***
“Why does his face look like that?”
“Hmm……. Maybe he pulled an all-nighter studying for midterms? Woojae is so diligent.”
“It feels different from that though…….”
“The dark circles under his eyes look like he couldn’t sleep!”
“That’s what I mean, it seems like it’s not because of studying…….”
So, it was a situation where Jang Yeonju and Sojeong were exchanging words about Woojae who was sitting there blankly. Woojae had to have those kinds of dreams for the past few days, and each time he had to secretly wash his underwear in the middle of the night. Because if Minwook caught him, he’d definitely want to die, he had to wash his damp panties standing at the sink under the trickling water.
After that, far from sleeping, he had to stay up all night with his eyes wide open. Since he studied from dawn because that time felt wasted, Sojeong’s guess wasn’t entirely wrong either.
Gye Sajun, the cause of the problem, followed him from morning to night and whenever there was a gap, dragged him to the gym to teach him those damn ‘techniques’. If there was a good point, it was that those shitty gazes that followed him wherever he went, like looking at some strange animal, had decreased. And the downside was that he’d started having crazy dreams.
“Isn’t he a scholarship student receiving a full scholarship anyway? Does he need to study that hard?”
“……It’s a conditional scholarship. Why would the school give me a scholarship when I’m not studying if they think I’m so pretty?”
“Looks like he was listening. I thought he was sleeping with his eyes open.”
In fact, midterms were right around the corner. Thanks to that, it seemed his birthday would pass quietly. Nari also conveyed that she was busy studying and didn’t need to come home, and since he had no time to rest either, he should consider the study time from reduced sleep as welcome. Though his body cried out in pain from accumulated fatigue.
Recently, the portal site search terms on Woojae’s laptop were stained with things like ‘heart beating fast’, ‘heart beating hard’, ‘habitual erection’, ‘heart fluttering’, etc. Among them, the post that came up when he searched ‘heart beating fast’ was very impressive.
- My heart is beating fast, could it be arrhythmia symptoms?
- The normal range of heart rate varies by age group, but it’s seen as 50-60 to 100 beats per minute. Among the causes that increase heart rate, there is arrhythmia. …… If it continues, we recommend visiting a nearby hospital.
It wasn’t a wrong judgment that a hospital visit was urgent. Clearly, this rotten environment must have ravaged his body and mind. Since he couldn’t be in his right mind, naturally his body hurt and his mind wandered. That’s because from the moment he entered this school, Woojae hadn’t had a single day to rest his body comfortably.
Jeong Minho, who had been most annoying, surprisingly disappeared after that, but even so, Woojae couldn’t help but be stressed in this place. Because of that, absurd physical symptoms appeared and he must have even developed arrhythmia.
As soon as the lecture ended, Woojae made time and called out Jang Yeonju. There was no time because he had to finish the conversation before Gye Sajun barged in.
“What’s this about Go Woojae calling only me out separately?”
Jang Yeonju was naturally holding a cigarette she’d taken out from inside her coat. The slender tobacco hung precariously from her elegant fingertips. Woojae also felt a craving for that acrid thing for a moment but just smacked his lips.
“Give me one?”
“No, never mind. You smoke.”
“So what is it?”
“I called you to say I don’t think I can go to the MT.”
Jang Yeonju silently took a drag of her cigarette. That time felt really long, so he had no choice but to avoid the gaze that met his directly. It was a conclusion he’d reached after much deliberation.
Jeong Minho had disappeared, but that might be because of his damn heat cycle—he’d heard from Minwook that while they said it could be solved by taking medicine, in special cases, excused absence was possible—and he also didn’t want to hang out with bastards who looked at him with strange eyes. He didn’t have the luxury for that either.
“Why?”
After a long silence, Jang Yeonju exhaled smoke and pressed for a reason. Woojae tried to voice the excuse he thought he’d made well in the meantime, but it wasn’t as easy as he thought, so he had to keep biting his lips.
He had many prepared words. He didn’t want to create problems, and one way or another, he’d decided to admit his status as an outsider. Moreover, even if the fee had been resolved through someone else’s help, by Woojae’s standards, it was no different from a debt.
And it was hard to see classmates suffering because of him. He wanted to keep his distance from Jang Yeonju and Yeon Sojeong too, but still, they were the first classmates he’d become close with since coming to university. Jang Yeonju had a dirty temper so no one could easily touch her, but Yeon Sojeong was different. Recently, there were bastards who deliberately bumped shoulders as they passed. He hated himself for not being able to do anything even seeing that.
Eventually, unable to bear it, Jang Yeonju sighed and spoke first.
“Woojae-ya, honestly I’m a bit annoyed?”
“If it’s about the fee, I’ll somehow find the guy who sent it—”
“No, no.”
Jang Yeonju, expressing annoyance with her whole body and frowning, was somewhat unfamiliar yet very familiar. Woojae ended up raising his voice out of frustration.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“You keep whining.”
“……What?”
At the unexpected answer, Woojae blinked several times. Jang Yeonju didn’t stop even seeing the flustered Woojae.
“You came here on your own feet. Who made you? No, right. They probably tried to stop you. But you applied here and got accepted. Fucking confidently. I know the current situation is shitty, Yeon Sojeong knows, and Gye Sajun knows too, but do you think anything will be solved if you just hide like that?”
It was a direct statement that left him speechless.
“You don’t know this, but secretly there are many kids who like you. I know it’s not the kind of feeling you’d be happy about, but anyway, there are many kids who think well of you.”
“……So I should be grateful for that?”
Does she know that even gazes of favor are tormenting? Woojae was a thorough weakling and the inferior party in this place. But Jang Yeonju shook her head.
“No? Just enjoy it a bit. Be a bit narcissistic. Ah, fuck. What can I do about being this great? You’re all jealous, right? Enjoy and relish it like that. Anyway, the bastards who hate you will hate you even if you suck their assholes. What on earth are you reading the room for?”
It was a blatant, explicit, and simultaneously vulgar statement. Enough to not feel like the words and actions of the precious prosecutor’s noble daughter.
“I’ve never read the room.”
Even as he answered that, his chest grew heavy. Have you really never read the room? It was as if someone was whispering inside. Every single day was a continuous succession of reading the room. The feeling of being a person who shouldn’t be in this place. Outsider, uninvited guest. All words that referred to him.
“Jeong Minho, that bastard is currently under house arrest by his father, isn’t that happy news? Woojae-ya, let’s stop reading the room. How much did I expect from you, how much I liked you at the bar that day, and you disappoint me like this.”
“…….”
“Don’t say weak-ass things. If the world is shitty, you have to become tougher. Okay?”
Just surprised by the news that exceeded expectations, his face reddened at the advice that seemed sincere. Because he felt embarrassed thinking he’d been acting spoiled. Jang Yeonju patted Woojae’s shoulder lightly, not painfully.
“You’re just barely twenty, what can I expect? They’re all brats. Ignore them.”
“……You’re the same age.”
“Are you treating me the same as those bastards?”
He’d meant age, but Jang Yeonju seemed to take it completely differently and even threw away the cigarette that was still long, getting angry. It was a misunderstanding, but it was a statement sufficient to be heard that way, so Woojae regretted it too.
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Hey, Go Woojae. I understand that you hate alphas, but smartly use the guys who take your side. That’s how you live comfortably.”
Jang Yeonju gave sincere advice and picked up the extinguished butt to put it in the trash. Though her mouth was rough, the morality ingrained in her actions was probably her mother’s influence. She probably resembled her a lot, for all he knew.
“Say one more time you’re not going to the MT and you really die. Why are you avoiding it? If you avoid, it only sounds like you’re avoiding because you have something fishy. It’s originally yours. It’s your right to enjoy.”
“Okay. Sorry for unintentionally whining. And thanks a bit.”
“Oh my, Go Woojae has grown a lot. Saying cute things too. Express yourself to Gye Sajun too. If only one side sacrifices, the future is dark……. So when did you two start dating?”
Until just a moment ago it was a scene from a very cool youth movie, but at the question that broke the atmosphere, Woojae let out a shrill groan.
“What nonsense are you talking about? Dating what, between guys!”
“Your limit is in your nature, not in gender, my dear.”
Jang Yeonju waved her hand while fiddling with the cigarette pack. Woojae had to recall the nightmare that had tormented him for days. The cheeks that had reddened from embarrassment began to redden again.
“I’m not thinking about that anyway.”
“Sure, sure. The longer the time of denial, the more dark history accumulates, of course. I like it. More things to tease you about.”
“Hey!”
“If you’re going to do it anyway, eat well and throw away. Don’t eat something you can’t eat and get indigestion.”
He tried to deny it urgently, but there was no next opportunity. Because Jang Yeonju ran off without even saying goodbye to answer a call from Lee Heemin, the Student Council President.
“What does she mean by don’t get indigestion?”
Only Woojae’s bewildered muttering echoed hollowly.
