This time too, the Emperor called Sansan Noble Consort even before the elevation ceremony. If the imperial will was so, no matter how much the Empress Dowager expressed dissatisfaction, the elevation ceremony would be carried out as before. Sansan would become a Noble Consort while insane and without having given birth to an Imperial Grandson. A mere eight months after entering the palace.
Head Eunuch Han understood why resentment was building up in the harem. He forcibly put away his uneasy feelings. From Consort Yoon’s difficult labor to the Eighth Imperial Prince’s measles, everything seemed contrived. All were plausible events, yet at the same time extremely coincidental. It was worth investigating.
But what could be done when the Emperor himself was staying still? Having been born and raised in the palace, there was no way he couldn’t sense it, so what this indicated was clear.
Whatever had happened, he had no will to question it. He probably didn’t want to unnecessarily create trouble and stimulate Sansan. Then he too should properly discern the imperial will and keep quiet.
Head Eunuch Han bowed respectfully to the Emperor and withdrew to do what he’d been ordered.
The Emperor also sent out Imperial Physician Do and moved back to the bedchamber. He sat by the bedside and stroked the forehead of Sansan, who was sprawled out sleeping.
“…You’re giving me trouble.”
The hand that had been touching his forehead gradually moved to his closed eyes, to his nose, to his philtrum, and finally to his lips. He spread apart the slightly parted teeth and firmly pressed the soft tongue and moist inner flesh.
Just from this act alone, the Emperor had become completely erect. It reminded him exactly of that inner chamber. The inside of his mouth, as narrow as his inner chamber, always found the Emperor’s jade stem too much. Unable to breathe well, he’d only bared his teeth a few times when ordered. Lately, he himself had sucked more often instead.
“And yet saying you’ll suck harder…”
The Emperor laughed in disbelief. The sight looked quite bitter. He withdrew his finger from Sansan’s mouth and leaned his upper body against the canopy bed pillar. He waited like that for Sansan to wake up.
***
“…Your Majesty, what about Gang-i?”
Sansan woke up in the dead of night. It was past Jasi. At the sight of the Emperor’s imperial face the moment he woke up, Sansan just stared blankly for a while while being held in his arms. Then, as soon as he came to his senses a bit, those were his first words.
“…I’ll bring him when day breaks.”
“Right now he’s probably crying that it hurts…”
“They said he’s sleeping, so you should go back to sleep too.”
“But I miss him.”
“……”
“…I miss Wol-i too, I miss Wol-i too.”
“San-ah.”
“…Yes.”
“Even if you miss them, you must endure it.”
“……”
“From now on, don’t say you miss them. If you keep saying such things, you’ll only miss them more.”
“……”
“Instead, I’ll summon your mother. If you want, I’ll let her stay with you at Mianggung Palace.”
“M-Mother?”
“Why such an expression? Don’t you want to?”
Sansan immediately shook his head. Unwanted—it absolutely wasn’t unwanted. Rather,
“Wh-what if Mother says she doesn’t want to?”
It had always been his mother who didn’t approve of Sansan. Sansan liked his mother. She was still his mother, after all.
“When I command it, who would dare say so?”
At the definitive words, Sansan’s eyes widened. Then he suddenly escaped from the Emperor’s embrace and bowed while sitting on the bed.
“Y-Your grace is boundless, Your Majesty. You’re returning Gang-i too and letting me meet Mother—I’m very grateful.”
The Emperor watched that sight while supporting the back of his neck with his hand, then finally sat up with a displeased expression. He was worried about Sansan’s protruding belly being pressed against the bed. He grasped Sansan’s shoulders, lifted him back up, and laid him on the bed with careful movements.
“…Our child, Won-i—does he mean nothing to you?”
The Emperor, who had climbed on top of Sansan, asked while caressing that swollen belly. Though he’d said he would refrain from bedroom affairs, old habits remained, so he was naked from having fondled this and that all while Sansan slept.
Perhaps because of that, Sansan naturally spread his legs beneath the Emperor. For Sansan it was just doing what he’d always done, but the Emperor, who had been waiting for an answer, unknowingly frowned.
“I’m not trying to do it. I’m just asking, so answer.”
“…Won-i?”
“Yes. My and your child.”
“……”
“This child in your belly is your child. Not Gang-i. So you should cherish this child more.”
Sansan couldn’t understand what the Emperor was saying. How could the child he would bear be more precious than Gang-i, whom Wol-i had given birth to in exchange for her life?
“That’s not true.”
Sansan shook his head firmly and said. This conviction didn’t stem solely from his love for Wol-i. Sansan had been the family’s unwanted burden since childhood. He couldn’t be compared to Wol-i, who was pretty, smart, and even kind.
“That thing is even more useless than my younger sister—it would’ve been better if you’d been born mute.”
Recalling the assessment he’d heard countless times growing up, Sansan shook his head firmly once more.
“Why?”
“Gang-i will be smart and healthy like Wol-i. But Won-i…”
“…Won-i?”
“M-might be born deficient. Because he’s my child. Surely, surely that will happen. Then he’ll only do deficient things like me and only hurt everyone.”
“Who said such things about you?”
The Emperor asked in a tone mixed with anger. Sansan was flustered. The Emperor himself had gotten angry at him more than once or twice, saying he was deficient and only did deficient things.
The Emperor truly didn’t remember, but Sansan thought he was shamelessly making excuses. But he had no desire to argue. Who said it wasn’t important. Whoever it was, it was undeniably true.
“Why did I come to love such a person…”
Why couldn’t he understand his younger sister’s heart? She was a sister who always understood and comforted his heart first without him saying anything, so why couldn’t he do the same?
“…Why didn’t you look at Wol-i?”
Sansan hated his deficient self too. If only he’d been even more deficient to the point of not knowing his own inadequacy, that would’ve been better.
He’d thought Wol-i was really okay because she said she was. Thinking about it now, it was absurd. Her older brother was sharing a bed with her husband every night and had even conceived a child with him—even if Sanwol were Buddha himself, how could she have been okay?
“Because I didn’t want to.”
The Emperor answered in an emotionless voice. For a moment, Sansan couldn’t hold back.
“Why, why don’t you even regret it? Wol-i, Wol-i really, really liked Your Majesty. That’s why she risked her life to give birth to Gang-i too.”
The more he spoke, the harder it was to hide his welling emotions. At this rate, he might say it was impudent and cancel his promise to return Gang-i. Still, he couldn’t hold back the resentment that had burst out once.
Meanwhile, the Emperor’s heart was also growing cold at the conversation topic that had suddenly changed direction.
“What about you?”
“…Pardon?”
“I asked what you think of me.”
“……”
“Originally, a concubine’s duty is to love the Emperor. Your younger sister loving me was natural. Also, you too should naturally love me. Yet why can’t you answer?”
As the Emperor said, Sansan kept his mouth tightly shut.
As for Sansan, he hated the Emperor. He hated him so much. There wasn’t a single good thing about him. He was a shameless bastard who became his younger sister’s husband and even violated him, and frequently hit him and berated him for being deficient. There had never been a single time when he felt comfortable being with him. He was always only scary.
How could he love such a person? Sansan even found his younger sister amazing.
But—.
Nevertheless, because the Emperor was his younger sister’s husband, and because he’d become his nephew’s biological father, Sansan forgave the Emperor every morning. He constantly tried not to hate him. For that reason alone.
“I,”
“You must never dare say you dislike His Majesty.”
He recalled the advice Sanwol had once given him.
“…I don’t really know about such things. I guess it’s because I’m de-deficient.”
Swallowing the truth he wanted to spit out, Sansan lied. The Emperor looked down at such Sansan with a persistent gaze. He wanted to discern the true meaning of those words, but on the other hand, he rather wanted to just believe them.
Because he’s a deficient fool. Because he’s deficient, he has no choice but to be dull in that area…
“This lowly one has committed a crime worthy of death, Your Majesty. But please definitely return Gang-i, won’t you?”
Sansan bowed once more while completely naked. Watching that pitiful state, the Emperor, who had been silent for a moment, could only let out a long sigh in frustration.
“…You’ll return him, won’t you?”
When the desired answer didn’t come, Sansan raised only his face from the bowing posture and looked up anxiously.
Looking at him made him cute and want to touch him. At the growing frustration, the Emperor lifted Sansan up and pulled him into a tight embrace.
“I understand, so just go to sleep.”
Unlike the content of his words, unsatisfied desire was thickly evident in his voice. But the Emperor endured to the end. He laid Sansan back down and covered him with the gold quilt.
Enduring rising sexual desire was also a first in his life. Strangely, he didn’t feel like calling another concubine or Male Concubine to resolve it. Right now, the only thing he wanted to touch was Sansan in his arms.
Footnote
1) Jasi (자시): 11:00 PM – 1:00 AM.
