It was the first time participating in a college festival. I presumed it was probably Baek Sahyun’s first time experiencing one too. Feeling awkward being empty-handed, I bought two churros from a food truck and waited.
“Youth, it’s youth.”
I muttered while watching the students coming and going. Perhaps because it was festival day, everyone without exception was dressed up to the nines, so a pleasant smile naturally leaked out.
‘…It’s Baek Sahyun.’
But after spotting the large silhouette visible from afar, I couldn’t raise the corners of my mouth. Watching him walk over threateningly with long strides made me worry that the moment our eyes met, I’d get thoroughly smacked.
It was when I’d resolved to just take a hit.
“…Tell me it’s not true.”
Baek Sahyun, who had arrived right in front of me, suddenly grabbed my collar and yanked while growling. For a moment my center of gravity swayed greatly and I nearly dropped the churros, but I overcame it with nice reflexes.
But without even a moment to feel proud, Baek Sahyun’s barrage of questions continued.
“Who asked who out? Was it you?”
“Sahyun-ah…?”
“After shooting me down so coldly like that, did you scurry over and confess to him?”
Unbelievably, tears were pooling in Baek Sahyun’s eyes. Thanks to the intense lighting characteristic of festival venues, I could clearly confirm it.
“Sahyun-ah, are you crying?”
“You said I’m just a novel character anyway. That my actions and thoughts all originate from pages of a book.”
“Hey, stop! This isn’t right, first listen to what I have to say.”
“His actions are real actions? His thoughts are real thoughts? I’m fake, but only he’s real?”
I needed to tell him that wasn’t the case. First I was busy dragging him into any unlocked building. Because I felt quite burdened sensing people around us starting to glance our way.
The moment I stood in the dark corridor looking at Baek Sahyun, this time he grabbed my wrist and threw me into an empty lecture hall like he was slamming me down.
“Fine. I’ll be the novel character.”
Unlike his rough handling, his voice was endlessly gentle. As I was rubbing my lower back that had hit the desk, I quickly raised my gaze.
“To cater to Jang Woohyun’s mood, what wouldn’t I do? Right?”
My mood aside, Baek Sahyun was indeed a novel character, but since I hadn’t come to have a war of words on this topic, I calmly reasoned with him.
“…Stop crying first and let’s talk. I’m not dating Chae Eunwoo so don’t worry.”
“If you’re not dating, then what is it?”
“Well, you see. It seemed like a direct hit for luring you out…, it was a scheme between us. Just that.”
“Liar.”
As if he hadn’t even known he was crying, Baek Sahyun wiped his cheek smoothly then muttered.
“Is even this miserable feeling fake too?”
“……”
“Is this also an emotion that came out according to what the author set?”
“Sahyun-ah….”
Why was it that hearing that voice made even my heart feel heavy, really.
The Baek Sahyun in the original never once showed tears. Not even when Chae Eunwoo begged him to please just disappear from his life, not even when his and Chae Eunwoo’s child miscarried because of Nam Heejae…
That’s why I too had disparaged Baek Sahyun as a cold-blooded bastard with neither blood nor tears.
But the Baek Sahyun standing before my eyes was very different from the original. Once I acknowledged that fact, my heart became surprisingly calm, and I couldn’t help but ask.
“Why…, why are you acting like this?”
“……”
“No matter how much you say you like me, it’s hard to understand you being this desperate. Do you need to be this miserable?”
There was still more I wanted to say, but Baek Sahyun immediately cut in.
“Jang Woohyun, you…, are like an Eggman that the world sent to me.”
That damn Eggman talk again. From what I’d heard before, it seemed to be an anime character, but I couldn’t understand why a guy who’d eaten his fill of age was obsessed with a cartoon.
“When I’m with you, I laugh helplessly. Because you don’t demand anything from me. You don’t want anything either.”
The confessions flowing out were plain.
“So when I’m with you…, I feel comforted.”
“Isn’t that because you vent your frustrations on me like crazy?”
“It’s different. Every time I see your stupid actions I get angry, but I also think this. That you’re someone who couldn’t lie to me no matter what happens. Because you’re so stupid it shows all over your face.”
“……”
“So you’re different from people who calculate and try to use me to their advantage. At least you’re someone who couldn’t deceive or trick me.”
It was truly an excessive evaluation. Because I had come with the intention of using Baek Sahyun. Placing the churros I’d been holding carefully on the desk, I slowly walked toward Baek Sahyun.
“About a week ago…, I’m sorry for speaking so harshly. Sahyun-ah.”
This one thing was sincere. I felt ashamed of my face, having poured out words without distinguishing what should and shouldn’t be said to someone even younger than me.
Baek Sahyun, who dismissed my apology as if half-listening, asked.
“Then what should I apologize for?”
“……”
“For being a novel character?”
Baek Sahyun’s face seen up close was frighteningly expressionless while also seeming filled with sorrow. I could finally acknowledge the emotions that had been hidden behind Baek Sahyun’s expressionless face.
He probably came out like this because he never learned how to express through facial expressions. He also must not have learned how to gently convey his emotions either. Perhaps the reason he was fixated on an anime called Eggman was also because he was captivated by memories of his abandoned childhood. He might be trapped there, unable to escape.
As I stood still frozen, Baek Sahyun took the remaining steps. When I reflexively stepped back, he whispered.
“Don’t be so stiff, let’s go listen to some music.”
Come to think of it, loud singing had been heard from outside since earlier. Without even bringing up the child topic, I ended up going straight to the athletic field where the stage was set up, following Baek Sahyun.
Without giving me a chance to refuse, Baek Sahyun took me and parted the crowd like Moses’s miracle, arriving right near the stage.
The booming intro and powerful voice filled the athletic field resonantly.
Girl groups aside, I’d had no interest in bands so I had no emotional response at first, but as I listened I became completely absorbed.
“Encore! Encore!”
In the blink of an eye the song completely ended and I was already sending whistles and applause like other people. I felt a blatant gaze from beside my face but put it on the back burner while sending encore signals.
It was when the band accepted the audience’s encore and began playing another song.
“I like you.”
Unlike before, riding on the guitar melody that started with a sweet tune, Baek Sahyun’s voice was heard. I couldn’t bring myself to turn my head toward him. Perhaps thinking I hadn’t heard his confession, Baek Sahyun leaned his face near my ear and whispered once more.
“I won’t do things you’d hate anymore.”
Affection received from others felt unfamiliar. Through the gaps of the passionate love song, Baek Sahyun’s emotions flowed in.
“Now…, I won’t even think thoughts you’d hate.”
I needed to tell him there was no need to go that far. Either way, I wouldn’t like you, that it was impossible even if I died and woke up again, I should have countered. If you have any conscience, just keep that Eggman character you like so much tucked under your arm and live like that, I should have retorted.
But I couldn’t say anything. I just gripped his firm forearm and, gathering courage all the way to my soul, asked.
“Then I….”
Baek Sahyun stared intently at my lips. Thinking he might not have heard well, I spoke even more clearly and a bit louder.
“Can I have your child?”
“…What?”
“Let’s just have one child, Sahyun-ah. No more, no less, just one is enough.”
I didn’t even expect an entirely favorable response to come back.
“…Huh? Hey, fuck. Baek Sahyun! Where are you going!”
However, I didn’t predict he’d start running away recklessly like this either. Baek Sahyun pushed me away roughly and ran, and I chased after him with fierce momentum. Because I had a sudden premonition that if I lost him now, I wouldn’t be able to see that pretty face for a while.
“Baek Sahyun!”
Panting, I pursued Baek Sahyun. Perhaps because most students were gathered near the stage where the band was performing, the campus was seriously quiet. While running past people presumed to be couples here and there, I misstepped and ended up falling.
At the sound of crashing and rolling on the ground, Baek Sahyun, who had been running away like a sprinter, stopped.
Thinking this was it, I pretended to be hurt going “ow ow ow,” and after hesitating, he ran toward me.
“Are you hurt?”
The moment I heard the question, I rose up like a zombie and trapped Baek Sahyun so he couldn’t move an inch. I’d embraced his waist as if making a snare with my hands.
“Oppa will treat you well!”
Speaking in haste, I ended up referring to myself as oppa instead of hyung.
“I-I may be a virgin but I’ll study hard so you won’t hurt…, won’t hurt, I’ll try to do that thing well. I may look like this but I lived doing physical labor. I might have talent.”
“…What. You were telling me to give birth?”
“N-no? I was the one giving birth….”
I realized mid-speech. I see. I’m the one who has to give birth to the child.
Then, damn it.
Doesn’t that mean I have to lie under this bastard?
The MC is seriously so stupid 😭