant typically used in ability tests that normal people take at 17. It was a drug that temporarily causes abilities to surge, only necessary for ordinary people before awakening. For an Esper on the verge of rampage to take such a pill would be like pouring oil on someone already ablaze.
