The brutal summer heat had passed, and it became October with cool breezes blowing.
Class had ended, but Hyowoo couldn’t quite get up from his seat.
He wasn’t lost in deep thought. His body just wouldn’t listen to him.
Since yesterday afternoon, all he had put in his mouth was two cups of coffee with almond milk.
Recently, it had become difficult to swallow food. Even his favorite chocolate felt like it would get stuck in his throat.
For the past few days, even liquids made him throw up immediately if he drank just a little more than usual, so he had decided to receive an IV drip at home this evening.
‘I feel terrible…. Should I go to the infirmary……’
Only after the students for the next class entered one by one did Hyowoo force himself to stand up. Leading his weakened legs, he left the lecture hall and exited the department building with slow steps.
Perhaps it was because the breeze grazing his skin was moderately cold. The throbbing headache seemed to subside a little.
There were still two hours left until the next class.
Normally, he would have stopped by the convenience store in the music building, but he didn’t even have the energy for that now.
He sat on a bench beside the building and vacantly looked up at the sky.
‘Today… the weather is nice.’
For Hyowoo, who had passed up to the second round of the Certified Public Accountant exam, his current university classes were merely filling attendance days for graduation.
He had passed the second exam at the top of his class just like the first time, but he wasn’t happy.
Bzzt—.
When a small vibration sounded, Hyowoo fumbled in his bag and took out his cell phone.
Mom
Hyowoo
If you’re having a hard time, don’t push yourself and come home early
Okay?
It was a message full of his mother’s worry.
Fiddling with the round edges of his cell phone with his finger, Hyowoo quietly let out a sigh.
With both body and mind this heavy, he wondered if he could endure until the next class.
Even so, he didn’t feel like going home.
At the end of last July. After being hospitalized due to the aftereffects of the suddenly onset heat, even though he had returned to normal body temperature, Hyowoo couldn’t be discharged for quite a while. It was because his symptoms had been too severe.
Not only had his health deteriorated rapidly, but he underwent detailed examinations at his doctor’s recommendation to check whether there had been changes in his constitution or other abnormalities. As a result, discharge was only possible in mid-August.
Even after returning home, his father didn’t return his cell phone. He also confiscated his laptop and tablet, and even issued a gag order to Gyeonwoo not to say ‘unnecessary things to hyung.’
Because of that, Hyowoo couldn’t hear news about Lee Seohee for a long time.
Only after more time had passed and the course registration day approached did his father call Hyowoo to the hospital secretly from his mother.
“I don’t want to nitpick about my grown son dating, but… I’m against it.”
His father’s face was dark as he handed over the cell phone that had been hidden deep in the desk drawer of the examination room.
“I’m not against you dating. I’m glad that you, who had closed your heart in fear of alphas after going through such a terrible ordeal, have finally decided to meet someone. Both your mom and I don’t wish for you to live alone your whole life.”
In his father’s voice, which was trying its best to be calm, could be felt pity and sorry feelings toward his son.
“What parent in the world would oppose their child dating a good person? But… not Lee Seohee. He’s not just a famous person, and there’s no way that kind of chaebol family will look kindly upon you.”
“……”
“You’re still young, so you might just want to date because you like him. But that kind of family is different. Simple romance like ‘let’s just date and see’ can’t exist.”
Each and every word from his father pressed heavily on Hyowoo’s shoulders.
“They’ll want a daughter-in-law from the same chaebol family background who’s an alpha or beta woman. Moreover, if it’s L Group…. That……”
His father couldn’t continue speaking and clutched his forehead with his hand as if in pain.
“…You know very well what the biggest reason you can’t is, don’t you.”
Hyowoo, whose eyes had become teary before he knew it, nodded hesitantly.
“Your mom is still receiving psychiatric counseling. She’s taking medication too…. You know that, right?”
“…Yes.”
“If you know, listen to me. You might be excited and happy now, but if you keep dating Lee Seohee, only you will be greatly hurt and wounded.”
Hyowoo fully understood and empathized with his father’s intentions.
How must he feel having to say such things even knowing it would hurt his son?
“Not just you, Hyowoo… but your mom’s heart is fragile too, so we can’t let her be shocked again……”
His father trailed off.
His mother was a girlish person. She had drawn pictures and taught students all her life, but in addition to nursing her son, she also suffered from depression and panic disorder, eventually having to step down from the university podium.
It wasn’t just his mother. The whole family had made sacrifices.
His father, who had been practically half-forced out of the university hospital where he had been since his internship days because of that incident.
His older sister, who took a year-long leave to care for her younger brother, was excluded from the project she had been working on and even missed a promotion opportunity.
And Gyeonwoo, who suffered from anger management disorder due to trauma and lost his freedom by sticking to his twin hyung’s side for all four years of university.
All the ‘hardships’ the family had endured were because of Hyowoo.
“You haven’t been seeing him for that long, and before you get more attached, just end it. I’m asking you like this……”
His father’s desperation could be felt directly from his calm tone.
‘That’s right…. I made my family unhappy because of that incident…. I can’t hurt them again because of me……’
Especially thinking he mustn’t commit such unfilial conduct toward his parents again. That following his father’s words was his duty as a son. Yet Hyowoo couldn’t open his mouth.
His father couldn’t press his son to the end as he hung his head like a sinner, only biting his lower lip tightly.
“I’m not telling you to decide right now. But still… if you’re going to sort it out, the sooner the better for your peace of mind too.”
His father didn’t make Hyowoo delete the phone number in front of him like he had done with Gyeonwoo, since he was already suffering enough.
Lee Seohee’s contact information still remained on his cell phone. However, Hyowoo didn’t contact him until October came.
It felt sinful to contact him while going against his father’s wishes, and because of that guilt, he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
‘What would I even say if I contacted him…. It’s not a wound that can end with just an apology of “I’m sorry”……’
After receiving his cell phone and laptop back from his father, he had searched about his arm injury.
Detailed stories didn’t appear in any articles. However, it was certain that he had undergone surgery lasting several hours and that it was a serious enough injury to make it difficult to compete in games.
‘I knew Gyeonwoo didn’t tell me the truth, but… was it this serious?’
Because it had been a suddenly moved-up departure and a secretly conducted discharge, there were only a few airport photos.
In one of them, Lee Seohee had his left arm firmly fixed with a brace so it couldn’t move.
Turning away from the camera, heading to the departure gate while staring only straight ahead, not even a trace of a faint smile could be found on his face.
Because Lee Seohee had been famous for his always smiling face, that expressionless look became even more of a topic than the arm injury.
After that, only articles saying he was receiving treatment and rehabilitation appeared in British media as well, with no detailed information to be found at all.
‘Ji Hyowoo. Not satisfied with ruining your family’s lives, are you planning to ruin Lee Seohee’s life now too?’
Suddenly, the ‘voice in his head’ that had been quiet for a while was heard in his ear.
The new Premier League season had started in early August, but he still hadn’t returned to the field. Regarding this, some said the club should charge him a penalty of several times his contract fee for causing massive damage to the team during this important period, or that he should step down from his captain position.
‘If he can’t even compete in games, he must be incredibly seriously injured. How are you going to take responsibility? If the club demands compensation for damages, the amount will be enormous too. You might have to cough up all the money he’s earned over the past few years.’
He tried covering his ears with his hands, but since this was an auditory hallucination created in his head anyway, it was useless.
‘Might this article about rehabilitation training be fake? Who knows if it’s serious enough that he can never play soccer again for the rest of his life? At this point, Lee Seohee must find your monstrous pheromones disgusting and scary too, right?’
This is an auditory hallucination. He pressed himself not to listen to negative words, but his heart already soaked in guilt began to gradually agree with the sharp tongue.
‘…That’s right. All of this is because of me…… If only I hadn’t met Seohee-ssi, he wouldn’t have been injured this severely……’
As he fell into those whispers, the ‘voice’ rang louder.
‘Exactly, you reached for something beyond your station as an omega. If only you had known your place properly, you wouldn’t have brutally ruined beloved Seohee-ssi’s life. Right?’
The deeper the voice penetrated, the more his heart was torn to shreds so finely it could never be mended again.
‘Everyone around me is becoming unhappy because of me alone…… My parents too, my noona too, Gyeonwoo too… and in the end, even Seohee-ssi… because of me alone……’
Just as his entire body was slowly sinking into the deepening guilt and self-torture—
“Ji Hyo oppa.”
He slowly turned his head toward where the voice came from.
“Oh my god… why do you look like such a mess?”
