***
Yoon Kihyun realized it.
“The dessert that comes out later is delicious, you know? I used to come here often with my mom, but sometimes I think about it, so I picked this place.”
“Ah, yes.”
“Eat a lot.”
Jung Sijun seemed to like him. It felt like self-consciousness overload, but there was no other way to explain Jung Sijun’s bizarre behavior.
I’m going crazy.
The moment he realized it, he was so dumbfounded that he laughed. So he ended up laughing in the middle of eating. It was a hollow laugh with a similar concentration to the one Yoon Kihyun had worn in the taxi on his way back to the center after receiving his diagnosis.
Seeing Jung Sijun glance at his face several times while barely eating, he became certain. That bastard definitely had feelings for him.
The intensity of those feelings was somewhat ambiguous, but given the way his hand had wrapped around his waist at the hotel and how affectionately he’d acted…
“Next time, I’ll buy you a meal again. No, let’s just make it so I’m the one who buys meals.”
Jung Sijun seemed to like him.
Yoon Kihyun blinked as he watched Jung Sijun’s face, looking satisfied after finishing his dessert. What should he do about this?
…No, wait. Whether he likes me or hates me, it’s fine as long as he pays me.
Whatever Jung Sijun thought of him, his feelings held no meaning for Yoon Kihyun. It was a bit absurd, but so what?
Whether Jung Sijun had a favorable impression of him or not, the world wasn’t collapsing, nor was he unable to repay next month’s loan.
“Sure. Since you’re a building owner, buy me meals often.”
“Ah, of course.”
Jung Sijun laughed cheerfully, but Yoon Kihyun, watching that laughter, couldn’t laugh.
Ha, what the hell is all that fucking money about anyway?
What exactly is money? Why does that piece of paper with printing on it, those number fragments displayed in a bank app’s balance column, make people suffer like this?
His heart felt restless.
***
The first day stepping foot into the center as Jung Sijun’s personal guide.
Yoon Kihyun took in the sight of the detestable Awakened Management Center building. However, he was surprised at himself for not being as nervous as he’d expected.
Well, there’s no real reason for me to be mindful of anyone.
Although there had been low-quality harassment during the resignation process, he’d completed the handover without major problems and even received his severance pay and salary properly.
So there was actually no reason to be mindful at all. Rather, it would be the other side feeling regretful about him, if anything.
Once he organized his thoughts that way, it felt like his somewhat stiff joints were becoming flexible. As he straightened his clothes and moved his steps, he thought of the salary that would be deposited into his bank account. Then even his breathing became comfortable.
As he passed through the main entrance of the Awakened Center, he could feel people slowly approaching from the side. They were people whose faces Yoon Kihyun was familiar with too. There were Espers whose names he couldn’t remember well, and Guides as well.
While exchanging distant greetings, a heterogeneous floral scent suddenly wafted over. At the presence he felt from close by, Yoon Kihyun turned his head to see a familiar face.
“Kihyun-ssi, long time no see.”
Team Leader Seo Igyeong, smiling brightly, greeted him warmly. He was one of only two S-rank Espers at the Awakened Management Center headquarters, along with Jung Sijun. In many ways, he was a man who contrasted with Jung Sijun.
“Team Leader Seo. Hello.”
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot since you resigned, Kihyun-ssi.”
So what are you going to do about it?
Yoon Kihyun blinked his stiff eyes with a lukewarm expression. He’d tried to control his mindset, but the threat the Guide Headquarters Director had made weighed on his mind, and he’d tossed and turned last night.
As he nodded appropriately and pretended to listen, Seo Igyeong continued speaking with easy familiarity.
“I heard you came as Team Leader Jung Sijun’s personal guide.”
“Yes. It just happened that way.”
“It’s nice to see you again at the center, Kihyun-ssi. Can I greet you when we run into each other occasionally?”
Seo Igyeong still wore his good-natured smile. If you only looked at the content, it was an insignificant question, but the timing of asking was a bit out of the blue.
Usually, he and Seo Igyeong would greet each other whenever they happened to run into each other in the center’s hallways. In other words, they were on terms where there was no need to ask such a question. Even though he was curious if there was a reason for asking anyway, he decided to just let it pass.
Most of the people who’d spoken to him today had used similar excuses to strike up conversation. Even if it was Seo Igyeong, he probably couldn’t think of a fresh excuse.
Although he wasn’t returning as center staff, they’d be running into each other often coming and going. They could exchange greetings as much as they wanted.
“Of course. It’s not like greetings cost money.”
“Right. Then see you again, Kihyun-ssi.”
Seo Igyeong turned toward the Esper living quarters first with long strides. It was a clean attitude without unnecessary extras.
If the conversation partner had been Jung Sijun, there would have been a couple of curses mixed into that short conversation. It would be nice if Jung Sijun followed even half of Seo Igyeong’s personality.
Thinking that, Yoon Kihyun tagged his access card. The places where a personal guide is permitted access in the Awakened Center are limited.
Today he had to receive simple guidance and basic explanations. He already knew everything, but since that was the procedure, he had no choice but to follow it.
To get to the conference room he’d been guided to in advance, he had to wait for the elevator. As he appropriately brushed off the glances directed at him, he heard small whispers.
“…Must be paying a lot of money. Still, I don’t think I could do it, ugh.”
“If it were me, I wouldn’t even look at someone who called me that.”
Yoon Kihyun instinctively knew. That he was the subject of that conversation.
He casually turned his head to look at the faces of the people standing around him, but he couldn’t find who was whispering. In any company, the area in front of the elevator before and after work hours is bound to be noisy and crowded with people.
“I wonder if he’s kind or just stupid…”
Beyond the chatter each person was sharing, a voice that was clearly directed at him was buried. Yoon Kihyun confirmed the light indicating the elevator had arrived at the lobby and turned his head.
They’re losing their shit, seriously.
Since this wasn’t an unexpected situation, he pretended not to hear and got on the elevator. A subtle silence lingered in the elevator from when he pressed the floor number where the conference room was until he got off.
The sound of collars brushing against each other, occasional alarm sounds from cell phones, and clearing throat coughs were mixed together in a discordant way.
[Floor 15.]
Yoon Kihyun heard the elevator announcement and moved. People skillfully made way for him, so he comfortably extracted himself from the elevator and slowly turned around.
Through the gap of the elevator doors beginning to close, he could see the faces of the Guides heading to the upper floors. Most had expressions worn down by fatigue, but some smiled when their eyes met, and some others avoided his gaze.
I wonder if he’s kind or just stupid…
At that moment, the words someone had muttered came to mind.
Yoon Kihyun fell into thought for a moment. It wasn’t to reflect on his character or intelligence. It was simply because a pure question arose.
Then what am I supposed to do in my situation?
It’s been two years since he awakened as a Guide, but more precisely, a year and a half.
Before that, he’d worked part-time jobs and at a company too embarrassing to even call a small-to-medium enterprise, receiving money that barely met minimum wage. When he needed a deposit for a studio apartment’s jeonse and took out a loan, just as he was finishing repayment, he awakened as a Guide.
He thought only a smooth road to success remained, but his sick father came looking for him.
Yoon Kihyun learned for the first time then how expensive university hospital intensive care unit treatment fees were. He learned the importance of insurance and the importance of health management then too.
What’s all that bloodline nonsense anyway? While spending large sums of money he’d never used in his life on his father’s treatment fees and regretting it, with just one word from his father calling him “my son,” the accumulated resentment melted away like snow.
Yoon Kihyun couldn’t abandon his father who had abandoned him the same way. Foolishly so.
Each month, working as a Guide, he received more salary than an office worker, but whenever his father’s condition worsened, the treatment fees grew larger. Eventually, salary alone became difficult to manage, so he even took out loans, but in the meantime, his father died.
Yoon Kihyun recalled the last words his father left in the intensive care unit he’d rushed to upon receiving notice that his father was in critical condition. It was too short a word to be called last words.
Son…
Without any following words, his father’s breath ended. What had his father been trying to say to him just before dying?
While wearing a mourner’s armband at the small funeral parlor and receiving condolence guests, Yoon Kihyun imagined the words his father couldn’t finish.
Had it been an apology? Or had it been thanks?
Since the dead don’t speak, it was a question that would never be resolved.
His father was dead, but he still had debts to repay. If it were debts his father left behind, he could just renounce the inheritance and be done with it, but the money borrowed under Yoon Kihyun’s name to pay for treatment fees was a different story.
Still, thinking that if he worked hard he’d be able to repay it someday, he was living diligently when he suddenly got sick. It happened to be a rare and incurable disease with absurd treatment costs.
No matter how fiercely he pounded the calculator, the conclusion was that he couldn’t manage it, so he decided to die, but then someone who said they’d give him money appeared. That person just happened to be Jung Sijun.
Yoon Kihyun was more urgently focused on solving the problem right in front of his eyes. He had to do guiding work again, and he had to fix his broken body too.
What can’t you do with money?
Even so, why with Team Leader Jung of all people?
His personality might be like that, but his face is killer.
As Yoon Kihyun headed toward the conference room where personal guide training was scheduled, various people’s words still brushed past his ears and disappeared.
Since they weren’t the ones involved, they could arbitrarily judge the situation and talk about it—he’d been through too much to be hurt by such words.
If he’d become numb, then he’d become numb, and if he’d resigned himself, that was also somewhat correct.
If you’re going to talk about me, pay me money and then gossip.
He’d gotten used to being the subject of people’s gossip for the reason of being born with a somewhat decent face. Whatever they babbled about, Yoon Kihyun’s goal was clear.
Guiding Jung Sijun, repaying his loans, and recovering his broken body. Except for the work of guiding Jung Sijun, none of them were easy tasks.
So his time was far too precious to waste on humans who jabbered on without knowing his circumstances.
What does it matter if he looks pathetic in others’ eyes? They don’t take responsibility for his life. Yoon Kihyun was curious about himself at thirty, about himself aging after that.
He still wanted to live. So desperately that it made laughable his decision in this building to easily give up on life.
