Though I’m living as Han Seoha now, there were days when I too shined brightly.
In childhood when playing with friends was more important than dreaming of the future. An early awakening guaranteed my future.
[The compatibility assessment is out. It’s the highest score in this batch.]
[Then depending on the injection stage, we could see A… no, even S-rank.]
[Isn’t he too young for test-stage procedures?]
[This is about making a B-rank sensing type into S-rank. We have the consent forms, so proceed.]
With a head dazed from testing all day, I couldn’t understand what the adults were saying.
As the drug was injected and I followed orders, I kept getting sleepy and no matter how hard I tried to wake up, it was useless.
Why could I hear dozens of voices in a room where no one was there? At first, I thought I’d gone mad. I repeatedly collapsed exhausted after covering my ears and thrashing about, until people came in and I lost consciousness completely.
What on earth is happening to me?
* * *
365 days when nothing happened. Perhaps even longer. The succession of days where I even forgot the date was like a silent hell.
There were many hints to guess why this situation had come about. Though not precise, on days when my ears occasionally opened and I could perceive people’s voices, I recalled information that remained in my memory.
An experiment conducted under the Association’s tacit approval to partially extract and copy Espers’ abilities through some method, then inject them into compatible subjects.
From what I’d overheard, many had been sacrificed. Especially when orphaned awakeners came to the Association, most were tested and ended up broken.
But I have family. Did I? Is this my delusion? I couldn’t recall my parents’ faces. Not the school I attended. Not my friends either.
Did they really exist?
I was probably abandoned for over a year after the last test. Yet the reason they kept me alive was surely to wake me and exploit my ability whenever needed.
The ability obtained after all sorts of experiments was mental interference. The last time I got up on my own, the Association Director personally ordered me to take over a presidential candidate’s mind and change the flow of the election. The Association Director was very pleased and instructed them to store me well as I collapsed convulsing.
Outwardly I appeared to be asleep. My consciousness sank and my body’s responses were such, but my mind was awake.
They would probably wake me to exploit me at the next presidential election. They’d ruined a person for just that much. Perhaps they were trying to make use of a failed product in this way. Whatever the reason, it was painful work. Interfering with another’s mind was like breaking through a wall by smashing it with one’s head.
When I could no longer endure the life of the dead and began wishing to collapse instead, I learned that I could contact beings who didn’t feel resistance to mental interference without much damage. I contacted a hamster someone had brought nearby and saw my surroundings through hazy vision. Though I couldn’t see properly, I realized connection was possible with beasts, not humans.
After that day, I felt I could live a little.
Whether the hamster was brought only that day, I couldn’t find any animals to connect with nearby afterward. By the time I grew accustomed to spreading my consciousness, the world I saw again had peculiar colors.
Connecting to dogs who liked people had the best probability, but even that couldn’t be done often.
The price for abusing power without guiding was pain like twisted blood vessels.
A life borrowing only beasts’ eyes with no one to talk to, forgetting even my own name. Days where all that awaited was pain to come again.
This is a suitable day to end these tiresome days.
Let’s just use all my power at once and go berserk.
As a final lingering attachment, I wanted to properly capture the world in my eyes just once. I sent out my consciousness with the intention of forcing a connection like battering down, as I’d done to the presidential candidate, if they didn’t accept.
What should I see? What do I want to see?
My naturally flowing consciousness permeated into someone. I should have prepared for resistance, but the familiar Esper Association building entered my vision.
Familiar uniforms. Familiar scenery. Though it was the entrance to hell that had reduced me to this state, I was choked up at the scenery of my shining days captured in both eyes.
I was disappointed when the vision moved, but I didn’t have enough strength left to control it at will. I could only share the vision. Even so, they should have felt the disturbance, so why wasn’t the subject rejecting me? Had I perhaps connected to a child? But the vision was an adult’s.
The vision that had been moving quickly here and there fixed on one spot. Tall Espers leaving the Esper Center. Among the Espers with sturdy builds, one who shone particularly bright ran lightly toward this way.
“Why are you waiting here? You should be in the dorm.”
“Since you’re doing the matching test today…”
“Were you worried about that? You still can’t trust me?”
“N-no. I trust you. I just wanted to wait.”
“You’re so timid, really. If I don’t look after you, who will?”
Gentleness showed through the Esper’s characteristic confidence. He’s loved. Then this side must be a Guide? Just hearing the voice, they were a good person.
I wanted to watch until this person rejected me.
* * *
Han Seoha. Ryu Jaegeon.
I quickly learned the names of the two partners. Han Seoha always waited for Ryu Jaegeon while anxious. Worried he might get hurt. Restless that he might not have enough guiding and suffer. There were those who mocked and bullied Han Seoha, calling him Ryu Jaegeon’s parasite.
Han Seoha took their abuse and bullying for granted. He felt guilty, thinking it was more than he deserved just to be with Ryu Jaegeon.
How can a person be this kind? Isn’t this level foolish?
He was as pure as a child who only knows fairy tales, so he must be leaving alone even the other person who entered his head.
* * *
Han Seoha collapsed at Ryu Jaegeon’s betrayal.
I could feel Han Seoha’s emotions intact.
Sadness. Anguish. Self-loathing.
And sorry.
How can you even think you’re sorry for your lacking ability in this situation? The one who abandoned you is the Esper.
* * *
Han Seoha had several opportunities.
Opportunities for a new partner, or even a pair. However, Han Seoha, who had experienced great pain once, remained a free Guide. The rumored C-rank Guide who satisfied an A-rank Esper.
Base curiosity cornered the gentle Han Seoha.
* * *
Han Seoha seemed to die and wake up every day. My insides burst at the foolishness of guiding Espers with a broken body, forcing himself.
Don’t do that. Why go that far? Why? Why, Han Seoha?
I wanted to save Han Seoha.
Why did Ryu Jaegeon abandon Han Seoha? It wouldn’t have come to this if he’d just kept him by his side.
* * *
Every morning, Han Seoha looked precarious forcing a smile in front of the mirror.
At night, he shed tears while holding a blade in his hand.
My anxiety grew as that time lengthened each day.
I wished he would ask anyone for help, but even though there were good people around, the coldness toward Han Seoha was greater.
The gap between the tactless Han Seoha and those who found him frustrating only grew.
* * *
As the number of Espers increased, Han Seoha grew thinner and thinner. Each time consciousness blurred, Han Seoha’s despair felt more vivid.
The situation would have improved if he’d wielded the blade at them instead. I could even feel the firm will that he as a Guide couldn’t harm Espers.
Why can you care for Espers this much? Where does this foolish nobility come from?
* * *
Someone please help Han Seoha.
Cherish him. Realize that person’s sacrifice.
Why must a kind person be unhappy?
* * *
Even in his precarious daily life, Han Seoha endured quite a long time.
Some days he seemed okay.
As if knowing he shared vision with me, he often blankly left the TV on.
The stories of villains were quite an interesting topic even amid worry for Han Seoha.
* * *
That day finally came. Han Seoha’s last day.
I wanted to save you as you didn’t want to hate anyone but couldn’t endure it anymore and willingly welcomed death.
No. Please, someone save him.
I desperately tried to connect to others but failed completely. My body and mind were already collapsing, so I couldn’t connect unless they accepted me like Han Seoha.
When I returned to Han Seoha and tried to hold onto his final moments.
“Thank you for coming back. I was so scared alone.”
Even knowing of my existence, Han Seoha never once pushed me away until the end.
I want to save this person.
I’ll do anything to save him.
Even if I shatter.
Using my last strength, I tried to interfere with Han Seoha’s mind just once to save him. At that moment, vision overlapped and all the sounds in the world struck my ears. When everything overturned and overlapped then disappeared.
I opened my eyes in Han Seoha’s body. While held in the gentle Ryu Jaegeon’s embrace.
* * *
Unable to find composure at all, I holed up in Baek Uihyeon’s bathroom. Receiving lukewarm water, I organized the memories I recalled.
‘I only thought to save you completely.’
Returning to the past must mean Han Seoha absolutely couldn’t go on living having already experienced those things.
The information I’d just found was the result of numerous experiments. If I searched more, I could probably pinpoint the secret laboratory or the place hiding the test subjects.
The greatest anxiety Han Seoha was feeling now was one thing.
Whether the Han Seoha probably sleeping in his body had consciousness.
‘Please, not that.’
I didn’t hope he was trapped in that pain. I just hoped he was sleeping comfortably.
Even if I pinpointed the location, I couldn’t storm in right away. I mustn’t act rashly just because I was anxious.
‘Stay calm. You brought Giro—no, Jeong Iro for this moment, didn’t you?’
Rather, everything was faster than expected. Thanks to running frantically.
Han Seoha, who barely collected himself, looked at Han Seoha in the mirror and resolved.
“I’ll find you. Just wait a little.”
So that you won’t cry even when you return, I’ll prepare everything.
Oh so thats his background. So sweet