When he opened his eyes, pitch-black darkness covered his vision.
He could only feel the sensation of his body lying on something soft, but nothing was visible.
‘I’m sure… I was just talking with Seohee-ssi. Where on earth is this…?’
Hyowoo laboriously propped himself up with his arms.
The tears that had formed in his eyes flowed down his cheeks.
After wiping the tears with the back of his hand, he slowly exhaled.
If he moved carelessly in this darkness, he’d likely fall. First, he calmed his mind and waited until his eyes became accustomed to the darkness.
Being alone in the darkness, his mind quickly became calm instead. As his vision gradually adjusted, objects began to reveal their outlines one by one.
Hyowoo soon realized he was lying on a bed.
Seeing the desk, chair, and dresser vaguely visible, it was probably inside a room.
‘I was lying on a bed… But whose room is this…?’
He groped around looking for his glasses, but there was nothing to grasp.
Then, discovering a small lamp on the nightstand beside the bed, he carefully reached out. Unlike the one he used at home, he wasn’t familiar with how to operate it, but fortunately, he could easily find the switch.
Click—.
When the light turned on, Hyowoo reflexively covered his eyes with one hand and grimaced.
It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the light. After about 1-2 minutes, he finally opened his eyes and looked around the room again, but his glasses were still nowhere to be seen.
Just in case, when he looked down under the bed, he saw his glasses rolling on the floor.
‘…The sound I heard earlier was the glasses falling to the floor…’
Was it because of the fatigue accumulated over two days? As he reached his hand down, his body nearly plummeted to the floor. Hyowoo carefully picked up his glasses to avoid falling off the bed.
When he put on his glasses, his blurry vision became clear.
It was quite a large room.
A large bed that seemed custom-made with nightstands on both sides, a solid wood desk with character and a chair with a refined design. Even the latest large TV hung on the wall. It was a wonderful room where vintage and modern harmonized well. However, perhaps because there were no traces of life, it felt like a model house.
An unfamiliar space he was seeing for the first time. Fear rushed in. It was just as he was about to push back the blanket, thinking he should leave this place quickly. The tightly closed door opened.
“Ah, you’re awake.”
Having confirmed that Hyowoo was awake, Lee Seohee entered the room. Only after seeing his face wearing a warm smile instead of contempt did he realize that what happened earlier had been a dream.
‘It was a dream… The Seohee-ssi who showed a cold attitude was an illusion created by my anxiety and fear…’
Unlike himself who was relieved, the expression of him approaching darkened.
“What’s wrong with your face?”
Lee Seohee sat on the edge of the bed and cupped Hyowoo’s left cheek with his hand. Gently caressing the cheek where tears had not yet dried, he couldn’t hide his worried expression.
“Don’t tell me, were you crying?”
Instead of answering, he gently placed his own hand over Lee Seohee’s hand. Just touching him was a great comfort.
As if his body was seeking comfort on its own, he unknowingly rubbed his cheek against his hand.
Lee Seohee seemed flustered for a moment by Hyowoo’s behavior he’d never seen before, but soon readily accepted that clinginess.
“Did you have a scary dream?”
He asked while gently stroking the moist cheek with his thumb.
“Yes, a little…”
“How scary was it that you even cried?”
“It was scary but… since it was a dream, it’s okay…”
Having calmed down a bit, Hyowoo let go of his hand. Lee Seohee also slowly removed his hand from the wet cheek.
“Um… where is this? How did I end up in bed…?”
“It’s the guest room I use when I stay at Taeseo’s house. You fell asleep while watching the movie, so I moved you here to sleep comfortably.”
He smiled nonchalantly, saying the blanket and sheets were all washed and clean, but Hyowoo’s eyes widened.
“I… I fell asleep while watching the movie?”
“Yes.”
“Th-then you should have woken me up…”
“You were sleeping so soundly, I felt bad waking you. You said you barely slept yesterday because of insomnia.”
No matter how tired, still, to fall sound asleep ‘again’ in the middle with someone beside him.
He couldn’t raise his head from the simultaneously rushing embarrassment and guilt.
When he covered his face with both hands and muttered quietly ‘This is the worst,’ Lee Seohee laughed pleasantly.
“Why are you getting embarrassed over this now? You’re the person who leaned on my shoulder and slept for 4 hours at the airport.”
“That’s why I’m saying it’s the worst…”
Normally, because of his sensitive personality, he couldn’t sleep even for a minute if it wasn’t his own bed. Why does he become so defenseless by this person’s side?
‘I did it again… Really, I’m so embarrassed I could die…’
He gently stroked the head of Hyowoo, who had fallen into self-loathing.
“If you’re tired, want to sleep a bit more?”
Hyowoo shook his head slightly, then looked around as if searching for a clock.
“…What time is it now?”
“It’s not that late. It’s 7:30 now.”
When he asked why it was so dark even though it wasn’t time for the sun to set yet since it was summer, he answered that it was because of the blackout curtains.
“I’m the type who can’t sleep even with a small light. This room becomes as dark as midnight even during the day when the curtains are drawn.”
“Then… I slept for 3-4 hours again this time…”
“It’s good that you slept well.”
“Please, wake me up next time…”
Another long sigh escaped.
However, what’s done is done. Since the other person didn’t mind at all either, he decided to stop the needless self-reproach and sighing.
Seeing Hyowoo’s face having barely regained stability, Lee Seohee also seemed relieved and slowly got up from the bed.
“You seem very startled by the nightmare. Wait just a moment. I’ll bring you some water.”
After he left the room, Hyowoo, left alone, recalled the ‘thing he had to do’ that he had forgotten for a while.
‘When Seohee-ssi comes back, I have to say it properly this time…’
He steeled himself not to repeat the cowardly act of shifting responsibility like in the dream.
As he firmed his resolve, his hands began to tremble. While fidgeting with his fingers to shake off the anxiety, Lee Seohee returned with a glass of water.
“Drink this and rest a bit more before coming out. I’ll prepare dinner. You didn’t even eat lunch.”
Hyowoo hurriedly grabbed the hand of him who had put down the glass of water on the nightstand and was about to leave the room again.
“Um… excuse me… I have something to say to Seohee-ssi…”
The fingertips holding Lee Seohee trembled. His voice and eyes also wavered as if they would collapse at any moment.
Startled by that precarious appearance, Lee Seohee paused for a moment, but as if soon noticing something, he quietly sat on the bed.
“Take your time speaking. It’s okay even if it takes a while.”
The affectionate voice ringing in his ears became an even greater sense of guilt, pressing down on his chest.
‘I have to… say it…’
But where should he start, how should he bring it up?
‘In the dream… how did I say it?’
Though he stammered, he seemed to have confessed everything without hiding anything…
He couldn’t remember at all now.
“So… um…”
His mouth was completely parched.
“When I was… in my third year of high school…”
The moment he brought that up, memories buried deep long ago began to squirm.
Hyowoo gritted his teeth and clenched his fists tightly. He tried to hold onto his sanity with the pain of his nails digging into his flesh, but it wasn’t enough.
The bone-chilling sensations and flesh-tearing pain of that day he had struggled to forget revived one by one, constricting his entire body.
‘I can’t… I absolutely can’t do it…’
It was absolutely impossible to voluntarily confess to the person he liked about the terrible thing that had driven him to the brink of death.
‘Should I just not say anything and just say let’s stop seeing each other…?’
But he didn’t even have the confidence to say that.
‘When did I become so cowardly?’
He found himself utterly disgusting.
It was just as self-loathing and despair were spreading through his entire body like roots.
“Don’t push yourself.”
He carefully clasped Hyowoo’s fist, which was turning increasingly white from being clenched tightly.
“You don’t have to force yourself to say things that are hard to say.”
Hyowoo shook his head with his eyes tightly closed.
“No. I have to… I don’t want to… I don’t want to deceive Seohee-ssi anymore.”
“When did Hyowoo-ssi ever deceive me?”
“Not saying anything and meeting you as if nothing’s wrong is itself… deception. So, today, I must…”
The trembling voice was pitiful enough to make even the listener’s heart ache.
It was when he was desperately trying to draw out even the last drop of remaining courage. He spoke quietly.
“I know.”
In an instant, Hyowoo’s tightly closed eyes opened. In the meantime, his bloodshot eyes turned toward Lee Seohee.
“I think I know what you want to say… So you don’t have to painfully say it.”
