The next night, several thick books were stacked neatly on the desk.
“Read all of them. From start to finish.”
Baek Sahyun commanded while tapping the stacked books.
The titles written on the spines were all similar. ‘Essential Reading for Good Parents’, ‘Prenatal Education Rules 101’, ‘Guidelines for Joint Child-Rearing for Alpha-Beta Couples’, ‘Starting Family Life from Zero’.
“Hey, hey…, is this really necessary?”
I ended up shouting. After spotting embarrassing books like ‘Couple’s Manual for Harmonious Night Life’, ‘One Shot One Kill – Night Secrets for Couples with Difficulty Conceiving’, ‘For You Who’s New to Alphas – Part 1. Physical Union’, I couldn’t help but get angry.
“We’re not even going to be a married couple, so why do I have to read this? We’re just going to have a child. I’ll figure it out on my own.”
Though having a child was complicated and difficult, there was no need to put in this much effort.
Wouldn’t it be fine if I just received his seed, carried it well for 10 months, and gave birth? Once I got pregnant, everything after would flow well according to nature’s course.
Of course, gaining knowledge and receiving care wasn’t bad.
However, if I had to awkwardly play married couple with Baek Sahyun under the pretext of prenatal education and mental communion, I felt like I’d explode from stress instead. This wasn’t some couple’s clinic counseling center.
“Just leave me alone in your officetel for 10 months. And uh…, look up how men should do it with each other. I’m adding this out of concern, but don’t look up weird videos or anything. I mean proper books.”
After all, wouldn’t it be the Baek family’s genes that the author had carefully set up? I figured good seed would naturally find its way into my belly even if we only did as much as others. I just emphasized it because I had no intention of having a bizarre encounter like in the original.
But Baek Sahyun threw in an objection out of nowhere.
“I don’t want to. You’re the one carrying it, but I’m the one providing the seed.”
“…Haven’t you thought that carrying it is the more important job?”
“Haha. I’m saying I have the right to interfere too, Woohyun-ah.”
Baek Sahyun, who answered firmly, soon knelt on one knee in front of me.
“Wh-what now?”
I tried to run away in fright, but had to stop moving because he was reaching out his hand carefully. Sitting in the chair in front of the desk, I could only watch Baek Sahyun’s mood.
“Even if you hate it, you have to understand.”
“…So what exactly.”
“I told you. I haven’t had anyone I could call family until now.”
A soft touch gently landed on the back of my hand. Baek Sahyun slowly raised his head. Seeing his moist eyes with not a trace of pretense, my conscience began to prick.
I couldn’t help but feel more guilty because I’d decided to become a birth parent not out of wanting to create a family, but unavoidably due to a contract.
Baek Sahyun continued speaking softly.
“Of course, all of this happened impulsively. But if I’m going to have my own flesh and blood anyway…”
“……”
“I want them to be happy from the moment their heart starts beating until they die.”
A firm will showed through his deep eyes. Agh. Damn it. I scratched my head roughly and turned my gaze away. Using trauma as a cheat key left me with no way to counter.
“So Woohyun, you also need to study at least the minimum as a parent…”
“Fine. I get it.”
I pushed away his shoulders and ended the burdensome monologue.
“I’ll do as you say. Books or whatever, yeah. It’s not much to read, so what. Satisfied?”
When I drove the point home to him blinking his eyes, color immediately returned to his cold-looking face.
“Thank you for changing your mind! Let’s do our very best so our child can become the happiest child in the world. Since it’s come to this, I’ll also work hard to become a good father.”
Seeing the smile spreading across his face felt quite moving. Because I wondered if this was really the same Baek Sahyun who had committed shocking pranks, threats, and even violence while acting recklessly. Becoming a parent was truly an amazing thing.
But then.
“Then it’s right that you’ll do as I say now, right?”
“Huh?”
Baek Sahyun asked while holding a smile.
“You weren’t planning to just read the books and be done with it?”
“W-well, that wasn’t the plan.”
When I smacked my lips and hesitated to answer, my upper body was suddenly grabbed. I was quite startled by the sudden embrace.
Baek Sahyun, who had pressed me deep into his arms, pressed again.
“You have to do as I say. Jang Woohyun.”
“…Can’t you move aside since I can’t breathe?”
“Don’t act like idiots who have kids first without even having parental qualifications.”
“Even when you talk, this bastard always… Hey, fine. I get it, so move aside now.”
“Okay. Honey.”
“Don’t do that! It gives me goosebumps!”
That’s how Baek Sahyun came to hold the initiative in all procedures. Though I was aware it was an unreasonable situation, since I was the cause of this mess, there was nothing I could say.
The guy who had even thought about drying up his seed due to past wounds ended up suddenly making child plans because of me, so couldn’t I concede this much?
Having reviewed Baek Sahyun’s trauma, from that day on I devoted myself fully to pregnancy studies. In fact, if I thought of it as accumulating common knowledge, it might be worthwhile study. Who knows? If I met someone I truly loved later, not Baek Sahyun, I might be able to use it handily.
So for a while, I only looked for and read books about marriage, family, pregnancy, childbirth, child-rearing, etc. I read writings by obstetrician-gynecologists, writings by 30-year homemakers, and books selected as recommended reading by working moms and working dads.
Since schoolwork was on the back burner, there was no occasion to meet Chae Eunwoo for assignments. The relationship between Chae Eunwoo and me, which had naturally grown distant, regained vitality starting from a chance encounter.
“Hyung. I haven’t seen you for a while, what are you doing here?”
“…Huh? Just, well, studying as you can see.”
“What’s this now. ‘How to Become an Awesome Pregnant Woman?’ Why are you reading a book like this? Hyung, by any chance…”
I’d happened to come face to face with Chae Eunwoo while holed up in a corner of the central library devouring books. When I hesitated to answer, a hint of contempt crossed his face for a moment.
“Don’t tell me you’ve been neglecting your duty as a student to study and only playing around below the waist? Did you get someone pregnant?”
“No! Do I look like I have the guts for that to you?”
“The ones who look like they don’t have guts are usually the ones who do it more. There’s even a saying that quiet cats climb on the stove first.”
Laughing, Chae Eunwoo took the seat next to me. Chae Eunwoo, who stared down and read along the page I’d been focusing on until just now, made a groaning sound.
He said in a gentle voice.
“…Happy Married Life for Omegas and Alphas.”
I felt an implicit gaze that seemed to interrogate why I was reading something like this. I stammered while subtly avoiding Chae Eunwoo’s gaze.
“Just, in terms of housekeeping… I’m completely lacking in knowledge.”
“Aha. So you ended up promising to have a child for Baek Sahyun sunbae?”
Having been hit right on target, I read down the part Chae Eunwoo pointed to with his finger. It was a section with the subtitle ‘Childbirth for Alpha-Beta Couples’.
– According to experimental results from a Swiss university, it was revealed that couple pairs other than alpha-omega or male-female couples are likely to face difficulties.
– These couples cannot feel each other’s reproductive pheromones, and naturally cannot enjoy the effects of heat either. They inevitably experience problems not only with implantation but also during the prenatal education process.
As expected. In cases that weren’t combinations of alpha and omega, or women and men, pregnancy and childbirth inevitably involved considerable risk. I barely swallowed at the explanation that even the risk of miscarriage was considerable.
Good heavens. The frequency of the birth parent or pregnant person dying during childbirth was also said to increase.
– However, a solution definitely exists. Minimize the body’s rejection reaction through consistent emotional communion. A famous family medicine professor is also known to have told an alpha-beta couple gathering this: ‘Return to your original intentions and date as if sprinkling sesame salt!’
Reading this section, I was immediately overcome with futility. Wasn’t this the stereotypical conclusion that if you truly care for and love each other, you can overcome anything? It was obvious this advice couldn’t be used in a ‘temporary alliance’ relationship bound by contract like Baek Sahyun and me.
Damn it. But I couldn’t forcibly create romantic feelings that didn’t exist either. Even if Baek Sahyun and I hugged and went haha hoho, any fetus growing in my belly would realize it was all fake. Kids are so smart.
I came to understand anew Baek Sahyun’s behavior of nagging me to read books. The world of pregnancy and childbirth was a deep and profound world that couldn’t be mastered with just a few books. If I’d hoped for a child to come in while thoughtlessly playing around carefree, nothing would have been more pathetic.
‘Since I’ve decided to give birth anyway, there should be no problems.’
Baek Sahyun’s words about wanting the child to be born happy from the moment its heart beat until it died crossed my mind. I didn’t show it, but at that moment I was a little—no, considerably—shaken.
Because it overlapped with my past that I’m too lazy to mention twice, that is… the days I lived headbutting bare ground without protection.
If life entered my belly, that kid would live a completely different life from the one I’d lived.
They wouldn’t live crushed by endless manual labor, and wouldn’t choose a factory instead of school saying there’s no money. I could guarantee this. Because Baek Sahyun promised the child’s happiness through his own mouth.
I too didn’t want to toy with the life of the child that would come to me in the future. So it was right to show a cooperative attitude toward Baek Sahyun as much as possible. Yes. Voluntarily.
But as I’d read in the book, inherent limitations held me back. Even for trouble-free pregnancy and childbirth, I felt I needed to recognize Baek Sahyun as a spouse for a while… but could I really do that? Me?
